41. CHAPTER 38 #2
“Last night,” he murmured. “This morning. I didn’t sleep much.”
“Because of your conscience?” I asked. The words came out fierce enough to cut.
“Because of you,” he said. Simple, and direct.
I closed the folder, my heart pounding non-stop.
This was the kind of gesture that would have made other women swoon. A rewritten contract that hands me power I could use whenever I liked. If I was ambitious enough.
I looked up at him and our gaze locked. It must be hard for a man like him stepping down from the throne he’d fought to build. Giving me this level of leverage to unmake him if I wanted. The power to walk out of this marriage and never look back.
It moved me. I hated that it moved me. Because while this is a delightful surprise, I was hoping for something else. For my husband to pour out his heart to me. To give me more.
“It doesn’t undo how I feel,” I said, holding on to the folder.
“Finding out from gossip that my husband’s mother is shopping for his mistress.
Hearing your ambitions discussed like it was something to be discussed openly, while they treated me like a placeholder incubator in a nice dress and heels. ”
His jaw went iron-hard. “There will be no mistress.”
“That’s not what your mother’s face said while Lady Lavigne’s niece practically sat on her lap,” I retorted.
“I spoke to my mother two days ago,” he said. “She would not be mentioning mistresses again or bothering you.”
The image of Lady Kade’s face at that moment actually made my lips twitch, but I smothered it.
“Threatening your mother doesn’t erase what you did to me.”
“No.” His tone grew firmer. “It doesn’t. But it’s a start.”
His hand flexed once on the table… I could see how much he wanted to reach for me and was physically restraining himself.
“I ran,” he said after a beat. “After that night. After you… gave me what you did. I ran because I didn’t know how to stay without falling apart. I submerged myself in work. I told myself it was about the alliance, and the timing being right, and me…” He blanched. “About me still being in control.”
“And now… what has changed?” My voice came out smaller.
“Now I know I was a coward,” he said. The word landed heavy between us; he grimaced as though it tasted foul.
“I’d finally found something I valued more than my own life.
And I was terrified because for the first time in my life, I felt a pulse threading through me that didn’t belong to me. It belongs to you, Léa”
I felt the air leave my lungs. There are things I expect from Orion. A legal defence in form of an argument, business talk infused in everything…not baring his heart. Yes, I wanted it…still, unexpected.
“Still you left,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “You let me think I was something you could easily discard.”
“I left because if I stayed, I would have been on my knees for you,” he ground out, his fingers digging into the edge of the table.
“I would have begged you to never leave the room. I would have locked the doors and kept the world away just so I could have you to myself. I’m that selfish Leonie.
” He kept his eyes on mine, I didn’t look away.
“I sent those tests because I was halfway across the world, losing my mind, wondering if I’d managed to tie you to me forever, and hating myself for hoping the answer was yes. ”
He looked almost startled at himself, as if the words had come out without clearance.
I hated that my eyes stung. I hated that I wanted to believe him.
“But—” He continued. “I also wanted you to want it as much as I did…for the right reasons.”
I could feel a warmth threatening to rise in me, but I shut it down. I wasn’t going to let him wrap all that damage in pretty regret and label it under care, as usual.
“You don’t get to say things like that,” I whispered, “and expect it to fix everything.”
“I don’t expect it to fix anything,” he said, his voice sandpaper-rough.
“I’m not asking for forgiveness on the back of one amended contract and a few pretty words.
You said I’ll never touch you again. If that’s what you need to feel safe, I’ll live with it.
But I won’t let you keep walking around thinking you were just a womb I signed off on.
” His throat worked, reflecting a rare sign of struggle.
“You’re… more than that. To me, you're everything.”
The words found a part of me that was still hurt and still foolish enough to hope. But the anger was safer. I clung to it like a lifeline.
“Then why does it feel like you only come near me on a schedule?” I snapped back. “When I’m ovulating. Do you keep a schedule somewhere? Were you keeping track of my cycles, Orion? Was I just a window of opportunity for you?”
The truth was a high-stakes game. I wanted all of it. Every ugly piece. Even if it burnt the entire world to ash.
Shame flickered across his face, darkly, making him look more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him. I could see a trace of deep, roiling regret there too.
“I did,” he admitted, the words barely a whisper.
“I kept track of every day, every symptom. I turned the most intimate parts of you into a cold calculation because I was too much of a coward to admit I just wanted an excuse to be inside you. I needed it to be business so I wouldn’t have to admit it was a raw potent need. ”
My mouth fell open. The chill, emotionless reality of it was exactly what I’d feared, but his reason for it was a brutal truth I hadn't expected. “You used my body to hide from your own heart?”
“I shouldn't have treated you like a project,” he said, his voice cracking. “If you never want a child with me, I’ll accept that. If you do, it will be because you chose it. Not because of some structured calendar on my laptop. I’m deleting the records, Léa. I’m done trying to predict you.”
“I don’t want an heir born from a woman who looks at me like you did two days ago,” he confessed. “I’d rather let the Kade name die with me than build its future on the foundation of your resentment.”
The room felt heavy and suffocating. I could barely breathe through it.
“I don’t know if I believe you,” I admitted. “I don’t know if I ever will. Do you understand that?”
He nodded, the movement costing him every ounce of his pride. “I do.” He paused, choosing his next words carefully, then continued. “But I’m going to spend as long as it takes proving it. Even if you never let me touch you again, I will never stop protecting you. That is my only promise.”
His words broke through my defenses, and I felt hurt, desire, and anger all at once. I hated that part of me that still wanted him.
And yes he was giving me everything, but he’d already taken so much.
I pushed back my chair abruptly, and the legs scraped the floor like a scream, mimicking the one in my head I hadn't let out since I found out about his deception.
“Enjoy your breakfast, Monsieur Kade,” I sighed, the title a deliberate slap to remind him he was still a stranger to my heart. “You have businesses to run and empires to protect. Don't let my mood slow down your schedule.”
I picked up the folder—his neat little pile of amendments, his concessions, his attempt at making himself smaller for me—and hugged it to my chest like a shield as I walked out.
He let me go. He didn’t call after me. He didn’t follow. I could feel his gaze burning into my spine in a starving watch, and for once since I’d met him, Orion Kade wasn't trying to control the exit. He was just sitting there, helpless, watching the only thing he actually wanted walk away.
Over the next few days that passed, I didn’t hear him utter a single word.
I hated to admit it, but there was something about the silence that hurt. Because if he were shouting, or if he were still arrogantly trying to demand my compliance, I could fight back. But he had become a ghost of himself, haunting my life at every turn.
It had started with little things.
He stopped disappearing at night. There were no more late returns.
I’d lie awake, the silence of the house amplified, and hear his footsteps pacing in his office long past midnight.
I tried not to build up scenarios in my head of what he might be doing.
But it didn’t take long to come to the conclusion that he was just waiting for morning, for a chance to see me again.
He showed up to breakfast every morning, whether I spoke to him or not.
He sat in that same chair across from me, never at the head.
Sometimes we ate in silence so thick I could taste the tension in the air.
Sometimes he’d ask if I’d slept well, if my fittings went alright.
I answered in one-word replies—enough to be civil, not enough to be kind.
He didn’t push for more. He just kept showing up anyway.
As days went by, the gestures grew. I walked into my studio one afternoon to find the harsh fluorescent hum gone, replaced by a lighting system so perfect I could have been sketching beneath the Tuscan sun.
There was no note that said "Look what I did" or "Do you like it”. Nothing to announce the upgrade. Only a workspace that no longer gave me a headache after 5:00PM.
I didn’t bother thanking him. I worked under the perfect light and hated how much better I could see what he was trying to say. I also disliked how much my heart acknowledged his small efforts.
He started joining me in his father’s wing, too.
The first time, I was halfway through a chapter on Napoleonic campaigns, Monsieur Kade Senior’s hand lax and paper-thin in mine, when I sensed someone at the door. I didn’t turn. I kept reading.
A moment later, Orion’s voice came from the doorway, softer than I’d ever heard it. “What are we on today?”
“We’re not on anything,” I said, not looking up. “You’re late to this party.”