38. Finn #2
My stomach twisted at the mention of my baby brother.
“No.” I could have made any number of excuses as to why, but the truth was I didn’t have the energy to deal with him at the moment.
I didn’t dislike Cole, but he and I had nothing in common.
The life he lived and mine were worlds apart.
He was a man-child living like a frat boy on Dad’s dime while squandering all his God-given talent.
I was a father and a veteran, and I was busting my ass night and day so I could start a small business.
I wished him well, I did, but that didn’t mean we would ever be close.
“His career is over,” my mom said, her shoulders slumping. “I offered him a room here while he gets back on his feet.”
“Mom! Why?”
She pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at me. “He might not be my blood, but I love him like he is. And right now, he’s struggling.”
“He’ll be fine, Mom.” I waved her off. Cole had no one to blame but himself.
“Finn Hebert, I raised you better. We open our hearts and our homes to those in need. The poor boy hasn’t had an easy life.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. It would offend my mom, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
As a kid, it had been easy to blame Cole for breaking up our family, but my mother never let us.
She worked hard to cultivate relationships between all of us.
Cole had hardly had a tough life. He was a spoiled brat who my dad doted on.
He’d never wanted for anything material.
Yes, his mom was awful. Hence the reason he spent a lot of time at my mother’s house when he was a kid. Tammi had been my dad’s secretary and hadn’t been interested in raising a child, especially any time Cole became an inconvenience to her ideal trophy-wife life.
Where my mom packed lunches, took care of us when we were sick, and helped us with homework, Tammi ignored Cole.
He had every toy, video game, and expensive piece of sports equipment, but he’d never opened a lunchbox and found a corny note from his mother or had someone to sit down and study spelling words with.
In high school, when he was a standout with a shot at a college scholarship, Tammi never even bothered going to his games.
My mom did, though. She cheered him on and supported him the whole way through.
“You forget how lucky you are,” she said. “And Cole needs family.”
“He can have dad. Evil fucker.”
“Finn! Don’t you think it’s time to get past all your anger at your father? You’re on the precipice of an incredible fresh start. Why drag all that baggage with you?”
Trust my mom to really hit the nail on the head.
“It’s easy to say that he’s evil and unredeemable. But that’s not the whole story, is it? Like the rest of us, he’s a multifaceted, flawed human.”
“You’re talking like you forgive him, Mom. What he’s done is unforgivable.”
She sighed and pushed her hair behind her ears. “I have not forgiven his recent actions, and maybe I never will. I’ll leave that up to the justice system. But what happened between us all those years ago? I’ve moved beyond it.”
“How? He cheated on you and humiliated you and walked out on his family.” My skin prickled, and anger coursed through my veins at the thought of how terribly he’d treated her.
Shit. I’d started off looking for a way to work off my anxiety, but here I was adding to it.
What had started as a quick, pleasant visit had very quickly gone too deep.
“I forgave him for me. Not for him. I held on to so much anger and shame for too many years. It weighed me down. Kept me from moving forward and creating the life of my dreams. Forgiveness is for you, not for the person who wronged you. You can hate what he did. You can hate the pain he caused so many people. But I promise, if you let it go and stop carrying it with you, you’ll feel so much better. ”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“My sweet boy. Of course you can. You have such a caring, empathetic heart. You are capable of anything you set your mind to. You are such a wonderful father, and you have the deepest sense of honor. You’ve always been willing to make sacrifices for the things you love.
First for this country, and now for Alicia and Merry. ”
Her words hit me hard. What if I did let it all go? The betrayal, the hurt, the embarrassment of my dad leaving us and creating a shiny new life with Tammi and Cole. The pain his judgment and cruelty and lies caused us as kids. Was it even possible to do so?
For so long, I’d been asking Adele to move beyond my dad’s actions. But maybe I had to do it first.
“You deserve to be happy.”
“I’m not sure I can be happy here. There’s a good chance the people here will never forget what Dad did.”
“They might not.” She gave me a sad smile. “But you can move beyond it. Create a wild and wonderful life filled with joy and love. If you do that? I think you’ll find that your father and all his bad deeds won’t matter.”
Feeling heavier than I had when I left for my run, I hugged her goodbye and started home.
As I jogged the long way around town, I worked through all she’d told me, trying to make sense of it and my own feelings on the matter.
By the time I hoofed it up the steps to my apartment, I knew.
She was right. I’d been carrying a lot of baggage around.
Now, though, I had been given a fresh start. The possibility of building my dream business was within reach, and I was already headed toward creating a family with the love of my life.
Maybe it was time to let it all go.