Chapter 20
ZOE
Zoe stood on the sidewalk for what felt like a long time, though it could have been just minutes. Her heart ached and her chest was tight. She rubbed it with one hand as she fought to keep her tears at bay. Finally, with great effort, she managed to walk to the subway and head home.
Back in her small apartment, where, just a few hours ago, Nathan had held her in his arms and kissed her gently and whispered her name, she kicked off her heels, pulled off her dress, and went to shower.
She’d made a mistake. She knew it. At the time, she’d thought that lying was the only way to save her career — and she hadn’t lied about her skills or her experience, just about who her clients had been.
No. I can’t justify this. She had messed up.
She needed to give Nathan the space he’d asked for and hope that he would continue working with her.
It was going to be hard, but she had to do it.
She’d already planned to stop seeing Nathan after the show was over.
Now, she just had to see if their professional relationship would survive.
For the first few days after the event, Zoe grabbed her phone every time it buzzed, hoping against hope that it was Nathan.
It never was. After two days, though, she received the package from the network.
Her heart lifted, then sank. She was thrilled that the show had been picked up, but it was hard to be excited without Nathan to celebrate with her.
After a moment’s hesitation, she forwarded the information to Nathan’s receptionist, Maya. Hopefully, the colorful-haired young woman would pass it on. Sure enough, after a few hours, she got a message back from Maya saying that Nathan was ready to accept the offer and move forward with it.
That was when Zoe’s life became incredibly busy.
She had a lot to do, preparing to film the first season, working with the network, and booking shooting time with Maya.
As more people started to hear about the show, she got more requests from new clients, including Gapcha, the internet singer who’d turned her down just before she’d met Nathan.
Zoe started taking meetings and putting together a small but exciting portfolio of new talent (Gapcha not included).
As she ran from pitches to meetings with the production team, to long hours of work late into the night, to lunches with Katherine, Zoe’s mind was still on Nathan.
She checked her phone all the time, hoping for a message or an email, but nothing came.
Her only communication with him was through Maya to schedule filming for the pilot.
Then, the time came to return to Islingburn for the shoot.
As Zoe packed her bag, checked in online for her flight, and confirmed her reservation at the same B&B where she’d stayed before, her nerves spiked.
She was going to see Nathan again, after nearly a month of not talking to him at all.
What was she going to say? What was he going to say?
Zoe wanted to apologize. After everything, Nathan deserved an explanation of why she’d lied and an apology.
Zoe deserved the chance to come clean, too.
Though she understood Nathan’s anger with her, it also seemed over-the-top not to contact her at all for nearly a month after the closeness they’d shared.
He hadn’t even wanted to hear her reasoning.
Zoe’s chest felt increasingly tight on the taxi ride out to the airport. She went through security, picked up a coffee and pastry on the way to her gate, and boarded. No sooner had the fasten seatbelt sign turned off, though, than she ran to the bathroom to be sick.
Great. Zoe washed her face in the tiny bathroom’s even tinier sink, her stomach still aching.
I’m so nervous, I’m throwing up. So much for the coffee and pastry, which had been meant to make her feel better.
She went back to her seat and tried to be interested in the in-flight magazine, but the descriptions of beautiful destinations around the world just weren’t captivating.
She kept remembering the rolling hills, cute downtown, and clear, cold streams of Islingburn.
And she kept remembering Nathan. The month of distance, and the fact that he’d ended things with her before that, hadn’t diminished how she felt about him.
She still remembered the brush of his hand against hers and the way he laughed and those silly voices he did.
She still hoped she could make things right.
When the plane landed, Zoe disembarked and headed out to the rental car desk, ducking into a bathroom to be sick once more on the way. Popping a mint into her mouth, she picked up her car and settled in for the long drive.
Before things had fallen apart with Nathan, Zoe would have planned to arrive a day or two before filming was meant to start, to get things set up.
Now, though, she’d cut things close: she was arriving around the same time as the camera crew and leaving a few days later, right after filming was over.
Nathan didn’t want to see her, and once she’d apologized, Zoe didn’t plan to make a nuisance of herself.
As she got closer to Islingburn, Zoe’s chest felt tighter and tighter and her stomach felt more and more unsettled.
Driving past the water tower at the edge of town brought memories racing back.
She remembered standing at the top with Nathan, looking out over the rolling fields below, and writing her name along with all the others.
In that moment, she’d felt a sense of belonging that she hadn’t had in many years.
Of course, that feeling was gone now.
Zoe drove through the small downtown, past the antique store and JJ’s Diner and the little coffee shop where Claire worked.
In just a few weeks here, she’d gotten to know Islingburn very well, and her chest tightened again at the way she was returning.
She pulled up to the clinic, and her eyes widened.
The film crew was already here, and the parking lot was full of trucks, cars, and people carrying sound equipment and video cameras.
Zoe steeled herself. She looked in the mirror, smoothed her hair into its tight bun, and tried to smile, though she looked pale and upset.
Just as she was about to reach for the handle to get out, she paused and looked back at the mirror.
Then she reached for the clips holding her hair in the tight bun and pulled them out.
Her hair spilled around her shoulders in waves, and she ran her fingers through it.
Perhaps this was less professional, but perhaps it would also make Nathan regret breaking things off with her and not talking to her for weeks.
With a slightly more genuine smile, Zoe got out of the car and strode into the clinic, her heels clicking against the sidewalk. A small crowd of locals had gathered outside. Zoe recognized a few of them, and she waved before entering.
Inside, any confidence she had found shattered in an instant.
The clinic was in shambles. TV crew, producers, and patients who were going to feature in the pilot were scattered around the waiting room.
Maya, who now had jet-black hair with dark purple highlights, looked wide-eyed and stressed as she tried to direct people to the right places and answer questions from the TV crew.
“Zoe!” Maya beckoned her over. “Thank goodness you’re here. This place is turning into a zoo!”
“Okay, don’t worry.” Zoe smiled at the young receptionist, though she felt guilty. She should have arrived earlier so that she could coordinate better. “I’m here now, okay?” She turned to the room full of people.
“Everyone, listen up. TV crew, once you’ve gotten the equipment set up and done your light and sound checks, please come see me. Patients, either take a seat or come back to the break room — we don’t need you quite yet. If anyone has any questions, ask me.”
People burst into action again, and Zoe waded into the middle of things, directing people on where to go and trying to streamline things. Just as things were starting to calm down, one of the producers grabbed her by the arm.
“Zoe Devine, right?”
“Right.”
“We haven’t seen Nathan Hale anywhere, and he’s supposed to be with our stylist right now.”
The last thing Zoe wanted to do was track down a missing Nathan. Her chest tightened at the very thought, and she wanted to be sick again. But this was her job, so she just nodded.
“I’ll find him.”
Zoe checked Nathan’s office and the exam rooms first, but he wasn’t there. Next, she headed outside. His truck was parked at the edge of the lot, but he wasn’t inside. Zoe grew increasingly worried. What if Nathan had decided not to do the show at all and run off?
Then she spotted him, sitting on a bench in the small park behind the lot. She hurried over, and he looked up as he saw her coming. His eyes widened, then his expression closed.
“Nathan.” Zoe stopped in front of him. All the things she wanted to say — explanations, apologies, questions — swirled in her mind, and for a moment, she was speechless. “You look well.”
He took off his glasses, though he just held them in his hands instead of polishing them. “It’s a disaster in there.”
“I know, but I’m getting everything under control.” Zoe’s stomach twisted. “You’re supposed to be with the stylist, you know.”
“I know.” Nathan put his glasses back on and looked at her. His expression was cold. “They want me to wear makeup. What would my father say?”
Zoe opened her mouth, and Nathan held up a hand.
“Don’t answer that.” She deflated. A month ago, she would have offered some wisdom about his father, and he would have listened.
Now, he didn’t trust her to speak. Zoe wanted to sit beside him, take his broad, strong hands in her own, and tell him how sorry she was for lying.
If Nathan rejected her again, though, she wouldn’t be able to take it.
Now wasn’t the time for her feelings, or for his. They both had a job to do.
“I don’t know what your father would say,” she said.
“But what I say is that you only have to do this for a few days. I know it’s chaos.
I know it feels overwhelming. But I promise I’ll make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible — but I need you to do your part, too.
Come inside.” She folded her arms. “Now. It’s a few days of filming, and then everything will go back to normal. ”
Nathan looked up at her, his expression still cold, and Zoe’s heart flipped.
Was he going to say no? After all this, after everything she’d poured into this show, after her own heartbreak and nerves and regret, was it all going to fall apart now?
All Nathan had to do was say that he wouldn’t film the show, and there would be nothing she could do.
He slipped his glasses back off, rubbed them against his shirt, and sighed. Then he looked up at her, his face set, and opened his mouth to speak.