Chapter 18 Persephone
Persephone
“So, is Skop right, are you sleeping with Hades?”
Hecate asked the question so casually I almost choked on my beef.
“No! Skop is not right!”
“You want to though,” she ginned.
“Hecate, what happens when Olympians get married? Hades said something about a bond, but he was infuriatingly vague.”
“I dunno,” she shrugged. “I'm not an Olympian. They marry for life though. No divorces at the top.”
“Told ya,” said Skop, gnawing on a steak at my feet.
“You know, you two were a great couple.”
“He's kinda... intense,” I said carefully.
“No shit. You should have seen him when you left.”
A bolt of pain gripped my chest at the thought, and I was surprised by its strength.
“He said you helped him. With the thirteenth realm.”
Hecate's face changed slightly, a less sassy smile replacing her usual expression, something deeper peeking through.
“He told you about that?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I want you to win this, Persy. I don't know what happened before, or why you left, but I swear whatever it was can't be as bad as you leaving again. I've known Hades a long time. Like, a really long time. The few years you were together, he almost became his true self again.”
Her words seemed to physically pound into me, as though hearing them from someone other than him made them even more real, more undeniable.
How was it possible that I could have had this much of an impact on someone's life, and up until now I hadn't even known they existed? And not just anyone, a freaking god.
“I'm drawn to him in a way I've never felt before,” I admitted. “I can't explain it.” Hecate stood up, gathering our empty glasses.
“Well he is sexy as fuck,” she said, as she strode to the counter.
“I think it might be more than that. I'm worried... I'm worried that now I've met him, nobody will ever make me feel like that again.”
She gave a soft laugh.
“Gods help us when you do actually screw him.”
“That's not happening,” I said firmly. “It won't help either of us when I leave—” I broke off and she turned to me.
“When you leave? Do you still not believe you can win this?”
Trust nobody. The voice from the Atlas garden rattled through my mind.
“Well, nothing is certain,” I said evasively.
“Hmmm,” she said, and turned back to the cocktails.
I needed to change the subject again.
“So what about you? Do you have anyone that makes your brain go wonky?”
She sighed heavily and I frowned. That hadn't been the reaction I'd expected.
“Persy, I'm gonna tell you something,” she said, bringing two full glasses back to the couch.
“OK.”
“You know when I told you that I had hundreds of lovers?”
“Yeah.”
“That was a lie.”
“OK,” I said, cocking my head at her.
“I don't have any lovers.”
“Then why lie?”
“Because I don't have any lovers, ever. And never have.” She took a long swig of her drink, looking away from me.
“Oh,” I said, trying to hide my surprise.
“People judge me when they find out I'm celibate, so I lie.” Her tone was defensive and my mind churned into gear, trying to imagine what a life without sex would be like.
I mean, I wasn't exactly an expert, but it had certainly livened up the last few years of my life, even if the guys had been temporary.
But that was my life, and Hecate must have her reasons for not wanting sex.
“Who the hell am I to judge you?” I said to her. “You choose what to do with your body.” She glanced at me, her eyes more emotional than I'd seen them before.
“I wish it was my damned choice,” she muttered.
“It's not?” I frowned.
“It's complicated.” Her easy cool was returning now, and she leaned back into the couch, hooking her ankle over her other knee and sipping from her drink.
“One of my more unpleasant powers is necromancy,” she said.
An involuntary shudder took me at the thought.
Zombies had always scared the shit out of me.
“In an ideal world,” she continued, “I would never have to use that power.
But in the event of a cataclysmic fuck up it might be extremely important.
Because, out of all the gods, only Hades and I can do it.
Thanatos and the Fates can incite actual death, but we're the only ones who can animate corpses and control the souls of the dead.”
I worked hard to keep the revulsion from my face.
“What kind of fuck up would require you to do that?”
She let out a long breath.
“Hades losing control of the Underworld. Or being removed from Olympus completely. The undead are one of the few things that could topple the gods.”
My breath caught. Hades removed from Olympus... Was that god-speak for him dying? I thought he was immortal?
“Could... Could that happen?”
“In Olympus, anything could happen,” she said a little bitterly. I took a steadying gulp of my cocktail.
“So you're his back up?”
“Kind of, yeah. And a power that dark must be balanced out. Hades has sacrificed parts of his own soul, physically lost pieces of himself to the Underworld. He is too strong, the demands on his power too high for him to live any other way. But for me, I learned that I could make a personal sacrifice, and keep my soul intact.”
“So you gave up sex?”
“I was a virgin when I came here, and physical love was what I wanted most back then. It was the greatest sacrifice I could make to save my soul.”
“But you didn't give up love? Just sex?”
“Persy, point me at a man who will love you without touching you,” she said, and this time her voice was full of bitterness.
“And besides, why put myself through the temptation? Why fall in love with someone and never be able to physically express it? The moment I gave in and lost my virginity, I would lose my most valuable power.”
“Shit,” I said quietly.
“Yeah.”
“But what if you never need to use that power? Surely Hades isn't going anywhere, he's like one of the super-gods isn't he?”
“Hades is the most volatile of them all. We can never know what might happen in the future. That's like weighing up my desire for a good time against the possible destruction of the whole of Olympus,” she said, looking disdainfully at me. “Not really a risk worth taking.”
I blew out a sigh.
“Well, I hope Olympus knows what you're giving up for them,” I said. Hecate snorted.
“Do they fuck. I'm Titan scum as far as they're concerned.”
“Then why do you do it?”
“Persy, I may have an attitude problem, but I'm not going to risk watching the world fall to the undead when I could have stopped it. I told you, Titans aren't genocidal anymore.” She gave me a wry smile. “Besides, there's no-one I want to screw that much anyway.”
By the time Hecate flashed me back to my own room, I was hammered. Like properly, well and truly, drunk.
After her big revelation, and my admitting my confused feelings for Hades, the conversation had turned to lighter topics.
Hecate had demanded to hear every awful and embarrassing encounter I'd ever had with a man, and Skop had provided a number of highly entertaining anecdotes too.
We'd talked about what dicks Zeus and Poseidon were, and the bitching had felt good.
“You know what, Skop,” I called, as I pulled off my leather trousers in my washroom.
“You've changed your mind and want to try out gnome knob?” he answered hopefully.
“No. I was just thinking that maybe I need to see Hades.” I pulled on the silk nightwear that always appeared clean in my wardrobe every evening, stumbling as I stepped into the little shorts.
“That's because you're drunk and randy,” he said.
“Well, some people don't get to have sex at all. I should be grateful. I should make the most of it.” In my inebriated state, this seemed like the most sensible statement I'd ever made. Why deny myself when I didn't have to? Especially to a freaking god. “Now, how do I make him come here?”