48. Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Eight
‘ B ertie’s with you?’
‘Yes,’ said Pat. ‘He arrived ten minutes ago. Beryl found him.’
‘Found him where?’
‘Outside the shop. It seems he stole your husband’s bank card and got himself on a train to Liskeard last night. I’m surprised they let an unaccompanied minor travel by himself, but I suppose it was late, so perhaps there weren’t that many staff around to notice.’
‘How did he get to the village from Liskeard?’
‘Walked. All night. The poor chap’s exhausted. We’ve given him something to eat and drink and put him to bed. I suspect he’ll be out for the count for a while, so there’s no need to rush over here.’
‘Thank you for calling, Pat, and for looking after Bertie. I’m leaving now.’
‘You found him?’ asked Cass when I put down the phone.
‘Yes, he’s at Lowen Farm. I’m going over there now.’
‘I’ll come with you.’
‘No, Cass, you’ve only had an hour’s sleep since getting in from work. This is something I need to do alone.’
I made a call to Rob to let him know Bertie was safe, then set off through the busy city streets. I bashed the steering wheel in frustration as the car crawled along. Eventually, I’d reached the outskirts of the city and could pick up the pace. An hour and a half after leaving Cass’s house, I pulled onto the track leading to Lowen Farm.
It was with a mix of emotions that I drove along the uneven track, the car jolting each time I went over a pothole. I’d not expected to see the farm again, and my stomach churned with nerves, shame and excitement. As traumatic as the morning had been, and as worried as I was about facing everyone after leaving them in the lurch, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was going home.
The farmhouse came into view, and I slowed my speed. What kind of welcome would greet me? Would Bertie even speak to me? Was he all right? The thought of him walking all night alone in the dark horrified me. How had I not noticed him sneaking out of the house?
The front door of the farmhouse opened, and Harry stepped out. She wore her usual shorts and tank top, but her hair hung in a long braided rope down her back. The sight of her caused my breath to catch, and I pinched myself to distract from the emotions threatening to overwhelm me.
I climbed out of the car and leaned against the door. Harry folded her arms, then her face spread into a wide smile, and she ran towards me, her hair swinging behind her. She flung herself at me, wrapping me in her arms and rocking me back and forth.
‘It’s so good to see you,’ she said.
I couldn’t answer, the lump in my throat blocking the words.
Harry stepped back and held me at arm’s length. ‘God, Liv. You look awful.’
My laugh came out as a choke. ‘Thanks. And thanks for the warm welcome. I wasn’t sure you’d be very pleased to see me. Is Bertie OK?’
‘Bertie’s fine. I’ve just been up to check on him and he’s fast asleep. Now, I’m sure you’re desperate to go to him, but what he really needs is rest. And we’d like to talk to you.’
‘We?’
‘All of us. We want you to be honest with us, Liv.’
‘I…’
‘Beryl brought Bertie up to the farm. She was surprisingly discreet, but she dropped some very strong hints that there was more to your leaving than you led us to believe. Of course, we all knew that already. She also hinted that you need our help and told us in no uncertain terms we weren’t to let you leave again until you’d at least been honest with us.’
Harry took my hand in hers, and we walked into the farmhouse. I was both terrified and desperate to see Seb, and felt relieved and disappointed to find he wasn’t waiting in the dining room. The we Harry had mentioned included Pat, Stephan and Maggie. Each hugged me by way of a greeting before taking their seats around the table.
‘Thank you for looking after Bertie,’ I said, as Harry poured me a cup of tea. ‘I really think I should check on him.’
‘He’s sleeping,’ said Maggie, reaching across the table and squeezing my hand.
‘OK.’ I stirred my tea with a spoon, despite not taking it with sugar. ‘Harry says you want to know the real reason I had to leave?’
‘Only if you’re comfortable telling us,’ said Pat. Maggie scowled at him. ‘But of course we’d like to know.’
‘You deserve the truth,’ I said, launching into my tale of woe. I barely took a breath, my friends making no attempt to interrupt or stop me as I poured everything out. ‘And so you see, I really didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t risk having Bertie taken away from me. What else was I meant to do?’
‘Dear God,’ said Pat, leaning back in his chair and blowing out his lips. ‘Why on earth didn’t you say something sooner?’
‘I knew you’d all want to help me, and I didn’t want you taking resources from the work you do here, be that time or money.’
‘Silly girl,’ said Maggie. ‘Even if we couldn’t help you financially, we could have supported you emotionally. What a thing to go through alone.’
‘How much does Bertie know?’ asked Harry.
‘Nothing. That’s why he hates me.’ I let out a laugh that held no joy.
The dining-room door creaked open, and we turned to see Bertie, his hair messy and sleep clogging eyes that were fixed on me.
‘How much of that did you hear, Bertie?’ I stood up, unsure whether to go to him, scared he may run from me. Instead, Bertie flung himself across the room, wrapping his arms around my waist and squeezing hard.
‘I don’t hate you,’ he said. ‘Well, maybe I did a bit, but I thought you wanted us to leave.’
‘No, Bertie. I never wanted to leave. I didn’t have any choice.’
‘Why couldn’t Dad have stopped Grandma?’
‘He was in the same position as me. You know how things went wrong with his business?’
‘Yes.’
‘Because of that, Dad doesn’t have any money of his own and has to rely on Grandma and Grandpa to help him.’
‘I hate Grandma.’
We’d always tried to stop Bertie using the word hate, but on this occasion, I felt it was justified. ‘Did you manage to get some sleep?’
‘A bit. Mum, can we stay here?’
‘No, I’m afraid we can’t, Bertie. Now you know why, I hope you’ll understand. You know how I go out to work while you’re still asleep?’
‘Yes.’
‘The reason I’m doing that is so we can start again somewhere new, even come back here if that’s what you want. But, Bertie, it’s going to take me some time before we can do that. So, until then, I’m going to need you to be brave for me. Brave and patient.’
‘Do we have to leave straight away?’
‘Well…’
‘I could do with a hand with the animals,’ said Harry. ‘Perhaps you could stay for an hour or two?’
I looked down at Bertie. He was pulling his cute face, the one he always put on when he needed to get his own way. I laughed and hugged him. ‘I can’t see what harm a couple of hours can do. If you’re sure?’ I asked Harry.
‘Of course. I’ve missed my little helper. Liv, if Bertie’s going to be giving me a hand, I wonder if you could see to something down by the lake?’
‘Of course. What is it?’
Harry glanced at Bertie, then mouthed silently, ‘Seb.’
I nodded. The thought of seeing Seb made me nervous, but he deserved an explanation more than anyone. As much as I wanted to drink in every part of Lowen Farm, I was reluctant to stay too long, so decided to drive to the lake rather than walk.
Seb wasn’t at home, so I made my way past the cabins toward the water. I’d forgotten how beautiful the lake was, or perhaps it was that in the full strength of summer, it had reached its peak. The surrounding trees had exploded into green, wildflowers clung determinedly into rock crevices and the water sparkled like the contents of an aristocrat’s jewellery box.
Seb had his back to me, sitting in the rowing boat not too far out from the jetty. I removed my sandals and walked along the worn, warm boards, sitting down at the far end and letting my feet dangle in the cold green water. For a moment I just watched him, the way his neck craned at a twitch in his fishing line, the way his hand brushed hair from his eyes.
‘Seb?’
Seb turned at my call. His beard had grown longer, dark crescents sat below his eyes. His hair looked greasy and matted and his clothes dirtier than usual. I smiled and gave a small wave, but Seb turned his head away from me. ‘Don’t bother jumping in this time,’ he called. ‘I don’t want to speak to you.’
‘That’s fine,’ I said. ‘I only want you to listen.’
Seb began packing up his fishing gear and I knew I only had a few minutes before he picked up his oars and rowed as far away from me as he could get.
‘Fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll go. I just need you to know that I never wanted to leave, and I certainly never wanted to get back together with Rob. Seb, my mother-in-law threatened to take Bertie from me if I didn’t go back to my marriage. What was I meant to do? I don’t have the power or wealth to fight her, and I couldn’t risk losing my son. I’m working hard to get out of my mess, but it’s going to take me years. I’m not asking you to wait for me, but I felt I owed you the truth.’
Seb stopped packing up his fishing gear, but didn’t turn to look at me. Instead, he sat still and straight-backed, his hands on his knees, his face turned up to the sky. I pulled myself up from the jetty and walked away.