Chapter Seventeen
Anna’s heart was in her mouth as Dan opened the door to his bedroom and waited while she stepped inside.
Clearly a man’s room, it had a large wooden bed, navy bedspread, heavy oak furniture.
The carpet was cream but the walls were a dark blue.
It was a reflection of the man who slept in it, she decided. Stylish, tidy, yet deeply masculine.
Before nerves could swallow her again, Anna went straight to sit on the bed.
A smile tugged at Dan’s mouth. ‘I don’t think you can fully test the mattress unless you lie on it.’
God, this man, with his potent sexuality and kind eyes.
His flirtatious charm, yet his gentle understanding.
She was so glad it was his bed she was sitting on.
His arms she was going to lie in. Before she’d met him, she’d have laughed at the thought of being intimate with such an obvious playboy.
Of risking feeling so vulnerable with a man who, according to the tabloids, thought nothing of picking up random women in bars and taking them home.
Now she knew that wasn’t the real him. The man smiling at her now with such devastating compassion was, she suspected, the true Daniel Ramsey.
Yet she didn’t want him to see her as a scared widow.
She wanted him to see her as he did the other women he’d taken to bed.
Attractive, confident in their sexuality. Sadly the whisky wasn’t doing its job.
You couldn’t be any sexier to me now. That’s what she needed to focus on. The words he’d uttered only a moment ago. Not how terrified she was of letting him down. Of slipping into his bed, but not being able to go through with it.
He knelt on the floor in front of her and cupped her face in his hands. ‘Stop thinking too much. We’re going to get undressed, get into bed and have a cuddle. Then I’ll take you back to your room and kiss you goodnight.’
His hands felt warm and reassuring. ‘What if I want more than that?’
His eyes flared, and the trademark sexy smile slid across his face. ‘If you want a swim, I’m right there with you, making a big splash or a gentle ripple, whatever you want.’ He laughed softly as she rolled her eyes.
Then in a flash his hands reached under the waistband of her jumper, pulling it over her head. His breath hitched as he gazed at her lacy cream bra — and yes, she had worn it with the hope that he’d see it. And with the hope that his eyes would burn with exactly the same desire she saw in them now.
‘You’re beautiful, Anna Dalton.’ His fingers traced a path across the top of her bra, and down into the curve of her cleavage.
‘But before I get too distracted.’ In a sudden movement he lifted her up and lay her fully on the bed, his hands busy undoing her jeans and sliding them off her legs.
He took a moment to run his eyes up and down her body, to smile at her in unapologetic appreciation. ‘Now get that sexy body into bed.’
By the time she’d wriggled under the covers, Dan had stripped down to his boxers.
She had a quick flash of taut, hard thighs, of a chest with muscles that dipped and rippled, before he joined her under the duvet.
Wrapping his arms around her, he drew her back tight to his chest and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. ‘This is the part where we cuddle.’
He smelt heavenly, she thought as she relaxed against him. More sophisticated, more expensive than the aftershave Chris used to wear.
Don’t think about Chris.
Much as she’d loved him, she didn’t want Chris intruding on her thoughts. Not while she was enjoying the feel of Dan’s strong arms around her, the steady beat of his heart against her back as he spooned her from behind. It was disloyal to both men.
Dan’s hands ran up and down her arm, causing shivers of excitement to rush across her skin. He felt different to Chris, bigger, more muscled than her architect husband.
Don’t think about Chris.
She turned in Dan’s arms so she could face him. ‘Will you kiss me?’
His eyes searched hers, and whatever he saw there seemed to satisfy him because he smiled before pressing his mouth onto hers.
It was gentle, sweet, but the more he teased, the more he nipped and sucked, the hotter it became.
Soon she was writhing in his arms, pressing herself closer, running her hands over the chiselled contours of his chest.
‘You feel so good,’ he breathed, snatching the very words she’d been wanting to say. His fingers slipped under the lace of her bra. ‘Can I?’
In answer, she unclipped it and threw it onto the floor.
He groaned, dipping his head and nuzzling the swell of her breasts, his breath hot against her skin. Then his mouth came down over her nipple, and Anna slammed her eyes shut, her body flooding with desire, with heat. ‘More,’ she croaked, too far gone to feel embarrassed.
He shifted his body, easing over her, his hair roughened thigh resting between hers, his hips thrusting slowly against her.
It was delicious, it was heaven . . . but . . .
She stiffened, and he immediately lifted his head, lids heavy over eyes glazed with desire. ‘Are you okay?’
She was, and yet she wasn’t. She wanted to carry on, dear God she wanted that so much, but as incredible as Dan felt, he also felt .
. . not wrong, but different. His body was heavier than she was used to, his thigh rougher.
‘I . . . I . . .’ Tears pooled and she bit into her lip.
No. Please don’t let her have a meltdown now.
Dan exhaled roughly, moving off her and onto his back. Anna lay rigid next to him, mortified, confused, tears creeping down her cheek.
‘Hey, come here.’ He drew his arm around her and tucked her against his side.
‘I’m sorry.’
His chest rose and fell as he sighed. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry about.
We had a cuddle, just as we planned.’ She felt a finger run down her cheek, and heard him curse under his breath.
‘Please tell me those aren’t tears. That I haven’t made you cry.
’ His big body shifted again, levering himself up. ‘Anna, talk to me.’
He looked so agitated, so worried, Anna’s heart went out to him. ‘No,’ she told him firmly, placing her hands on his face, looking directly into his eyes. ‘You didn’t make me cry. You made me squirm, and pant, and want, but you didn’t make me cry.’
His body relaxed a fraction, but the concern was still etched all over his face. ‘I felt different to Chris.’
He didn’t ask it as a question, but she replied anyway. ‘Yes. It . . . it made me halt, I guess. And now I’m really bloody cross with myself for ruining the mood.’ She let out a strangled-sounding cry. ‘Who am I kidding? I didn’t just ruin it, I drove an articulated lorry through it.’
Dan started to laugh, hugging her against him. ‘And you thought my water analogies were bad?’
Slowly the embarrassment began to fade, and she started to laugh too, as much in relief as in humour because though she’d ruined the moment, she hadn’t ruined everything.
‘You know,’ he said as their laughter died. ‘Natalie wasn’t my soulmate, not in the way I sense you and Chris were, and she also wasn’t the only woman I’d slept with.’
Anna elbowed him gently in the ribs. ‘So those playboy rumours are true?’
‘No.’ He sighed heavily. ‘After being axed from the show I lost my way a bit, but that’s not me.’
‘I know.’ And she did, because this man in bed with her now was considerate, understanding. She’d say he was a man who respected women, not treated them casually. ‘Sorry, you were trying to tell me something, before I interrupted with a poorly timed, and poorly executed joke.’
His arms tightened around her, accepting her apology.
‘All I was saying, was that the first time after my divorce felt odd. Like I was cheating on Natalie, even though she’d left me.
’ When she looked up at him, there was a sadness to his expression that caught at her. ‘So I understand if I feel odd to you.’
‘But you don’t.’ She almost shouted the words, so desperate for him to believe her. ‘You feel right. Too right, which is why it feels like I’m betraying Chris.’
* * *
Dan didn’t know how he was supposed to respond to her.
On the one hand he was thrilled to hear Anna say what he was thinking.
She did feel right in his arms. But he didn’t want her thinking of her husband when she was in bed with him, whatever those thoughts were.
It wasn’t just a mood killer. It made him want to scream at the blasted unfairness of it.
The first woman he’d really felt something for since Natalie, and she was still in love with her husband.
A husband he had no hope of competing with because he was dead.
Unlike Dan, Chris wasn’t around to let her down, or piss her off.
An involuntary sigh escaped him, and he felt Anna shift, her hazel eyes studying him. ‘I’ve upset you, haven’t I? It’s hardly cool of me to be talking about another man.’ Her head dipped, her eyes on his chest, not on him. ‘I’m sorry. Maybe I should go to my room now.’
‘Not yet.’ He knew his chance of even kissing her again tonight had well and truly walked out of the door. Hell, it had raced out of the door. Still, he wasn’t ready to let her go. ‘Why don’t you catch me up on all the school gossip? How’s Sid? Made any moves on Bridget yet?’
Her breath fluttered over his chest as she snorted out a laugh. ‘Of course not. He’s far too terrified.’ She gave him a stern look. ‘And you need to stop meddling. You know how stubborn he is. The more you try to push him in that direction, the more he’ll dig his heels in and deny he likes her.’
‘Will there be a staff Christmas party?’
She paused, clearly wondering where he was going with this. ‘We have one planned for the evening before we break up, yes.’
Dan smiled. ‘Am I invited?’
‘Do you want to be? Officially you can run back to London after the Christmas play. The party isn’t until the evening after.’
Idly he toyed with the ends of her hair, liking the feel of it as it slipped through his fingers. ‘I could stay, if I had enough incentive.’
She drew away from him slightly, resting her head on her hand. ‘And what incentive would you consider enough?’
He smiled even wider at her expression. It was the one he liked to call her headmistress-meets-naughty-boy expression.
Full of suspicion. ‘Well, I was thinking the incentive of bringing Sid and Bridget together, but if you can think of anything else that might make me want to linger . . . oof!’ The breath rushed out of him as Anna gave him a none too gentle shove.
‘That was for all those thoughts going round your head. Sid, Bridget.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘And anything else.’
‘Okay.’ He paused, because timing was everything. ‘Am I invited then?’
And how lovely to hear her laugh again, after the see-sawing emotion of the last half an hour. ‘If you really want to spend another night up North with a bunch of school teachers, of course you can come.’
‘I would. I’ve become rather fond of some of them.’ He bent to kiss her forehead. ‘One in particular.’
She smiled back at him. ‘I’ll let Sid know. He’ll be touched.’
He rolled his eyes, then settled them back into the bed, her head nestled back on his chest.
She was quiet for a while and he wondered if she’d gone to sleep, but when he looked down he found her looking at his chest. ‘Have you been on a sunbed?’
‘Err, no?’ And then he realised what she was seeing. The faint red tinge to his tan, which had come from finding himself with four hours to kill before catching his plane after the audition. Three of which he’d chosen to spend on the beach. ‘The audition I had. It wasn’t in the UK.’
He heard her sharp intake of breath as her eyes flew up to his. ‘Where was it?’
He hadn’t wanted to tell her, hadn’t wanted to tell anybody, because it was such a long shot. If he told people, then he’d have to put up with the unbearable commiserations when nothing materialised. The pity. ‘It won’t come to anything,’ he said instead.
But of course she’d already put two and two together. ‘You went to LA? To Hollywood?’
He nodded, feeling uncomfortable at her excitement.
She could only see the glamour, the thrill of being on the big screen.
Once he would have seen that too. Now the optimism, at least about his career, had been sucked out of him and all he saw was another rejection to add to the pile.
‘It was for a small part in a film. A part I won’t get,’ he reinforced.
‘They wanted a Brit, but I saw the line of guys before me, and the line still waiting when I’d finished. They weren’t short of options.’
‘Still, that’s great, isn’t it? That you were even asked to audition?
’ Before he had a chance to reply, she groaned.
‘Oh God, I gave you such a hard time about missing those lessons, and the after-school rehearsal.’ She shook her head.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were flying off to bloody Hollywood? ’
‘It wasn’t important where I was going. Fact was, I deliberately chose to let the school down so I could go to an audition for a part I had practically zero chance of getting.’
She huffed and snuggled back against him. ‘Fact is, if you’d told me the audition was in Hollywood, I wouldn’t have been such a cow to you.’
He grinned. ‘No?’
‘No.’ She sighed against his chest. ‘I understand your priority is your career, of course it is. The school, the play, well, they’re important to me, but I don’t expect them to be important to you, too.
We’re just a little diversion, while you get yourself back on your feet.
’ Her felt her lips press against his chest. ‘Though I hope you’ll remember us when you’re collecting that Oscar. ’
The words should have helped relieve his guilt over buggering off.
They should have made him feel happier that she understood.
Instead they left him feeling empty. Was that how she saw them, too?
A little diversion? A brief fling before she found herself a man who would dominate her thoughts so much, he pushed memories of her dead husband into the past, where they belonged?
He glanced back down at her, wondering if he could voice any of this, but found her eyes closed, her breathing slow and rhythmical.
He remained like that for another hour, just holding her, his thoughts all over the place, bouncing between Max, his career.
And the woman in his arms, who he didn’t want to let go.