Chapter 9
GABE
I’m dreaming.
Have to be.
Reaching down, I pinch my forearm. Ouch.
No. Not dreaming.
Alex steps closer, and it’s like I’m seeing my best friend for the first time. Not the college kid I first met, but the man. Tall, dark, and so fucking handsome it hurts. All his doubts, triumphs, desires, and confusion twisted up in one sinful package.
“Alex—” I don’t recognize my voice. His name on my lips sounds more like a cartoon frog croaking.
Is he serious? I’ve watched and waited and daydreamed so long I can’t trust my own mind. Or my eyes.
He’s finally looking. Like he sees me. All of me. His dark gaze traces the tie dangling from my neck, down one side, then up the other.
He takes another step, slowly closing the chasm between us.
“I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t understand what’s going on in my head, G, except that I’ve been so twisted up since you started falling for Katherine and King. You make it look easy, like you’re not afraid to get hurt. To risk everything.”
My head replays his words and lingers on ‘twisted up.’
“That’s not good.”
He shakes his head. “But it’s the truth. You know how messed up I was—”
Alex doesn’t finish the sentence, and he doesn’t need to. I know exactly what he’s thinking for the first time in a while. Courtney.
“Yeah.”
He’s an arm’s length away. So close I could reach out and press my hand to his heart. But I don’t. Not yet.
I don’t know if I can survive if he changes his mind.
“It’s just—” His lips twist like he’s trying to find the words. “Scary. Like you said. We could mess this up.”
He waves a finger back and forth between us. My gut tightens, burns with desire, and at the same time, I’m sick from yearning for him every single day. Knowing it’s best to keep those feelings to myself.
Before I can second-guess myself, I clasp his wrist and press a hand to the center of his chest.
“We’re not going to mess it up. This is us. You and me. We’ll only mess it up if we keep hiding.”
He doesn’t look entirely convinced, but gives a single nod of agreement.
I squeeze his wrist. “It’s always been you, Alex. You’re my rock. My support. My... everything.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t. I’m—not—I can’t—”
“No. We’re getting this out now. I’m done biting my tongue.
Accepting 90%. I want it all, even if you don’t.
” My hands shake and my eyes water. I’ve never felt such intense, raw desperation.
Like I might hyperventilate if I can’t get the words out fast enough.
Maybe that’s the problem. I’ve given him all the space and respect I can while I waste away.
He’s been happy to keep himself locked down tight. Protecting himself as he protected everyone else.
“It’s all the little moments,” I whisper.
“Sharing sweet and sour pork after work. Sweating on the court first thing in the morning. Diving in the Maldives. Going home to your parents’ for Thanksgiving and your mom teaching me how to make pie.
I love all of that. I love having you under my roof, where I can see you more and we don’t have to fight traffic to work out in the morning. ”
He’s nodding, leaning into my touch. I know him well enough to understand that’s his way of saying ‘yeah, me too.’
That quiet admission gives me the push I need. Gut churning, I say, “I know this isn’t—normal. For you—”
“What isn’t?”
“Giving voice to your feelings.”
He grunts but doesn’t correct me. We both know a refusal would be a lie.
“I love you, Alexander Hunt, and I’m sick of keeping that to myself.”
The confession tears from my chest, and I stare at him wild-eyed, looking for any hint that he feels even a quarter as deeply as I do. Praying to any deity that will listen. Excited and terrified at the same time.
He closes the last step and clasps my face between his giant hands. The tension melts out of me as if it’d never been. We’re touching.
Correction, he’s touching me.
He stares down at me like he feels it and won’t leave me dangling in the wind by myself. Relief is so fucking sweet, it makes my knees weak. The special connection I was beginning to doubt. I don’t breathe for fear of breaking the spell.
Those deep, dark eyes search every millimeter of mine before dropping to my lips.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to beg him to kiss me, and I swear I’ve never wanted a kiss more in my life.
He makes a sound somewhere between a sigh and a gasp, and it’s soft and fast before he’s pressing against me, like magnets snapping together.
With his body against mine and his head ducking, the world melts away.
A fresh round of tension swells between us until it crackles and snaps like a downed power line. Anticipation makes my lungs hurt. Inches apart. Centimeters. Millimeters. Then firm lips move over mine, exploring and coaxing. It’s foreign and perfect. My soul chants ‘finally!’
I stare, shocked and thrilled. It’s an out-of-body experience like I’m across the foyer, halfway up the stairs, watching like a kid looking for Santa. But this is real. My eyelids sink shut, and I kiss him back.
My hand is trapped between us, and I yank it free so I can pull him closer. I need to feel everything. If this is the only shot I’ve got, I want to memorize every second.
He crowds closer until I’m trapped between him and the door. Fuck, he’s big. Broad. Hard and honed. Suddenly, I feel small. Trapped. And I love it.
My back arches, and I press against him, my nerve endings lighting up everywhere we touch. Arms around his waist, I hold him tight. This is the hug I’ve always wanted to give him. The body I’ve always wanted to feel against me is finally in my arms.
I sweep my tongue across his bottom lip, hoping against hope that I’m not asking too much. This is all new to him. He’s never wanted a guy, certainly never kissed one. But my instincts tell me he’s in, he’s comfortable, and he’s ready for more.
He opens at last, and a tiny explosion goes off behind my eyelids. Yes!
Welcome. Permission.
My tongue darts quickly. Retreats. Then slowly meets his inside the hot recess of his wicked mouth. My gut tightens, along with my cock.
He tastes like soda. And sin. And salvation.
A groan rumbles between us, but I couldn’t say who makes the sound. We’re that close.
He drops a hand to my throat, and my pulse hammers out a rapid hello. Slowly, he lifts his head. I blink up at him, momentarily terrified of what I’ll see.
His dark eyes are glassy, dreamy even, and there’s the smallest hint of bemusement curving his lips. Fuck, I want to kiss him again. I want to feel his lips all over me. I want to flounce on a sofa and make out until we can’t remember where we are, what our names are, or what day of the week it is.
But I don’t admit that. Not yet.
Baby steps, Gabe.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He nods. Another quick jerk up and down of his head.
That’s all I’m going to get.
But then, “Better than okay.”
My brows lift. Surprise ricochets through me, and I light up inside like a pinball machine. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
My smile broadens.
“Okay.”
“Finally see what all the fuss is about.”
“The fuss?”
“Kissing your best friend.”
He’s still staring at my lips and, fuck me, but that’s going to haunt my dreams. My chest puffs up on a deep inhale, and my heart trips over itself.
“Liked that, did you?” I tease.
A broad shoulder lifts in an elegant shrug. “I guess.”
I tip my head back against the door and laugh. Man, I missed this. The ease between us. The camaraderie that we found from the very beginning. Somehow, this is the same but better. This is the Alex I’ve always known, but freer. No holding back.
“Maybe we should do it again, just to be sure,” he says, voice dark, dripping with seduction.
My chin drops as my cock twitches against my thigh. Damn, I’m going to need a cold shower if we keep this up. Hell, I might need two. It’s not every day the object of decades of desire kisses the hell out of you.
“Alex—”
He plants his free hand on the door next to my hip. Is this what Katherine feels like when I box her in? Like a bunny being stared down by a wolf?
My eyelids drift closed as he ducks his head.
“Gabe—” Katherine’s voice echoes down the hall, and Alex tenses.
So much happens inside me in a split second.
My bubble of lust pops, and ice speeds through my veins as I prepare for him to rip himself away. Inside my ribs, my heart aches because it’s going to fucking hurt, watching him pull back, lift his head, turn around, and act like we weren’t finally finding our way into each other’s arms.
Stealing myself, I open my eyes.