Chapter 15
A month in, Jem had stopped feeling like a guest.
It happened gradually. At first, he was still asking where things were kept and waiting for someone to tell him what needed doing. Now he knew the routine of the wagon train as well as anyone.
He knew which teams needed watching, which wagons rode heavy, and which stretches of trail would cause trouble after rain.
Phineas had started sending him ahead with Leland to scout the trail. Leland accepted the arrangement with a tight smile and very little conversation.
Jem considered that progress. The work came easily. He could judge a crossing, spot soft ground, and read a trail without thinking about it. He still couldn't explain where the knowledge came from.
Evenings had settled into a routine of their own.
Tonight, Theda sat in the back of her wagon, sorting herbs across a cloth spread over her lap. Small bundles lay arranged around her, some dried and some freshly gathered from the last creek crossing.
Jem watched her work for a few minutes. Sometimes, when he was around her, he felt like it was so much longer.
He’d noticed that she kept her distance from Tolliver, the traveler who joined their group almost a week ago. She’d barely spared him a word, and yet when it came to Jem, she was always open to a conversation.
She looked up from her work, and her eyes widened. The way her lips turned up into a gentle smile made his heart tug with something he didn’t recognize.
“Jem! I didn't know you were standing there. Come here. You should know these."
Jem moved closer. Theda held up two sprigs that looked nearly identical.
"This one's yarrow.” She placed it in his hand. "Smell it."
He did. The scent was sharp with something spicy underneath.
"Now this one." The second sprig looked much the same. Jem started to lift it toward his face.
“They are hard to tell apart, but you can feel it.” Her hand caught his wrist and redirected it. “ Feel the leaf."
Jem ran his thumb across it. The texture was smoother than the yarrow.
“That one is called sweet cicely.” Theda took the leaves and placed them back in the basket, then handed him new ones. She seemed so confident around all the plants, so sure of herself.
Theda continued through the rest of the plants, explaining the differences between them. The distinctions made sense once she pointed them out. Before long, he was identifying most of them correctly himself.
She nodded approvingly at one answer, then explained the medicinal uses of each plant. He couldn't possibly remember them all, and he found himself paying more attention to how bright her eyes got when she spoke of them and how her lips moved when she spoke.
For some reason, that pleased him more than it should have. Theda tied off the last bundle.
“So, the next time someone has a stomachache, you…” Theda prompted him softly.
“Make them chamomile tea.” Jem chuckled.
“That’s right!” Theda nearly squealed in delight. “I’m glad you remember something.”
Jem glanced west. The fading light stretched across the horizon in bands of gold and pale green. He frowned.
Theda folded her arms.
"Why do you always look at the sky like that, like you’re studying it?"
Jem looked back toward the horizon.
"Because it tells you tomorrow's weather."
She followed his gaze. "That color?" Theda hopped down from the back of the wagon and took a step toward him, turning her head in the same direction, her eyes following his gaze until they were both staring at the colors of the evening.
He stepped beside her and pointed toward the western sky.
"The yellow-green means dry air moving in. Tomorrow should be clear." He frowned. He wished he could remember why he thought that.
Theda tilted her head back to study it. Jem found himself watching the curve of her neck, the way her soft auburn hair fell around her shoulders.
"How do you know that?" she asked, refocusing his attention on her mouth.
That’s not much better, Jem. Get your thoughts together
Jem shrugged. "I don't."
The answer made her laugh softly. He found himself smiling.
I love her laugh
The thought caught him off guard.
"I mean it. I don't know where I learned it." She looked at him, then back at the horizon.
"Clear tomorrow, then."
"Should be."
Jem was surprised by the peace in his chest. It felt like a long time had passed since he'd felt that peace. He wished it were there to stay.
---*---
The horses were restless. Jem held their lines in both fists, bracing against their weight as they pulled. Behind him came the sound of breaking glass. Then wood.
Voices rose through the canvas of the tent. Fear, in a woman’s voice.
“Please don’t do this. You don’t have to do this,” the woman said. Jem needed to get to her. He tried to drop the reins, but they were stuck to his hands.
“You made me do this!” A man’s voice yelled, cold with anger.
The horses wearing the reins in his hands tossed their heads as something crashed inside the tent. Still, he sat. He slapped the reins against the horse's back, as if they could carry him toward the woman, but they didn't. The wagon didn't move.
“Please, someone help me!” The woman was calling out to him. He didn’t know how he knew, but he did. That voice, was it Theda’s? Cold fear clawed at his heart.
"Leave her alone!" He yelled out as the light front of the scene was sucked away, leaving him in the dark, hearing the woman's screams and the man's laughter.
Jem woke with his hand braced against the side of the wagon. He pulled in deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart.
The camp was quiet. The fire outside the wagon had burned down to glowing coals, and the sky above the canvas was black with only the faintest hint of stars.
For a long moment, he lay still, listening to his breathing. In the dream, he never moved. He didn't know what that meant.
Was it a memory?
He stared up at the canvas overhead.
After a while, his thoughts drifted to Theda. When he’d thought it was her screaming in his dream… he shuddered. He hated that feeling of helplessness. It was just a dream. Even Theda said that dreams weren’t necessarily memories.
He had to have lots of good memories. He just had to give it time for them to come back to him. Theda didn’t seem worried about it, so he tried to convince himself that it would all work out.
---*---
Tolliver found Jem the next morning while he was checking the horses.
"Morning."
The man crouched nearby with a cup of coffee in one hand.
"You've been with this company a while now."
"About a month." Jem ran a hand down the horse's leg and lifted the hoof. "Good people."
Tolliver looked across the camp. "How'd you come to join them?"
Jem glanced up.
"Accident on the trail. They took me in." He narrowed his eyes, trying to ignore the odd feeling in his chest when it came to Tolliver, like he couldn't be trusted.
"Lucky thing." Tolliver's eyes drifted briefly toward Phineas and Theda's wagon.
"The woman there. Is she family or something?"
"She's the one who treated my injuries." Something about the question made Jem pause.
Tolliver nodded.
"Ah."
For a moment, he watched the camp in silence. Then he stood.
"Good company to fall in with." He shrugged. "That's all I'm looking for, if you know what I mean." The way he said it set Jem on edge, as if he expected Jem to get a hidden meaning.
"Seems that way."
Tolliver smiled faintly and continued on, with an awkward wave in Jem’s direction before he left. Jem watched him go.
Nothing about the conversation had been unusual. Even so, he found himself watching until the man disappeared among the wagons. Then he returned to his work. He’d keep an eye on Tolliver if he could.
---*---
Jem had promised Oren a game of checkers three evenings in a row and managed to miss it every time. Tonight, he intended to keep the promise.
Fires burned across the line of wagons. Families ate supper. Children chased one another between campsites before being called back by weary parents. Jem was passing the Henderson wagon when he heard Tolliver's voice.
He slowed slightly.
Tolliver was leaning against the wagon, speaking with Henderson.
"...how many miles since the Platte?" he was asking.
Henderson answered easily enough. Mentioned mileage, travel days, and where Phineas hoped to reach by week's end.
Tolliver nodded, then moved on to another topic. It was so simple an exchange, really nothing to worry about, and yet, he couldn't shake it. That was the second time that Tolliver had gone out of his way to ask questions. Why did those questions not feel so innocent?
As Jem got near Della's wagon, Phineas fell into step beside him.
"Got a minute?"
"Sure. What can I do for you?”
Phineas smiled, “Actually, nothing. I just wanted to thank you.”
Jem frowned slightly.
"For what?"
"The scouting. Helping with repairs. Looking after the teams when we need it. You’ve been a big help around the wagon train lately, and I wanted you to know that.”
"I'm happy to help." Jem shrugged. Pulling his weight around the camp and the wagon train seemed like the right thing to do.
"I know." Phineas nodded. Then he folded his arms. "I wanted you to know there's a place for you with this company. All the way to Oregon, if you want it."
For a moment, Jem wasn't sure what to say.
“Honestly? I’d like that. I don’t know who I am, or what I did before this, and according to Theda, I might never remember. It would be good to have some security for the future.”
A smile touched Phineas' face. "Good. There’s a small payment with the official position, as well as your food covered." He held out his hand.
Jem shook it. He had somewhere he belonged. For the first time since he'd lost his memories, he didn't mind so much. He wondered if it would be so terrible if he never remembered his past and embraced his future instead.
"I'll see you tonight at the campfire." Phineas tipped his hat, then turned and walked away, leaving Jem standing there, feeling a bit dazed.
Jem watched him go.
Oregon. He wondered if he’d ever been there before.