Chapter 51
Xavier
TWENTY-THREE YEARS AGO
Ben and I are looking for tadpoles. Margaret has given us each a big jar.
Margaret says we should wear our wellies, but we want to get muddy. It’s more fun. We wore our old shorts so she won’t get cross if we get dirty.
‘Be careful, boys,’ Margaret says. ‘Not too deep, remember?’
We nod, but we’re too excited to listen properly. We broke up from prep school yesterday. Pa said we can learn to catch tadpoles first and then he will teach us how to fish.
He said we might even catch some little fish with our jars. We have to put them back in the water, but we can keep the tadpoles.
That’s what the jars are for. Pa has put wire all around the top to make handles.
Margaret sits on the grass near the edge of the lake. She has a folding chair because she is very, very old. She used to be Pa’s nanny! Her chin is hairy but she is nice. She’s good at reading stories but really bad at outdoor games. I think her bones are too old.
The reeds at the edge of the lake are up to my shoulders but they are up to Ben’s ears. I’m seven, and he’s only six, so I’m taller than him. Margaret said we should stay standing nice and tall so she can see us from her chair.
We march through the reeds. I go first, because I’m the oldest. Ben says he’s the bravest, but Margaret says that bravery and common sense are very different things and that he doesn’t have either.
I’m not brave, but the edge of the lake is very shallow.
The water is cold on my toes, and I yell.
Ben yells too, just to show he can be louder than me, and we start laughing and splashing each other.
We’re laughing so hard. ‘Haha!’ we yell.
‘Haha!’ If we laughed this hard at school, we would get told off, but we’re outside and Margaret doesn’t mind.
She always says little boys need to ‘blow off steam’, like we’re Thomas the Tank Engine.
I bend over and swish my jar around in the water, but all I get is some slimy green stuff. Ben pushes past me and goes in deeper. He always wants to beat me.
‘Aaghhh!’ he screams. ‘It’s so cold!’
I laugh harder.
‘No deeper, please, boys,’ Margaret calls.
Ben screws his eyes up and looks down at the water, but it’s really sunny, so it’s hard to see underneath.
‘Any tadpoles?’ I say.
He swishes his jar around, back and forth. All that comes up is some dirty water. ‘This is rubbish. I’m going in deeper.’
I look back at Margaret because I don’t want to get into trouble. I can’t really see her through the reeds. ‘You’ll get into trouble. She said not to go in deep.’
‘Don’t care.’
We’re only allowed to go into the lake up to our knees. That’s the family rule. Ma says the swimming pool is for swimming in and the lake is there so the fish and frogs have somewhere to live. But Ben’s shorts are now wet and so is the bottom of his t-shirt.
I feel a bit sick. I hate it when Ben doesn’t follow the rules. It makes me really scared that something will go wrong.
‘Stop,’ I hiss like an angry snake. I want Ben to hear me but not Margaret.
He goes in further. ‘I’m going to swim. Ahh, it’s cold!’
I laugh a bit, but I stop laughing when he gets up to his neck because he’s breaking every rule now, and he’s going to get us both in trouble.
‘I’m gonna dive. Want to see where they are.’ He lets go of his jar and it floats on top of the water, and then he goes under like a duck. His bum sticks out like a duck’s bum and his feet flip up and then he disappears.
I wait for him. I only have water up to my knees because that’s the rule and I don’t want to break it.
Ben’s jar bobs on the water. The sunshine makes it light up like a torch. I watch it, but Ben hasn’t come back up. There aren’t even any bubbles. Bubbles are what come up when you breathe underwater.
He is better than me at holding his breath, but this is a long time. I twist my shoulders from side to side and I wiggle my toes in the mud.
I think he should be up now. He’s making me scared and I don’t know what to do. If I call for Margaret I’ll get him into trouble. But if I don’t call then she won’t be able to get a grown-up to help us.
And I think Ben might need our help.
I also think I might pee in my shorts.
I look back. I can’t see Margaret through the reeds.
‘Margaret!’ I yell. ‘Help!
Ben would say my voice sounds like a crybaby. But I still can’t see him.
Where has he gone?
‘Margaret!’ I yell as loud as I can. I look out at the water. It’s so glittery on top but I can’t see underneath at all, and that’s because the lake is filled with mud and lots of plants.
I start to walk in further until my t-shirt is wet. The floor is so slimy and bumpy and I don’t like it. It’s not nice.
Oh no oh no oh no.
I’m so scared.
‘Xavier?’ Margaret shouts back.
I take the biggest breath I’ve ever taken in my life and I dive down into the dark water.