Chapter 12
CHELSEA
“Ican’t believe you’re actually doing this,” Chelsea said as the two of them got out of the car. “I thought you were going to bail again.”
Miles raised his eyebrows. “After the dressing-down you gave me the last time I canceled plans?”
Chelsea laughed. “I know I was hard on you.” She had been regretting all week the things she’d said, ever since they’d argued about hiring a nanny.
Once she’d slept on it, she was forced to realize that having a nanny would be a good thing for their child, and she agreed with his decision to hire someone.
She had just been spooked by the fact that he’d abandoned her, left her to have dinner alone with Silas.
Even though that had turned out to be a positive experience, it was anxiety-inducing to say the least when she thought of what it would be like for a child to be raised by a father like that.
It would be like my own childhood. Like my own father, who was never around for me. I want my kid to have a better life than I did. That’s the problem here. I was ready to be a single mother before I met Miles, but if I have the option of a father for my child, that’s an option I want to take.
Now they were crossing the county fairgrounds toward the ticket booth.
This outing had been Silas’s idea, which was probably the most shocking part of the whole affair.
Chelsea could hardly believe the famous entrepreneur wanted to go to the county fair with his son.
It didn’t seem to fit the man she had heard about for so many years.
Although, if I’m honest, it perfectly fits the man I met in the hospital and at his home the other day. Miles did say that he’s changed in recent years. I guess this is what he was talking about.
Chelsea fell a few paces behind Miles, turning to look at the cheap, ritzy lights of the fair attractions. To think she would be spending an evening with the Aspins at a place like this! There was something charming about it, though she wondered what the appeal for them could be.
Silas was waiting by the ticket booth, as promised.
She watched as Miles strode over to him, taking in the way his pace quickened and lengthened at the sight of his father.
He really did love the man, Chelsea thought, her heart warming.
She couldn’t help feeling affection for Miles at the sight of him embracing his father and looking him up and down.
He might claim that he had only wanted this baby for business reasons, but whether he realized it or not, Miles Aspin was a family man at heart.
Of course he isn’t going to neglect our child. I don’t know how I could have thought he would. He might be too invested in his work, but I know he’s a caring person. He’s going to be a good father. I should give him the benefit of the doubt a bit more.
She approached the two men and smiled at Silas. “It’s good to see you out of the house,” she said.
“Oh, Melody didn’t want to let me go, but I convinced her,” Silas said. “I got us some tickets.” He handed a strip to Chelsea and one to Miles.
“I don’t know why you wanted to come here, though,” Miles said, wrinkling his nose. He accepted his tickets with a frown and looked as if he wasn’t sure what he was going to do with them.
“It’s fun, Miles,” Chelsea encouraged. “Don’t you think we’ll bring the baby here someday?”
“I don’t see why we’d ever do that. This place smells like manure and frying oil.”
“That’s because it’s a fair,” Chelsea said. “Everything is fried in oil.”
“Well, that’s disgusting.”
Chelsea laughed. “Oh, stop it,” she said. “I’m going to get us a funnel cake to share.”
“What is a funnel cake?”
“You’ve never had a funnel cake?” She turned to Silas. “He’s never had funnel cake?”
“There was never much opportunity for it when he was growing up,” Silas said with a grin. “I mean, there were a couple of times we did big elaborate birthday parties for him, but those were always catered, and even the children had nice things to eat.”
“I have no idea what’s happening right now,” Miles said to nobody in particular.
Chelsea felt strangely giddy. She caught his hand in hers. “Come on,” she urged. “I’ll take you to try the funnel cake.” She glanced at Silas, “I don’t know what your doctor would say to it, though?”
“Oh, a bite won’t kill me,” he said with a grin. “But don’t tell Melody. And don’t worry, Miles,” he added before his son could object. “Just one bite. I won’t go crazy.”
Maybe it was a sign of how overwhelmed Miles was that he didn’t try to argue with his father. He allowed Chelsea to lead him over to the concession stand, where she ordered a large funnel cake and two colas. She exchanged a few tickets for them.
The drinks came out first, and she handed one to Miles. He took a swig and made a face.
“Oh, come on,” Chelsea chuckled. “I know you’ve had soda before.”
“Of course I have,” he agreed. “But I usually get it with zero sugar. And for that matter, a squeeze of lime. This is…”
She waited.
He paused, then took another drink. “Well, it’s good,” he was forced to admit. “I can see why people drink it. I couldn’t do it every day, though.”
“No, neither could I,” Chelsea said. “I’m definitely going to have a sugar crash later.”
He frowned. “Is it safe for you to have these things?” he asked. “With the baby and everything?”
“Not very much of them, but it’s like your dad said — a little bit isn’t going to do me any harm.” She held up her soda, “That’s why I got the small. And I probably won’t finish it. But you’re not going to find health food at the fair. That’s just not on the menu.”
“Here’s your funnel cake,” the vendor announced, handing a paper plate out the window.
Chelsea accepted it and held it up to Miles. “Do you want the first bite?”
He stared. “There’s no fork.”
“Just pick off a piece. Go ahead.” He pulled off a tiny piece of the fried dough, popped it in his mouth, and chewed slowly. Chelsea waited.
Miles’s eyes went wide. “Oh, that’s very good.”
“You see?” She laughed. “Didn’t I tell you it was? Silas? You want some?”
“Don’t mind if I do,” Silas grinned, and took a piece for himself. For a moment, the three of them stood around peeling off bites of funnel cake and eating them, licking the powdered sugar from their fingers. All too soon, it was gone.
“So?” Chelsea asked. “You liked that?”
“Okay, yes, I did,” Miles agreed.
“When the baby’s born, you two ought to come here every year,” Silas said, raising his eyebrows. “It could be a family tradition.”
“Is that the real reason you wanted to meet here?” Miles asked his father. “To get us to start a new family tradition?”
“It’s not a bad idea,” Chelsea spoke up, as the three of them began to walk between the various stalls. “My mother used to bring me and a friend to the fair every year when I was growing up. That’s how I developed my love of funnel cakes in the first place.”
“And that’s a value you want to pass along to your child, I have no doubt,” Silas said with a smile.
“It would be fun,” Chelsea agreed, though she felt a pang of discomfort.
What she and Miles knew, and Silas did not, was that the three of them probably wouldn’t be doing family activities together after the baby was born.
There would come a time, fairly early in the child’s life, when they would go their separate ways.
Staying in the same house for a few weeks, maybe a few months, following the birth was one thing, but she didn’t want her child to go through the trauma of having his or her family split up.
That needed to happen early on, so there would be no memory of it to carry forward.
So, there was no point in planning delightful outings and family traditions.
Those things weren’t going to happen. That wouldn’t be a part of their lives.
She felt guilty — but she felt something else, too, something she hadn’t anticipated.
Grief. What Silas was describing… it sounded nice.
She could imagine being here with Miles every year around this time, their child getting older and older.
She could imagine watching their baby grow up with this as a part of their life.
In ten years, a child running along the grass here, while she and Miles followed along, arms around one another…
Arms around one another?
She shook her head to clear it. Why was that part of the vision? That wasn’t her daydream. She didn’t want his arm around her… did she?
Of course not. I’m just fantasizing about having someone with me. A parenting partner. That could still happen. It’s not as if it’s impossible to conceive of the idea that I might meet a guy someday, and that he might want to be a part of this little family I’ve created.
But that wasn’t the plan anymore, and she knew it.
When she had gotten pregnant, she had chosen to prioritize the thought of having a baby over having romance.
It was a choice she would make again a hundred times over.
She wasn’t regretting anything. No, it was the thought of being here in the future with her child…
and without Miles. It was him specifically that she wanted, not some unnamed man.
The thought sent a shiver down her spine. Why would she care so much about Miles being a part of her picture? She’d never meant for him to be.
I have to stop this. I have to get this idea out of my head, and fast.
She pointed to the Ferris wheel off in the distance. “We should go for a ride,” she suggested.
Miles raised his eyebrows. “That can’t possibly be safe.”
“Of course it’s safe. It’s only a Ferris wheel,” she encouraged. “You must have been on them before.”
“I’ve ridden Ferris wheels that were built with a lot of integrity,” he said. “Not ramshackle things like that, put up for a few days before being torn down and taken to the next city. I don’t trust it.”
“Oh, go on, Miles,” Silas laughed. “You two will have a good time. I know you’re not afraid of the Ferris wheel.”
Miles eyed it dubiously. Chelsea snagged his hand before she could think better of it. “Come on,” she urged, pulling him forward. “One ride. We’ll have fun.”
He came along with her willingly. By the time they’d reached the ride, Chelsea was uncomfortably aware of the fact that she was holding his hand, but she couldn’t seem to let go.
If she did, she would draw his attention to the fact that she had taken it in the first place.
There was nothing to do but to act as if she had hardly noticed what she was doing. Maybe he hadn’t noticed.
Oh, who am I kidding? He probably thinks I’m being ridiculous!
She couldn’t believe she even cared what he thought. Why did it matter if Miles Aspin saw her as foolish? This arrangement existed so that they could each get what they wanted — a baby. Nothing more.
She started to pull out two tickets for the ride operator, but Miles stopped her. “You got the food,” he said. “I’ll get this one. Two tickets?”
“That’s right,” the operator said. “Very chivalrous of you, sir.” He winked at Chelsea. “Good man you’ve got there.”
She felt heat flood her cheeks, but she didn’t bother to correct him. Miles didn’t say anything either, and it occurred to Chelsea to wonder how many times in their lives they might be mistaken for a couple. Once we’re raising a kid together, that’s bound to happen.
Miles had to let go of her hand to separate two tickets from his strip, and Chelsea used the moment to hurry forward and take a seat in the gondola. Miles boarded after and sat across from her, and the ride operator shut the door and started the wheel up again.
Their car was the last to board, and when the wheel started spinning, it took them all the way up to the top before stopping to let riders off.
Chelsea’s nerves twanged as she looked out over the fairgrounds, avoiding Miles’s gaze.
She was painfully aware that it was just the two of them up here.
They were so close to one another, and she could hardly believe she’d put herself in this situation.
She still couldn’t get the ride operator’s words out of her head. Good man you’ve got there. He was a good man. But she didn’t have him.
She thought of Silas, down on the ground waiting for them, no doubt picturing them stealing a romantic moment up here on top of the world.
The gondola rocked slightly in the wind.
Miles looked over at her.
Their eyes locked.
Neither of them spoke. Neither one even moved. But Chelsea suddenly wondered whether Miles was thinking the same thing she was — and whether his hesitance to accompany her up here might have been entirely unrelated to the stability of the ride.