Chapter Two - EMMA
CHAPTER TWO
EMMA
I WAKE UP the next morning feeling surprisingly optimistic about everything. I had a good night’s sleep, and I have the day off work to take care of things. First up, I gotta take care of Gran.
While I was feeling sorry for myself last night, I researched some of the hospice facilities in the Boston area.
As Gran’s only living relative, I can’t really afford to take time off work and still expect to pay my bills.
I also can’t afford to have her at home and take care of her without help.
She needs around the clock care, which is why she’s in assisted living.
I make myself some coffee while I review the hospice facilities I bookmarked last night.
I need to narrow my list down to a place that has quality care for Gran, while also being close by and not too expensive.
I can only afford so much on my waitress salary and the remainder of my inheritance from my parents.
“How does anyone make this kind of decision?” I ask out loud to myself. “How do I make the right choice? I don’t want to say goodbye to Gran.” I feel the first prickle of tears forming at the edge of my eyes, and know it won’t be long before I’m full-on ugly crying.
“Nope. We’re not doing this today,” I tell myself as I stand up and take my empty coffee cup to the sink. I take a shower, get dressed, and grab my laptop as I head out the door.
I spend the morning visiting with caretakers and touring my top three hospice choices. I don’t want to rush the decision, but I have to make it by the end of the day so we can get her moved and more comfortable.
I’m supposed to have lunch with her today.
Well, more like I told her I’d come by during lunch and sit with her.
She hasn’t eaten much lately, and I’m unsure if she’ll eat anything now.
I’m still going to take her some mashed potatoes from her favorite fried chicken place.
It was her favorite place when I was kid, and it’s still her favorite place now that I’m grown.
Maybe I’m a little biased because while these potatoes are good, nothing will ever be as good as Gran’s mashed potatoes.
“Knock, knock!” I call out when I get to Gran’s room. “I brought lunch!” When I get to Gran’s bedside, her nurse is just finishing up taking her vital signs.
“She’s having a good day today,” the nurse says as she smiles at me. “Whatever you brought her smells good.”
“I hope so. It’s her favorite mashed potatoes,” I reply.
“Enjoy your lunch,” the nurse says as she exits Gran’s room.
I turn towards Gran who is laying in her bed and looking a little out of it. “How are you today, Gran?” I ask her.
“I’m okay, my darling. I’m just a little tired,” she replies in a small voice.
It’s very unlike the Gran I’ve known my whole life.
The Gran I know moved from Ireland as a young girl and never forgot her accent.
She seemed larger than life and I wanted to be like her when I grew up…
strong and independent, while also soft when it came to family.
The woman I see laying in the bed now is so small, just a shell of my beloved Gran.
“Well, do you feel like eating a little something? I brought mashed potatoes,” I offer her as I unpack the take-out bag and place everything on the rolling tray by her bed.
“Maybe. Just sit with me for a minute, please,” was her reply. I settle myself next to her and take her hand in mine.
“Emma, we need to talk.”
“Gran, we don’t have to talk about anything right now. We can just sit here and keep each other company.”
“There are some things I need to share, and you’re going to sit here and listen,” Gran insists. I can’t help but smile and chuckle a little as I see a little bit of the sassy Gran I remember.
“What is it, Gran?”
“My time is coming soon. I know that, and you know that. I need you to be okay with it. When I go, it’s going to be hard, but I’m ready for it.
I’ve been ready for a while. Just yesterday, I was dreaming and saw your grandad, holding his hands out and calling to me.
I can feel it in my bones that the end is near.
My greatest fear is leaving you behind.”
“I’ll be okay, Gran. I’ll be sad, but I’ll be okay.”
“I know you will, darling. You’re my granddaughter, and come from a long line of women who have always known what to do. You promise me you’ll take care of yourself?”
“I promise.”
“Good. Now, on to other things. I don’t want you to worry about bills when I’m gone.”
“But—”
“No buts, Emma. You pay the final bills with the money I leave behind. There’s plenty of it. Your granddad made sure I was taken care of when he died, and I’m leaving everything to you. There’s plenty to take care of my final expenses. You won’t have to worry about anything.”
“Gran, I don’t understand,” I tell her as tears start rolling down my cheek.
“What’s to understand? I’ve known for a while how sick I am.
I didn’t want to burden you with that knowledge if I didn’t have to, so I didn’t.
You made sure I was taken care of when I got sick, and now it’s my turn to make sure you’re taken care of when I’m gone.
” She pats my hand and tries to smile at me.
“I know you’ve picked a hospice place for me to go, and I’ll be there tonight. ”
“How did you know about that already?”
“Oh darling, I’m your gran. I know,” she says as she squeezes my hand and winks at me. “I’m ready for this. I’m ready to be reunited with your grandad and your father. I’m ready to be at peace. I’m ready for you to be able to enjoy more of life.”
“I love you, Gran,” I say as the tears really start falling and I put my arms around her neck.
“I love you, too, Emma. Don’t be sad. This is just a natural part of life. It’ll be okay,” Gran says. “Now…help me eat something before I starve.”
We laugh together, and I help her eat her lunch, as small as it is. When she says she’s full, I throw away the trash and tuck her in for a nap. I’ll be back later this evening to go with her to the hospice facility, and I need to get the paperwork started.