Chapter Thirty-Eight
Hermes carried me to the bathroom and set me in the tub. I sat there in a daze, staring at the water as it poured out of the spigot. Until that moment, I had thought there might be a slim chance that I could get back to them. But that chance was gone now. I had bartered myself for their lives. A fair trade, no doubt, but one that would hurt me forever. They might be able to move on, but I wouldn't. I would never get over the true loves of my life—the men who had searched the world, crossed continents, and fought a god for me. That kind of love never fails. It was selfless, brave, and steady. I knew then that they would have loved me forever. As I would love them.
A tear slid down my cheek. Then another. I was too broken to sob, but I couldn't stop the tears.
Hermes focused on washing my blood away. He removed my bikini and soaped up my body. “Slide down and rinse off, Lomasi.”
I didn't move. Couldn't.
He pushed gently on my shoulders. I still didn't move. With a sigh, Hermes lifted me out of the tub and set me on my feet in the shower. The water came on, and I finally reacted, but only to close my eyes. Oh, that was so much worse. With my eyes closed, all I saw was Rune's horrified face. Then Braxen's. Merrick's. They had stared at me as if I had betrayed them. Maybe I had. Maybe I should have fought harder. But then we'd all be dead.
I'd seen enough slaughters in my time to recognize who was on the losing side.
“Oh, for fuck's sake,” Hermes muttered as he turned off the water. “Stop crying.”
He drew me out of the shower and briskly dried me off.
“Do you hear me, Lomasi?” Hermes shook me. “You promised we'd be like we were. If you're not going to honor your side of the bargain, I can go back—”
Panic shot through me, jerking me out of my daze. “No!”
“There you are. Of course, that's what brings you back,” he muttered.
I took a deep breath. Time to pay up. I dropped to my knees, pulled down his swimming trunks, and took his limp shaft in hand. Hermes sucked in a surprised and pleased breath. My breath shuddered out of me. I opened my mouth and closed my eyes.
“Fuck!” Hermes roared and pushed me away.
Falling to the floor, I stared up at him in shock.
“That's not how we were!” He pointed at me. “I don't want you like this. I want my Lomasi, my pretty flower. I want you to adore me again. Not close your eyes and bear it.” His chest heaved.
I sat up. “I'll need a little time for that, Hermes. I can't go from a battle to worshiping you.”
“You mean, you can't go from losing the men you truly love to pretending to love me.”
I just stared at him.
Hermes stalked over to me. “Fine. Get your head clear. You have until tonight. Then I want what I was promised. I want you naked and eager. I want you to ride my cock with abandon and glory in being the one I choose to be with. Remember who I am, Lomasi. And who you are.” He turned and left the bathroom.
A few seconds later, I heard the bedroom door open and shut. And then I was finally able to give in to my sorrow. I fell forward onto the cold tile floor and sobbed brokenly.