Chapter Eighteen. Etan
EIGHTEEN
ETAN
Fallon stumbled as I guided her to the room at the top of the stairs, her drunken giggle warming my insides in a way that was entirely different from the Faerie wine.
The manor was large, abutting the sea, so I heard the waves crashing against the shore as I paused and held her still with one arm so she wouldn’t fall on her ass.
Turning the knob, I guided her into the room we would share for the night before making our way to the sanctuary the next day.
Setting her on the side of the bed, I pointed a finger in her face in an attempt to be serious, though I couldn’t help my smile when she gave me a crooked, loopy grin.
“Stay,” I ordered, unable to control my chuckle when she swayed, lunging toward me to nip at my finger playfully and nearly throwing herself face-first off the bed.
She’d clearly had far more wine than her tolerance could handle. I hadn’t anticipated just how sensitive she would be to the stuff until it was too late, and she’d taken to dancing with the women of Oceanmere—laughing hysterically every time she tripped over her own feet.
I left her sitting, moving to the edge of the room to throw open the curtains, allowing the salty air to penetrate the room.
Having spent too much time confined in the stark stillness of Tar Mesa, I craved the life of the summer air on my skin even as I slept.
The moon illuminated the edge of the room, the wall entirely open between two supporting pillars so that I could watch the light play over the water and feel the breeze on my face.
It was the same room I stayed in every time I visited the seaside village, and while I knew it wasn’t mine and other guests frequented it, it felt like a home away from home in many ways.
Fallon stood, stripping off her dress, which had long since dried and stiffened from the salt water when we’d gone for our impromptu swim.
Sand covered the fabric as she shoved it down her body, and I only had a moment to think before she was nude before me.
She gave me no time to react before she tripped and giggled at her own clumsiness.
Stepping out of her dress, she moved to the stone bath that had been hollowed out from the floor at the edge of the room.
The water had already been prepared for us by the staff, and Fallon eased her body down into it with a sigh of contentment.
I sighed, following suit and stripping out of the clothes I’d worn in Tar Mesa.
If I could have trusted her not to drown in the bath, I likely would have done myself the favor of leaving her to bathe in private rather than subjecting myself to her nudity when I couldn’t have her.
My clothes were as stiff and covered in sand as hers when I kicked them aside to be forgotten.
The household staff would wash them and place them in the wardrobe to be kept for us until the next time we passed through.
We would need more traditional Summer Court clothing as we continued on our journey anyway, allowing our clothing and the sea air to ease the heat and make us more comfortable for the duration.
I joined Fallon in the bath, where she relaxed, her head bent back to rest on the edge so that she looked as if only a moment away from falling asleep as predicted.
She adjusted her body as I stepped in across from her and lowered myself to the seat carved into the stone before she could look my way and get an eyeful of my nudity.
The room was barely lit, and she brushed her legs against mine, her foot trailing a teasing path along the side of my thigh that I fought to ignore.
The suggestive touch made my cock harden against my will, but I refused to act on my arousal for the first time when Fallon was drunk.
The enormous bed across from the bath was low to the ground and big enough to fit a crowd, offering a casual ease to the space that was barren of all else.
An open door at the corner led to a space where clothes were stored, but I knew well enough that this room was meant only for sleep, relaxation, and pleasure.
Fallon seemed to have the latter on her mind as she straightened her neck to meet my eye, gliding her hands over the edge of the stone bath.
Her legs spread as she sat up, her hands moving to rest atop my knees.
Bending her knees, she rested them over my legs where they’d been spread just enough to accommodate her body between them.
The position put her on display, and if I dared to look beneath the water, I knew I would see the parts of my future wife that I’d only dreamt of until now.
“Fallon,” I warned, resisting the temptation to so much as glance. She smirked in response, fully committed to her seduction as her fingers trailed teasing touches over my knees and rounded to my lower thigh.
“What’s wrong, my King? You don’t want to play with me?” she asked, her words slow and punctuated as she tried to get them out without slurring.
“You’re drunk,” I said, believing that to be explanation enough as to why I wouldn’t wish to follow this path. Even if the thought of bending her over the edge of the bath and fucking her while the water sloshed around us did already have me hard and ready.
“And?” she asked, giggling as she moved closer to me.
Her ass sat between my knees, the warmth of her body so close to where I needed it that I gritted my teeth.
I could practically feel her already, and the knowledge that the slightest shift from me would put me inside her tested every bit of control I possessed.
“And the first time I’m inside you will not be when I need to question if you’ll even remember it come morning, let alone whether or not you’ll come to regret it,” I said, leaning forward to tuck her damp hair behind her ear to lessen the sting of the rejection.
Even if I was doing the right thing, I didn’t want it to hurt her.
“The first time I fuck you, I will do so content in the knowledge that you’re doing so because you want me, not just because you want an orgasm.
” Even in her drunken haze, Fallon seemed to feel the sting of the words as she flinched back with a pout.
“Who says I don’t want you?” she asked, raising her hands from my knees and wringing them in front of her. The move was so vulnerable that I wondered if maybe she wasn’t as drunk as I thought, but the hiccup and giggle she released immediately after all but settled that moment of doubt.
“If it’s truly me you want and not just a wine-induced need to fuck, I’ll still be here when you’re sober in the morning. You can have me then, Sunfire,” I laughed.
Fallon’s gaze fell to the side, staring off at the bed in a way that I suspected she wasn’t really seeing it before her.
She was lost in her head and to her thoughts, and I gave her the moment to try to gather them enough to speak, even though the exercise in patience pained me.
I wasn’t sure if I could trust whatever she said to me while she’d been drinking, but some part of me suspected that maybe, just maybe, it would release her inhibitions and her hesitations enough for her to let me in.
Just a little.
“Not wanting you is not the problem, Etan. It’s everything that comes along with you that worries me,” she said, her voice quiet.
“I worry I won’t be a good wife or queen.
That my need to feel all the things they kept from me in those tunnels will prevent me from being what you and the rest of the Summer Court need.
I want to be selfish for once. I don’t want to have to choose.
” The words were tossed out in a way that I knew wasn’t entirely like her.
The openness and honesty of that insecurity hung between us, pulsing back and forth as she swallowed and the wine took over.
“Fallon,” I said, my voice softening as I reached between us and caught her hands in mine.
No matter the cause of the word vomit and the horrified expression on her face as she realized what she’d said, I knew that the words and the emotion behind them was genuine.
“Nobody is going to lock you away in Vallania. You don’t have to choose. ”
“But I’ll be your wife,” she said, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Doesn’t that mean that outside of whatever trips we take for politics, you’ll shut me away and expect me to run your household or bear children—” She broke off, seeming to realize the impossibility of children for us.
We weren’t mates, and that meant I would never have a little girl with Fallon’s hazel eyes or a boy with her shrewd intelligence.
After spending hours watching her braid hair for the girls of Oceanmere and the way they flocked to her, that truth was heavy in my chest. “We will not have children for you to bear or raise, Sunfire. It will be just you and me, forever.”
“And the entire court that’s depending on us,” she said, her words feeling heavy as I smiled.
“I think you will find that the Summer Court is generally home to some of the most spontaneous of the Fae. We’re an impulsive group, and our people would not judge us if we take off for destinations unknown every so often.
I promise I will take you to explore Alfheimr if that is what you want.
It is never going to be my goal to lock you away like a queen in a tower,” I said, reassuring her once again of my intentions for our relationship.
I couldn’t fault her for the distrust given how she’d lived for so long.
I barely understood anything about what had come to pass in Nothrek in the time since the Veil had been erected, but what I did know was that it had left a lasting mark on Fallon.
Given that she’d been hidden away from the worst of it, I couldn’t imagine what the other women who came to Alfheimr would be battling with their mates.
Having love that was predestined was a blessing in some ways and a curse in others.
Estrella’s blatant defiance made more sense now that I understood.
She had spent lifetimes in subservience.
She refused to spend another, and the understanding I’d gleaned from Fallon’s assertions about Nothrek endeared her to me a little more.
I didn’t like what her recklessness could bring to those around her, including Fallon, but I couldn’t fault her for it either.
“You would be smarter to lock me away, and we both know it,” Fallon said, scoffing with disbelief.
“I don’t know the first thing about what it takes to be Fae!
I don’t even know how to use my magic or what is the norm for any situation I might encounter.
I’m going to make a fool of myself, because I’ve got no clue what is expected of me as Queen,” she added, and I filed away the admission she’d given.
The slip of words that acknowledged the magic that she carried within her but kept tucked away.
Even though I’d suspected it, it was still a shock to my system.
Curiosity burned within me, making me want nothing more than to ask—to demand to know what magic she possessed.
It could be nearly anything.
Instead, I squeezed her hands, leaning forward to kiss her gently enough to silence her protests.
Her magic would be there come morning, but the spiral of her thoughts needed handling in that moment.
“I was never meant to be King either. We will learn and adapt, and we will do it together. Who cares what’s expected of us? We’ll do it our way.”
“Our way?” she asked, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to her that we could simply forge our own path. There was little in the way of traditions when it came to ruling that were passed down from one ruler to another, because there had only been two nobles of the Summer Court since its creation.
And Rheaghan had not had a Queen at his side in all his time as King.
“You can be as involved as you want. There are no rules, Fallon,” I said, even though I had every intention of encouraging her to sit at my side in all ways.
I touched my mouth to hers once more before backing away slightly, not wanting the energy between us to shift into something sexual all over again.
She nodded slowly, her breath a slow sigh as she considered her options. “No rules,” she said, and I had the distinct feeling that there had never been a time when she wasn’t controlled in all aspects of her life.
That she’d lived with more rules than she knew how to count.
I resolved to remove them all from our lives, so that she was beholden to none but herself.