Chapter Twelve
Amanda
When the drugstore pregnancy test came up positive, Amanda was stunned. She knew she had been feeling strange. She’d been sick in the mornings, and the smell of coffee turned her stomach, along with eggs and even toast. At first, she’d thought she had a mild flu. But now, she knew the truth.
And she knew exactly who the father was.
After the night in Malibu, she and Craig had been able to maintain a normal working relationship and friendship. Craig had remained friendly but had not crossed any lines. Yet she knew if she’d gone to him with any problems, he would have been more than happy to help. He was just that kind of person. Along with Andrea and Walter, Craig had helped her start building her client list. Everyone had been generous with their time and in letting her take on the new walk-in and call-in clients. They all wanted her to succeed because that helped the agency to succeed.
She wondered how disappointed everyone would be with her when they found out she was unmarried and pregnant.
And she worried about what her parents would think, too. Her parents were devout Catholics, and they hadn’t liked it when she’d lived with her boyfriend without being married. To try to explain to them that she was pregnant from a one-night stand would be difficult. But to say she was pregnant by her married boss would be unthinkable.
Amanda wasn’t sure what she should do. Quit her job and move somewhere no one would know her? Tell Craig? Terminate the pregnancy and tell no one? That option weighed heavily on her mind. She didn’t like the idea of an abortion. But now, faced with a pregnancy, she was actually thinking of it as a viable option.
Each day at work was torture. She worried about her dilemma constantly. If she decided to terminate the pregnancy, she knew she’d have to do it soon. But each day when she woke up, she couldn’t bring herself to make that difficult decision.
On a Friday afternoon, when only she and Craig were left in the office, Amanda drew up all her courage and walked into his office.
“Do you have time to talk?” she asked.
Craig smiled up at her, but when he saw the pained look on her face, his smile fell. “Of course. Always.”
Amanda sat in one of the chairs facing his desk. She didn’t know how to tell him. She didn’t want him to think she’d use it against him.
“Whatever you have to say, please say it,” Craig said gently. “Are you leaving us for another job? Have you been sick? I know something has been wrong.”
Amanda closed her eyes and let out a big sigh. “No. None of those things. It’s worse.” She lifted her head and stared into Craig’s eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
Craig’s eyes widened. “You are? Really?” He looked stunned.
“Yes. Over three months. Craig,” Amanda said. “You’re the father.”
Craig sat up straight in his chair, his eyes wide. “I’m the father?” he asked softly. “Really? I can hardly believe this.”
“I haven’t been seeing anyone else before or since you and I spent that night together,” Amanda said quickly. Was he going to deny he was the father?
“Oh, no. I wasn’t saying you were lying,” Craig said, looking apologetic. “I’m just in shock that you’re pregnant with my baby. My wife and I have tried so hard to have children. I thought I might have been the problem,” he stopped talking. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to process all of this.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Amanda said, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “My parents will be devastated that I’m single and pregnant. It will change my entire life.” She looked at Craig. “You need to help me decide if I should keep the baby or terminate the pregnancy.”
“Terminate?” Craig looked stunned. He stood and walked over to her, then fell to his knees and held her hand. “I know it’s not my place to tell you what to do. Do you want this child?”
Tears rolled down her face. “I don’t know. I don’t earn enough money to care for a child properly, and my apartment is so tiny. And what about daycare? How could I ever afford that? But I also don’t want to lose this baby either. I don’t know what to do.”
Craig stood and offered his hand. “Let’s go to the breakroom where we can sit and talk. Or, we could go out and eat somewhere,” he offered.
She shook her head. “I don’t want anyone to overhear us. If anyone knows I’m carrying your baby, it would do more harm to you than to me.”
He nodded and led her to the breakroom at the back of the office. It had a small kitchen with a coffeemaker and refrigerator and two tables with chairs. Amanda sat in one of the chairs, and Craig moved a chair closer to her and sat down.
“We have to think this through. Together,” he said. “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” Amanda said. “This is all I’ve thought about for days. No matter what I choose, my life will change forever. My parents will disown me if I keep the baby. But I couldn’t live with myself if I don’t keep the baby.”
“Then you have your answer,” Craig said gently. “The only person who matters is you. You just said it; you couldn’t live with yourself if you terminated this pregnancy. You have to keep the baby.”
Amanda thought about it for a moment and realized he was right. She’d been so worried about what everyone around her would think, but how she felt was the most important thing. She raised her eyes to his. “How do you feel about that?”
“You keeping the baby?” He smiled. “I think it’s wonderful. If that’s what you want to do, I promise I’ll do everything possible to make you and the baby’s life comfortable. I won’t abandon you.” His smile faded as he hesitated. “But my wife can never know. It would kill me if she left me.”
“So we both have a lot to lose no matter what I decide,” Amanda said softly.
Craig stood and walked over to the fridge, taking out two bottles of water. He handed one to Amanda, then opened one for himself and drank from it. “This is happening to you, and I’ll respect any decision you make. But my offer of help is real. I will make sure you and the baby are always safe and cared for.”
Amanda knew she wanted the baby. She was single and twenty-seven with no serious relationship. Who knew when she’d ever find someone she loved enough to have a child with. And she couldn’t terminate this pregnancy. She already loved this child growing inside of her. “Will you be able to keep this big of a lie from your wife and be able to live with yourself?” Amanda asked.
“I’ll have to,” Craig said, sitting down and running his hand through his hair. “She’d be devastated if she knew. But I can’t turn my back on you, either. Our child will mean the world to me.”
Amanda took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. If she kept this baby, they would both pay dearly for it. But it was a risk she had to take. She wanted this baby.
“What should I tell everyone at the agency?” she asked. “They’ll think I’m terrible.”
Craig shook his head. “No, they won’t. Everyone here already adores you. They’ll just think that these things happen, and they’ll all rally around you. I know they will.”
“My parents will disown me. My brother, Ryan, too. He’s twenty-four and engaged to be married. He’s doing everything right,” Amanda said sadly.
Craig reached for her hand and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s all my fault. I should have been the strong one and walked out of your room that night. I’m so, so sorry.”
“It was both of our faults, not just yours. I know I asked you to stay.” Amanda said. She’d remembered it despite all that she’d drunk. And she couldn’t say she hadn’t wanted something to happen between them. Craig was always so kind and sweet. Who wouldn’t have wanted to be with him? She couldn’t let him take all the blame.
“I won’t let you down, I promise,” Craig said. “I’ll take care of you.”
“I believe you,” Amanda said. “I can’t go through this without your help.”
And Craig kept his promise.
At five months pregnant, Amanda couldn’t hide her pregnancy from her co-workers any longer. She was too short-waisted to get away with hiding it. And she knew that everyone had noticed she’d put on weight but were too polite to say anything. She finally told Andrea that she was pregnant.
“Oh, my goodness!” Andrea said, clapping her hands together happily. “Congratulations!”
Amanda was surprised by her reaction. “There’s no father involved, though. It’s just going to be me.”
“Oh.” Andrea’s smile faded. “I’m sorry. What a creep! Leaving you to do this all alone. Well, don’t you worry. Your work family will be behind you one hundred percent.” She hugged Amanda tightly.
Amanda let her think the guy had deserted her. It was easier than trying to come up with a lie. She also knew that Andrea would quietly tell everyone else what had happened, and soon enough, they’d all rally around her.
She wished it would be that easy with her family.
On a Saturday, she drove to her parents’ house in Torrance and sat down with her mother and father. She could tell by the look on their faces they’d already guessed what she was going to tell them.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you two,” Amanda said after telling them she was expecting a baby. “I know you’d rather me be married first. But it happened, and there’s nothing I can do now.”
“Won’t this man step up and at least help you?” her father, Ron, asked, frowning. “It’s the least he could do.”
“He doesn’t know,” Amanda said. “And I don’t want him to be in my life. He wasn’t someone I was in love with. It won’t help for him to be involved.”
Her mother, Rena, shook her head and cried.
“I’m sorry, Mama.” Amanda was also crying. “I’ve tried to be a good daughter. But even I make mistakes.”
Her mother stood and hugged her then. “We are always here for you, dear. I just have to get used to the idea. But I’m thankful you decided to have the child. You did the right thing.”
Amanda was relieved that her parents didn’t kick her out of the house.
“You need to move home so we can help you,” Ron said. “We can fix up your room as a nursery, and you can have Ryan’s old room.”
“That’s sweet of you, Papa, but my job and life is in Malibu. I earn enough money to take care of myself. And my job allows me to work at home when I need to,” Amanda said. The last thing she needed was to live with her parents. She knew that Craig would want to see the baby regularly and he couldn’t if she lived at home.
“Don’t be silly. Who’ll babysit? Who’ll help you?” Ron said. “We can take care of you.”
Amanda hugged her father. “I know you can. But I need to take care of myself. This is my life, Papa. I need to make my own decisions and take care of the baby on my own.”
It took some persuasion before her parents stopped insisting she move home. Amanda was thankful they still loved her and wanted her to come home. But she knew she had to continue living her life independently.
Of course, with a little help from Craig.
When she was eight months pregnant, Craig rented a two-bedroom condo for her closer to Malibu. At first, Amanda resisted the idea of living in a home he paid for. But when she saw it, she couldn’t say no. It was so much nicer than her apartment and in a much safer area. She would be only minutes from work, too.
“I agree it’s a better place to live,” she told Craig. “Thank you for doing this. But I’ll pay all the bills, and as soon as I can afford my own place, I’ll move out.”
“You do what you have to do,” Craig said. “But please let me help when I can. I want to be a part of this child’s life if you’ll let me.”
“There’s no doubt you’ll be a part of his or her life,” Amanda said. “It may be a bit confusing when the child is older that you and I were never married, but I want our child to know their father.”
Craig hugged her. “Thank you. I know I won’t have any rights, so I appreciate you being open to me being around when I can.”
Amanda attended birthing classes with Josie—her brand-new sister-in-law who she’d known since her brother Ryan was in high school—as her coach. Josie was a dark-haired beauty who’d recently married Ryan after years of dating. She was excited to help Amanda and be there when the baby was born.
In some ways, Amanda was sad that Craig wouldn’t be there on the day his child was born. But it also would have been awkward. Even though they’d had sex that one time, they’d been more like friends or close co-workers ever since, and she wouldn’t want him watching her doing something as intimate as giving birth.
She knew it was a strange situation.
On a Wednesday afternoon in October, Amanda was talking to a client on the phone when she felt pressure on her stomach. After ending the call, she stood, thinking she’d sat too long and needed to stretch her muscles. But after another minute, her stomach felt odd again, like it was tightening up, then slowly letting go. Knowing she was due to have the baby any day now, she wondered if this was the first stage of labor.
Amanda sat back at her computer and looked up contractions. Even though she’d taken the classes, she still had no idea what it would feel like. She read descriptions online of other women’s experiences with the first stage of labor.
This could be it.
“Are you in labor?” Andrea asked, coming up behind her. She’d seen what was on Amanda’s computer screen.
“I don’t know. It feels weird, though,” Amanda said. Suddenly, a pang hit her hard. Amanda sucked in her breath until the pain subsided. She turned to Andrea. “I guess I am.”
“Oh, my goodness!” Andrea exclaimed. “We need to get you to the hospital.”
Craig had just come into the office after driving up to Malibu that morning. He stopped in the hallway and looked at Amanda. “Is the baby coming?”
Amanda nodded but then winced when a new pain came.
“The contractions are coming fast,” Andrea said excitedly. “Come on. I’ll get you to the hospital.”
“I’ll drive her,” Craig said calmly. He still had his briefcase in hand and had just come from his car. “Why don’t you follow us there.”
Andrea nodded and ran to get her things. By then, Walter and Gerald had come to see what all the fuss was about.
“Good luck,” they both called out as Craig held onto Amanda to escort her to the car. “Call us when the baby is born.”
Craig helped Amanda into his car. Luckily, his Mercedes was large enough for her to slip into the seat easily. As she sat, another contraction began. Craig held her hand, and Amanda squeezed it until the pain subsided.
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to crush your hand.”
Craig laughed. “I’m fine. You’re the one in pain. I’ll get you to the hospital quickly.”
Amanda called her sister-in-law and told her to meet her at the hospital—fast! She called her parents too. They were forty-five minutes away. Both said they’d come immediately.
Ten minutes later, Craig pulled up to the hospital entrance and helped Amanda out. Andrea had arrived a couple of minutes earlier and had run inside for a wheelchair.
“Here you go,” Craig said, helping Amanda sit in the chair. “I’ll park and wait for news in the waiting room. He locked eyes with Amanda, and she smiled back at him. She knew he was both excited and worried despite his calm demeanor.
“Let’s get you inside,” Andrea said. She pushed her inside, and Craig left to park his car.
Andrea texted him a moment later asking him to take care of the insurance information for Amanda. “They want to take her up to a room immediately.”
He texted that he would. When he entered the hospital, he went to the front window. “I’m here to give you information for Amanda DeCarlo’s check-in.”
The young woman behind the desk frowned. “Are you her husband?”
“No,” he said, chuckling.
“Father?” the woman asked.
“Wrong again. I’m her employer. I have the insurance information right here.”
Craig sat in the far corner of the small waiting room and checked his phone for messages. He was trying to stay calm, but his heart was beating fast. He was going to be a father. How he wished he could be there when the baby was born, but that would be awkward for Amanda. They didn’t have a physical relationship, so he didn’t belong in the room. But he was still going to have a child, and that excited him.
His phone buzzed, and he saw it was a message from Marsha. In all the excitement, he’d forgotten to text her that he’d made it safely to the Malibu office. “Sorry,” he texted. “One of our agents had a medical emergency, and I had to drive her to the hospital. I’m safe and sound.”
Marsha texted back that she hoped the employee would be fine, and Craig assured her she would. He didn’t like lying to Marsha. She was a wonderful wife and partner in life. He knew she’d never have lied to him. But he couldn’t tell her he’d had a one-night stand and was now having a baby. She’d leave him, and he couldn’t bear to lose her from his life.
He knew he was being selfish, wanting both his wife and a relationship with his child. But he didn’t know what else to do.
After a time, Andrea came to sit with him. “Her sister-in-law is here, so I left,” she explained. “It would be weird to be in there when she had the baby. Especially since we work together.”
Craig nodded. “I suppose it would.”
“She was already halfway dilated by the time she arrived here,” Andrea said. “If we’d gotten here any later, you would have been delivering a baby.”
Craig raised his brows. “Or you.”
Andrea shook her head. “No way. Not me. It would have had to be you.”
An older couple came into the waiting room and sat, looking nervous. Craig thought the woman looked a little like Amanda. He took a chance.
“Are you Amanda’s parents?” he asked.
They both nodded at once. “I’m Ronald DeCarlo,” Ron said. “This is my wife, Rena. Do you work with Amanda?”
Craig stood and shook their hands. “I’m Craig Winslow. I own the agency she works at. This is Andrea Simms. She also works there. We brought Amanda to the hospital.”
“It’s so nice of you two to stay and wait,” Rena said. “Amanda loves working at your office. She says everyone there is very nice to her.”
“We really like her,” Craig said. It seemed like an underwhelming thing to say about the woman having his baby, but he didn’t know how else to express his feelings for her.
“She’s amazing,” Andrea said enthusiastically. “She studied and passed her test to become an agent faster than any of us. And she’s so nice to work with.”
Rena nodded. “That’s my girl. She’s a hard worker.”
They all sat quietly again, watching the clock and waiting. Craig offered to get coffee and ran to the Starbucks down the street, bringing back coffee for everyone and cookies. After about an hour, a nurse in scrubs approached the group.
“Are any of you here for Amanda DeCarlo?” she asked, looking around.
Everyone stood up. The nurse laughed. “Okay. Maybe I should ask if any of you are related to her?”
“We’re her parents,” Ron said.
“Great. Amanda is doing fine, and so is the baby,” the nurse said. “It was a fast delivery for a first baby. She may have to camp out at the hospital if she has another one.”
“Can we see her?” Rena asked.
“Of course.” She looked over at Craig and Andrea. “Maybe the parents could visit her first, and then you two can come in.”
“That’s fine,” Craig said. “I’m just happy to hear all went well.” He turned to the DeCarlos. “Congratulations on becoming grandparents.”
Rena beamed. “It’s our first. We’re so happy.”
“As you should be,” Craig said, smiling.
After the DeCarlos left to visit Amanda, Craig slipped on his blazer and took out his car keys. “Now that we know Amanda and the baby are well, I think I’ll head to my hotel.”
“Don’t you want to see the baby?” Andrea asked.
Craig wanted nothing more than to see the baby or even know if it was a boy or a girl. But he didn’t belong here with family and friends. It might seem odd to everyone. “Send me a picture when you see the baby, and tell Amanda I’m so very happy for her.”
“Okay. See you tomorrow,” Andrea said.
Craig drove to the oceanside hotel he always stayed at and settled into his room. His thoughts were on Amanda the entire time. He went down to the restaurant and ate dinner while reading a book, then returned to his room. Craig almost texted Amanda to ask how she was doing, then stopped himself. That would be too personal for an employer to do.
His phone buzzed, and he picked it up off the nightstand. It was a message from Amanda with a photo.
“Say hello to our new baby boy,” she’d written.
“A boy,” Craig said softly, his heart filled with joy. He studied the tiny peanut with big, dark eyes. He thought babies kept their eyes shut for the first few days, but this little guy was wide awake and raring to go.
“He’s a keeper,” he texted back. “Congratulations.”
She sent back a smiley face. It was the most they could do without giving themselves away.
Craig knew he had a lifetime ahead of him of hiding his son. But it would be worth it to be able to be called Dad.