CHARLIE
He drove to the Jolly Ram that evening just to feel normal, but the drive went by in a flash.
His mind was on so many other things that he wasn’t even noticing the passage of time.
He arrived to find an empty parking lot, quite a change from the busyness of the previous week.
Hopefully, this slow period wouldn’t last after the movie came out.
He slid up to the bar, sitting in his usual spot—some things would stay the same, of course—and he ordered his usual drink. The difference happened when he actually said, “Howdy, John. How’s business been lately?”
Starting a conversation was unlike him, but he just wanted to know. He cared. And John seemed shaken up by the change in a good way.
“Well,” John answered when he’d gotten over his shock, “it’s been slow. But I expect things to pick up a bit. Rumor has it the film crew is back, doing some more scenes in town. Thanks to you, they all like to hang out here.”
Charlie gestured to John with the drink that was now in his hands. “Thanks to you, you mean. I only told the truth. If you hadn’t lived up to it, they wouldn’t have stuck around. Best bar in town. I’ll be saying it until my dying day.”
John lowered his eyes in what looked like a completely uncharacteristic moment of bashfulness. “Jeez, Charlie Greene, you sure do know how to compliment a fellow.”
“Said it in my head a thousand times, man,” Charlie said. “Thought I may as well say it out loud for once. You really do have a good place here. Please, never change it.”
“Well, if my number-one best patron requests I stay as I am, how could I not?” John laughed. “That Miss Lafferty has you saying all the right things,” John said. “You never used to be this talkative. You took after your father that way.”
“Yeah, I did,” Charlie admitted. “Not a bad thing, necessarily, but it did tend to keep me more isolated than I liked. Now, I just wish I had someone to talk to, and I kept pretty much everyone in town at such a distance that, I now realize, I neglected to make any friends.” He tried to laugh at himself a bit, but the weight of the reason he was here had started to catch up to him.
John noticed right away. “Not me, friend. I’ve always thought you were a solid guy. But anyway, is something eating you today? I’m not the best advice-giver in the world, but you’re welcome to it if you need some.”
Charlie sipped his drink to consider it. If he could talk to anyone in town, he supposed, it was John. “I got some big news today,” he said. “And I’m not sure what the right move is.”
“Good news or bad news?” John asked.
“Could be either,” Charlie said. “Or both. It all depends on how I choose to handle it, and how she chooses to handle it also, I guess.”
Now John seemed to pick up on a possibility.
“Oh, this is about that Miss Lafferty, yeah? Have you decided not to do reshoots on your property? Can’t say I blame you entirely, but if they’re paying you more, I’d say take it.
Stash it away for a rainy day. You never know when it might come in handy. ”
Charlie shook his head with a sigh. “It is about Anna, that’s true, but it’s not about the shoot. I’ve already agreed to it.”
“Ah,” John said, and then he didn’t guess anymore. Whether that was because he couldn’t guess or because he already had and didn’t want to say something so personal was a mystery. “Well, go on.” He started wiping down the bar as a way to pass the time.
“We were seeing each other,” Charlie admitted. John barely had time to nod before Charlie added, “And she just told me I’m going to be a father.”
John froze mid-bar-wipe. “You’re what?”
“She’s pregnant, and I’m the father. That’s what she told me.”
“What’s your plan?” John asked, dropping his rag and fully devoting his attention to the conversation.
“I don’t know,” Charlie admitted. “That’s what I’m trying to work out. I just found out today. I came here to think.”
“You looking for some advice for real?” John asked. “I don’t want to pry, but when people sit at the bar and start talking about their problems to the bartender, they usually either want an ear or advice.”
“Do you have any advice for me?” Charlie asked, not holding out much hope but still open to pretty much anything.
“That depends,” John said. “Do you want to be a father?”
That question threw Charlie for a loop. He’d been operating under the assumption that he had no choice.
But that wasn’t really true, was it? Anna was giving him a choice, or as much choice as she could give him without sacrificing her own motherhood, anyway.
She had told him she needed nothing from him, that he didn’t have to be involved if he didn’t want to—not financially, not physically, and not emotionally.
She’d even said that the child did not need to know that Charlie was its father, an idea Charlie had already rejected.
“I think I do,” Charlie answered after much thought. “I might not be ready to be a father, but if this is my chance, I’m definitely not going to reject it. This could be the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Or the worst,” John said with a shrug. “Can’t predict the future, can you?” He laughed. “All you can do is decide what kind of person you want to be.”
Charlie nodded. “That makes sense. I know what kind of person I don’t want to be.
I don’t want to be someone who shirks his responsibilities, abandons his children, or leaves his woman to battle through life on her own.
She’s going to give up her job, John. Would you want to give up your bar?
It seems like the worst sacrifice for her.
She shouldn’t be the only one making sacrifices. It takes two to tango, right?”
“They do say that, don’t they?” John laughed and went back to wiping down the bar.
“They say that a lot, yeah.” Charlie stared down into his own drink. “Do you… have kids?”
“Yep. And in case you were wondering, yes, I would give up the bar for them. I wouldn’t like it, but I’d do it because that’s the kind of man I want to be. Luckily for me, it never came down to that. Parenting is easier with a good partner at your side. That’s true.”
“I want to be a good partner,” Charlie said. “I do. I’ve just never done it before, so I’m not sure I won’t screw it up.”
“No one’s sure they won’t screw it up.” John grabbed Charlie’s now empty glass. “Want another?”
“Yeah, sure.” Charlie accepted his second drink gratefully.
“The point is to do your best,” John said.
“That’s all any of us can do. Sounds simple, but it’s not.
It’s the most important thing in the world.
That’s what I think, anyway. Give your all, and you’ll die without regrets.
So, the next question is this: if you want to be a good partner, what do you think that is? ”
“I wish I knew.” Charlie sipped his drink and thought.
“I don’t even know if she wants me in her life, but I’d like to be in hers.
She’s trying to take all the pressure off me.
That much is obvious. But maybe I want to carry a little weight.
That’s how you get stronger, isn’t it? By carrying a little weight from time to time.
What makes a good partner?” He paused and considered it.
Of all the partnerships he’d witnessed in his life, and that included business partners, work partners, and romantic partners, the one he’d seen the most of was that of his parents.
What memories he had of his parents when his mother was alive seemed like happy ones. His father had changed so much when his mother passed away. All at once, the good partner was gone, and the one who benefited most from that partnership was left to fall apart.
Charlie loved his father, but he couldn’t deny the man had his faults.
He had not dealt well with the loss. His personality had changed so significantly that Charlie had felt like he needed to get to know his own father all over again.
After a time, the wounds closed over a bit, and his father was able to live a normal life and raise his son the best he could.
But there was no denying something huge had been lost. They were traveling in a damaged vessel, the two of them.
Without Charlie’s mother, life became a weary fight for survival, where all the glimmers of hope had dimmed and all the happy moments faded back into the past.
“I suppose,” Charlie began, staring down at his drink again, “the best partner I ever knew was my mother. She helped my father to become the best version of himself somehow. I missed her after she was gone, but you know, I missed him, too. Some part of him died when she did. And I never saw it again.”
“Well, Charlie Greene.” John cocked his head and smiled a kind smile. “I do believe this is the most sentimental I’ve ever seen you.”
“Don’t tell anyone,” Charlie joked.
“I won’t, but why not? Being sentimental isn’t weakness.
Takes a strong heart to love anyone that much.
You risk losing them when you love them.
You risk that wound. Your father was a strong man.
And your mother was a strong woman. Together, I’d wager, they raised a strong and sentimental son.
So, if your mother was the best partner you’ve ever known, you only have one question left to answer. ”
Charlie looked up from the bar top to meet John’s eyes.
The bar owner was older than him by a couple of decades, at least. He had more life under his belt, more experiences to draw from.
If Charlie had learned one thing from living in God’s country, it was to not discount the advice of his elders. “What’s that?” he asked.
“You’ve got to ask yourself, if your mother were in your shoes, what would she do?”
That last piece of advice gave Charlie a jolt. He hadn’t even thought about what his mother would have done in this situation. His instinct was to look to his father for the model of a good man to build on. But why?
Why hadn’t he even considered drawing from the wisdom of his mother?
The second he really considered it, he knew exactly what to do.
All his confusion on the matter washed away when he looked at it from this completely different angle.
This wasn’t about avoiding or taking on responsibility.
That was the wrong question entirely. This was about love and whether he wanted to avoid or embrace it.
And if it was his mother’s wisdom he was drawing from, the answer to what he needed to do and how exactly he needed to do it was crystal clear.