Chapter 13 Persephone
Persephone
Itried to concentrate on what people were saying to me, but it was almost impossible. I nodded absently as a wood-nymph told me for the fifth time that she thought it was super unfair that there had been a fake gem in my last trial.
My mind was firmly stuck on Hades. He was like a freaking magnet to me, my rational thoughts turning to mush whenever I saw him. Although to be fair, I reckoned most girls would kiss a guy who created an entire world, life and all, to try to replace them.
There was no question he had loved me. And there was zero doubt in my mind that any sexual chemistry we may have once had was still there.
“Persy!”
The voice was in my mind, and other than Hades' it was the one I had been most desperate to hear all evening.
“Skop!” I turned quickly, startling the girl who had been talking to me, and dropped to my knees as the little dog bounded towards me through the crowd. He skidded to a halt and wagged his tail furiously.
“Stop nearly dying! You're fucking killing me!”
I laughed loudly.
“I think you'll find I'm killing me,” I told him.
“They're total dicks for not giving you any tokens, you know. Total fucking dicks.”
“I agree. But at least I'm still alive.”
“You know, you really should eat another seed. Maybe with more power you'd be able to—”
“Slow down, hotstuff,” I said, standing again. “My power was strong enough to break both my damn wrists. I don't need any more of that shit just now, thank you very much.”
“If you had more power, maybe you wouldn't have broken them. Or you'd be able to heal them faster if you had.”
“Let's not talk about this just now,” I said, noticing that the girl who had been talking to me was raising one eyebrow quizzically. “Sorry,” I smiled at her. “Just got to sort out my dog. It was nice to meet you.”
Skop followed me as I moved away from her, scanning the crowd for Hecate. I spotted her talking to Hedone and Morpheus. “Where've you been anyway?” I asked Skop.
“Oh, erm, the water nymphs in the pool don't have any clothes on. I got a bit distracted.”
“Right. You were so glad to see me alive that you only ogled some naked women for half an hour before coming to talk to me.”
“Exactly. That's a pretty big deal. Half an hour of breasts is really not long enough to truly appreciate them.”
“Huh.”
“Especially when there are many breasts. In fact, now that I have ensured your safety I might just go back and check on them again.”
“Check on the many breasts?” I repeated.
“Yes.”
“See you later,” I sighed, and he trotted off towards the pool, tail wagging.
“That kobaloi is a menace,” I said as I reached my friends. Morpheus laughed and Hedone gave me a sympathetic look.
“They are known for being pests. I hope he's not giving you too much trouble?”
I immediately felt bad for moaning about Skop and shook my head quickly.
“No, no, he's fine really, as long as you're not a naked mermaid. I actually think he cares about me.”
“Really?” Morpheus raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“Yeah. As long as there are no breasts between him and me, I reckon he'd do whatever he could to keep me safe.”
“Well, he is your guard,” said Hecate. “Did you chat to the boss?”
“Erm, yeah,” I answered, trying to keep any emotion from showing on my face.
“Oooo, always nice to spend time with the man you might end up marrying,” beamed Hedone, and Morpheus wrapped his arm around her bare shoulders.
I stuck close to the three of them for the whole party, talking politely to anyone who came up to me, and doing my best to avoid Minthe and any of the gods.
Hades flicked in and out of my view, always in smoke form, and always looking at me long enough to give me a glimpse of his silver eyes. I was already regretting doing the right thing and ending our brief encounter.
I listened to Hedone's husky voice as she pointed out various domes in the ocean, telling me about their famous inhabitants or shops.
A huge group of turtles swam right up to us at one point, and I reached out delightedly as a little one turned somersaults.
The dome was cool and solid, and could easily have been glass, though I suspected it was something more mysterious or godly than that.
The little turtle bumped his head against the dome on the other side of my hand, then hurtled back towards his family, who were drifting away.
“This place is awesome,” I said. And it could have belonged to Hades, if the brothers had been given different realms by Zeus...
“Yes, it is one of my favorites,” Hedone replied.
“Where do you live?” I asked her.
“Pisces, Aphrodite’s' realm.”
“What's it like?”
“A tropical paradise. It's very beautiful. And exclusive; not many are allowed to live there. But parties are frequent so many folk of importance have visited.”
“It sounds great,” I said. Hedone gave a soft laugh.
“I'm not sure it's the right place for someone who dislikes parties, or sharing their partners,” she said.
“Huh,” I answered. No. Maybe not my thing after all.
As amazing as Aquarius was, I found myself grateful when Hecate flashed us back to my rooms at the end of the evening. I was exhausted. And my head was still buzzing with what I had been told about Hades that night.
One of the first things Hecate had said about him when I first got here was that he was different from the other gods, that he wasn't what he seemed. And she had been right.
“Skop, what does Dionysus think of Hades?” I asked the kobaloi as I climbed under the covers.
“Bit of a weirdo. And grumpy.”
“Hmmm.”
“Why, you starting to like him?”
“I might be, yeah.”
“Well that can't be a bad thing, if you're going to marry him. Although why anyone would get married is beyond me.”
“Limiting the number of breasts not appeal to you?” I asked him.
“Nope. Definitely not. Unlimited breasts all the way, please.”
I'd never thought about marriage much. I wasn't one of those young girls who had a vision of their wedding day all planned out by the age of ten, but I also never gave it much consideration as a teenager, or even an adult.
I'd never had a serious boyfriend before, because I simply never desired the company of any of the men I'd dated enough to keep seeing them.
My brother said I was picky, and that I should keep it that way.
He wanted the best for his little sister.
I wondered what Sam would make of the King of the Underworld as my prospective partner, and the thought of his face if he ever saw Hades caused a bittersweet smile to settle on my lips.
Was the reason I'd never been interested in anyone before because I was meant to be with Hades? The passion I felt for him was so intense, I'd never felt anything like it before in my life. Fated. Bonded.
If I went home, to New York, would I be destined to spend the rest of my life alone? Or with someone who would never make me feel... whatever it was Hades was doing to me?
Or was that just lust? If we gave in to our feelings, and got it all out of our systems, would the reality of the situation then just crash back in, leaving nothing but the death and darkness and secrets?
I let out a long breath.
Lose the Trials, stay alive, get back home.
That was plan and I had to stick to it.
Despite the fact that a mind-bendingly gorgeous god wanted to worship me.
Fire. There was fire. And pain. Someone had their hand around my throat... I blinked and tried to thrash my head, and realized with a start that it was the man whose wife I had killed.
His eyes were wild with madness, and my body was convulsing with pain. But I was lifting my hand, Faesforos ready to strike. I was going to kill him.
“No,” I tried to moan, but no sound came out of my mouth. I tried to stop my wrist. I deserved to die for what I'd done.
Let him kill me. Let him take my life, in forfeit of his wife's.
But the dagger kept moving, and my stomach twisted as I felt the tip pierce his flesh, then sink between his ribs.
I woke with a shout, gasping for breath and for a brief moment, I had no idea where I was.
“Persy?” Skop was on his feet in front of me and I stared at him, my pulse racing and sweat soaking my neck and back. “Persy, what happened?”
“A nightmare,” I breathed, bile in my throat. “Just a nightmare.”
I'd been ready to kill that man. And not in the dream, in real life. In the ballroom that night. My body had responded without my head's intervention, my will to survive stronger than my revulsion at what needed to be done.
I was everything they said I was. There was a monster inside me, one that would kill to keep me alive.
I felt sick.
It was you or him. You did what anyone would have done, I tried to tell myself, my skin crawling.
I knew there was no way I could go back to sleep, my heart still hammering in my chest and the feel of the blade entering flesh so vivid in my mind. I stamped to my washroom and turned on the water on the shower, letting it run as hot as I could stand.
But it didn't help. Water couldn't wash away what I'd done to that man. I may not have actually ended his life, but I had been prepared to. And I had been the one who deserved to die if I really had killed his wife, not him.
The desire to hear that it wasn't my fault, to be absolved of my guilt, made me think of the Atlas garden. I needed to talk to the voice. I needed to hear it wasn't my fault.
“You OK?” asked Skop as I marched out of the washroom and back towards my bed.
“I'm going back to sleep,” I said firmly, pulling back the comforter and climbing into bed.
“Erm, yeah, good idea,” he said, jumping up with me. But rather than spin round in circles on the covers, then flopping onto his side as he usually did, he lay on his front, head resting on his paws alertly.
“I'm fine, Skop,” I told him. “Just confused.”
It took what felt like hours to fall asleep again. My restless mind took me over and over things I couldn't make sense of, or didn't have enough information to understand.
But eventually, I heard birds chirruping, and the soft trickle of water, and the beautiful garden materialized around me. A wave of relief washed over me, cleansing the guilt and fear instantly.
I walked towards the fountain, and saw that there were hundreds of butterflies on the rings making up Atlas's huge burden.
“They're stunning,” I murmured as I got close.
“They are more than they appear to be,” the voice answered.
“Yes. I imagine they are. Everything is.”
The voice chuckled.
“You are learning, Persephone.”
“I am angry,” I told him, sitting down on the fountain’s edge.
“Yes.”
“I need to know if I should have died, instead of the man who attacked me.”
“Little goddess, you are not to blame for the events in your life. Nor can you punish yourself for defending your own life. You are strong inside. Stronger than you allow yourself to be. And that is not wrong or bad.”
“But I didn't know I could kill someone. I don't want to be able to kill someone.”
“Olympus is not the same as the mortal world. You must not apply the same constraints.”
“Surely death is death, wherever you are.”
There was a long pause, and I swirled my fingers through the water. The butterflies leaped into the air as one, and I stared up at the mass of colors as they beat their tiny wings.
“The only way to find out about your past and reconcile yourself with your future is to get your memories back.”
“How? Hades won't tell me.”
“The river Lethe.”
“Where is it?”
“I do not know, but if you have your powers, you will be able to find it. Why have you not eaten another seed yet?”
“The vines frightened me,” I admitted, looking out across the garden. The sunflowers were swaying slightly in the breeze.
“You will be less frightened the next time. And those around you will teach you how to use them safely.”
“You told me not to trust the people around me.”
“And you mustn't. But you can learn from them.”
I nodded.
“OK.”
“Thank you for visiting me, little goddess,” he said, and the garden vanished.