Chapter 16
CHELSEA
“And then he kissed me,” Chelsea concluded.
Heather sat back in her seat, her eyes wide. “You’ve been a busy lady, Chels.”
“I know,” Chelsea said, shaking her head. “I can hardly believe how fast everything has happened.”
“I mean, I couldn’t even believe it when you told me you were having Silas Aspin’s grandchild.” Heather let out a low whistle. “You really took it to heart when I said don’t bother waiting to be married to have kids.”
“Yeah, I guess I did,” Chelsea agreed with a wry smile. “Although the Miles thing was… unexpected.”
“Do you mean having his baby or do you mean kissing him?”
“Absolutely both.” Chelsea raked a hand through her curls, which she had already done several times since this conversation had started. Her hair was in massive disarray, she was sure. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Well, is he a good kisser?” Heather asked. “You have to tell me. My friend can’t date a celebrity without telling me if he’s a good kisser.”
“Okay, first of all, he isn’t a celebrity,” Chelsea said.
“Call it what you want. He’s a famous person.”
“Secondly, we’re not dating.”
Heather snorted. “An academic distinction, if you’re making out all the time and giving birth to his child.”
“We’re not making out all the time. We kissed one time, and that was just because we were caught up in the moment.
The baby had just kicked for the first time.
” Chelsea had to laugh. “It kicks me all the time now. If I had realized what a mundane occurrence that really was, I don’t know if I’d have celebrated in quite the same way. ”
“But my question is still unanswered,” Heather pointed out.
Chelsea sighed, she could feel a blush rising in her cheeks. “Yes, he’s a good kisser. The best I’ve ever had, actually. It makes me wonder whether he’s any good at… anything else.”
“Oh, I’m sure he is,” Heather said. “But you should probably find out. You know, for science.”
“No, I shouldn’t,” Chelsea said. “That’s a horrible idea.
I’m going to have his baby, Heather. The two of us are going to raise a child together.
We need to be able to stay comfortably in each other’s lives forever.
I can’t afford to hook up with this guy, because if I do, I don’t know what’s going to happen between the two of us.
I don’t know if we’ll be able to be around each other after that.
It’s not a risk I can take. I have to have a good relationship with my child’s father.
He can’t be some guy I hooked up with a few times while I was pregnant.
I have to be more responsible than that. ”
“You’re no fun,” Heather said. “I hope you realize that.”
“I just can’t afford to approach this particular relationship as if I’m doing it for fun,” Chelsea countered. “I have to take Miles seriously. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
Heather was quiet for a moment. “Are you really worried that if you let something happen between the two of you, it would drive you apart?” she asked.
“It doesn’t have to be that way, you know.
You could just have a good time together.
You could take these next few months to have a fling.
As long as you both agreed on what you were doing, you wouldn’t have to worry about it going too far.
You could just enjoy yourselves and part ways when it was over.
And honestly, Chelsea, I think you should, because you missed out on all the fun of making a baby by doing it in a lab.
You deserve to show yourself a good time. ”
Chelsea shook her head. “It makes sense,” she said quietly. “The way you’re saying it, I could almost believe it was a good idea… but I can’t.”
“But why not?” Heather asked. “I mean, think about it. This is Miles Aspin. You would be able to say forever that you’d slept with one of the richest men in America.”
“That’s gross, Heather,” Chelsea groaned. “What do you think, that I’m keeping some kind of hookup bucket list and I need to check rich guy off of it? There’s no way I’m going to let that happen.”
“Look, even if you don’t want to get with him for the sake of being able to say you did it, it would be a good time for you,” Heather said. “You’ve just said yourself that he’s an outstanding kisser, and you want to find out what else he’s good at.”
“I didn’t say that. You said I should find that out.”
“And I’m right.” Heather crossed her arms triumphantly. “You need to get the information while you have it available to you.”
“I’m not investigating a crime, Heather.”
“No, you’re having a baby with one of the most famous men in the world, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why you wouldn’t want to live it up with him while he’s yours!”
“Because he isn’t mine!” Chelsea burst out, the words she had been holding back finally spilling to the surface.
“He isn’t mine, Heather, and he never will be, and I don’t think I’m capable of just having a fling with this man.
If I get in bed with him, my heart is going to get involved, and I don’t know if I can survive that. ”
She hung her head. She hadn’t admitted this even to herself. It was too painful. She had gotten herself into a situation she saw no good way out of.
Heather’s right. I do want to find out what he’s like in bed.
But not because of investigative curiosity, and certainly not because I want to be able to say I slept with someone famous.
I really like Miles. That’s what it is. I want to be close to him.
He’s all I can think about. And that’s terrible.
Heather’s tone shifted entirely. “Oh… Chelsea. I had no idea you were falling for him.”
“I’m not falling for him,” Chelsea protested, but the words sounded weak even to her own ears. Of course she was falling for Miles. She knew she was. There was no reason to pretend to deny it.
Heather sighed. “I’m going to get you more tea.”
“I don’t even like tea,” Chelsea whispered.
“Well, you can’t have anything stronger while you’re pregnant.
Trust me. I’ve been through this twice myself.
I know it’s one of the most irritating parts of being pregnant.
And remember, when I was going through my second pregnancy, I was fighting with Pete the whole time.
I was already beginning to get the sense that I should just go ahead and get divorced, but I didn’t feel like I could do it with a baby on the way.
” She smiled, “You don’t know how good you have it, really, to be doing this with a man you really care about. You should take advantage of that.”
Chelsea sighed. “I must seem really ungrateful.”
“Don’t do that to yourself. Your situation is crazy.
I don’t think anyone could possibly expect you to have been ready to handle every twist and turn.
But here’s what I do expect. Are you listening to me?
” Chelsea nodded. “I expect you to be good to yourself. If you’re interested in this man, you deserve to find out what there might be between the two of you.
Even if you’re worried it isn’t going to work out.
What’s the worst-case scenario — that things are a little awkward between you and your baby’s dad?
From what I can tell, that’s going to happen either way.
This is an awkward situation, and you’re not going to be able to escape that fact. ”
Her tone gentled. “And Chelsea… I don’t think you’re going to be able to escape your feelings, either.
You care about this guy. You need to pursue that, for the sake of your own peace of mind.
If you don’t, you’re always going to wonder whether there was something between the two of you.
You need to get whatever this is out of your system. ”
Chelsea let out a long sigh. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe she would feel better if she and Miles gave things a try.
But then again… it was deeply unlikely that he would ever want to do that.
In fact, she felt sure he wouldn’t. He hadn’t said a word to her after that kiss, and she just knew he thought of it as a mistake, given the way he had reacted to the near-kiss they’d had in the kitchen.
He hadn’t wanted this to happen. He probably wished it never had.
No, there was no way anything was ever going to happen between them.
And the tragedy of it all was that now she had admitted to her feelings, she could no longer pretend to herself that she wasn’t having them.
She had to admit it to herself now. She really did care for him.
There was just no getting away from that fact.
“You’re really tormenting yourself about it,” Heather murmured, squeezing her hand.
“I never intended for this to happen,” Chelsea told her.
“I didn’t want it to happen. I meant to be so careful, because the most important thing is that my baby has a functioning family to grow up in.
I don’t want my child paying the price for the unorthodox way I went about this.
I want them to know their mother and father love them, and I want their family to be free of conflict. ”
“All families have conflict,” Heather said gently.
“Just look at what my kids are going through with my divorce. I hate that they have to deal with it, but I also know that it’ll be for the best in the end.
Better than if I had gone on pretending that everything was fine.
Honest families are happier than dishonest ones.
If you do your best to make things work out with Miles Aspin…
maybe it won’t happen. But at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot.
At least, when your baby comes, you won’t have to spend any more time on these thoughts that are so obviously tearing you up right now. ”
“I wish it was that simple,” Chelsea murmured. “I really do. But it isn’t. I don’t think Miles feels the same way I do at all.”
“We are talking about the guy who was kissing you, are we not?”
“He was just caught up in the moment, that’s all,” Chelsea said. “It was an exciting night. The baby kicked, we both felt it.”
Heather shook her head. “You told me you were just caught up in the moment,” she pointed out. “And a second later, you were telling me how you’re in love with the guy. If both things can be true for you, they can be true for him — and maybe they are. You should find out.”
“No, that’s enough,” Chelsea said firmly.
“I can’t afford to think like this, Heather.
It’s a beautiful fantasy, but it can’t go any further than that.
I have to stay focused on what’s real — and that means I can’t let myself wish for Miles when I know nothing can ever happen between the two of us. ”
Heather sighed. “I think you’re giving up too fast. But if you really don’t want to talk about it anymore, we won’t talk about it anymore. I just want you to know that I think you’re making a mistake. I think you owe yourself this, and it could be a lot of fun if you let it.”
Maybe she was right. But Chelsea didn’t think so. Heather was talking about a daydream, that was all. And Chelsea had no room for daydreams. This was about more than just her now. She rested a hand on her belly and felt the baby kick in response, a reminder of just how much was at stake.
I can’t afford to give in to my fantasies. I have to stay focused on the right thing — for everyone involved.