Chapter 10
“Evander, please,” Patricia scolded, pointing to the open seat next to Helena. “The wall does not need your assistance staying up. Come and sit so we may get started.”
The next day, Patricia and Mary-Anne had scheduled several musicians to audition for the party that would commence the wedding celebration in two days.
Though his mind screamed at him to stay precisely where he was, Evander pushed away from the wall and walked over to the small cluster of chairs set up for them.
He did not want to sit. He did not even want to be in the blasted room.
Not after last night. Not after sharing yet another private moment with Helena he certainly was not supposed to have.
His steps faltered when he reached the chairs and found everyone else was seated.
Patricia and Mary-Anne were already in the two chairs closest to the performers, and Helena and the empty chair were placed several feet behind them.
All three women looked at him curiously, as if silently willing him to take the empty seat beside Helena.
“We must make sure the music carries properly,” Patricia explained as he took his seat. “Mary-Anne and I shall listen for mistakes. You two will listen for clarity.”
Beside him, Helena gave a stiff nod, but she did not look up from her tightly clasped hands in her lap.
He did not blame her for not looking at him.
With the way he had been treating her, and especially after their intense conversation the night before, he was sure she was more confused than ever.
She did not deserve that. She already had enough to worry about.
After he had left her in the ballroom, Evander had spent the night dwelling on how vehemently she had defended him to her little brother, even after he had behaved so poorly.
He wanted to do better. She did not deserve this callousness from him.
After all, she had no idea who he was. Nor would she ever.
“You chose well,” he murmured, nodding to the large bouquets set up around the room. “They look lovely. I am sure Jeremy will love them.”
Helena let out a soft breath of a laugh as she looked up toward the nearest bouquet.
“Well, that is one thing at least,” she murmured back.
Evander nodded awkwardly as their conversation started, then died right then and there. He was awful at this. Making small talk. Even with the people he was not secretly in love with.
A moment later, the first round of musicians began to play, and Evander did his best to focus on the music.
It became difficult, though, as Patricia started to whisper vehemently to Mary-Anne.
That, and being back in the ballroom with Helena.
So very close to her, just as they had drawn close the night before.
Evander’s mind began to conjure the memory of Helena’s touch.
Of her vehemency. She had always been a ray of sunshine, but last night she had been more like a lightning storm; passionate in the way she had yanked off his scarf and demanded that he stop hiding.
She had been so… impressive that he had wanted to cry.
“I see now where Jeremy gets his obsession with party planning,” Helena whispered next to him.
He looked at her, surprised, and found a small smile on her plump lips. She was trying too, it seemed.
“Indeed,” he whispered back. “I am not sure who is more particular. Jeremy, or his grandmother. I cannot imagine Damien sparing an assortment of flowers a second glance.”
Helena cupped her hand over her mouth to stifle her giggle, but even so, the little sound of joy slithered into his ears and nestled into his brain.
“It is strange, is it not?” Evander quietly replied. “That despite his love for parties, he is missing from one of the most important parties of his life?”
Helena’s hand dropped away from her mouth to reveal her smile had faded, and Evander fought the urge to kick himself. He had meant to be playful, but it obviously sounded accusatory.
“I know Jeremy cares about this wedding as much, maybe even more than I do,” she whispered back. “So whatever business has called him away, it must be terribly urgent.”
Though he was instantly curious about her statement regarding her care for the wedding, Evander nodded and decided to change the topic.
“So…” he floundered for a moment. “What do you and Jeremy usually talk about when you are alone together?”
Helena’s brows flew up as she glanced at him.
“Oh,” she murmured, rubbing her hands together. “Well, in truth, Jeremy and I have never shared any alone time together.”
Now it was Evander’s turn to raise his brows. He had not been expecting that.
“We see each other frequently, mind you,” she added after a moment. “But we are always in a group. Our friend Letty is always there. Though she can be a bit catty at times, some of his other friends usually join us. They are all fairly lovely people to converse with.”
“And… what do you converse about?” Evander gently nudged.
Helena shrugged her dainty shoulders, the cupped sleeve of her gown falling to the side a little as she did so.
Evander’s eyes at once became riveted to the naked slope of her creamy, unblemished flesh.
It was the perfect spot to sink his teeth into.
Not at first, though. He would brush his lips gently against her shoulder.
Maybe even skim the tip of his tongue over the rounded joint to experience what she tasted like.
Then he would bite. Slowly. Take his time to sink his teeth there, just enough to make her gasp and tremble…
“Our families, mostly,” she answered, interrupting his fantasy. “Lately, it is a conversation about how Jeremy’s and my family are about to become one. One big happy family, as Jeremy likes to say.”
“I see,” Evander mused, dragging his gaze back to her face.
Then he wondered where all of these supposedly lovely people were.
Why were they not helping Helena with the wedding?
If they were such good friends to Jeremy, would they not want to assist his bride-to-be while he was away?
In truth, though, he did not care about Jeremy’s friends.
He simply wanted to know more about Helena.
“And tell me, what is your family like?” he whispered, needing to know more about her. Wanting to know if she was still the young woman he had admired from afar. Perhaps if he learned something unsavory, he could finally release himself from the obsession she had come to be.
Helena smiled warmly, her eyes growing dreamy as she glanced at her mother. She leaned toward him, and he immediately shifted in her direction. Both drawn to her body and words.
“My mother is a bastion of strength and beauty,” she whispered, her affection clear in her voice. “She is the one who taught me to always look for the good, even if it is sparse.”
Evander’s lips twitched toward a smile, drawn to her positivity.
“Go on,” he gently urged.
“My father was a kind man. He used to dance with me in the parlor before supper, just the two of us. He used to chase Alex around the house and bring Mama presents. When he was lost at sea, she was the one who held out hope the longest. Even longer than myself.” For months, she would not allow anyone to speak of him in the past tense.
She wrote to shipping offices in three counties, asking after survivors, after wreckage, after anything at all.
I thought it was only grief. In hindsight, I wonder if grief was ever the whole of it.
“Alex, poor child, lost hope the moment we heard his ship had disappeared, but no matter how deeply he despaired, my mother was there to hold him, care for him. Even as she struggled to hang on to her hope that he was alive, since no body was ever found. I truly hope to be just like her one day.”
Evander’s gaze slid over Helena, taking in her poised, graceful stature, and he was reminded of how little regard she seemed to hold for his scars.
“I had heard of your father’s passing. I am so sorry for your loss,” he said sincerely.
Helena’s eyes sparkled with gratitude, but she only nodded. When she stayed silent, he chose to continue, not wanting to ruin the mood.
“What makes you think you are not already like your mother?” he asked.
The left corner of her lips drew up into almost a smirk, and she let out a small huff.
“You saw how I lost my temper with you last night,” she whispered back. “And at the flower shop. My mother would have never lost her composure as I did.”
He could not help it. He smiled. If only a little.
“Well, to be fair, I did deserve your wrath,” he confessed. Helena looked over at him, a brow raised in intrigue. “You were right; I was treating you differently,” he confessed. “I am just not…” he struggled to find the right words. “I am not used to being friends with women.”
Especially women I am hopelessly and desperately in love with.
But he chose to leave that part out.
“You seem fine with Patricia,” Helena countered.
“Patricia is formidable,” he quickly retorted. “Woe be to any man, woman, or child that did not give in to her whims.”
Helena laughed. Loudly. It was sharp and sudden, echoing through the great room, causing the musicians to stop playing and Patricia and Mary-Anne to turn and give them scolding glances.
“Apologies,” she giggled, hiding her smile with her hand. “I do not know what came over me.”
“Well, whatever it was, make sure you subdue it quickly,” Patricia warned in a stiff tone. “You two should be listening, not gossiping!”
“Yes, ma’am,” Evander and Helena replied in unison, and this time it was Evander who had to clamp his hand over his mouth to suppress his laughter.
“You got me into trouble,” Helena scolded, feigning a scowl as she pushed her knee against his.
“You got us both in trouble,” Evander whispered back, knocking his knee gently into hers.
They both shook with pent-up laughter as they looked at one another, but their knees remained pushed together.
“Keep going,” Evander quietly urged after they got their amusement under control. “You were moving on to your little brother?”
Helena’s smile slipped away as she looked down at her hands, once more rubbing at her palms.
“Alex is a good boy,” she whispered. “I know he is. However, he is so… varying in temperament. One minute, he is sweet and kind. The next, he is mischievous or downright rude.”
“Sounds like an average boy to me,” Evander whispered.
“I suppose I would not know,” Helena confessed. “All I know is that he was different before Papa died. However, he was only three at the time. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps this is all normal.”
Evander slid his knee against hers again, a small act of comfort.
Helena brushed her knee against his in return, as if welcoming the gesture.
It both shocked and surprised him, but he did not dare make mention of it.
It was the closest they had ever come to an embrace, and he wanted the moment to last as long as possible.
“Yet you still have your doubts,” he gently prodded.
Helena nodded. She sank a little more into her chair, causing her thigh to slide next to his knee instead. He instantly became acutely aware of the soft flesh beneath the skirts of her gown, and though alarm bells began to ring in his ears, he ignored them.
Not yet. I will pull away soon… but not yet.
“I suppose I do,” she confessed, clearly unaware of the effect her subtle movement was having on him. “A little boy needs his father, does he not?”
“Not necessarily,” Evander replied, his focus zeroing in on their contact. “He will have Jeremy soon as a brother-in-law. Surely that will suffice.”
Helena’s smile returned, and she turned a little more toward him, her thigh now sliding against his own thigh instead of his knee.
“Yes, that is true,” she agreed. “And Jeremy is wonderful with children, I hear.”
“Is that why you are marrying him?” he asked.
“I… It would not be the only reason,” she admitted.
“Why are you marrying him, then?”
For the briefest of moments, Evander could have sworn he saw a hint of hesitation in Helena’s green eyes, and he hated how seeing it caused a shiver of hope to pass through his heart.
Then her sweetness returned, so bright and so quickly, that he wondered if that hesitation had truly been there, or if he had imagined it.
“Why would I not marry Jeremy?” she whispered cheerily.
Evander’s right brow perked slightly. He waited for her to finish, but when she did not, he realized that was her response.
“That is not really an answer, is it?” he asked.
Helena’s pink cheeks were turning crimson now, and her eyes once more cast down to her hands.
“Of course it is,” she replied loftily. “I have known Jeremy for many years now.”
He let out a soft, wry chuckle, trying not to once more draw the scolding attention of Patricia and Mary-Anne.
“By that logic, I could marry him,” he retorted. “I have known him much longer than you have.”
Helena’s dainty brows rose up as she pressed her plump lips together, as if trying to hide her laughter.
“Do you want to marry him?” she asked, her whispered tone full of amusement.
“Of course not,” he chuckled, his grin widening. He could not help it. He liked this cheeky side of her, and he loved that he had made her smile. Still, he was not going to allow it to dissuade him from his questioning.
“Answer me, Helena,” he gently pushed. “Is knowing him for many years a good enough reason to marry him?”
She sighed, her smile fading a little.
“It is just what is done in our society,” she said with a shrug. “When a lady and gentleman of a certain age have spent a sufficient amount of time together, the ton expects a wedding.”
More questions burned in Evander’s mind. He wanted to ask, do you love him? Do you desire him? Do you feel meant to be, or is this marriage all for society’s sake?
Yet as his questions multiplied, he could not bring himself to ask them, too afraid of what those answers might be.