Charlie
Anna was a sophisticated woman. She lived in LA and worked in Hollywood.
She’d been all over the country and traveled internationally all the time.
Yesterday, he’d found out she was multilingual.
Even the way she dressed made him feel like some kind of country bumpkin.
She looked ready to take on the world, while he just looked ready to take on a herd of cattle.
How could he even begin to imagine a future with her?
A dark cloud seemed to have been following him since breakfast, and he couldn’t even bring himself to smile.
Falling in love was supposed to be a hopeful, happy time in a person’s life.
Of course he would choose exactly the wrong woman to fall for and ruin the whole concept.
In order to settle down with him, she’d have to give up her exciting life.
Or, in order to spend the rest of his life with her, he’d have to give up the ranch.
And that was something he could never, ever imagine doing.
It would be like throwing his whole family away somehow.
She moved around his property so comfortably that, every once in a while, he second-guessed himself. Maybe she could be happy here. But then, no. That was just wishful thinking.
The moment she found him, she ran up behind him and threw her arms around him. “Hey,” she said. He could feel the shape of her against his back, and he fought the urge to turn around and kiss her right there in the stable. “Whatcha doing?” she asked innocently.
“Nothing,” he answered. “Just some chores.” A few days ago, he would have told her in detail.
He would have loved answering her questions, even though he would have pretended not to, and he would have enjoyed her curiosity.
Now, it felt like an attack, like a stab to his heart.
So, he gave her as few details as he could in the hopes that she’d grow tired of questioning him and just leave him alone.
“Are you almost done?” she asked, sounding the opposite of tired and very much like she had no intention of leaving him alone anytime soon.
“Nope,” he answered.
She stepped back and made a pouting expression.
“Well, the crew and I were thinking it might be a good night to go out. It was a good day of filming, and we were able to wrap up a bit early today. We thought we’d meet at the Jolly Ram tonight.
Even the stars are coming this time. They’ve really loved filming in such a small town.
They haven’t been harassed on the streets like they usually are, so they decided it might be okay to come out with us just this once. I thought you might want to join us.”
“Why would you think that?” Charlie asked, not even bothering to make eye contact this time. He knew he would hear the hurt in her voice, but he still didn’t want to see it on her face.
“Well,” she said hesitantly, “I thought we all had a pretty good time last time, and since everyone will probably be leaving soon, I thought you might want to spend some time with them while they’re still around.
” She wasn’t just talking about the crew, he knew.
She was talking about herself. She thought he might want to spend some time with her while she was still around.
The thing was, he didn’t. He didn’t want to spend time with her at all if she was just going to leave in a week or so.
That was a really good way to get your heart extra broken.
“Guess you thought wrong,” he answered.
There was a beat of silence before she asked him, “Is something wrong? You seem upset.”
“That’s because I am.” Why did this all come so easily to him?
If he had to be naturally good at something, he wished it was anything other than being a complete jerk.
Unfortunately, that seemed to be where all his talents were.
“You know, y’all came to town and trampled all over everything, and I’ve been pretty chill with it because I knew you were here temporarily.
But now I can’t even go to my old watering hole. You’ve taken over that, too.”
He still didn’t look up to see her, but this time, when she responded, he could hear the anger in her tone. “You’re the one who recommended the place to us. We would never have gone there if you hadn’t.”
“So now it’s my fault?”
“What?” There was a hitch in her voice as she realized he wasn’t kidding around with her.
He wasn’t about to turn and laugh and tell her she was cute when she was angry.
Although he was pretty sure she was downright adorable, he didn’t dare turn around to see.
He hated to hurt her, but it was better this way.
“Look,” he said. “I’m not in the mood to go out.
Thought I made that pretty clear. I’m especially not in the mood to go to a place I used to love just to watch it get overrun by a bunch of spoiled city folk.
” He dropped the bag of feed he’d been pouring.
That had been a bridge too far, and he knew it.
He turned back to apologize, but she was already gone.
For a minute, Charlie stood staring at the place where she’d been standing, wondering how she’d slipped out so quietly.
He felt like the worst person in the world.
Even after he was finished in the barn, he stayed put for a while.
He sat on a stack of hay and waited for the voices outside to get quieter.
Over the course of at least an hour, he heard vehicle doors opening and closing, engines starting, voices getting slowly less numerous, quieter.
Finally, there was silence, and he sat in it for another twenty minutes or so, just thinking, just beating himself up for being the biggest jerk this side of the Mississippi.
Once he had the energy, he stood again, finished feeding the horses, and patted his favorite on the nose. He went about the rest of the evening on autopilot. None of what he did affected him at all. It was all just work, the same work as always, the same daily routine.
At this rate, his life was never going to change, and maybe he didn’t want it to.
No matter what, pulling away from Anna was the right thing to do.
He had no doubt about that. Even if she had chosen to stay with him, if he’d been somehow able to convince a woman like that to give up her entire life and settle down with him, she would end her days in boredom and misery.
The problem he was going to run into, though, was keeping this attitude up for the rest of the shoot.
There was another week left, and during that time, he was going to have to watch her grow to hate him.
And that was only if he succeeded in separating himself from her.
If he failed, he would have another few days of bliss followed by a massive blowout of misery.
Rather than keeping the attachment loose, he bind himself to her and then rip her heart out.
Or she would rip his out. He honestly didn’t know which would be worse.
And that was the problem with allowing yourself to get close to people when you were used to being on your own.
As the evening wore on, Charlie began to feel lonely.
He wished someone were around to talk to, wished he could even hear a few voices in the vicinity, even if they weren’t talking to him.
He cursed under his breath and got ready for bed. It was only eight, but he didn’t care. What reason did he have to stay up at all?
That was an odd thought, he realized. Normally, he’d stay up and read, work on the books, or have a quiet drink.
Normally, the idea of spending the evening alone wouldn’t even have given him pause.
So, why did it trouble him now? Was it guilt?
But why should he feel guilty for doing what he knew was the right thing?
No, he refused to accept that he was either lonely or guilty.
This was just one bad night. He lay in bed and struggled to sleep, staring up at the ceiling in the dark as though there were something there he could actually see.
If he was honest with himself, he would admit he was dreading tomorrow—the next day, too, and the day after that.
He was dreading seeing Anna again, having to say goodbye to her, having to be as cruel as he suspected he’d be forced to be.
It took him two hours to fall asleep that night, and another two hours to stop dreaming about her.
Once, he woke in the night and made plans to leave town until the film crew left.
Of course, he wouldn’t really be able to do that.
Someone had to look after the livestock and horses.
He rolled over and groaned. There was no way around it.
He was going to be in a hell of his own making for as long as she was here.
And it was up to him to bear it. The alternative would be irresponsible, unreasonable, and absolutely unacceptable. No doubt about it.