Chapter 15
“Jeremy, please,” Helena whispered. “I really must speak with you about something important. I meant to before the party started, but—”
“Helena, dearest, do not be like that,” Jeremy cut her off with a pleading, whispered tone. “I know you are dreadfully angry with me for leaving all the planning to you, but can we not discuss the issue later? We have guests, and now we must put on a good show for them!”
Helena bit her bottom lip, torn between maintaining her composure for the moment and the growing need to talk with him about Evander.
She was not certain she could keep up this act any longer.
She glanced toward the busy parlor, even though she knew she would not see him.
He had slipped away the moment Jeremy finished his toast, and she did not blame him.
There was one moment when she thought he was about to run off because of all the attention, but when she had grabbed his hand, he seemed to calm down. She could not imagine what it was like for him. To be surrounded by people who had treated him like a pariah after everything he had been through.
If all that was not stressful enough, Helena had seen Lord Ingram leering at her while keeping his arm around her mother—like they were both his prey, and he was just playing a wicked game until he decided to devour them both.
“I know that,” Helena whispered, focusing on what she could control in the moment. “However, Jeremy, some issues have unfolded in your absence, and we really must talk.”
“After the party,” Jeremy cajoled, patting her arm. “I promise. For now, just let us enjoy the celebrations and get blissfully drunk!”
Before she could plead with him one more time, Jeremy let her go and walked over to Letty and the other gentlemen she was speaking with—no doubt reveling in the attention they were giving her. Helena watched, feeling indignant as her friend and soon-to-be husband continued to enjoy the festivities.
“Helena, darling, why do you look so glum?” her mother asked, coming to her side.
So many reasons, and I wish I could share them all with you.
“Lord Ingram’s presence,” she answered instead. “It is most unsettling to have him here after what he did.”
Mary-Anne sighed woefully as she looked to Lord Ingram, who thankfully was now occupied with speaking to a few other gentlemen.
“Yes, I know,” Mary-Anne agreed. “I asked him to leave, but he refused. I believe once the wedding is over, he truly will go away.”
Doubt filled Helena’s mind. At one time, she had thought the same thing, but after last night, she was more inclined to believe that nothing short of brute force would get Lord Ingram to keep his disgusting hands to himself.
“I do not mean to worry you, dear,” Mary-Anne apologized. “Weddings are stressful enough on their own. Please put my troubles out of your mind and focus on your party.”
Mary-Anne looked around the room with a smile.
“It is lovely what you and His Grace have accomplished, and when the ballroom is finished for the ceremony, I am sure it will take everyone’s breath away.”
Helena did not respond, finding her own breath hard to catch.
“Why do you not go get some fresh air, darling?” Mary-Anne suggested, turning to study Helena’s face. “You are looking a little pale. If anyone asks, I shall tell them I sent you to my room to get my fan for me.”
Grateful for the chance to leave, Helena embraced her mother and quickly left. It was not air she wanted, though. It was someone else.
“There you are,” Helena said softly.
Evander did not look up at her as he stayed seated on the chaise in the middle of the library.
“What are you doing here, Helena?” he asked gruffly, slowly swirling the whiskey in his tumbler glass. “Now that your betrothed is back, I suspected you would not leave his side.”
Helena winced at his gruff tone. Not that she did not deserve it. She should have told him the truth last night. When she had confessed that she had wanted him to kiss her.
“I am sorry he did that to you,” she began, fretfully pulling at her fingertips. “He has known you much longer than I, and even I know you do not wish for such attention. It must have been difficult for you after… everything.”
Evander let out a barking laugh.
“It is not his fault,” he murmured. “He knew me before the… ‘incident’. I was different back then. I would enjoy a party and attention as much as the next preening gentleman. I believe Jeremy just wishes to treat me like nothing has changed.”
“But you have changed,” Helena gently insisted, taking a step toward him. “That deserves to be noted.”
Again, Evander let out another dry laugh.
“I am sure to you it makes no sense, but I prefer Jeremy’s treatment of me to Damien’s or Adrian’s.
They are so very delicate with me. As if I were a doll about to break.
Jeremy’s actions may make me uncomfortable at times, but I know he has good intentions.
He just wants everyone to be as merry as he is. ”
Helena pondered his answer before asking, “Would it not be better for them all to treat you as the man you are now?”
He finally looked at her, his blue eyes full of intrigue.
“And pray, what sort of man am I now?” he asked.
Helena took another tentative step toward him.
“A man who is most certainly still strong, perhaps even stronger than he once was. A man who sometimes bravely toes the line between a torturous past and a peaceful present.”
She paused, feeling a blush tinge her cheeks as she fiddled with her fingers.
“A man who sees people as they are, not who they are trying to be,” she added quietly.
Silence stretched between them.
“I do not believe I have ever been described so eloquently,” he finally answered. “Is that how you see me?”
Helena nodded.
“I do,” she said softly.
“How kind,” he replied blandly, then looked back down at his glass. “So,” Evander said, bringing his glass to his lips. “I ask again, what are you doing here?”
“Am I right?” Helena asked.
“Pardon?”
“About how I see you. That you are able to see past people’s facades,” Helena answered.
Evander drained his glass and set it down.
“It does not matter,” he replied dismissively.
“It does,” Helena quickly countered. “Because I believe you have seen through mine.”
Evander finally looked at her again, his blue eyes filled with that unrestrained longing she had seen the night before.
“Speak plainly, please, Helena. I am too weary to try to decipher your secret language. People will be looking for you, and Jeremy will—”
“I do not care. It is all a ruse,” she said, her confession coming out in a rush as she took another step toward him. “None of it is real. I do not have a relationship with Jeremy, and I suspect that you knew that almost right from the beginning.”
Relief flooded into Evander’s eyes, but only for a second before his guard went back up.
“I had my suspicions,” he answered stiffly. “And yet, you are still getting married to him.”
“Jeremy’s grandmother would not stop insisting that he get married,” Helena went on.
“And he said if I married him, he could help my family recover from our financial issues. I do not know how aware you are of my family’s troubles, but we have been struggling for quite some time. Ever since my father’s passing…”
She paused, a tremor of pain passing through her heart at the memory of her father.
“My mother…” she went on, gathering her courage.
“My mother made an arrangement with Lord Ingram so that he would assist with some of that financial trouble, but his demands are growing more lurid. When Jeremy asked me to put on this ruse for his grandmother, I refused at first. I do love Jeremy, but as a sister would love a brother. I knew that the chances of me finding my love match were minimal ever since I had to leave the marriage mart, but I was still holding out hope. But then…”
Evander stood, his gaze intense and full of questions as he took a step toward her.
“What happened, Helena?” he asked, his tone suddenly soft.
Helena swallowed.
“I came home that night after Jeremy proposed, and Lord Ingram was there. He said some appalling things to me. My mother stopped him and told him that I was not part of their contract. But he just laughed at that. I realized then that, whether I was in love with Jeremy or not, I needed to accept his proposal if only to get my family out of Lord Ingram’s claws. ”
She looked at Evander anxiously, silently pleading for him to understand.
“I did not tell Jeremy what happened with Lord Ingram, only that I would marry him. He was so excited, and I tried to tell myself that everything would be all right if I just went through with the marriage, but then… then I met you.”
Pain flittered through Evander’s eyes, but he stayed silent.
“You were rude to me,” she said with a bitter laugh.
“But even then, I found you agonizingly handsome. And something about you was strikingly familiar, as if I had always known you, even though I know otherwise. I told myself that was ridiculous, and I thought that if I could ignore my attraction to you by being angry with you, such thoughts and feelings would go away. But then you started doing things that made my heart soar, and I…”
“What things?” Evander rasped, taking another step closer.
“Like somehow picking out my favorite flower for the bouquets,” she explained, shaking her head. “I do not know how you knew, but you did.”
Evander let out a strangled sound as his stoic features gave way to emotion.
“Are you…” she started to ask.
“Keep going,” he cut her off, loosening his tightly tied cravat.
Helena waited another moment, still worried for him, but after another imploring look from him, she continued.
“You are the only one who was concerned about the love in my relationship with Jeremy. No one, not even my mother, once asked if I was in love. They were just excited that I was not going to become a spinster and that, in fact, I was marrying into a wealthy family. You were the only one who questioned whether I was happy.”
“At first, I thought you were asking to be cruel because you did not find me worthy of being married to your friend. Then last night, when you were so concerned with the bruises on my throat, I had… Well, I could not help but wonder if you had been asking because you truly do care for me. And that perhaps you were trying to push me away in the beginning was because you shared the same feelings and attraction as I do for you.”
Helena shook her head, embarrassed by the way she was explaining everything. Now that she was saying her thoughts out loud, she was sure she sounded utterly arrogant and full of herself. Still, she pushed forward.
“You are not a cad,” she forced out. “You have proven yourself to be a gentleman time and again. Not sharing a room with me at the inn. Not letting the staff catch us in the ballroom when we were left alone. So last night, I believe you asked me if you should kiss me because you truly felt something for me. However, if I am wrong, I need you to tell me now, because I cannot stand these thoughts and feelings any longer.”
Evander’s jaw tensed as he looked to the floor.
“Please say something,” Helena whispered after several long minutes had passed.
He turned and walked back to the chaise, clenching his hands together as he sat back down.
“What you say is true. All of it. I… I yearn for you, Helena,” he confessed.
The ache in his deep voice eased Helena’s fears.
Unable to contain her relief, she moved toward him.
She hesitated for a moment as she stood before him, unsure of what to do or how to touch him.
Then suddenly, Evander reached out to her, almost yanking her into his lap.
Her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders immediately as she spread her legs under her skirts to straddle his lap, unabashedly pressing herself as close to him as she could.
She had missed the feel of him, his warmth, and she gave in to her need and ran her hands over his back and shoulders as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck.
Then it was over. So suddenly that she felt dizzy as she found herself standing, with Evander several paces away.
“I am sorry,” Evander choked out. “I should not have reached for you like that. We should not be doing this!”
“Why not?” Helena breathed. She moved to take a step toward him, but hurriedly stepped back.
“Because you were also right about me being a gentleman, Helena,” he said, his tone full of ache as he slowly drew his gaze back up to hers. “I cannot hold you like that. I cannot touch you the way I want to. Not while you still wear Jeremy’s ring. You have to tell him.”
Frustration burned through Helena’s veins, eating away at her desire.
“I have been trying to do so all day!” she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her middle defensively. “Why do you think I rushed to him when his carriage first arrived?”
Evander’s brows flew up in surprise.
“I thought it was because you missed him,” he replied. “Because you felt frightened of what I did to you last night.”
Helena quickly shook her head.
“It was not you that frightened me, Evander, but my own desire. You have no idea what you have done to me! I have morals too, and yet I find myself willing to toss them the moment you are near! I wanted to speak to Jeremy about my feelings for you before the party, so this entire thing would not go any further! But he would not hear me, and his valet pulled him away, and even during the party, I pleaded for a moment alone with him, but he would not give me one! I do not want this ruse anymore! I want… I want you, Evander,” she confessed.
Then, before she could think better of it, Helena tugged the ring from her finger and hurled it into the darkness beyond the firelight, where it landed somewhere among the books with a small, hollow sound.
“There,” she breathed, lifting her chin, her eyes bright and fierce despite the tears gathering in them. “Whatever comes of this, I do not want to wear another man’s promise while I stand here wanting yours.”
Evander’s face was a mask of torture as he raised his eyes to hers.
For one unbearable second, he only stared at her, as though he could not quite believe what he had just witnessed.
Then strong arms wrapped around her, and before she could say or do anything else, Evander’s lips crushed down on hers—and she was lost.