Chapter Nine If You Go Away #3
And... It can’t be that simple. That no investigation needs to be reopened. No cold case to solve. No headlines proclaiming that I’m the badass detective, the modern Miss Marple, who solved it all.
Months of trials, maybe, or interviews. Forensics, maybe.
Months that I could keep him here, because I know he said he’d stay if I didn’t want him to leave, but I’m not that selfish. I can’t take him from his parents, his brothers, and all the buddies he probably lost in the war.
Manny leaves.
Johnny turns. “How’s about that? You know...
Good for them. Good for Harry and Nancy, damn it.
I never loved her, just like Harry said, and she never loved me, either.
Without me in the mix, though, those two good kids never woulda found each other,” he smiles at me with a crooked grin, “and I would never have found you, baby.”
“Johnny, I love you. A-and how you handle things shows me that you’re the kind of man I want in my life. Graceful, flexible, loving, and giving—and you’re still that tough bad boy from Brooklyn. You don’t even need that certificate, do you? You know?”
He nods. “I know enough. I believe. I believe in Harry. And Nancy. And good people like you and Manny. I’m at peace, sweetheart.”
The moment he says it, the softest, purest golden light opens up behind him.
The light—the light that you walk into when you leave this world. The door Johnny’s been waiting for this entire time, decades’ worth of time.
I run to him and throw my arms around his neck, hugging him as tight as I can, until he feels truly, really human against me for a moment.
His kiss tastes different. Feels different.
“You can go,” I whisper. “I love you enough—to want you to be happy, kid.” I smile through my tears, giving him a little push before I can change my mind. “Go.”
Johnny slowly releases me. “Nah, Amber. I don’t want to leave. Not right now.”
The golden circle behind him is closing. Fading. What does that mean?
“Johnny, go!” I urge, shoving him again. “This might be your only chance.”
“Yeah? Well, you’re my only girl. The only one I’ve ever really loved. How’s about I—”
I don’t know what possesses me. Maybe it’s the sweet way he’s looking at me, not even turning behind him. Not even looking at the escape route he’s been searching for seventy years. Sacrificing it all for a girl he’s known for weeks. Me.
“I love you. I love you more than you know,” I gasp, kissing him hard—and shove him into the light with all of my might.
It’s the kind of act that makes you realize just how incredible your woman is.
She’d break her heart to save mine. The first second that I’m completely in the light scares the shit out of me, not because I’m afraid of where I’m being sent, but because I don’t know if I can get back to Amber.
“Easy does it. You’re okay, Johnny.”
“Harry Rogers!” I cry, whirling.
Harry Rogers gained a spare tire but kept his hair, a gorgeous silver-blonde mane.
“Do you know how confused I’ve been?” He sticks out his hand and pumps mine.
“You! What about me?”
“What about you?” he cries. “I thought you’d be up here waiting for me, and instead, when I get here, you’re nowhere to be found.”
“Where exactly is here?” I ask, very worried that I’m in Heaven-Capital-H, which I don’t think I can get out of.
“Well, if you keep walking with me, we’ll get to the Gates.”
“Sorry, bud. I can’t. I’ve gotta go back.”
“Go back? Where’ve you been?”
“On Earth. In my house. Hey, real quick, I gotta ask—you didn’t poison me, did you?”
Harry Rogers looks so shocked that if he wasn’t dead, I would worry about him having a stroke or something. “Poison you? What?”
“You know how I died?” It’s both a lead-in and a question, and Harry takes it as the second option.
“You died from peritonitis caused by a ruptured appendix spewing bacteria and other gunk into your organs, bringing about the onset of sepsis. Death was hastened by dehydration from intense vomiting, a partially occluded airway, and aspiration into the lungs.”
“Say what?”
“Your leaked shit into your vital organs and bloodstream, and you had vomit in your throat and lungs, but were too dizzy or weak to get it out. I should have stayed that night. I was so mad that I hadn’t asked Nancy out when I had the chance, and then you...
You didn’t love her like I did; I could just tell,” Harry says in a pleading voice.
“I wanted to punch you. I never poisoned you. When Manny Finklestein found you the next day, I almost died from guilt. If I had just gone back to explain and try to convince you... If I had noticed the signs and not thought, ‘Yeah, he’s sick with nerves, the idiot, proposing to the woman he doesn’t even love...
’” Harry hangs his head. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“Sure thing. But you owe me, all right?”
“Uh. I’ll try?”
“Tell Nancy I’m happy for her. Tell my brothers and my parents that I’m doin’ fine, and I’ll be home in another seventy years, give or take. Found the right girl—finally. Third? I’m gonna need a push,” I point back at the misty, gray portal that’s dwindling to nothing.
For a moment, the distinguished middle-aged Harry Rogers melts into that young, tanned heartthrob in his white orderly’s uniform with a toothy grin that melted all the girls and always made me laugh. “You mean you want me to hit ya?”
“With everything you got, Harry,” I smiled and turn my face towards home. Towards Amber, waiting for me. Waiting for me at home.
October 1st, 2026
I cried until I couldn’t breathe. I cried until I fell onto the floor, then considered...
Well, I considered some really dark things for a few hours.
I finally know what heartbreak is. What love is.
How you can give it all up to save the man you love—and you can live with a broken heart that’s still beating because you did the right thing for him.
I cry some more. I cry until my vision is blurred, my head is pounding, and my shoulders and neck feel like they’re in a vise from tension.
I lie on the floor, unmoving except for the convulsive sobs that keep coming back without warning.
“I don’t know what Doc Kevin is gonna say about this, Amber. You’ve been busting that beautiful ass three times a week, had massages that last hours every night, and you’re in worse shape than you were two weeks ago. C’mon, sweetheart. Dry your eyes.”
I shudder out a gasp as I feel hands gently land on my shoulders. “Johnny?” I try to sit up.
Can’t.
But Johnny scoops me up. “Listen. I’ll go when I’m ready.
I saw Harry Rogers—looking good. Hair a little thinner, a little grayer, sporting some of Nancy’s good cooking around his middle.
Cleared everything up. He’s the good man, good friend I thought he was before suspicion got to me.
I told him to tell my parents and brothers I’ll be home soon. ”
“Soon?” I whimper. I can’t go through this again. Not in the next five minutes. Or five months. Five years won’t be enough to be this brave twice.
“Seventy years, give or take. That’s soon on the eternal spectrum, right? When you’re ready to go, I’ll walk you home, Amber. All right?” Johnny’s face comes into focus as he cradles me against his chest.
“I wanted you to be happy,” I explain in a thick, cloudy voice.
“I know that, sweetheart. I know that. But I can’t be happy knowing you’re down here waiting. That’s what real love is. I know that now. I know I can’t be happy without you, and that Heaven can wait until you go with me.”
“Oh. Oh, Johnny, that means... you gave everything up because you think we’re permanent.”
He puts me down on the bed in my room. I guess it’s our room now.
“Let me show you something.”
In seconds, Johnny’s shirt is gone.
His tattoo seems bigger. Brighter.
And my name is in the center. “Did you find a heavenly tattoo artist?”
“Showed up all on its own. ‘Cause I belong to you. You’re my girl. I’m your guy.
” He climbs into bed next to me and settles me in his lap, letting those magical frequencies of his soul soothe all my broken pieces.
“And this is our home now, babe. Amber and Johnny’s place, that little white house on Haven Way. Whaddya say?”
“I say yes. To everything.”