10
I slam my fist into the drywall next to the counter. Zain just stares at me. He can't say shit. He's added more holes than I can count to these walls. I've added one.
“Don’t man, just fucking don't.” I shake my head with a sneer. I'm not in the mood for his lectures about my impulses and bullshit. He thinks I'm a loose cannon. I can't say the guy is wrong.
He pulls out a cigarette, lights it and offers me one. He slides a lighter across the counter to me. Instead, I reach into my pocket for a joint. “You're impulsive. Never think shit through.” He shakes his head
and takes a hit. “Fuck you. All I did was say hi to the bitch!”
I light the joint and take a hit, letting the high commandeer my system. I flick the lighter open and place my hand above the dancing flame. The painful burn is a punishing reminder I can't escape. He knows good and well I did more than I'm letting on.
Zain watches me with renewed fascination. “You said this fuckin’ shit was fixable. Not trying to have Vesper a fuckin’ crying mess because you can't control the situation. You are the one obsessed with Clara.”
I scoff. “I don't owe you shit. I offered because I knew you gave a fuck about Vesper. I'm not obsessed with Clara. I fucked her. Twice. That's it. I said I'll fix it. Let me fucking fix it,” I bite. I slide the lighter back across the countertop.
Liar, liar, Kieran.
He pockets it and throws his head back in a maniacal laugh. “Don't act like she isn't your newest fixation. It’s more than a good fuck, Kieran. The bitch wants nothin’ to do with you, either. How fitting.”
He twists his switchblade along his thumb and forefinger holding back a laugh. I glower. I place my fingertips on both sides of my temples. “How about you worry about you, I'll worry about me. I'm not fixating, or whatever.”
I know it's a Goddamn lie. Looking into her icy blue eyes, she held the brokenness I'm drawn to.
Just like the blonde woman who haunts my past.
I chase it like a damn fiend. I don’t pretend I’m not a fucked up piece of shit.
I am. Breaking others is my antidote. Its fucked, but it makes me feel better about my chaotic, fucked up self.
I'm a real fucking winner. I never claimed to have healthy coping mechanisms.
Zain blows out a ring of smoke. His eyes bore into me with intensity. He snorts. “Keep tellin’ yourself that.”
Annoyance bubbles to the surface. The guy has no room to talk.
I'm well aware of his tendencies. He’s just as fucked as me.
He stalked Vesper, pulling her down into the pits of damnation.
I'm not above any of that shit, but he doesn't get to act like a self-righteous fuck.
I don't know the complexity of their relationship, but I know enough. I'm not as stupid as he thinks.
I take a heavy hit of my joint and slam my eyes closed. All I see is her crying face, and it pisses me off. What I need is a good fuck to erase her from my memory. And Goddamnit, I hope it works.
“Party tonight?” I ask, changing the subject. My eyes flick open and the image of her dissolves. He shrugs. “Don't care. Vesper and I are gonna hole up in my room. She wants to watch some fuckin’ show about serial killers.” He fights back a smirk. Right up his alley. I shake my head.
“She’s turning you into a pussy,” I point out.
I love riling his ass up. He flicks cigarette ash in my direction.
“Never,” he smirks. I confirm with Val, Silas, and Grey that they're in.
I make sure Nyla is confirmed, too. She supplies me with the best medicines.
I’ll probably fuck her, too. She's always willing to indulge.
It makes it a hell of a lot easier to fuck when It's someone I give zero fucks about.
I’m well aware how fucked up it is, I just don’t give a shit.
Vesper has taken charge of cleaning this shithole house.
I don't envy her. You can finally see the natural wood floors without caked on mud and grime.
She ripped up the old, dingy carpet on the stairs and upper levels, too.
Tonight will probably be a big turnout. Plus, everyone needs a pick-me-up after Jax's disappearance.
Mortensen sent out a mass email regarding it.
He left out key details. He's stalling to see If I bow.
I'm just waiting for shit to come to a head.
Jax fucked with Vesper. In turn, Zain taught him a lesson the only way Zain knows.
Violence. I'd say I'm surprised by his actions, but I'm not.
The guy doesn't know the unholy bullshit he's unleashed.
He doesn't need to tell me what he did. I already know.
No one gets away with offing an Elite without consequence.
Mortensen and Jax's family demand sacrifice.
Zain is my best friend. He knows I'll do what I can so he isn't implicated, but when Mortensen wants information, he gets it one way or another.
Let's just hope he covered his tracks. I pop a couple pills to take the edge off before drowning in a bottle of Absinthe.
Everyone needs an escape. I'm always happy to offer one to the unsuspecting bitches.
The only time I can fucking live is having a good time.
Sex, drugs, pills and weed. This whole Clara shit will be here tomorrow.
I'm not blind to the ticking timer countdown.
One more fucking day to indulge before I throw myself to the wolves.