Chapter 7
Jem sat in the back of Theda’s wagon.
He watched the front, where her rigid back was visible as they traveled along. It had been a full day and night since he had woken up. Theda had very kindly taken care of his bandages and provided him with another three bowls of broth the day before.
He was already feeling a bit better, just as she predicted. His head didn’t hurt quite as much, and his body felt a little less sore. She had helped him out of the wagon and allowed him to walk for several long minutes, and he had even slipped away under the cover of the trees to relieve himself.
Just the walk back to the wagon had nearly done him in.
He leaned against the siding of the wagon, then cleared his throat.
Theda must not have known that he was awake because he noticed how she tensed ever so slightly before glancing over her shoulder.
"How are you feeling?" Her green eyes filled with worry.
“I’m feeling much better,” Jem said. “Though my head still hurts, and my ribs are sore.”
“That’s normal. You’re going to be in a lot of pain for quite some time.
” Theda didn’t sound happy about it. She shook her head and squeezed the reins a little tighter.
“I’ve already spoken to Phineas, and he said that starting tomorrow, you can drive the team of horses for a couple of hours while I go check on my other patients. ”
“You have other patients?” Jem asked.
He remembered how she had mentioned the day before that Leland had no say over how she handled her patients. He was one of her patients, he realized.
“Yes, I have quite a few patients on the wagon train. You wouldn’t think that so many people would fall ill, but there always seems to be some emergency or another.”
“Are you a doctor?” Jem could see the possibility. She was knowledgeable and sure of herself. She moved with ease when she bandaged his injuries, as if she did it all the time.
Theda frowned ever so slightly.
“No, not exactly, though I always wanted to be, even though most people don’t think a woman could be a doctor.
My father was one of the best doctors in Chicago, and people came from all over to see him.
That’s the kind of doctor I wanted to be.
Despite everyone’s thoughts on the matter, he taught me everything he could about being a doctor, considering that Phineas didn’t particularly like the idea of studying medicine.
He learned the basics, but he never quite took to it. ”
Theda paused, a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I suppose I’ve over answered your question.”
“Don’t be sorry. I like hearing all the details.
” He paused for a moment. “It makes me wonder what I was before this, you know. When I wake up, it’s like I don’t know what life is about or where I’m going…
or if I should even be here at all.” He shook his head.
“It’s silly, but do you think my memories will come back?
” He couldn’t describe the unease in his chest, like something bad was going to happen.
The problem was, he had no idea if he knew what he was feeling.
Everything was gone, so maybe it was normal to feel like things were off.
Theda took a deep breath, and he could tell that she was trying to decide how honest she should be with him.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Jem. You may never get your memories back, or they may all come flooding back at once. Perhaps things you may have seen or done before will bring back a couple of memories, and you’ll never fully recover the rest. I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. Whatever happened to me out there in the woods, it was probably an accident, and that’s no one’s fault.”
He chuckled softly.
“Perhaps it’s not such a bad thing. Not every day does a person get the chance to completely start their life over and forget all the bad things that must have happened to them through the years.”
“Or the good things, though,” Theda said, a certain sadness and pain in her voice. “If you erase all the good with the bad, is it truly worth it?”
“Well, when you put it like that, I’m not sure it is worth it. But it is the hand I’ve been dealt, so I suppose I’ll have to find a way to live with it.”
“Of course,” Theda said quietly.
He couldn’t help but think about her response. He wondered what she had lost, or who she had lost, to speak about pain and beauty regarding memories. He wished that he could ask her but decided it might be rather impolite.
So instead, he settled back onto his side and tried to get into a comfortable position to rest and stop the throbbing that was a constant in his head.
---*---
Jem woke up with a start.
They were no longer moving, and the wagon was dimly lit.
He hadn’t meant to sleep for the rest of the day, and yet he could tell by the lack of light that it was already evening. Time seemed to slip by since his injury, and he hoped it would slow down once he recovered a bit more.
“You’re awake,” a soft voice said.
To his surprise, Theda was sitting there, a lamp beside her and a Bible open in her lap. She gently placed a marker between its pages and set it down beside her. He didn’t know how he knew what a Bible was, but it stirred warmth in his chest. It was something else that was familiar.
“Here,” she said, extending her hand. “You should sit up.”
She came closer to him, and he accepted her hand. With her help, he maneuvered himself into a sitting position. As soon as he had, she placed a large bowl of stew into his hands along with a fresh chunk of bread.
“Here is your supper,” she said softly. “I figured that you needed the extra sleep, so I didn’t want to wake you. Instead, I wanted to wait for you to wake on your own. Try to eat all of it. The more you can eat and nourish yourself, the faster you will gain your strength back.”
His hand shook ever so slightly as he took a bite of the stew, and he closed his eyes in complete relief as the flavors hit his tongue.
“Thank you,” he said. “You didn’t have to wait up or prepare this for me.”
Theda shook her head with a kind smile, as if to insinuate that he was silly for even saying such a thing.
Jem couldn't even protest because the food was so delicious that he had the bowl scraped clean in no time.
Theda was a good cook. Everything she'd given him felt like the best he'd ever tasted, and he had a feeling he'd still think the same even if he did have all his memories back.
“Do you think you can handle a little more?” Theda asked, holding her hand out for the empty bowl.
“I do think I could, if it isn’t too much bother.” He noticed that his head hurt a little less than when he’d fallen asleep, but the dull ache was still there.
When Theda came back, he accepted the bowl, then caught her gaze with his own.
“When can I start helping out around camp? I don’t want to be the only one sitting in a wagon, unable to help at all with the responsibilities around camp.”
"It's much too soon for that. Your ribs are still broken and will take time to heal. You can't just jump back into things as if nothing happened. You'll have to give yourself proper time to heal. We understand it may take a few weeks at least." Theda's eyes widened with worry.
“I know,” he said then swallowed the last piece of bread. “But I am eating your food and taking your time and sleeping in one of your wagons. I may not remember anything about my past, but I do remember that I shouldn’t take advantage of kind folks and let others pull my weight.”
"You're not taking advantage of anything. I am sure that once you are on your feet, you'll be willing to help with everything you are able to." Theda smiled warmly as Jem glanced at the Bible.
“You’re a Christian,” he said softly.
“Yes. How about you? Do you feel like you remember being a Christian? ”
"I…" Jem struggled. Was he a Christian? He knew the Bible, he thought of God, and loving others, and the feeling of safety washing over him. But was he a Christian? He couldn't say for sure.
“It’s all right. We can talk about it as you heal.
If you’re not, then maybe we can talk about what it means to be one.
” Theda said the words like she did everything else, as if she only wanted to help.
Nothing more. He wished he could return the favor, but for the time being, he felt completely useless.