Chapter Twenty-Two
Juniper
“Need a lift, you two?”
Our lips dance together a moment more before Aidan nods to the truck driver with the worst timing in the world. I’m tempted to wave him along, but we really could use the ride. Aidan has kissed the sense out of me, so I don’t know how long he stands there holding the passenger door open for me before I crawl in.
Sitting in the middle seat, a supercut of my time with Aidan plays in my head like an old film. The glow of streetlights as we walk by the river in Dublin. His hair at the wedding, slicked back and more tame than his usual lion’s mane. His eyes lingering on me. His smile.
God, his smile.
I haven’t had a crush this bad in a long time. I’ve liked guys I’ve taken home before, but I would never have willingly spent hours and hours with them on a road trip or made out with them like my life depended on it.
As I admire some stray raindrops on his jaw, I wonder if I should tell him about the DNA test. I also wonder if that truth would put an end to this trip. Probably. Would he contact Cara too and ruin her honeymoon with the news?
No, I can’t do that. I have to stand firm with what Evvie and I decided. I’ll tell Cara once she’s back. As for Aidan, he made it clear that the plan is to enjoy these next few days with no strings attached. We’ll play pretend, then we’ll face reality. I’ll face reality.
So is this a ridiculous crush? Yes. As far as ridiculous crushes go though, I don’t mind having one on a guy like Aidan.
We arrive at a tiny cottage down the road and thank our quiet driver, who cruises off. A chubby woman wearing a paisley apron opens the door and motions us inside. She welcomes us while another gentleman grabs towels from a skinny closet.
“Oh no, not much chance of a service truck out here this time on the weekend. My husband’d take you himself, but he’s got a finicky back. Drives more’n half an hour don’t treat him all too well.”
“Don’t want to trouble you,” Aidan replies.
“Why don’t I set you up with a spot for the night, then?” she asks, her eyes gleaming like we’re the first guests she’s ever had.
“That’d be sound,” Aidan replies.
Their bed-and-breakfast is a modest home with a single room they rent out. Our host provides us some oversized loungewear while our own clothes dry, and she sets two extra spots at the dinner table for a steaming-hot meal. She talks while we eat, and I nod along with the stories our generous hosts share. My mind is all over Aidan, though—in particular, our sleeping arrangements and how well this couple soundproofed their walls.
She leads us down the hallway once we finish eating. Family photos dot the hall, with both grainy black-and-white pictures and more recent colored pictures, along with a gold crucifix at the center of the display.
“Here you are. Adjust the heat over here with this knob. Towels’re in the bathroom, but if you need any more, then say the word. Anythin’ at all, let me know.”
She scurries out and closes the door, which leaves Aidan and me alone, facing the full-size bed at the other end of the room.
It’s a rather narrow bed. I must have done something admirable in my life to have earned this.
“I figured this was a tiny B&B, but I didn’t realize quite how small,” he says.
“Hope you don’t snore.”
“Like a sawmill.”
“So,” I say in such a wavery voice that I don’t know if he’ll hear me. A moment passes before we dive into each other’s arms, giving in to the pull between our bodies. I want to explore every sinewy line of him, starting with the firm plane of his chest. He’s trim and in shape, lean yet strong—and I could sink right into him.
“Is this okay?” he asks against my lips.
“Better than okay,” I breathe back. Although I’m not exactly sure what he means—the kissing, the sharing a bed, the touching? The answer is a resounding yes, yes, yes all around.
“I’ve been thinking about this ever since you walked into the pub.”
Aidan breaks our connection long enough to remove the baggy shirt Mrs. McNally loaned him. Hypnotized, I run my finger across his bare chest and stomach, admiring the smooth, taut skin. I stop as I reach that tantalizing spot below his belly button, where a trickle of dark blond hair leads down to an already visible bulge in his pants.
“May I?” Aidan gestures to my sweatshirt. He’s so gentle with me that it breaks my heart. Wordlessly, I lift my arms above my head for him to remove the top, and as he surveys my half-naked body and bare breasts, he expels a heavy sigh.
I return to his embrace with another urgent, burning kiss. His skin against mine induces a shiver that travels up my spine, and if merely touching him has that effect, then what will something more do?
His mouth trails down my neck to my collarbone and then to my left breast. I moan softly, biting on my lips to prevent the sound from carrying further than this bedroom.
Nothing matters anymore. Nothing except this man in this room with me.
He sucks on my left nipple, and I throw my head back to the ceiling in pleasure, dragging my fingers through his hair. With a flick of his tongue, he switches to the right while I guide one of his hands into my roomy sweatpants. When he touches me there, right at my center, we both seem to short-circuit. A string of expletives leave his mouth, causing me to laugh, but he shuts up fast when he caresses me. He moves at a delicious, slow pace, enough to satisfy me in this moment while also making me crave the next moment and all the moments after. His mouth finds mine again. I lean until the backs of my legs rest flush against the dresser, loving the pulses of heat and tension growing from his touch.
“Why weren’t we doing this all along?” I pant. What he’s doing has me so wet already that I’ll climax soon, but I have to have more. I fumble around on his hips for the waistband of his pants. “These. Off.”
He obeys and removes them in a swift move. The sight of his erect cock is enough to make the crucifix in the hallway blush. His thickness dips up and down, and a vein tracks all the way from the base of his shaft to the tip. I can think of a hundred different things I’d like to do with his dick, but I start with taking him in one hand, and I stroke up and down his length. His look darkens and fills with a desperate longing.
“I have a condom,” I say as I reach for my purse on the nightstand.
“Not yet. I need to taste you,” he pants, and the sheer lust in his expression is enough for me to give this man whatever he demands.
He tugs off my sweatpants and, in one deft movement, kneels in front of me and hooks my leg above his shoulder. His tongue writes the most filthy words on my inner thighs, and I wish he’d put his mouth there , right in the middle where I’m longing for him the most. Aidan skates his lips over my clit, and every inch of me becomes more awake and more present than ever before. I’ve never really lived until he latches onto me, nipping and sucking at a steady pace.
“That’s so good,” I whisper. “Right there.”
An electric, buzzing sensation builds at my center, and Aidan doesn’t back down. This man seems to be on a mission to make me come from oral alone, and he’s doing a damn fine job.
His mouth sets the rhythm, humming a gentle vibration while he buries his face into me. With my hands in his hair and his name on my lips, I gasp into the darkness. My body shakes as pure euphoria takes over and eliminates all thoughts from my head except holy shit .
Aidan tracks kisses up my hips and torso, my breasts, and my neck. His erection presses into my leg, and a whole new desire makes me salivate.
“I want you so badly, June.”
“Please. Fuck me.”
“What’s that now?” He smirks against my lips.
“I need you inside of me,” I beg.
He picks up the condom but keeps his gaze trained on me as he rolls it down his length. “If I have to go one more minute without feeling every part of you, I’m going to lose my mind.”
“Then hurry up.” I smirk at him.
He doesn’t bother dragging me to the bed. Instead, he lifts my butt onto the dresser, spreads my legs, and moves into me.
“Oh my god,” I say with a growl. He hasn’t even gone all the way in, but the pressure of him inside me makes me burst at the seams. He retreats to his tip, then pushes in a little deeper, repeating the move until he fills me to the hilt.
For a second, I can’t do anything but hold the edge of the dresser for support as Aidan takes me completely. I drink in every detail of his face, from the roughness of his five o’clock shadow to the shape of his mouth. Our eyes meet, and that lopsided grin of his pulls me in for another all-consuming kiss. Gripping my hips, he drives deeper into me, and I bite back from screaming his name.
“It’s been so hard today keeping my hands to myself,” he says, breathless.
“You don’t need to, Aidan. I want you all over me.”
“Then we’ll never leave this room.”
“Good.” Our breathing synchronizes, the sound of our inhales and exhales filling the space. “I want more,” I say, and he responds with a thrust that knocks over a metal picture frame on the dresser. He squeezes my left breast, and I let out an audible moan.
“You’re a loud one,” he says playfully, lips hovering over mine.
“You’re the one rattling the dresser.”
“I can go slow,” he says, leaning his weight deeper into me to steady the jangling sounds of the furniture. He pulls back at an agonizing pace that makes me clench tighter around him. “That better?”
I use my legs to bring him back inside me and we both exhale. “Again,” I beg him. He withdraws as his warmth, his hardness, and his touch nudge me closer to the edge. I’m teetering on the precipice of an orgasm that I’ve longed for since our first kiss.
This time, he doesn’t wait for my legs to do the work. He pushes his length back into me, building up my release even more.
“Look at how hard you make me,” he says as he retreats another time. “Feeling you so deep drives me mad.”
I watch his length poised right at my entrance, and I whimper as he pushes in again—an overwhelming sensation that goes from the top of my head to my toes. “Aidan.”
“I like that. I like you saying my name when I’m inside you.”
“Bet you’ll like it better when I come.”
“You’re probably right,” he says with a chuckle. “Tell me what you need.”
“Faster.”
“Don’t know if this dresser will keep quiet.”
“Forget the dresser.” I put my hand on the back of his neck and bring him in for a kiss. “Fuck me,” I say against his lips.
He moves quicker, building up momentum as we share breaths. A sensational heat builds in my lower belly, and I look down again to see him hammering in and out of me. “Yes, Aidan,” I sigh as he takes me to the point of no return.
Hundreds of thousands of stars are all I see, like a celestial explosion in the night. My body floats, and in between breathy inhales and exhales, I manage a single word: his name. While I’ve found some kind of heaven on earth, his pace picks up. Aidan grunts as quietly as he can, face twisted in ecstasy. When he’s done, we collapse into each other, and he places one soft, wet kiss on my shoulder.
We sit folded together with him breathing into my neck, both of us depleted of energy. He speaks my name into my skin, and I wish I could carve that sound into my memory forever.
I follow the wholesome smell of freshly baked bread and smoky bacon into the kitchen. Aidan helps Mrs. McNally at the stove, and Mr. McNally pours me a coffee before I snag a seat at the dining table.
“Mornin’!” Mrs. McNally looks chipper and in her element with an apron on and utensils in both hands. If the dresser gave anything away, she seems unaffected. “We’ve some fresh fruit here, there’s yogurt, and the bacon’ll be ready soon. How d’you like your eggs?”
She fries up the rest of breakfast while Mr. McNally talks to Aidan about the people he knows in Ballygrá. Aidan sneaks in a smile my way, which makes my insides flutter.
Last night was amazing. Being pressed up against the dresser and wrapped up with Aidan was some of the hottest sex I’ve ever had. But I’m now at a complete loss with how to act around him. That day-after panic that ordinarily propels me in the opposite direction from a guy after we sleep together hasn’t set in, and instead, I’m looking forward to another day of road-trip mode.
But a different panic has made its way into my thoughts. Aidan is so good , and I’m lying to him. After last night, that knowledge sits heavier in my heart.
I never intended for this situation to snowball. The lab revealed the error at the worst possible time, and I haven’t found the perfect moment to set things straight without everything unraveling in my hands. Forget The Edge —although I did email Ethan to request another extension so I could sort out a new angle. That’s a fire I’ll have to put out once I return to New York. But involving Aidan now would only make him complicit in this mess the same way Evvie is. I hate not telling him who I really am. Be yourself , Lissie had said. But being myself will merely rip me away from Cara, her parents, and Aidan.
Aidan carries on with Mr. McNally, but his foot finds mine. The touch tugs me from my negative thoughts and grounds me back at the table, his presence like a prescription drug that silences my nagging interior monologue. Watching him eat breakfast is an erotic act. That same mouth was on me, those hands left no part of me untouched, and I selfishly crave the attention again. By the way he catches me noticing him, he must know he’s driving me crazy.
Mrs. McNally lines up a rental car for us, which arrives right as we finish breakfast. Aidan calls a towing company to get his own vehicle to the mechanic in Ballygrá, and once he’s done, we check out to hit the road.
“I’m going to miss that dresser,” I say to him as we settle into the front seat.
Aidan leans over the cupholders and kisses me like not being able to do so during breakfast had been some kind of a Herculean task.
This man. I might leave this place with a bit of a bruised heart.
I cup his jaw and throw him a sly smile. “So where to?”
“Would going back to my place to have sex in every room in the house be an appropriate answer?”
“Absolutely.”
Aidan kisses me again. “I promised I’d show you Ireland, and I want to. Besides, we never got that sunset of ours.”
“I can’t say I’m not disappointed.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll make it worth your while.”
He drives toward the coast, and we’re blessed with what Aidan admits is unusually nice weather. The crisp blue sky is dotted by dainty puffs of clouds, behind which the sun occasionally hides. I claim the role of navigator, which means that at every intersection, I point the way we should go, guided by nothing other than my sheer curiosity. We’re lost but right where we should be—exploring unknown gravel streets together, filling up the tank at run-down gas stations, and finding quiet hideaways overlooking the unceasing waves of the Atlantic.
And, of course, we pull over on the side of the road for more than one make-out session, plus an unexpected and satisfying quickie in the compact backseat.
As promised, Aidan parks near a quiet harbor in time to catch the sun going down. The stone wall by the street, which winds to the water’s edge, makes an excellent place for us to sit, our feet dangling above dancing strands of grass. The sun inches down toward the three dots of islands in the water, and the light casts a ghostly golden glisten on the waves.
I shiver, and Aidan drapes an arm around me.
“I can’t believe I leave in a couple of days.” As I speak to him, I keep my eyes on the hypnotic ocean rippling in front of us. “Two weeks have gone by so fast. A lot has changed since I first showed up.” I tap my heel against the wall, which releases a few pebbles that fall to the ground.
“I wish you could stay longer.”
“Aidan,” I say as a knife twists in my heart. “That’s not—”
“I know. Your home is New York, and I live here. But anytime you want to visit, you can. You should. And when you do, you can stay as long as you’d like.”
I search his face and find a fragile earnestness that steals my thoughts.
“What?” he asks.
“Nothing. It’s just…” For the first time, I have something to lose, and that terrifies me. I steel myself with a breath, then look to the horizon. “You know how my mom died when I was young? I was four. And then my grandma—she kept to herself, except for the rare moments when she gardened. Otherwise, she was locked up in her room smoking Camel Lights and left me to fend for myself.”
“Did she hurt you?”
“Nothing physical. Lots of swearing. Insults if I didn’t do chores around the house correctly, stuff like that. She’d forget birthdays. That’s not such a big deal, but when you’re a kid—”
“It is a big deal.”
“Anyway,” I say, sniffling. “She’s still alive. At least, I haven’t gotten the call that she’s not. She’s probably…I mean, she must be so bad by now. But I can’t see her. I can’t.”
“You have to take care of yourself.”
“I got so burnt out on being a liability.” I run my teeth over my bottom lip. “But that’s why I left the system as quickly as I could. Got a gig at the local florist to save up money, emancipated myself at sixteen, and never looked back.” I turn and take in the blurry form of him next to me. “So it means a lot that you’d ask me to stay. Nobody’s ever asked me to stay before.”
He pulls me into his chest, and I bury myself there, letting myself cry in a way I haven’t before, like enough tears will take away the pain and sadness of my childhood. He strokes my hair, giving me silent support. I pull back and marvel at this man in front of me, who makes me feel safe and protected and cared for. And maybe even loved.
The thought sends my heart free-diving.
His sage-colored eyes beckon me for another kiss. We settle in, side by side, as the sun dips below the horizon and darkens the world around us.