Chapter Twenty-Three
Blair washed her face and brushed her teeth before going back to her bedroom.
She had a fleeting thought that maybe she should sleep downstairs on the couch.
If she went back and slept in her own bed, then it would be the first time she and Luke ever actually slept together.
And she wasn’t sure that was such a good idea, especially right after her realization that she was in love with him.
But at the same time, she couldn’t leave him alone – not after what she and her sisters had put him through tonight.
One thing was clear in Blair’s mind. This relationship, situationship, or whatever it was, had to end.
She couldn’t keep going this way, because the longer they pretended that they didn’t have huge feelings for each other, the harder it was going to be when it inevitably ended.
Blair barely survived the last time she’d asked Luke to walk away from her.
True, she’d thought her grief at the time was only because of losing her mother and losing her dream of going to university.
But her grief was also because of losing Luke.
Because of losing the future she’d thought she’d have with him.
When she walked back into her room and gently closed the door behind her, she thought Luke was still asleep. But he immediately sat up.
‘There you are,’ he said. His voice sounded one hundred per cent like normal Luke. Mischievous, light-hearted and sounding like there was a little smile behind it.
Blair turned on her bedside lamp so she could see him properly. His eyes were bright, and the colour had returned to his face.
‘How are you feeling?’ Blair asked, putting her hand on his forehead. He felt fine. It was past midnight, so the painkillers would have worn off by now, and his temperature hadn’t gone up again. This was good – it meant the invading spirit was definitely gone.
He laughed softly. ‘Embarrassed. I can’t believe I passed out and ruined your dinner party. I feel better now; I should probably leave.’
‘Don’t,’ Blair said. ‘Please stay.’
He tilted his head, smiling small. ‘Okay. Can I use your shower? I think there’s spinach in my hair.’
Blair chuckled, then gave him a towel, her bathrobe and a spare toothbrush. While Luke was in the shower, Blair changed her bedding because she found spinach on her pillow.
Luke came back into her bedroom wrapped in her plush white bathrobe looking like a big cuddly polar bear. ‘I . . . I feel like I should apologize again.’ He sat on her bed. ‘I really don’t know what happened tonight.’
‘It wasn’t your fault. Like at all.’ She hated that he felt guilty about this. She sat next to him on her bed.
‘I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was so nervous, and when I saw your sister had made spinach, I told myself that I needed to suck it up and eat it, even though I don’t like it, and I think my nerves and dislike overwhelmed me until I just . . . crashed out.’
Blair shook her head. ‘No. Something outside your control happened tonight. You developed a high fever – it wasn’t because you were nervous.’
He gave her a hopeful look. ‘Maybe I’m allergic to spinach?’
Blair sighed. She had to lie. ‘Maybe. I’m not in the least bit upset about this. Well, I’m upset that you were sick, but that’s it.’
He nodded, but he clearly was still blaming himself. He looked around the dim room. ‘Not how I wanted to see this room again, though. I like what you’ve done in here. I do miss your Twilight movie posters, though.’
Blair laughed softly. Unlike Belinda, Blair had redecorated her room since high school.
She had a new bed – a light wood frame with a bright green and blue duvet cover.
All her furniture was blond wood antiques, and her walls were white with one accent wall wallpapered in a bright, sunny print of leaves, branches and flowers.
And she had pops of colour everywhere – from her throw cushions to the art prints on the walls.
Bianca called Blair’s style coastal boho-grandma, but to Blair, everything in this room made her happy.
It was her refuge from all the stress and responsibility outside her room.
It was actually funny that Luke had immediately recognized it as the same room she’d had as a teen.
‘What would you have expected my room to look like?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know. Fall colours. More . . . classic style. Less eclectic. More . . .’
‘Practical? Boring?’
He shook his head, eyes intense. ‘Blair Briarwood, you have never, ever been boring. Not even a little bit. You’re multifaceted. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life getting to know you and I would barely scratch the surface.’
Blair squeezed her lips together, trying to reign in her emotions.
He didn’t know how right he was. And it was because Blair could never, ever let him see more than what was on the surface of her.
Last night in the dining room when he’d kissed her, she’d wanted more than anything in the world to be as close as possible to this man, both physically and emotionally.
But she couldn’t have that. This was all she was going to get.
‘Blair, are you okay? You don’t blame yourself for what happened tonight, do you? Because I don’t blame you. And look at me, I’m one hundred per cent fine.’ He smiled his big Luke Caldwell grin, and it almost made Blair scream at the unjustness that her perfect person was out of reach.
Blair had to look away from his open expression.
She should end this now. She loved Luke.
And Belinda was right – he loved her, too.
They kept playing this game, the charade that this was just casual, when they both knew it wasn’t.
But how could Blair walk away? Not just because of what Blair and her sisters had done to him tonight, but everything before this, too.
Blair knew the moment Luke came back into town that things between them could never be simple.
Couldn’t be casual. But that didn’t stop her from going back to him again and again.
The way he looked at her was full of affection .
. . admiration, truthfully, full of love.
And she’d just let him fall in love again. She’d let herself fall in love again.
‘Blair, look at me,’ Luke said, teasing gone from his voice.
She did. Warm brown eyes, soft skin. She could stare at that face for the rest of her life and never get tired of it.
‘I know things were supposed to stay casual with us,’ he started, his voice low and gravelly, ‘and I understand why you made that boundary. I truly do. And I don’t regret agreeing to your limits, because I’ve had a ton of fun these last few weeks, but I don’t think it’s fair that I keep going like this without telling you the truth about how I really feel about you. Blair, I—’
Blair swallowed Luke’s words with a kiss.
Because she didn’t want to hear them. Because if he told her he loved her then she would either have to tell him the same lie she’d told twelve years ago, tell him that she didn’t love him, or she would admit the truth: that she was more in love with him than she’d ever been.
Both options would ruin her.
So she kissed him, pouring all her pain and her love into an action because she couldn’t say the words.
Actions were better, anyway. Simpler. And he kissed her back.
gently at first, his hand coming to her cheek, but as it always did with them, it took no time at all for the kiss to deepen.
This wasn’t sweet and slow like their kiss in the dining room.
This kiss was hot, urgent and intense. Blair pushed open his bathrobe, and ran her hand over his chest, up his neck before finally digging her fingernails into the back of his head. Luke’s head lolled back as a small growl escaped from the back of his throat.
‘Fuck yes,’ he said, as Blair gently bit his neck, then kissed away the sting.
He smelled amazing – like her own soap but also like Luke.
But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough for Blair.
She kissed him fiercely, untying the belt of his robe so she could touch every inch of him.
Luke was already hard, and when she tightened her grip around him, he thrust into her hand, groaning softly into her mouth.
Blair smiled to herself. She loved this, turning Luke into nothing but a quivering ball of desire.
‘Let me take care of you,’ she murmured, guiding Luke so he was sitting on her bed with his back against her headboard. Once he was positioned, Blair got up quickly to get a condom from her desk drawer, which she left on her night table. She looked at him on full display on her bed.
All that golden skin. His mischievous smile. Not breaking eye contact, Blair started removing her own clothes, doing it slowly since he seemed to be enjoying the show. His cock twitched when she removed her T-shirt, letting her hand brush against her breast on its way to the waistband of her pants.
‘God, you’re beautiful.’ His hand drifted to his own hardness, pumping slowly. Blair slid her pants and underwear down, feeling powerful. It was a heady sensation, being wanted this much. She climbed back onto the bed, and he immediately kissed her hard.
‘Blair,’ he whispered. ‘You don’t know what you do to me. I want you.’ He wrapped himself around her, the heat and friction making all her rational thoughts disappear.
She licked his neck. ‘I’m yours,’ she said against his skin.
And it was the truth. Even though she knew she couldn’t keep this, right now she was his, and only his.
And he was hers. Forget magic – this was alchemy.
Two separate energies coming together to create something more powerful than anything they’d ever experienced before.
When he found her nipple and pinched, Blair wanted to scream with pleasure, but instead she quickly cast a soundproofing spell under her breath so she and Luke could make as much noise as they wanted without her sisters or judgmental cat hearing.
Blair arched her back, aching to feel some release.
He grinned at her. ‘You’re so sensitive, Blair.
I love that.’ He gave her other nipple another pinch, making Blair writhe under him. ‘You’re perfect.’
He was the perfect one. She wanted him in every conceivable way, inside and out, and the intensity of her feelings made her want to cry.
His bare skin felt amazing against her live-wire nerves.
His hands were everywhere, and his erection was at her entrance, and she wanted nothing more than him inside her immediately.
But she was supposed to be taking care of him this time. She climbed off him and slid down to crouch between his legs to face his mouthwatering erection. His eyes were wide with awe as she slowly lowered her head and kissed the tip. ‘Blair,’ he groaned, squirming with need.
She smiled, running her hands up his thighs, feeling him shudder under her touch. Then she planted another kiss on him, this time adding a little swirl of her tongue.
‘Holy fuck, you’re killing me, Blair,’ he muttered.
Blair was enjoying this too much. She lowered her head and deliberately dragged her tongue over him slowly. He tasted so good. She continued to tease him with her tongue until he was panting, gripping her bed sheets with white knuckles.
‘Just suck it,’ he whispered.
Blair chuckled and finally opened her mouth wide and took him inside.
And oh God, he tasted so good. He always had.
Blair loved the feeling of a person quivering with unrestrained pleasure in her mouth.
She had one hand holding the base of his erection, and the other gripping his thigh as she moved up and down, working him slowly.
One of his hands moved to the back of her head, holding her there with fingers through Blair’s hair as he muttered words of encouragement.
Words of affection. When his muscles tensed even tighter, she flicked her tongue against his tip before sucking deep.
He nudged her off him. She looked up at him, her lips still tingling.
‘You’re too good at that,’ he said, a glint of humour in his eyes. ‘Of course, Blair Briarwood has to be the best at everything she does, but I want to see your face when I come.’
Blair grinned, sliding back up and kissing him.
They broke apart long enough for him to put a condom on, and then he climbed on top of her, sliding inside her in one smooth stroke.
Blair called out, wrapping her legs around him so she could take him deeper.
And he was right – staring at his gorgeous face made this even better.
His warm brown eyes, soft lips and that smile.
She wanted to memorize his expression now, because she wasn’t sure she’d ever see it like this again.
‘You’re so beautiful, Blair,’ he said.
They moved slower than normal. Blair didn’t want it to end, so she was holding herself back to make the moment last. Luke seemed to pick up on that, so their eyes stayed locked as he moved in her.
But when the friction was too much, she tightened herself around him, making his back arch.
He reached down and rubbed where they were joined, reading her body’s reactions perfectly.
That was all she needed. She screamed in ecstasy as the orgasm crashed through her, not holding back her words one bit.
His climax came seconds later, and he shuddered as he clutched her tight and repeated her name like a promise.
Luke collapsed next to Blair, and she rested her head on his chest as she caught her breath. His arms tightened around her.
‘Blair?’ he said, panting heavily.
‘Yes, Luke?’
‘I love you, too.’
It took Blair half a moment to process what he’d said. Both her sisters had said it was clear that Luke loved her, but it was the word too that gave her pause.
And holy crap, she had screamed I love you when she orgasmed. She was an idiot. She should have cast a silence spell on herself instead of a soundproofing spell. Blair groaned. Luke Caldwell now knew that she was in love with him. And he was in love with her, too.
It would hurt them both even more when she asked him to leave her this time.