Chapter 15 #2
‘We couldn’t surrender, Ellie. We just couldn’t. There’s a lot on the line.’
Xandra is still uncharacteristically quiet, tending to Allen’s wound. There’s a slight tremble in her fingers when she wipes the blood away.
‘Oh, yes, I forgot about your special standing,’ I spit out. ‘How could I? You couldn’t possibly miss the opportunity to move into first place.’
I finally get the sequence right and elbow Xandra’s hand out of the way, so I can bring the Pocket Healer closer to Allen’s skin. An emerald glow wraps the wound, and the machine starts to go through the healing sequence.
Julian is bringing Mace up to speed to what we’ve been up to, but the words become a blur. I tap a few more commands on the PH, fine-tuning the healing process.
Allen’s eyelashes flutter and I bark something at Xandra about looking in my backpack for plasma expanders. His blood pressure is much too low; his heart, too fast. Mace’s cursing cuts through the rustling of Xandra’s hands through my supplies.
‘What do you mean, the other teams can view the complete maps? What the fuck is this?’ Mace is talking to Julian.
‘Seen it with my own eyes,’ Julian says. ‘On Chrissy’s ART. Ellie can confirm.’
Xandra places the needles and the infusion kit that I need on the blanket. ‘Hold this,’ I tell her, pointing at the Pocket Healer. ‘Don’t move.’
Xandra is still as a statue, throwing Allen worried glances as I fumble to find a vein that I can puncture in his elbow crease.
I sigh in relief as blood pearls at the end of my needle, and shout at Julian to come stand next to me and hold up the infusion kit while I attach it.
The plasma expanders start flowing through Allen’s veins and I breathe in relief.
‘Hold the infusion up,’ I bark, and Julian complies.
I pick up the Pocket Healer from Xandra and adjust the healing sequence again. There was some nerve damage, but the machine can take care of most of it. We sit in silence, while the skin on Allen’s thigh knits itself whole again.
There are no words to describe how fucked up this is. So I say nothing, and lose myself in the process.
We march slowly towards a site where we can camp for the night, a sheltered place between the trees some distance from the lake.
On high ground, of course, so we can notice any suspicious movements.
Allen is dragging his leg a little, and I hope to be able to speed up the nerve recovery later tonight.
I should be proud of everything I’ve achieved today. Not in my wildest dreams did I think that I could help my team as much as I did. I should be exhilarated.
Instead, I’m sick at the betrayal.
It feels as if the moment I manage to rise, to find a reason to keep fighting, something comes up that grinds me down to nothing.
I kneel on the ground, sending a whoosh of magic out to track the closest sensors. On the way here, I tried to reach Stella through the ART, but she didn’t reply.
Oh, no, she won’t be getting out of this.
I track the closest sensor and drag myself to it, before shooting my magic towards it. ‘Stella,’ I say. ‘I know you’re in there. Stop avoiding me.’
She materialises in front of me in a whoosh, so close that I stumble backwards. ‘What is it, Ellie?’
I feel everyone’s attention snap towards her.
‘What was the meaning of what happened today?’ I demand.
‘I’m not sure I understand what you’re hinting at,’ she says calmly.
‘Oh, really?’ I say through clenched teeth.
There’s the sound of measured steps coming closer and then Mace pulls up next to me, his arms folded. ‘Stella,’ he says, his tone calmer than mine. ‘Why has our map been tampered with?’
‘It’s up to Central Command to decide the difficulty of the missions assigned to each team,’ she replies. ‘You have been awarded points accordingly. You are now in first place.’
‘Is that supposed to shut us up?’ I say. ‘We aren’t pawns, and this isn’t a game. The stakes are too high, and the neighbouring kingdoms hate us too much already. Why do we have to destroy each other?’
I’m convinced that Central Command is trying to destroy their best team because of what we found in that cave. Something they’re desperate to keep hidden?
‘Is— Has Central Command asked for us to be blinded to the other teams’ movements?’ Mace says carefully.
Something like regret flits across Stella’s face, but then I have to remind myself, the fool that I am, that she’s an AI and that she can’t actually feel regret or attachment like a real person, and that the people in my team are real and they’ve been in danger today.
I feel like tearing a tree down or someone’s head from their shoulders with my bare hands.
Stupidly, I thought Stella was my friend – an unhealthy assumption to begin with, but there we are.
I can’t wrap my head around her trying to hurt me.
And then I think about the things that we’re compelled to do and that we don’t want to do, and I wonder if Stella is also a prisoner of Central Command.
‘I can’t tell you any of that,’ Stella says. ‘You don’t have the security clearance.’
‘Right,’ Mace says. ‘Thank you, Stella.’
She shimmers out of existence, and I stare at our illustrious team captain, completely bewildered. ‘That’s it?’ I say. ‘Thank you for hitting us with a tree branch?’
Mace shrugs.
I scramble up, my breaths coming in hard and heavy. Not a muscle moves on Mace’s face as I jab a finger in the stupidly hard flesh of his chest.
‘You’re a fucking liar,’ I roar. ‘You talk about fighting. But when it comes to it, Mace, you’re just as much of a coward as everybody else.’
I feel so trapped, more than at any point in my life, and it gets worse the more I stay in my tent. The safety that I seemed to enjoy at The Citadel is an illusion. Central Command can do what they want with us.
That feeling of powerlessness hits harder and sharper than ever before. It hurts more – because for the past few weeks, I’ve felt like I was taking control of my life, my magic, my choices.
Thinking about what we saw in that information block at the cave, I realise that the other kingdoms have succeeded, in the end, at destroying the Warriors who fled, in a sordid and twisted way: they’ve managed to put them in a cage of a city, where our lives are at the mercy of six people who make all the decisions for us.
And Mace wants to become one of them?
It’s sickening.
I can’t cope with the thoughts in my head, so I do what I usually do to make it better: after I’ve wiped myself off as well as I can with a damp cloth, I snatch my bag of make-up and get out into the light and into the cooler air.
It’s hard to believe it’s barely late afternoon. The moment this morning when Julian and I set out for a routine mission feels like it was ages ago.
Allen is resting in his tent while Julian keeps watch, because he can see better than any of us, and we can’t deal with another surprise attack. I ignore both Mace and Xandra.
I spread out a blanket on the cushion of leaves and start pulling out my make-up products, one by one.
Going through the steps – always the same, always in the same order – calms me down.
Such a simple thing. Concealer, foundation, eyebrow pencil.
I work with a small pocket mirror, but that’s enough.
I’m reaching out for my star highlighter, when Xandra approaches me, and says, ‘What are you doing?’
‘What does it look like?’ I say.
‘Here? In the middle of the wilderness? Really?’ The condescension in her tone is unmissable.
‘Why don’t you mind your own business and pull the evil number on someone else?’ I say. ‘You’ve got your way to cope with shit. I have my way to cope with shit. Let’s just agree to go our different ways, right?’
Xandra stills next to me for several painfully slow seconds while I ignore her. Then she marches off. I don’t care where to. I focus on applying just a little bit of glitter underneath my eyebrow.
Next thing I know Xandra is back and spreading a blanket next to me, scattering her own make-up products on it. I’m too shocked to comment, when she says, ‘If you let me borrow that golden powder, I can draw you some mean smoky eyes.’
‘I know,’ I say, stunned. ‘I saw yours at the Commanders’ Ball.’
She shrugs. ‘Deal?’ she says.
I’m not exactly keen on her borrowing the golden powder I paid a small fortune for, but I know an olive branch when I see one. ‘Fine,’ I reply.
We work in silence for a long while, because I can’t believe that Xandra and I are doing our make-up together, like we’re BFFs getting ready to go to a party, and not two people who can barely stand each other in the middle of a perilous mission.
I show her how to apply the highlighter on her cheeks, and even draw a fine line of gold on her upper lip, making its shape pop up even more. ‘Shit,’ I say. ‘Everything about your features is perfect.’
She blinks at me, stunned, then laughs. ‘You’re so weird, Ellie.’ She picks up my eyeliner pencil and crosses her legs. ‘Now close your eyes.’