Hide and Seek #3
Xander felt the trembling start in his hands, then his whole body turned ice-cold.
“No... I can't go there. No!” With his head feeling like it was spinning out of control, he gripped it tightly with shaking hands.
He looked around with eyes full of fear.
His breath became ragged as his heart suddenly began pounding rapidly in his chest. He felt Simo's large hand reach out and steady him.
His mouth fell open as he tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come.
His speeding heart began slamming harder in his chest like a giant jackhammer stuck on high; his panic was raging in full force.
With supreme effort, his words came blasting from his lips.
“Please, no!” he cried out. “Please don't take me there… oh God, no!” Xander's whole body began to shake at the thought of being in her home.
He felt Simo's other hand grab his other arm and help him down to the floor of the van.
Shaking violently on the floor of the van, Xander felt his hot tears stream down his face and neck.
Unable to hold back any further, racking sobs erupted from his throat like angry barks.
“Xander!” Simo shouted at him. “We will take you to JJ's house! It's close by.” Simo grabbed Xander's shaking hand and held it tightly in his own as he looked into Xander's panic and tear-filled eyes. “JJ's house! Ok? Hold on!”
Xander tried to nod, but his shaking was too intense to realize if he did or not.
That familiar feeling of black nothingness was hovering at the edge of his consciousness, threatening to consume him once again.
He cared not if death was coming for him, or the painless and simple release of unconsciousness.
He set aside his will and once again welcomed the inky, soft blackness.
Xander heard voices speaking quietly nearby.
Under him, he felt the exquisite texture of the fine sheets of a wonderfully soft bed.
He realized he was naked under the sheets, but he was warm, and it felt so good to finally be in a real bed.
Thinking back, he speculated that the last real bed he’d slept in was at his home so very long ago.
The brig’s cot on the USS Hopper didn't count, nor the hospital gurney he escaped from...
nor the mattress on a squeaky spring frame from the Korean freighter.
Someone reached toward him, but he was out once more.
“Mmm… can I have him?” she asked huskily as she pulled the sheet back over Xander’s unconscious, naked body.
Simo eyed Jessie’s action with Xander’s sheet. “I think Halo would tear you to pieces.” Simo added a small chuckle.
“Wouldn’t blame her for trying.” She laughed.
“Stay with him.” Simo sighed.
“You got it.”
“And no touching!”
“Party pooper.” Jessie smiled.
His eyelids felt heavy, but he managed to crack one eyelid open.
The room was dimly lit; he first noticed the big window; its curtains were drawn.
No light filtered through the sides or top.
It still must be night still, he decided.
He looked discreetly around the room with his eyes slightly open; the décor was definitely feminine.
He began to feel the panic poke at him, and he opened his eyes wider and saw an 8 x 10 framed picture on the dresser.
Focusing on it, it took a few moments before he registered that it was of JJ and Doug, JJ’s dead fiancé.
The panic abated and he took a breath; he hadn't realized he was holding it.
The air filling his lungs felt good. He looked to the other side of the room and saw someone sitting in a chair.
The person was decidedly female; she had her elbow on the arm of the chair and her hand on her cheek, propping up her head.
Her hair was long and red. Maybe she was a nurse or a guard, he thought.
Looking over, he saw the double door which led out of the room.
He caught the glint of chrome and saw the IV stand next to the bed.
He made a fist with his right hand and realized they had an IV in him. No wonder he wasn't in much pain...
He looked to the other side and saw a closet door and a picture on the nightstand… it was of Halo and JJ smiling happily at the camera. He quickly looked away and saw the woman who was just sitting in the chair, standing next to the bed, looking down at him.
“Xander?” came a very quiet and sexy voice.
He nodded.
She reached out and set her hand on his. It felt warm against his skin. “Handsome, how are you feeling?” the red-haired woman asked.
He gave her a little shrug. “Who are you?”
“The name is Jessie, I work for Simo.” Came the sexy voice. She leaned close, and he saw she was stunning, and her voice matched her looks.
“Where am I?”
“You are at Jenny Jones’s house, in her bed.”
He sighed and relaxed just a little. “Ok, now what?”
“Someone is here to see you.”
Panic flared and his eyes widened. He felt Jessie’s hand rest against his bare shoulder.
“Shh…” she whispered as she leaned close. “Halo isn’t here, handsome.”
Jessie watched him shut his eyes in relief and, for a quick moment, she felt sad for him. “Man up now, handsome. You have a visitor.” She watched him open his eyes as she pointed to a figure waiting at the door in the dimly lit room. “I’ll leave you two alone, I have things to do.”
He watched the red-haired beauty check his IV. Then, with a sexy wink, she turned and left.
A woman stepped into view and he squinted at her.
“Xander? You don't recognize me? You saved my life, you surely…”
It hit him hard, like a punch to his gut. “JJ?” he gasped, interrupting her.
“Yes! It's me, Xander,” she said, smiling down at him.
“Oh my God,” he whispered hoarsely with a smile on his lips, “you did make it! Oh hell, I'm in your bed...”
“Yes you are!” She smiled. “And thanks to you, Xander, I'm…”
Xander pulled his hand out from under the soft sheets and weakly grabbed her wrist. His smile was lost, and in a hoarse voice, he interrupted her as his eyes glassed over.
“JJ, I am so sorry about Doug! It's my fault… I should have knocked Joel out cold as the captain asked. I am so… SO sorry!” He looked away and covered his eyes with his hand.
“Xander!” she said, shaking his shoulder. “It's not your fault! It's Joel's fault, it's all Joel's fault. Don't forget that ever, dammit!”
Still looking away, he gave her a single nod from under his hand.
“Xander, I have a message from Halo…”
Xander swallowed hard. When he tried to tell her to stop, it came out as a choked sob. He shook his head violently back and forth at JJ from under his hand.
“Xander! What's wrong?” JJ asked, in a panic, as he kept shaking his head ‘no’ at her. “You don't want the message?” she asked quickly.
His shaking of no turned to emphatic nodding.
She felt tears form in her eyes. “Ok, Xander, I'm sorry...” She saw him turn his body away from her.
As the sheet slipped up, she spied the freshly applied bandage wrapped around his chest and back.
There was a faint bloodstain visible on the mid-area of the right side of his back.
She pulled the covers up over him and rubbed his shoulder softly.
“Get some rest, it'll be alright, Xander...”
Xander's voice caught in his throat as he spoke. “JJ? All I want to know is if she is ok.”
JJ moved his IV line that was caught on the pillow and sat down on her bed, his back to her still. With a sigh, she responded, “Physically? She is in great health. Mentally? She's a wreck waiting to happen, without you…”
Xander blurted out, “I CAN'T, JJ! I—I'm sorry... I just can't.”
JJ saw him draw his legs up under the sheets and he hunched over them, like he was protecting himself from some invisible threat. “Ok, Xander. I think I understand...” She rubbed his shoulder softly again. “Can I get you anything?” she asked softly.
Xander wanted to tell her to take the picture of her and Halo away, but it was JJ's room and he figured he didn't have the right to ask. “No, thank you, JJ,” he replied as politely as he could manage.
“Ok, the doctor or Jessie will come by and check on you. I am really not allowed to be out of, uh, where I'm staying. I threw a fit to come see you, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to see you again for a while.”
“Because of Joel?” he asked with a vile bitterness in his voice.
“Yes, because of Joel.”
“I made that f—f…” He paused and took a breath. “…Asshole a promise. I mean to keep it, JJ. Even if it kills me.”
JJ covered her mouth to prevent the gasp from coming out. “Uh, ok Xander,” she managed.
His tone returned to one of politeness. “JJ? Do you know where my clothes are?”
“Oh, well they were filthy... they are going to pick you up some new ones in the morning.”
“JJ?” Xander asked quietly. “I'm sorry if I upset you... and thank you for letting me sleep in your bed.”
JJ shook her head, trying to understand how he could switch from vile anger one second to being so considerate the next. “Of course, Xander, it's the least I can do. I'll see you later, take care...”
He was still turned away from her. “You too, JJ, once again I am so sorry about Doug... I should have done more.”
JJ tentatively reached out, then began rubbing his shoulder gently again.
She remembered the tingles and warmth she had felt from him when they last shook hands and hugged.
There was nothing but a deep dark hole there now.
She shivered at the emptiness she felt coming off of him.
With a sad sigh, she got up quietly and left the room in a hurry.
She ran downstairs and into the kitchen where Simo, Theo, and the doctor Ari sent over were sitting at her kitchen table talking.
Simo watched JJ as she entered the kitchen with her hand over her heart, and tears in her eyes. “JJ, what is it?” Simo asked, getting out of his chair.