Chapter Three
Istare at myself in the mirror. I’m accustomed to seeing a stranger now, but this really isn’t me.
She’s tired, but what’s new? Great, shadowy bags support her shrunken-in eyes.
Her skin is sallow and dry. Her lips are pinched with insecurity.
As she watches me shuffle back and forth, I hear her voice in my head.
What the hell are you doing, Jules? I can’t answer her, so I run my hands through my newly dyed hair and watch her do the same.
“Do you like it?” Charlie asks, bounding into the bathroom with a bundle of dark clothing.
Do I? I really can’t say. “You did a great job. I just look…different,” I respond, avoiding her question.
“But you don’t like it, do you?”
“It’s just going to take some getting used to.”
“Well, you’re no longer the blonde girl they’re looking for, and with that tint of red running through the brown, we could probably pass you off as my sister.” She runs her fingers through the auburn streaks within the chestnut and smiles.
“What if they’re waiting outside? They might think I’m you.”
“Probably a good thing if they do.” Her gaze flits over my expression and she sighs. “But if you really hate it, just wash your hair every other day for a few weeks and it’ll come right out. It’s not permanent, and we barely gave it enough time to set in your hair, so it’s not going to last long.
I’m a little relieved it won’t be sticking around. I get why we did it, and it made perfect sense when Charlie came charging in with the already proving bottle of chemicals, but the chestnut-haired girl in front of me is just another example of how far removed I’m becoming from myself.
But you can’t cling to the past, Jules. Why would you even want to? the voice in my head wonders. She might have a point. My past isn’t worth remembering, and I’ve been trying to escape who I am for years…so why doesn’t this feel right?
“Here. It’s a baseball cap, so it’ll fit, and this is one of Koko’s workout hoodies.”
“That’s going to drown me.”
“It’ll also cover your shape. Finish plaiting your hair and we can tuck it inside.”
“Yes, Mum.”
Charlie’s ever-present smile falls. “Am I being too pushy?”
Reaching around Charlie, I squeeze her tight. “I’m sorry that came out harder than I intended. I think I’m just worn out from everything. You’re being perfect. I’m grateful to you and Koko both. You saved me tonight.”
“Don’t forget Ben,” Charlie adds, that smile creeping back to her lips in the form of a sly smirk.
“I haven’t,” I laugh. “I’ll thank him too.”
“Just bet you will…” Charlie pulls away so I can see her silly, waggling brows.
“My hands are full with the other two right now,” I admit. Who develops feelings for more than one guy? Lust, sure, but actual, honest-to-goodness feelings? I can’t even think about it.
“Fair point,” Charlie agrees, oblivious to my thoughts. “But why limit yourself? I mean, figure out if he’s just a weird stalking snitch for Dax first, but if he’s looking out for you for his own reasons, then you might just have a third option…just saying.”
“Three options. Who knew men were like buses?” I joke, then add, “Men are not a priority right now.”
“No, but you are a priority and if one, or all of those fine-as-fuck-men make you feel good, safe, loved, happy, or better yet—in love—then you grab that blessing with both hands. I did, and I’ve never looked back.”
“Okay, okay, I hear you.”
“Good. Now, clothes on. We’re nearly out of time.”
Charlie exits and I lock the bathroom door.
I study the clothes in front of me. Yoga pants, a cropped vest, an oversized hoodie, and a baseball cap.
It’s a million miles from the outfit I walked into Deja Brew wearing this morning, and I’m looking forward to being able to slouch without tailored seams nipping at my skin until I stand up straight again.
Folding the towel I’ve been wearing for the last half hour; I throw on my underwear and then slip into Charlie’s clothes.
Immediately, I ditch my bra; the criss-cross arms on the crop top look stupid with the bra straps showing.
In the end, I ditch the panties too, as the yoga pants are tight and stretchy, though not quite thick enough to hide lines.
Koko’s hoodie hides everything anyway. I roll up the sleeves and don’t worry too much about it looking like a dress where it hangs around my knees.
Dragging the brown plait out to the side, I slam on the cap and pull up the hood.
If I thought the length was bad, the sheer circumference of the hood slopes down to my chin.
I can barely even see the floor at my feet, let alone anything else.
I drop it back for now and tug on my boots.
They don’t exactly fit the outfit, but they certainly dress it up a little with the all-black-and-leather vibe.
I should have worn sneakers. They’d have made running earlier so much easier.
I check my phone. Nothing yet, but he’s due, so I pack everything up and carry it out to the living room where Koko and Charlie are waiting.
“Thank you. Both of you. You covered for me today, and you didn’t have to. I really appreciate it. You’re all I have left now, and it means a lot knowing you have my back.”
Koko grunts, and Charlie motions to reply, but I cut her off.
“But…I won’t put you in that position again.
You don’t need the stress or the danger of people like that barging into your store or your lives.
I’ll not be coming back until all this is dealt with.
I’m hoping that’s soon, because I want to help when you get too round to walk around your own kitchen.
No matter how long it is, though,” My voice cracks, “I love you both. You’re my family—”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Charlie barks.
“—and family does whatever it takes in order to protect each other,” I finish. “I’ll wait for my ride downstairs. You don’t have to come with me. I’ll set the lock and alarm as I leave.”
Koko stands up and follows me downstairs to the kitchen despite my request. There’s tension in his shoulders that tells me he’s holding something back. Something he doesn’t want to say in front of Charlie, perhaps? I prepare for the worst.
As soon as I get to the back door, my phone vibrates in my hand. I wait for Koko to speak before I check it.
“Jules, I respect your decision, and I appreciate your concern and respect for my family too, but I want you to remember that if we are family, then you are family. I’d have dealt with them today and gone after Franz for you if I didn’t think you were in safe hands with Nagano and the UACT team he works with.
They’re good guys. Trust them. Listen to them. ”
“You sound like you know them?”
“I do, because of you. You think I’d let you walk off with strangers without doing a little digging? They’ll get you out of this mess clean, where I would leave a bloodbath and risk Charlie and the baby. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’d never ask something like that of you. I need you to protect the only family I have left. I’ll come back when I can.”
“Good. The baby needs a strong aunt. Tell your Nagano, hit the enforcers first and then the generals. They’re a hydra. You need to behead them all at once for a chance to take down the bastard hiding behind them.”
“I’ll tell him. Thank you.” I glance at the message.
Outside. Let’s go.
“I’d better go. Take care, Koko.”
“See you soon, Goldilocks.” He chuckles at the new ironic nickname, and tugs on the end of my braid. I’m both happy and insulted.
“Rude. Goldilocks was a thief who ran away when she got caught,” I tease.
Koko’s expression stiffens. He shakes his head and stares straight into my eyes.
“Goldilocks was a child who needed help. She braved a cave of wild beasts to eat and rest. She ran away, afraid, but perhaps she came back to them? Perhaps they adopted her? We’ll never know because no one thought to tell the whole story,” Koko explains. “Safe journey, Jules.”
“Night, Koko.”
I step out into the cool night air, still thinking about Koko’s interpretation of the tale.
Goldilocks is a moral lesson about theft and greed, but he’s right, too.
She was just a child, drawn in by hunger and tiredness.
Bears don’t live in houses or sleep in beds.
They don’t eat porridge or talk. The entire tale is new to me once more; new, and terrifying, and sad.
I glance up as soon as I realise I’ve stopped walking. Aiden waits just like he said, but instead of a car, he’s riding Carlo’s bike. My bike.
Aiden’s perusal starts at my leather boots and travels upward. He sees my hair and leans back, takes an extra hard look at my face and then back to my hair.
“It’s brown. It’s not forever,” I answer his unspoken question, nudging him until he scoots forward. I swing my leg over the bike; find I don’t have enough height to do it gracefully and so shuffle myself into the correct position while tugging on his arm.
“Here.” He hands me the helmet he’s been holding between his thighs.
“Safety first.” I swap the baseball cap for the helmet and shove the cap into my bag, swivelling it around to my front, securing it between us.
“Squeeze up against me and get your arms around my waist. We’ll not go too fast, but it’s better if you hold on. ”
“Okay.”
“Okay? No complaints. No teasing?”
“It’s been a long day.”
“Sorry, you’re right. Let’s get you home and safe, Tiger.”
I always thought Harleys were cruising bikes.
Like those guys you see on TV, all leaned-back with their handlebars up as high as their ears, but Carlo’s is more like a sports bike, sleek yet chunky.
I wonder if it’s heavy under its rider? As a passenger, it’s clear this isn’t made for two, but I still revel in the liquid way it moves through the city.
Wind buffets against Aiden, so I tuck myself in behind him and grip on for dear life.
I thought I’d be more afraid. Instead, the entire experience is a bad day short of exhilarating.
On any other day, I’d be having the time of my life.
What should be fluttering butterflies are merely slow-circling gnats in my gut.
What should be laughter in my throat constrains itself to a bubble I can’t swallow down.
By the time Aiden pulls into the compound’s driveway, I’m fully committed to trying that again, but on a day where I can relax and enjoy it. After all, it’s mine now, right?
I expect Aiden to drop us both at the front door, but he takes the detour to the garage, and we park in the same spot I saw the bike in this morning.
He yanks his helmet off and hangs the strap over the handgrip.
“Don’t move a muscle for a second, Jules; stay right where you are.” Aiden reaches into his jacket and pulls out his phone. I hear the electronic taktaktak of the keypad as he types. No sooner have his fingers stopped than the phone rings in his hands.
“You got it? There yet? Yeah, it’s going to be worth it. Give me a second…” Aiden holds the phone to his chest, turns partially to me, and says, “I’ll get off first and it’ll make it easier for you, okay?”
“Sure.”
There’s a clunk as the entire machine tilts to the left and then comes to a stop. With an awkward slide and hop, Aiden manages to climb down without nudging me. Why didn’t wait for me to get off first? It seems an arse-backwards thing to do.
He backs away, still muttering into the phone but watching me, probably so he can step in and rescue me if I look like I’m about to fall flat on my face.
I scoot forward. The leather is smooth and warm against the yoga pants, the seat widening and then narrowing again.
It’s not as high from this point, so drop my foot to the support footrest and swing my leg over the back and then down to the floor.
I can admit I take a little pride in managing to disembark more gracefully than I climbed on.
“You see…? Right? Made for it. I agree…No…not yet…one sec.” Aiden lowers the phone again and taps his head, then nods to me.
Oh right. Helmet. I take it off and lay it on the seat.
Whoever Aiden’s talking to is shouting now, but Aiden doesn’t seem upset. He looks downright smug.
I catch a voice I know too well cursing up a storm before he yells, “Get your arses up here now!”
“Well, shit. That went better than expected,” Aiden snickers.
“Sounds more like someone pissed in Dax’s porridge to me.” But hey…each to their own.