Chapter Twenty
Juniper
I slink out of Aidan’s house on quiet feet in the faint morning light. After our fight last night, I called a cab and shut my bedroom door to the world. Today, I’d like to avoid him as much as possible, which might end up easier than expected. If my hunch is correct, I’m not just going over to Cara’s apartment to remind her to grab extra hair pins before we walk to the salon together. She’s pissed and probably needs to tell me I’m no longer a guest, and definitely not maid of honor.
And that’s fine. It’s fine. I’m mad, but it’s totally, completely whatever Cara wants because today is her wedding and I won’t ruin the day any more for her. Just go, she had said. The echo pounds in my head.
But if Cara decides she’s upset enough that she wouldn’t like me there, then she can at least tell me to my face.
On my walk to her place, I huff and shoot off an annoyed text to Lis.
JUNE: Hope your Friday went better than mine did
JUNE: I yelled at Cara’s grandmother last night and fought with Aidan and everything is awful
Less than ten seconds later, Lis’s name appears on my phone as an incoming call.
“Why are you awake right now?” I ask.
“Crappy date tonight.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s all good. I’m on the couch eating junk food and watching Real Housewives . But when friends message friends about smack-talking grandmas, it doesn’t matter whether it’s after midnight or who’s fighting on TV, you pick up. Spill.”
I relay every infuriating comment Cara’s grandma made at the dark sky reserve.
“She’s the worst,” I say. “Like, a heinous woman to her core. But everyone carries on as if her behavior is normal. They’d rather let her go on treating her own grandchild like she’s a mistake.”
“Oof, that’s rough.”
“I blew up at her.” When I don’t hear any response at the other end, I continue. “And I could have been more subtle, sure. But I’m also the first person who’s willing to say what needed to be said. Someone needed to tell her she can’t get away with that kind of behavior, right?”
“Mm.”
That doesn’t sound like an enthusiastic yes at all.
“Do you think…” Lis pauses. “I don’t know, do you think how you reacted might have something to do with your relationship with your grandmother?”
“W-wow.” Her question makes me falter. “Didn’t know I’d be going to therapy right now.”
I’d hoped for a laugh from her, but I get silence instead. I feel like I’m staring into a mirror without makeup on, and I can spot each and every flaw.
“Look, her grandmother sounds like a nightmare, I’m with you there. But her grandma isn’t your grandma. And could they all use some better boundaries? Yeah, probably. But if the truth is your goal here, and I mean this with love, there is still the question of your DNA test. You haven’t exactly been forthcoming about that.”
I didn’t expect her to say that . The words suck the confidence out of me.
“You can’t compare that with her grandma’s snotty comments,” I say.
“No, but that should show that sometimes stating the raw, honest truth doesn’t make for the best choice.” Lis rustles a bag, and the methodical crunch of a potato chip fills the line. “What happened is embarrassing, but—”
“I’m not embarrassed.”
“Okay, fine. Did Cara ever tell you how to handle her grandma?”
“No, but—well, once, a little. At her dress fitting, she told me…” Constant positivity. Those were Cara’s exact words.
And yesterday I acted the total opposite.
“And if you’re so sure that she doesn’t want you at the wedding—which is a little dramatic, but okay—then why are you walking over there right now?” Lis asks through a mouthful of chips. “Protect your peace and give her space, if that’s what you’re so sure she wants.”
“I can’t not show up.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d upset her, and…I don’t want to.”
“Again, why?”
“Because!” I yell. “Because I care about her.” I let my own words sink in. “Shit.”
“Mhmm.”
The gravity of last night has pulled me down to earth, and I know one thing for certain: I owe Cara an apology.
I hang up with Lis once I get to Cara’s doorstep, and I knock. Then I knock again. “Cara? It’s me.”
She doesn’t open the door, so I pull out the spare key she gave me the day I arrived. The space has three times as much room with all of the wedding supplies gone, which is a good sign, but Cara isn’t home, which is a not-so-good sign. Calling her cell goes straight to voicemail. As if the universe aims to taunt me more, Evvie sends me a text to ask if Cara and I would bring an extra comb.
If Cara’s not with her mom and she’s not here with me, then I have limited guesses of where she could be. Rather than worry Evvie, I call Aidan and feel a tug when he picks up.
“Have you heard from Cara at all?”
“Mmm, sure,” he says in a morning voice so rugged and rough I can picture myself curled up beside him in bed. “Sent her and Yaz a text to say congratulations and I’d see her soon.”
“But have you actually talked to her? Anytime this morning?”
He must sense my panic, because once I explain what’s going on, he arrives minutes later. Aidan has the nerve to look incredible, with his hair the perfect amount of wild and sexy while he wears a simple jeans-and-T-shirt combo.
“Should we call the police?” I ask him. “What if she’s hurt? I’m not sure what to do, and I think this is all my fault.”
“How is this your fault?”
“Because of last night, obviously.”
He shakes his head. “We’ll find her. For all we know, she and Yaz planned some secret rendezvous today before the ceremony. She doesn’t have a car, so she can’t be far.”
“Right.”
“June, I’m—can I just say, I’m sorry about what I said last night. I didn’t—”
“This isn’t the time,” I say and swallow down the knot in my throat. “Let’s find Cara.”
Our plan involves phone calls and texts to her close friends and family. We mention nothing that would raise the alarm, but after we get through the shortlist of guests Cara knows best, we have no leads.
“She didn’t talk to you?” Aidan rubs his temples when I tell him no.
“Not since last night. Did she say anything to you?”
“Not much. She seemed down. Deflated. And she…” He winces. “She said she was glad to have her place to herself. Said she needed some time alone.”
Ouch.
“Well, if she wanted time alone and she’s not at home, then she could be literally anywhere else. That doesn’t narrow down our options.”
He drums his fingers on the kitchen table. “It actually might.” His words perk me up. “I’ve a place in mind.”
We leap into the car for a short drive, and then he parks and leads me to the far side of a hill. The ground squishes underneath my feet from the dew, and sunshine pokes holes through a veil of gloomy clouds.
“Why would she come here?” I ask, dubious that she’d abandon the comfort of her apartment for some random patch of grass.
“Remember that sheep I told you about? The place he stashed all that loot? It’s where I used to come with my brother sometimes as kids. She and I came here too. Not since ages ago, but if privacy was what she was after, this is where to go.”
I think back on our first conversation ever, back when he was just the cute bartender. We round the tree-covered corner to find Cara sitting on a rock and staring at the slow-moving creek. My knees almost give out from the sight. She’s okay. She looks up and lifts one hand in a sad wave as we approach.
“What are you doing?” I blurt out, relief seeping into my bones.
“Needed to get away.” She shrugs. “Away from Granny, away from Mam who’s fussing over every detail. This was the only place I could think of where they wouldn’t come looking for me.” She picks at some moss. “Stevie’s messaged me thirty times this morning. Thirty! I haven’t replied, but now I’m scared to because I’ve no idea what she’ll say. I just needed…” She sighs and looks up at us. “I needed space.”
“Cara, I’m sorry I was such an asshole yesterday.” I clear my throat, but my apology still comes out rushed and fierce and full of regret. “And if you want space, I will go right now, but I had to apologize. She’s your grandmother, and she loves you, and you’ve had your whole life with her so you understand her so much better than I ever will. I should never have said what I said to her.”
I hold my breath, waiting for her to scream at me or tell me to leave for good.
“Did you realize,” Cara says as she shakes her head, “Gran’s barely ever talked to Yaz?”
“I…um, no.”
“Ten words tops. Guess that’s kind of on-brand for her, isn’t it?”
“Maybe a little.” A weak chuckle escapes my lips, and I sit down next to her and rest a hand on her leg. “I’m sorry. Both for how she treats you and Yasmine, and for yesterday. I thought I’d make the situation better, but I hurt you more, which I never, ever wanted.”
“Why should I go through with the wedding if she’s going to act like that?”
“Are you having second thoughts?” Aidan’s question treads carefully, but I hear the rising concern in it too.
“Not about Yaz. Never about Yaz. But we’ve got hundreds of guests at some stuffy golf club with all the frills. More flowers than the entire world buys on Valentine’s Day, a horse-drawn carriage, and a cake that looks like a geode. Like an actual rock, like someone smashed it open. And I don’t know why anymore.”
“Because you want to celebrate,” I say. “To share your special day.”
“Pffft.” She slumps and sets her elbows on both knees. “We planned on eloping. Doing a ceremony with the closest relatives and that’s it. My gran’s the whole reason we’re having a wedding this size. She said we couldn’t have a real wedding anyway, so why bother?” Her lower lip trembles like a child holding back their big emotions. “We’re not allowed to get married in a church, so I thought if we went over-the-top and extravagant, that maybe it would be real.”
“Why didn’t you say as much?” Aidan asks as he kneels down in front of her.
“It’s humiliating having my own gran acting this way.”
“For her,” I say. “Whether she realizes that or not.”
“I hate that Yaz and I have to prove something with what we wear and all the photos and the meal. I’m too scared to stand up and set a boundary with Gran, and I don’t want to do it if it won’t make a difference anyway.”
“Cara, you are having a real wedding.” I squeeze her fingers tight. “Not because of the size of the venue or what flowers you have or your rock cake. That stuff doesn’t matter. Take it or leave it. Spend the whole reception drinking too much champagne and dancing if you’d like to. All that matters is that you’re marrying the love of your life today. That’s real.”
I have no clue where these words of wisdom are coming from. What do I know about family or about love? But the comments have softened Cara’s face, and her hand pulses against mine in thanks.
“You’re the best sister I could’ve asked for,” she says, and I’m hit by a surge of anxiety mixed with hope. Half sister or not, I care so much about her.
“You can go run off with Yaz, and I will head to the venue and let everyone know,” I say, straightening my back to act like the rock Cara needs now. “If that’s what you want, you should do it.”
“That’s the worst wedding task ever.”
“I’d do it for you.”
She giggles. “Thank you. But you’re right. Everyone’s there and waiting for us, we’ve planned the whole day out already, and the money’s spent. Might as well enjoy the party then.”
I rub the hem of my jacket between my forefinger and thumb. “If you don’t want me there, I understand.”
“Are you mad? ’Course I want you there.” Her swift, certain reply lifts the two-ton boulder resting on my chest. “I’m aware the whole situation with my granny is shite. I am. But if you intended to help me, all you had to do was ask how.”
“Understood. Guess I owe your grandma an apology too.”
“She’s been such a nightmare, I don’t care anymore. I’m serious,” Cara says, a smile growing on her face as the three of us laugh. “Besides, my mam talked to her again last night. Set her straight, I think.” She sighs. “This might not have been what I envisioned for my wedding day, but I am glad you’ll be there for me.”
She hugs me once more and then ropes Aidan into the embrace. My heart does a somersault to feel him so close, one arm against my back. On our walk to Aidan’s car, I send a text to Evvie telling her we’ll get to the salon right away. At the top, I see an email notification that sucker punches me square in the gut.
The lab.
Dear Ms. Martin,
My name is Juliet and I am an analyst at Double Helix Labs. I’m reaching out regarding your on-site test with us, Vial ID 55835521. After a thorough review, the results differ from your original specimen, Vial ID 01830058. Below is a sneak peek of the updated genetic matches tied to your account.
Very Distant Matches (Fifth Cousins and Beyond): 02 Distant Matches (Second, Third, and Fourth Cousins): 00 Close Matches (Immediate Family, Close Relatives, and First Cousins): 00
Your results, including a full ancestry, ethnicity, and health report, will update in your account within 24 hours. These numbers may change as more people test with Double Helix Labs.
Send a friend or family member an invite, and they will get 30% off!
I have passed this new information to the associate assigned to your account, and as a courtesy, you will receive a phone call from them within three business days. They will happily answer any questions you have.
We at Double Helix recognize the immense amount of trust placed in us by our customers. Thank you for choosing Double Helix Labs!
Warmly,
Juliet Garcia, they/them/theirs Senior Data Analyst, Double Helix Labs
My world has flipped upside down. All of my hoping and dreaming and wishing was for nothing. I actually thought Cara was my family, and all that does is make me the most pathetic person alive. For almost two weeks, I’ve been living a life that was never mine.
Aidan starts the car, and Cara calls my name before she slithers into the backseat. I force my feet to squelch through the mud, one after the other, and I order my body to sit down and buckle my seatbelt.
“Alright then,” he says. “We’ve got a wedding to get to.”
Evvie gnaws on her cuticles during our hushed conversation in the hall. “That lab,” she says with a shake of her head. “I’m going to write them a letter. It’s not right, what’s happened.”
“I can’t tell her before she walks down the aisle.”
“No. Not tonight, either. She leaves tomorrow morning, and that would spoil the trip.”
“So I wait until she comes back?” My stomach ties itself into another knot at the prospect of keeping this quiet any longer.
“Shite,” she mutters under her breath. “I’ve no clue, love.” She unwraps a mint, her hands shaking as the wrapper crinkles open. “I support you, no matter what you think’s best. We’ve found ourselves between a rock and a hard place, haven’t we?”
I like her use of we to imply that we’re in this together. She’s on my side, and she knows Cara better than almost anyone, so that means something. “What would you do in my position?”
Her lips twist as she thinks. “After she gets back. Not the best timing, but now is worse. This wedding’s the only thing on her mind.”
I nod, envisioning that scenario. Hey, turns out I’m not your half sister. Congrats on the wedding, enjoy your honeymoon! I can’t do that. This is her day, and she has hundreds of people vying for her attention. I should wait until we can discuss this one-on-one.
“We’ll make a plan, you and me.” Evvie pats my back and gives me a side-hug. “We’ll get everyone together and tell them. Cara first, then everyone else who needs to know. Sound good?”
I run my teeth along my bottom lip and nod.
“For now, we carry on for her sake,” she goes on. “But we’ll find the right time. This will all work out.”
“Thank you.” I wrap my arms around the person who’s become my lifeline in guiding me through this.
“There you are,” Aidan rounds the corner to get us. “Evvie, Cara was asking for you.” Rather than follow Evvie back to the bride, Aidan hooks an arm through mine. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I say, disentangling myself.
“Can we please talk?”
My guts twist as I wonder what Aidan will make of my revised test results. Cara first, then everyone else , Evvie said. While my mind keeps picturing the worst-case scenario, maybe— maybe —the change won’t matter as much as I’m dreading. My heart latches onto that.
“I am so sorry for what I said last night,” Aidan says, his voice low and sincere. “It was a shite way to respond to you.”
“It’s fine.”
Besides, he was right. I know nothing about family. I blink up at the ceiling to clear my vision.
“First I straight-up told you that timing doesn’t matter in a relationship, then I turned around and threw it in your face. You mean a lot. To Cara, to her parents, to—”
“Time to go.” Stevie’s stern voice orders us both down the hall. I don’t want to keep a woman like her waiting, so I hustle to get in line for the procession.
This whole day is happening at warp speed. I’ve had a couple weeks here in Ballygrá in my own little world. A fantasy. And this morning reality hit me with an open palm to the face.
Cara waits in the back, looking even more like an angel on earth than at her fitting. She’s done her hair half up and has added some pearl jewelry to the ensemble. With a final emotional embrace before we line up, she whispers, “Love you,” into my ear, and I muster a sad smile.
I walk past the elaborate bouquets of roses planted down the aisle, and I catch Evvie’s eye. This will all work out. Maybe she’s right. Cara’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. She’ll understand.
I grasp that last inkling of hope with everything in me.
The ceremony and reception are exquisite, but I don’t allow myself to get too swept up in them. I don’t clutch my flowers closer listening to Cara and Yasmine’s emotional vows. I don’t share a knowing laugh with Evvie when Roger weeps like Niagara Falls. I don’t wonder why my cheeks hurt and then realize it’s all the involuntary smiling from seeing two people hopelessly in love. My emotions remain in check, even when it’s time to stand in front of 250 people and speak from my banged-up heart.
“Hi everyone. I’m Juniper. Most of you haven’t heard about me before because, um, neither had Cara until a couple weeks ago.” The crowd of well-dressed friends and family murmur a laugh that ups my confidence. “Because of that, I don’t have any fond childhood memories to share or embarrassing stories from her teen years. Sorry to disappoint you. All I have is these past eleven days.”
The best eleven days.
“I’ve been asking myself a lot lately, how quickly can you really know someone?” My thoughts stumble when I make eye contact with Aidan, whose advice shaped exactly what I’m saying now. I clear my throat and look in a different direction.
“I consider myself an independent person who’s been on her own for a while, so when I came here, I sort of figured that Cara would find all the things that are wrong with me. All the reasons I don’t belong.” I grab my glass of water and take a gulp that echoes through the speaker system.
“Cara should have every reason to want to push me away—the new person who appears two weeks before her wedding. And she could have. But from the second I got here, she opened up and gave me a home.”
A home I never had before. My heart is being wrung out in front of hundreds of people, and I’m the one squeezing and twisting it. I sense warm wetness on my cheeks and swipe them clean. Something soft brushes my palm, and Stevie has materialized by my side with a tissue. What a woman. I collect myself and go on with the speech.
“I once heard a quote, and I can’t remember what it was exactly or who said it, but it went like this: Home is people and not a place. Cara does that for others. She creates a home for them.” Through a stream of tears that only Roger can rival, I turn to the brides. “I’ve known Cara a brief amount of time, but I see the relief and love in her eyes when Yasmine walks in the door. When she carries plates to the dinner table. When they walk hand in hand down the street. Yasmine gives Cara what Cara gives to everyone. These are two people who are kind and generous, and who give to each other just as much as they give to others.
“So, to Cara and Yasmine.” I hold up my champagne and take a breath, hoping the last bit doesn’t come out as garbled and incoherent. “Wherever you go, whatever you do, whoever you meet—may you always have a home within each other.”
This shatters my heart. I’ve faked my way through the speech, but standing up here and talking about these past few weeks only reminds me of what I’m losing.
I fake a smile for the first dance, and I push food around on my plate during dinner, since I have zero appetite. At least all the attention is on the brides, and I can blame the multiple times I well up on the emotions of the day and not on the storm inside of me. Once the brides cut the cake, the DJ welcomes all the guests to the dance floor, and I use this opportunity to escape the revelry. I swipe a bottle of champagne and burrow myself into the loveseat in the bridal suite to drink and feel sorry for myself. The half sister who never was.
“There you are. Didn’t catch you after—hey, what’s wrong?”
Aidan enters, and my mood lightens for a second until real life drags me back down. I’m tragic and teary and drunk, and I don’t want him to see me all mascara-streaked and puffy-faced. With his jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and tie loosened, he looks even more attractive than during the ceremony, which shouldn’t be possible.
“Christ, was it because of yesterday? What I said?”
“No,” I snort. “Although you weren’t wrong.”
“I was, June.” He kneels in front of me and sets a hand on each of my thighs. “Please let me fix this.”
“You can’t fix this.”
“I’ll do anything.”
“Aidan, it’s not you. You couldn’t do anything if you wanted.” I take another swig of sparkling wine, which tastes more like water, and wipe the trail that dribbles down my chin. Then, with an unceremonious sigh, I slump back in my seat.
“Talk to me,” he says as he studies my face.
“I get this close to getting something good. And not just something good, but like, everything.” I gesture to the entire room, my arm sweeping around while a little bubbly sloshes out of the bottle I’m holding. “What I never got to have in my life. And I just…” My eyesight blurs. “I’m an idiot.”
“You’ll fly to New York, but you can come back anytime.”
“I should never have come here. Agreeing to be the maid of honor, kissing you, all of it—I don’t deserve any of it because—”
“Stop. You have to stop.” His words come out firm and uncompromising. “You’ve set out on this mission to punish yourself, to tell yourself about the life you shouldn’t have, but why?” His hand finds my chin, and he waits until my gaze locks on his. “You deserve so much goodness, June. In less than two weeks, you’ve brought joy to Cara, to the O’Sheas. To me. And simply because that’s the way you are.”
“But you don’t know who I really am.”
“Oh, I don’t? I know you’re brave for coming here in the first place, and strong because you’ve had to be strong your whole life, and you clearly don’t see how much other people admire you. You’re stubborn as hell. You make life fun, even mundane stuff, and you find funny moments in the strangest of situations. Your laugh is the most perfect sound.” Aidan shuts me up with a kiss as I’m about to interrupt him. “So why? Why shouldn’t you be happy too? Why shouldn’t you be here? And why,” he says, touching his forehead to mine, “shouldn’t you just say yes to coming on a road trip with me?”
“Aidan.”
He uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe away some more of my tears, all while wiping more and more of my resolve away too.
“I know what it’s like to think you don’t deserve something,” he says. “But you do. So let’s set it aside and have the best, most extraordinary time. Let me—” He catches his breath. “We can play pretend a little longer. Forget that you’ll hop on a plane and fly away from me. Let’s have these last few days together.”
I didn’t expect Aidan to beg me to follow him around the countryside. He doesn’t understand what’s going on, but he doesn’t demand an explanation either. He wants to ignore the inevitable future as much as I do.
Let’s have these last few days together.
Evvie said we would make a plan, so maybe this can be part of the plan. I shouldn’t tell Aidan about the lab results before I tell Cara anyway—of all people, she deserves to hear it first. And since I’m staying at his place, I can’t avoid him.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
The corner of his mouth quirks up. “Is that a yes, you’ll come with me?”
I’d like to die inside of his green eyes—just lay down and wrap myself in them and call it a life. Lust, I can handle. But the fizzle in my belly when I think of him or see him or touch him—I’ve never felt that for a man before.
Aidan kisses me again before I whisper, “I’ll go anywhere with you.”