Chapter Thirty
Darcy
Behind me, Gabriel makes a choked, anguished sound.
My eyes fill with tears, but I don’t let myself turn.
I’ve already said my good-byes. That’s what this morning was for.
When we were tangled together in my bed and I traced my fingers along his skin and tried to memorize the feel of him.
I pressed my mouth to his shoulder and made silent peace with my decision.
A sliver of time is better than nothing at all. I’ve had more with him in these last few weeks than I’ve had in lifetimes.
“Oh, how interesting,” Gideon murmurs. “And unexpected.”
“I’m offering my soul for his,” I say, my voice surprisingly steady. “I will take his place.”
Gabriel scoffs behind me, his fingers in my belt loop yanking me backward. “No, you fucking won’t.” He keeps yanking at me until my back is pressed to his front. “Can’t fucking believe you,” he mutters against my ear.
“What?”
“Absolutely fucking not,” he whispers in my ear, furious. “You think I’d be okay with you sacrificing yourself?”
I turn and push against his chest, frustrated. “You weren’t supposed to know. You’re not even supposed to be here.”
“You’ve made that very clear.” He grips one of my hands and holds it against his chest. “But I am here, Darcy. And I’m not letting you do this.”
“It’s the only way.” I beg him to see. To understand. “You’ll get to keep your wings.”
“I don’t care about my fucking wings,” he seethes. His fingers flex against mine, squeezing painfully tight. “I care about you, Darcy.”
“Gabriel,” I whisper. “Let me do this. I have to do this.”
His stare is uncompromising. “You don’t.”
“It’s the only way.”
“It’s not.”
“Actually,” Gideon interrupts. “Touching as this moment is, he’s right. It’s not the only way. In fact, it’s not even a viable way.”
I sniffle. “What do you mean?”
“Your soul is already immortal, Darcy. It belongs to the afterlife. It is not available for exchange.” He adjusts his sunglasses. “Apologies, but your sacrifice is for naught.”
I grapple for an explanation. A reason. Anything to make this work. “But I’m supposed to move on, right? Eventually? There’s something after this.”
Gideon’s expression doesn’t so much as flicker. “Your point?”
“You can have that.” Gabriel makes a low sound, but I ignore it. “Keep me at the department. For the rest of forever. That’s what I’m offering you. Not my life, but my afterlife. The thing that comes next.”
Gideon shakes his head, his hands in his pockets. “That’s not an equal exchange.”
The cemetery is hushed around us. It’s dark now, the only light cast from the full moon above us. A cricket chirps, leaves rustle, and I furiously try to come up with something better.
But what’s better than the only thing I have left?
“You can’t take him,” I whisper. “Please.”
Gideon shakes his head. “You knew what this was when you called me here, Darcy,” he says gently. “I’m simply tying up a loose end.”
Behind me, Nate laughs nervously. “Should I start running, or—”
“Running won’t do you much good, darling, but if it brings you a sense of peace—” Gideon waves his hand in the direction of the gates. “By all means. I’ll collect you in a moment.”
Nate takes off a dead sprint. We all watch as he darts between the gravestones, bobbing and weaving like that will do anything against Gideon’s magic.
Gideon takes a step in his direction. I rush to cut him off.
“Wait,” I breathe. “Wait. There must be something else you want. Something else I can give you.”
“Darcy—” Gabriel warns.
Gideon looks at me, really looks, his chin tilted down as he peers at me from behind his glasses. Curiosity lightens his features. Makes him look younger.
“My magic,” I blurt. “You can have my magic.”
“Darling.” Gideon’s smile is conciliatory. “I have quite enough of that.”
He takes another step toward Nate, and I stumble, trying to stay between them.
“My—my memories,” I offer. “From when I was human. I know they’re valuable to the Department of Déjà Vu. You could use them to barter for something.”
Gideon doesn’t so much as falter, walking with purpose toward Nate. “What would I barter for?”
“I don’t know. A corner office. A fiddle-leaf fig.” I dart around a gravestone. “Some soft lighting. You said the fluorescents wash you out.”
A shadow of a smile flirts across his face. “You were listening, were you?”
“Take my memories,” I beg. “Let Nate go.”
Nate, who is trying to scale the wall with limited success. I cut in front of Gideon and block him with my body.
He sighs, unamused. “They’ll want more than your human memories.
They’ll want them all. It’s so rare for an immortal to grant access to their mind.
” He closes the space between us, lightly touching my temple with his fingertips.
His hands are cold, his touch unnatural.
It sends shivers down my spine. “Perhaps I could even get two fiddle-leaf figs.”
Gabriel’s arm loops around my waist with a growl.
“Don’t touch her,” he warns, fury in every syllable.
I try to fight my way out of his grip, but Gabriel tucks me tighter against his chest. “Stop it,” he says against my ear. “Stop what you’re doing, Darcy.”
I ignore him and keep my eyes on Gideon. “Take them. Take whatever memories I have. I don’t care.”
But it’s another lie stacked on top of all the rest. I do care.
I care very much. Before, when I made my peace with sacrificing myself, I had the comfort of knowing I could think of Gabriel whenever I wanted.
How his eyes squeeze shut when he laughs.
The way his curls look when he has his face buried in my pillows.
The brush of his fingertips against the curve of my hip and the way he’s always so warm.
The olive branch on the inside of his elbow that is somehow a perfect match to the stained-glass window in the church I went to as a girl.
All these pieces of him I thought I’d get to keep. All of them, gone.
Gabriel’s arm tightens around me.
“No,” he whispers.
“Gabriel, I have to—”
“No,” he says again. Gideon is watching us carefully. Like we’re a carefully tended to experiment, behaving outside the lines of his carefully constructed hypothesis. “If you need something to call it even,” Gabriel says, tipping his chin up at Gideon, “you can take my wings.”
My face crumples and I go limp in Gabriel’s hold. “You can’t,” I whisper.
“Just fucking did,” he whispers back. His nose nuzzles against the back of my head. “You still don’t get it. I’d let them take it all if it meant I got to keep you.”
A sob hitches in the back of my throat and I furiously try to stop it from leeching out.
This isn’t how it’s supposed to work. I’m supposed to give what I have and Gabriel is supposed to keep what he’s earned.
Nate will live a long and beautiful life, and I’ll finally have done something redeemable.
Something good, to make up for all the bad.
“I have some Kit Kats if it sweetens the pot,” Aelia offers, tossing her bag of candy at Gideon. He catches it against his chest with a wince. “Also, I’m happy to go hunting through town for whatever bag of bones looks like they’re on the edge of death. Spare my girl Darcy over there.”
Tater Tot gives an enthusiastic bark in agreement. I glance at Aelia in admonishment, but her baby blues are wide and fearful. She inches closer, reaching for my hand with hers. For the first time in all the years I’ve known her, she looks her age.
“While it seems I am spoiled with choice…” Gideon holds up the pillowcase between thumb and forefinger, frowning at it.
He sets it down by his feet and brushes his palms against his thighs.
“I’m afraid we are right where we began.
You need to claim a human soul, Darcy. These are the rules I am meant to enforce. ”
“You don’t want my memories?”
It takes him a long time to answer. “No, darling. I do not want your memories.”
“Great.” Aelia spins her scythe. “I can find a human. Stay there. I’ll be back in a jiff.”
A throat clears on the outer edge of the circle.
Frank edges slowly forward, his daisies still balanced in his arms. “No need to go searching for a bag of bones when there’s one right here.
” He flattens the front of his shirt with one shaking hand.
“I’d very much like to take the young man’s place. ”
Gideon sighs and pinches his nose. “And who are you?”
Frank smiles. Just barely. “A very old man in need of a rest.” His eyes slide to mine. “A man who would very much like to see his wife again.”
I glance at the flowers in his arms. They’re not just daisies. But peonies and lavender, too. Held together at the base with twine.
Understanding steals my breath.
“Were you coming to find me, Frank?”
“Can’t say I expected to happen upon all of this, but it suits my needs just fine.” His eyes shift to Gideon. “Let the boy go and take me instead. Surely, even death makes exceptions.”
Gideon studies Frank carefully, a sharp smile working its way across his mouth. “Very rarely.”
Frank huffs. “Well, you’re going to this time.” He arches a bushy eyebrow in my direction. “Consider it the favor you owe me.”
A favor carved in blood and tears on the side of a dirt road.
Maybe all of this has been a predestined path.
A narrow one, through a dark thicket of woods to lead me exactly here.
Right here. Fate doesn’t make mistakes. She doesn’t cut corners.
Maybe I was always supposed to end up in this place, exasperated and heartbroken, looking for something different.
Maybe I was supposed to find Frank, the man I took everything from years and years ago.
Maybe I’m supposed to be the one who gives him something back.
I stood before the tree, and I asked for something different.
Now, I begin to see it. The blurry outline of a new picture.
“Please,” Frank adds, and he steps forward. In between me and Gideon. Gabriel is suspiciously silent at my back, but I can feel the way his body is trembling against mine. “I’m not afraid. Take me to the beach. Take me to my girls.”