Chapter Thirty-Six Don’t Stop the Party
When I walk into the bar with Michael there’s a cheer from my friends as well as some odd glances. I can tell they’re all itching to ask what happened but are being polite while he’s by my side. The politeness is unusual from this lot but welcome right now.
‘We’re on champagne to start,’ says Charlie, putting a rainbow-coloured Hawaiian garland over our heads then pouring us each a glass from the bottle on our table. He leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek and whispers, ‘I want to know everything.’
‘Maybe I’ll tell you later,’ I reply with a wink. ‘But maybe not.’
My mum clinks her glass with Michael’s and says, ‘Good to finally meet you. I thought you might be a figment of my daughter’s imagination until I started following you. She used to have pretend boyfriends when she was a teenager so it wouldn’t have been a surprise.’
I watch Michael’s face try to process all of that and can’t help but laugh. I link arms and guide him gently away from her.
‘She started following me?’ he asks with a puzzled frown on his face.
‘It’s a very long story but let’s just enjoy the night.’
Charlie’s party includes me, Patty, Zoe, Mum, Josie and now Michael while Peter’s has Ed, Caroline, Matt, James and Dad. Sensibly we head to a restaurant after the champagne, where we have a private room upstairs on the mezzanine level to ourselves. I let Josie and Zoe sit either side of Michael, while at the other end of the table, Patty and Charlie have me surrounded, ready to interrogate. I tell them everything while we eat and they’re as astounded as I was.
‘She seemed rather quiet and normal at the book weekend,’ says Patty.
‘Just goes to show, never trust quiet or normal,’ adds Charlie, clinking glasses with Patty. ‘At least with the loud crazy ones you know where you stand quite quickly.’
I look around the table and especially at my mother, who is drinking a Pina Colada through a novelty straw shaped like a penis, and find myself agreeing with Charlie. None of us brought penis-shaped straws, so goodness knows where she got it from. She is looking gorgeous tonight, and I know it’s because she’s meeting her date later. I guess she’ll ditch the straw by then. Changing the subject, I ask Patty if she thinks this date is wise.
‘It’s better that she meets him when we’re all here,’ she says. ‘We can keep an eye out and intervene if needed.’
‘I wished so hard that we could just forget this. I hoped it would just go away,’ I tell her.
‘I realise that, but we both know your mother and it isn’t going to,’ says Patty. ‘And I wasn’t having it happen while I was away. I definitely want to see this.’
‘It’s not funny, Patty — these are my parents we’re talking about.’
‘Trust me, Bo,’ she says, putting a hand on my thigh and squeezing it.
* * *
When the food is finished and the plates are cleared away, Charlie declares that we’re playing a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’, where he’ll read out a statement and if you have done this thing then you have to take a sip of your drink. I look over at Michael and wince at him — I guess we’re going to get to know each other very quickly and very publicly. Charlie pulls a piece of paper from his jacket pocket and unfolds it.
‘Okay,’ he says. ‘An easy one to start us off — never have I ever accidentally set something on fire.’
I immediately take a sip, expecting everyone else to follow suit, but no one does.
‘Be warned, Michael,’ Zoe laughs. ‘My mum’s ability to flambé every meal is legendary.’
‘Oh, tell me everything,’ he says. ‘Forewarned is forearmed.’
There follows a rapid-fire description of every cooking disaster I’ve made, including forgetting to take the disposable barbecue out of its cardboard wrapper and causing a major campsite incident when Zoe was thirteen.
‘I’ve improved a lot since then,’ I protest with a huge smile on my face. Not because of the stories but because Zoe and Michael seem to be getting on quite well.
‘Next one,’ continues Charlie. ‘Never have I ever laughed so hard I’ve wet myself.’
Everyone takes a drink to that one and Mum adds, ‘But it doesn’t matter if you’re wearing your Tena Ladies.’
To which everyone roars with laughter and probably some do indeed wet themselves.
The game continues and I discover that Michael has never:
1. Skinny-dipped
2. Joined the mile-high club
3. Done a runner from a restaurant
But he has:
1. Been attracted to a cartoon character (Jessica Rabbit — hasn’t every man?)
2. Eaten something on holiday not knowing exactly what it was
3. Fallen in love on a first date
He looks over at me as he’s sipping his drink to that one and I hope he’s thinking of that New Year’s party. Of course, the group asks him about it, but he simply says that a gentleman never tells.
I think Charlie might have chosen some of those statements knowing that I’d done them, so I’m feeling a bit fuzzy at the end of the game. I ask for a jug of water, and although everyone tells me I’m being boring, they all take a glassful.
In the pause, Mum suddenly leaps up with her phone in her hand.
‘He’s on his way!’ she shouts out excitedly. ‘My date’s on his way. I’d better go freshen up.’
I sit dumbfounded as both Zoe and Patty head to the bathroom with her. Charlie rubs my arm and tells me to trust them.
‘I can’t just sit here and let this happen,’ I tell him, making to get up and follow them. Charlie gently restrains me and again emphasises that I need to trust them.
‘It’ll be okay,’ he says, staring right into my eyes.
It’s obvious something is going on and I’m not party to it. I try to breathe calmly and reassure myself that if Zoe is involved then it can’t be that bad. She wouldn’t put her gran in any sort of danger and she wouldn’t knowingly upset her grandfather. I just wish I could be absolutely sure.
Mum emerges with her entourage and reads her phone, declaring that he’s here and waiting at the bar. I immediately try to get up again and once more am restrained. Patty tells Mum she looks lovely, while Zoe tells her to have fun but simply head to the bathroom if she feels at all uncomfortable. They then leave her to head down the stairs to the bar on her own.
‘You have to tell me what’s happening,’ I tell Patty when she gets back to the table. I’m now not only worried, I’m angry that this has gone so far.
This time Zoe comes over to me and puts her hands on my shoulders.
‘Give her ten minutes and then we’ll go take a look,’ she says. ‘I promise Gran is okay.’
Charlie tries to keep the conversation light for those ten minutes but everyone can tell the humour is forced and I’m practically destroying my hands as I chew my fingernails off. Michael doesn’t take his eyes off me but he can’t get close as Charlie and Josie have him surrounded. I see him check his watch and declare, ‘Okay, that’s close enough to ten minutes. Angie needs to know her mum is safe.’
‘Let me just check something,’ says Patty, getting out her phone and reading something. ‘Okay, let’s go take a look.’
I try to remain calm as I scrape back the chair. Michael heads straight for me and holds my hand as we all head to the balcony of the mezzanine and peer down to the bar. The lighting is dimmed down there but I can see Mum sitting at the bar with her back to us. Opposite her is a man who looks awfully familiar.
‘Is that . . . ?’ I turn to Patty.
‘Marti Pellow,’ she says, nodding. ‘Or Dougie Campbell as he’s known to his friends.’
‘Dougie doesn’t have quite the same ring as Marti does it?’ says Charlie. ‘Although he’s quite handsome.’
‘Greyer than I remember,’ I add.
‘He always retouches the old roots before he gets on stage,’ Patty says. ‘I thought he’d be better off keeping it grey for this gig.’
‘Gig? You mean you hired him?’ The penny has now dropped.
‘Of course,’ she says. ‘His brief is to have your mum running back into the arms of your dad.’
‘Not sure how that’s going to work,’ I say, relieved that this isn’t a real date but still not sure how he’s not going to leave Mum wanting more; they both seem to be talking and laughing amiably. ‘They look quite happy at the moment.’
‘Watch and wait,’ says Patty again, checking her watch.
* * *
Marti aka Dougie clicks his finger for the barman to come over and orders another drink. When it arrives he appears to be asking Mum if she’ll pay. I can see she looks surprised but gets her purse out and taps a card on the reader. Marti downs his drink quickly and then as Mum is sipping hers, he gently runs a finger down her arm. Mum gives a little shiver and I can’t tell whether she’s enjoying it or not. Then Marti adjusts his seat so that he’s closer to Mum, very close in fact, and I can tell from her body language that she’s not comfortable.
‘He’s not going to distress her just to put her off dating, is he?’ I ask. ‘I don’t want the evening to end badly.’
I’m thinking not only of Mum but of this stag night — surely Charlie doesn’t want to spend his evening watching a woman being humiliated?
‘It won’t,’ he whispers to me.
Marti puts his hand on Mum’s leg and at that moment, the door to the bar bursts open and the other stag do walks in with Dad and Peter striding side by side at the front. Their group costume is evidently cowboy as Dad is in a huge Stetson with a holster slung low around his hips. He looks just like Mum’s hero — Gary Cooper in High Noon.
Dad walks up to Marti and stands directly in front of him, legs astride.
‘Son,’ he says. ‘I ain’t looking for trouble, but if you don’t get your hands off my woman then that’s exactly what you’re gonna get.’
Marti looks him up and down then snorts, ‘You and whose army?’
He stands and goes to take a punch at Dad. Dad grabs his fist and quickly pulls that arm behind Marti’s back, pushing him out of the bar. Dad returns and walks up to Mum, then pulls her out of the chair, dips her down backwards and kisses her — just like in the movies. As I’m watching all of this, I have a tiny tear of joy in my eye.
We all erupt into cheers and a round of applause, then more champagne appears and the entire entourage take a glass. We toast true love and I give Patty a huge hug of thanks.
It’s soon time to move onto the nightclub, but once outside the restaurant, Mum and Dad tell us that they’re going home for an early night.
‘And I’m going to make him keep the Stetson on,’ says Mum with a wink as their taxi arrives.
‘Argh, too much information,’ I tell her as I kiss them both goodnight.
Walking along with Patty on one arm and Michael on the other, I feel as happy as I have been in a long time.
‘So it was all a set-up and Angie’s dad knew about her bucket list?’ Michael asks.
‘He did,’ Patty says. ‘He was the one who told us that it was probably his fault as he hadn’t been very romantic recently. He forgot their anniversary.’
‘It’s not their anniversary until July,’ I say puzzled.
‘The anniversary of their first date, apparently,’ says Patty. ‘They went to see a Gary Cooper movie.’
‘Hence the costume,’ says Michael. ‘It’s a good job the other group were in cowboy outfits.’
‘We weren’t until Patty and Zoe hatched their plan,’ Peter tells us. ‘We were going with the garlands too until then.’
‘Then Angie’s mum did me a favour too,’ says Charlie, leaning into Peter and adjusting the Stetson. ‘I do like a man from the Wild West.’