Chapter 15
“This room isn't that bad,” said Skop as he jumped up onto the bed beside me. I pulled the covers further over my head.
“It's not about the fucking room,” I snapped. And honestly, knowing that the view out of the window that I hadn't managed to win would be that awful wasteland, I meant it. “It's about looking like a fucking idiot in front of the whole damn world.”
“Maybe nobody was watching today,” the kobaloi said.
“Yeah, right.” Zeus, Athena, Hades, all of the gods were watching. They'd all seen me go to pieces, fail spectacularly at a test of glory. They'd all seen the judges award me zero tokens, before I was flashed back to my bedroom, shaking and crying.
I screwed my face up and shouted abuse into my pillow. I was so angry with myself. I felt like my body had betrayed me, and I couldn't do anything about it.
The feeling of impotence, the lack of anyone else to blame, the memories of spending years feeling too weak to achieve anything were overwhelming me.
Fury was building deep down in the pit of my stomach, and I had no outlet.
I couldn't hide in this bed forever. But how the hell could I show my face?
I knew very little about this world, and I had no idea just how many people had witnessed my breakdown. But even one person seeing it was one too many. My fears were exposed, and I was a failure.
“Have you always been afraid of heights?” asked Skop, his voice gentler than usual.
“Yes.”
“Do you have any other fears?”
“None so fucking debilitating,” I spat. Shame was burning inside me, fueled with anger. I wanted to escape my own body, be somebody else. Anybody else.
“Good. They can't use the same test twice. So that's the worst out of the way.”
I peeked over the edge of the comforter and looked at him.
“Really? I'll never have to do that again?”
“Nope.”
“Thank fuck for that.” A little slither of relief, or hope, cut through the shame. But I still had to go out there again. I still had to show my face, after looking so utterly pathetic.
There was a loud knock at my door, and I drew the comforter back over my head.
“Go away!” I shouted.
“You know, hiding under the covers is not really helping your image,” said Hecate, and I heard the door shut behind her. Shame shivered through me again.
“What am I supposed to do, just pretend it never happened?”
“Yes. That's exactly what you need to do. Shrug it off like you couldn't give a shit.”
“How?” I pulled the covers down and looked at her. There was no pity in her beautiful face as she stood over my bed, hands on her leather-clad hips.
“Everyone has weaknesses. The whole point of these Trials is to expose them.
You're lucky. Yours is out of the way early.
You need to stand in front of the world and act like it's totally fucking normal to not be able to cross an invisible bridge over an endless chasm, and make everyone believe you're going to ace all the other tests.”
I stared at her, playing her words back. Part of me knew she was right. People were not superheroes. And nobody was fearless. But everyone else has powers. You're the underdog, the weakling, the other, shitty part of my brain pointed out.
“I've reminded everybody that I'm human, and inferior,” I said quietly.
“I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but they already knew that. They didn't need reminding. Nobody out there expects you to win anything at all.”
“Then why the hell am I here?” I exploded. “Just to be made a mockery of?”
Hecate threw her arms in the air, giving me an exasperated look.
“Yes! You already know that! Zeus brought you here to piss off Hades! It wasn't anything to do with you personally!”
I let out a cry of frustration.
“Nothing to do with me personally?! This is bullshit! This is completely unfair and I've had enough.” I kicked the covers off viciously, and leaped to my feet. “Where's Zeus?”
A surprised expression crossed Hecate's face, then a smile began to form on her lips.
“Persy, I'm glad to see you angry instead of wallowing in shame, but I don't think having it out with the lord of the gods, most powerful being in Olympus, is a very good idea.”
“He can't hurt me until after the Trials. I want to talk to him.” Fury was rolling through me now, fire burning in my belly.
“No,” she said flatly. I snarled and she raised her eyebrows. “You can fight me instead. In the training room.”
I glared at her, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to train with her. I wanted to kick and punch and scream and shout.
“Fine. What kind of sadistic asshat designs an invisible bridge, anyway?” I hissed eventually.
“My thoughts exactly,” agreed Skop in my head.
The more blows I landed on Hecate, and the more I felt my skin bruising and my muscles aching, the less useless I felt. I was made of flesh and blood, and pounding my fists into training pads reminded me of that fact.
Seeing the material dent when I landed a kick squarely in the center, seeing the wooden staffs strain when I smashed them into Hecate's weapon—it proved that I did have an impact.
“This is much, much better than this morning,” panted Hecate. “And now I'm starving. It's late.”
We ate together in my room. We didn't talk much, too intent on devouring a meal of roast chicken and carrots.
“Did any of the other contenders fail at a Trial?” I asked as I swallowed my last mouthful.
“Yeah, loads. There's usually nine Trials, in three rounds, and Minthe only got five tokens and is in first place.”
“Usually nine?” I asked. Relief that I wasn't the first to fail mingled with curiosity. “Is there a chance that I'll do less than nine?”
“Um, yeah. A couple girls did less,” she said evasively.
“There's only one way that'll happen,” said Skop. I threw him a bit of chicken and he leaped to his feet, tail wagging.
“Skop, don't tell her!” said Hecate.
“I swear to god, if I hear the words "don't tell her" one more time—” I started, but Hecate cut me off.
“Gods!” she said loudly, sighing. “I'll keep correcting you until you get it right. It's gods, not god.”
“Whatever! Why did those girls do fewer Trials?”
Hecate dropped her eyes to her empty plate.
“They died.”
I blinked.
“Died? In... in the Trials?”
“Yeah.” I set my plate down beside me and Hecate stood up, grabbing it quickly. “Right, well, I'd better be off to bed. Hedone is back tomorrow, helping with the ball preparations.”
“They let people die?” I said, staring at her.
“They're not allowed to intervene, Persy.”
I opened my mouth to argue that somebody kept talking to me during my Trials, but closed it again. So far, it seemed the owner of the voice was trying to help me, and if that was against the rules, I should probably keep quiet about it.
“I knew this was dangerous but...”
“Keep training like you did just now, and do what Hedone tells you and you'll be fine.”
My rational voice spoke in the back of my head. None of this is real anyway, who gives a shit if you die in this made-up place?
But I didn't believe the voice anymore. I couldn't, no matter how much I wanted to. I knew it was nothing but a last-ditch attempt by my rational conscious to explain the insane circumstances I'd found myself in.
But as insane as they were, I knew in my heart they were real.
I didn't think I'd been asleep long when I stepped into the beautiful, ethereal garden again. The tinkling sound of water was interrupted by the chirruping of birds, and I looked up, scanning the trees.
“You won't see them. There's much you won't see until you fully accept this world.”
The voice was deep and calm, just like before.
“Is it you who keeps talking to me during the Trials?” I asked, walking towards the Atlas fountain.
“I can only talk to you in your sleep, dear girl,” he answered. I stopped, crouching down by a patch of flowers and running my fingertips gently over the petals. A shiver of satisfaction rippled through me. This place was perfect. “You are afraid of heights?”
The question tainted the serene feeling I was enjoying and I scowled.
“A fact you and the rest of Olympus are now aware of,” I said. “Who are you?”
“It matters not who I am, Persephone, but who you are.”
I blew out a sigh, then stood up and moved to the next section of flowerbeds, inhaling deeply.
“I have no idea who I am. Nobody will tell me.”
“That's not true. You know you were once married to Hades.”
“Which I find very hard to believe. If you've invented this incredible garden, then you must understand - I couldn't live underground. Nor could I love a man whose world is death.” I gave a little shudder as I spoke.
“No. Your powers do not lend themselves to death,” the voice agreed.
“Exactly. All I want to do is plant things, give them life and watch and nurture them as they grow,” I said happily, tracing the petals of a tall sunflower. “That's the opposite of death.”
“Indeed.”
“And anyway, I don't have any powers,” I said.
“Persephone, you can do anything you want to do. You have no idea of your potential.”
I rolled my eyes. All my life mom and dad had gone on about my 'potential.” It was nothing but a word thrown around by parents with kids who were failing. Shame fizzed through me again. You're a failure and everyone knows it.
“Why do you care about me?” I asked.
“You have been wronged, little goddess.”
“Goddess?”
“Eat the pomegranate seed, Persephone. You'll see.”
The garden around me faded, and my eyes flickered open with a start. These were definitely not ordinary dreams, I decided, blinking up at the star-covered rock ceiling.
It really was quite pretty, I thought absently, trying to replay the conversation I'd just had before I fell back to sleep.
Was it Hades? I didn't think so. The voice sounded nothing like him, and I couldn't imagine him creating a garden like that. Zeus? Zeus hated me. And wouldn't be so gentle, I was sure. Then who?
I woke early the next morning and had a long bath.
My muscles ached and the hot water felt good.
After navigating my huge wardrobe and managing to select something to wear and dress myself without Skop sneaking a peek, I sat down at my dresser to try one of the hairstyles Hedone had taught me.
I wanted her to be impressed when she arrived.
“What do you think would happen if I ate the pomegranate seed I won?” I asked Skop.
“Why would you go to all that trouble to win a seed and then just eat it?” he asked, his voice incredulous.
“Just answer the question.”
“I don't know, but I doubt you'd sprout a tree from your ass,” he said. I shook my head, rolling my eyes but unable to hide my smile.
“Thanks, that's really helpful,” I said sarcastically.
“Maybe if you win another one you could find out, but you only have one at the moment.” He made a good point, I thought. “What made you think of eating it?”
“We eat them back home,” I said defensively.
“You eat seeds? Humans from the mortal world are weird,” he said.
“How come the gods stay here in Olympus and don't do anything in my world?” I asked him.
“Beats me. Mostly I ignore the gods, and concentrate on my own shit.”
“Which is?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at him as I fiddled with a lock of white hair.
“Screwing, primarily,” he said, his tail wagging and eyes gleaming.
“I should've guessed,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You look too cute like that to be so disgusting.”
“There's nothing disgusting about sex. If you think there is then you've been doing it wrong.”
“Eew,” I said, turning away from him. Truth was though, I didn't know if I'd have gotten as far as I did on that cursed bridge without the randy little kobaloi. I was becoming a little bit fond of him.
Hedone arrived a short while later, and to my delight she was very impressed with my hair and make-up efforts. She took me to a grand dining room, very Greek in style with fluted columns everywhere, and high glowing ceilings.
A long table set for twenty ran down the center of the room, and we sat together as she took me through the correct order to use knives and forks and spoons and little bowls. I tried to tell her about the movie Pretty Woman, but she just smiled politely at me.
I spent the next hour trying to bury an increasing feeling of homesickness, and concentrate on what she was teaching me. Eventually she announced that it was time for lunch, and that she would be back in a few hours.
“And I'm bringing Morpheus with me. He says he knows of somewhere he thinks you might like.”
“Oh, thank you,” I said. “I assume I'm not going to be dumped on an unsuspecting Hades for lunch again,” I joked awkwardly.
“Err, no, but your presence has been requested by someone else.” She gave me an uneasy smile.
“Who'
'Zeus.”