Chapter 17 #2
I pulled away and held him at arm’s length. “Salem Benjamin Lockwood, of course I love you. And I don’t know how to explain it since I’ve never felt this way about anyone. My wolf doesn’t howl, but she makes this roar-bark sound, and that’s what she does whenever I think about you. It’s deep down.”
Salem sat at the foot of the bed, pulled me to him, and lowered his head to my belly.
I threaded his long hair through my fingers. “I just want to do what’s best for you. It nearly broke my mom’s spirit to watch the man she loved withering away, and I couldn’t do that to you.”
He raised his head and gazed into my soul. “It’s not a choice. If you love me, too, our animals won’t let us be apart.”
“I haven’t shifted in a long time. She doesn’t come out anymore. It’s the sickness. Maybe it’s why I can’t heal myself. She stirs around a lot, and it drives me crazy, but the magic is fading.”
His brow furrowed. “When was your last shift?”
“Five years ago.”
“Five?” He gave me an incredulous look. “Five? How do you remain so damn positive? I would’ve never guessed you have a terminal illness.”
I snorted. “Do you want me to wear a black dress and ring a large bell everywhere I go to make the announcement? We’re all going to die someday. I just have less sand in my hourglass is all. It doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my life. Every day is a gift. Well, except for snakebite day.”
He took my hand and brushed his thumb over my knuckles. “You should come to the main house and sleep in my room. It’s too cold tonight.”
“Cold?” I sat on his lap and stroked his short beard. “It’s cozy. I’ve got everything I need here. A warm blanket, a giant television, books… and you don’t want to know what I found under the bed.”
“No, I don’t.”
I wrapped my arms around him. “And I have you. Stay with me.”
He stroked my arm. “Only if you mean it. One night isn’t enough.”
I softly pressed my lips to his neck, afraid of what I was asking of him.
Afraid that if he loved me too much, this relationship could destroy him.
But Salem was strong, and I’d seen him do courageous things without breaking down.
Maybe him not being as vulnerable or emotional would shield him from the pain.
Wouldn’t I be a hypocrite if I’d just admitted how every second of life was precious and yet I didn’t seize the one thing I wanted most?
I leaned against his warm embrace, my head tucked in the crook of his neck. “I’m not sure how it’s possible to feel this way after knowing someone for ten days.”
“Technically eleven if you count the night we met.”
“Yes, the night we met,” I said on a long sigh. “I wish we could go back to that night.”
“Why? You were in pain.”
“Because I wouldn’t have gone home so fast. I would’ve stayed and thanked you, and maybe we would’ve talked and felt that spark. That’s months more time we could’ve had together.”
He held me tighter.
Somehow I needed him to see the positive.
“You’ll always remember me when you walk out in the field.
That’s where our love is and will always be.
We never really disappear—we’re like grooves in a record and exist in different spaces of time.
If you could find a way to move the needle back, you could see me again.
I’d be right there, painting glass in the art room, making love to you in the field, exchanging secret glances in the hall, holding you in this bed.
” I nuzzled closer and closed my eyes. “I’m going to leave little pieces of me behind, and every time you admire that great big window, you’ll feel me.
My love is fused to every piece of glass I design.
You don’t have to be a Sensor to push your emotions into objects. ”
He sucked in a sharp breath, and when I drew back, Salem was crying. Tears slipped past his lashes and down his cheeks.
“No, no.” I kissed his cheeks and wiped them away.
I thought about that little boy who blamed himself for his mother losing a baby, who carried the weight of that guilt for most of his childhood.
Who always put others before himself and devoted his life to healing people while quietly punishing himself for his mistakes.
Only a man with the tenderest heart would have to shield it.
“Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” I offered while wrapping my arms around his neck. “I love you, Salem. My wolf spirit feels complete when you’re around, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
He clutched me tightly. “Then don’t leave me.”
A tear slipped out. “I can’t promise that.”
I’d spent my life hearing Shifters talk about life mates—that special person who was made for only you. I never believed it.
Not until now.
Why would the fates do this to us?
Salem lifted me up and then set me on the bed.
After sitting beside me and pressing a chaste kiss to my lips, he marched into the kitchen and made me hot apple cider.
Then we talked about each other’s Shifter cravings—mine being sauerkraut, and his carrots, which came as a surprise.
When I used to shift, I could stay conscious for up to an hour, the same as him.
We shared childhood stories and whiled away the hours talking about everything that mattered.
He told me what his packmates did for a living, recounted how the couples met, and revealed very private thoughts about how living here made him feel.
Salem disclosed the details about his work in the secret labs and the guilt he’d shouldered ever since.
His ability to express himself around me wasn’t something he did with his own pack, and the more we talked, the easier it became for him to open up.
Salem was by nature a reticent man, but for a good reason—it was clearly a form of self-preservation.
I knew a lot about that. Because of my genetic condition, I’d spent my adult life avoiding love and relationships.
Sex was recreational, friendships were few, and I poured all my focus into my work.
It was the one legacy I could leave behind that mattered.
Salem and I had more in common than I’d first realized.
“Quinn?”
I opened my eyes and stretched. “Huh?”
He caressed my nape as we lay beneath the covers in the dimly lit room. “You fell asleep.”
The corner of my mouth hooked up in a half grin. “That’s what people do in bed. Well, that and other things.” I nestled closer. “You’re toasty warm.” After a few more blinks, I woke up. “You weren’t in the middle of talking, were you?”
“Nothing important.”
I drew back and rested my head on the pillow. “It’s all important.” On a yawn, I tried to remember where we had left off. “Why did you stay in medicine? People change their minds all the time when they grow up. I used to want to be a donkey when I was a kid.”
“What?” He laughed loudly. “How did you think that was going to happen?” The laughter grew, and he rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm.
“Don’t laugh. I used to watch old Westerns with my dad, and they always had a pack mule.
So I’d crawl around on the floor and carry things on my back.
Every Shifter goes through a phase where they pretend to be an animal they’re not, but that went on for years.
I would hee-haw and everything. My parents were worried. ”
Salem’s laughter died as he caressed my shoulder.
“I’m glad I changed my mind and fell in love with glasswork instead. You were fascinated by medicine as a kid, but what sealed it for you?”
He gave a reluctant sigh. “I was seduced by the power. Part of it was the nobility of healing, but there’s another power of knowing someone’s life is in your hands.
The power of research and developing treatments or medicines that impact lives.
” His eyebrows knitted, and when he rolled onto his back, I got the feeling he was holding back on something.
“What?” I pressed. “What was that look about?”
“Nothing.” He yawned wide. “I’ve never sat up talking to anyone like this, not even with Joy.”
“So you two slept in the same bed?”
“We had to convince the pack we were a couple, and couples don’t sleep in separate rooms.”
I scooted closer and tickled his ribs. “If you two weren’t talking in bed, what on earth could’ve been going on?”
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to forget all that.”
I draped myself over his chest and gazed up at him. “What are your bad habits? Tell me, because I’m going to find out regardless.”
He tucked one arm behind his head to look at me. “I have none.”
“Yes, you do. We all do.”
One eyebrow arched. “And what are yours?”
“Well, I love eating in bed. I’m not talking about a midnight snack but a full spread of food. Plates and everything.”
He groaned and tried to roll over.
It made me laugh to see his feigned disgust. “You really need to lighten up. We’re going to have a feast one night.
You’ll see. I’ll put on a movie and we’ll have fried chicken and coleslaw and yummy steak fries.
Do you like those? Or are you a curly fry kind of guy?
Oh, and we can’t forget the orange soda. ”
“What if you spill it?”
“Then we put new sheets on the bed. Just make sure you always have a waterproof mattress cover.” After my laughter died down at his groaning, I gazed at his handsome face while stroking his beard.
“I feel good right now. It won’t always be like this.
Every day is the best day I’ve got left, so there’s no point in focusing on the fact I’m going to die.
I’ve already come to terms with it. You have to when you grow up knowing your fate. ”
He reached out and caressed my hair. “Do you want to see your mother?”
“I do. Before it gets worse. It’s better she remembers me this way: young, healthy, and full of life.
That’s why I don’t want to live there and force her to watch me decline.
It’ll be your burden to carry, and if you’re up to the task, I promise to make it as easy as possible. No complaints. Cross my heart.”
Howling sounded from outside.
“I bet that’s Catcher.” I scooted off the bed.
“Where are you going?”
“To say hi.”
“Quinn, come back here. It could be Krys’s wolf. Quinn!”
But I was already scurrying around the dining table and to the door. When I opened it, a blistering cold draft blew inside, and I shrieked. Four wolves came barreling into the heat house while sniffing everything in sight.
Catcher licked my hand and sat down next to me while the other three barked at Salem, raced into the bedroom, and then happily jumped all over the furniture.
Salem gestured to the wolves. “Quinn, meet the pack.”
A white wolf with colorful patches jumped on me, her emotions flooding out as if to say, “I told you so!” I searched her green eyes. “You must be Melody’s wolf. I’d know those eyes anywhere.” She barked once and then attacked a dish towel.
A black wolf with green eyes approached next, her large ears pointed back. Eye color almost always carried over to our animal, but I struggled to remember who else had green eyes.
“That’s Robyn,” he pointed out. “She’s harmless.”
I squatted and trained my eyes on the enormous red wolf. “I bet you’re Bear, aren’t you? Look at those paws.” He was an intimidating wolf—confident enough to approach me and unabashedly lick my chin.
“Evening, Tak.” Salem nodded at the door behind me.
I pivoted, still in a squatting position, and faced a formidable black wolf.
He was incredibly large compared to the others, and my heart thumped against my chest at the raw alpha energy radiating off him.
The left side of his wolf’s face was grey, reminiscent of the tattoo he carried.
Knowing alphas always retained full consciousness, I bowed my head.
His wolf lumbered in and smelled my hair. When he rested his head on my shoulder, I wondered if his animal sensed my genuine love for Salem. Just in case he didn’t, I wanted to clear the air.
“Salem and I love each other,” I said quietly. “I’ve loved him since the night we met and didn’t know it.” I wrapped my arms around his wolf and whispered in his ear, “I’m dying. Please don’t keep us apart. He’s my whole world.”
When his wolf drew back, he leveled me with his piercing, dark gaze.
I waited for quiet admonishment, especially after the deception his pack had participated in on my behalf, but he surprised me by licking my cheek.
In his wolf kiss, his emotions came through.
First sorrow, then understanding and joy.
“We can talk later,” I tacked on. “Maybe you shouldn’t shift now or else it’ll be… Peekaboo!” I said, glancing downward in jest. I looked over my shoulder at Salem. “Do you want to run with your pack?”
Tak’s wolf barked loudly, and all the wolves shot out the door in a flash. After stepping outside, Tak answered my question by chomping down on the doorknob and closing the door, leaving Salem and me alone.