29
My body wracks wildly with shivers; cold creeps over my skin.
Damp mustiness fills my nostrils. I tremble, reaching for my blanket.
Rough denim scrapes along my skin. My eyes snap open.
Darkness stares back at me. An endless void of nothingness.
My eyes adjust; four stone walls come into view.
Am I still in Void? Am I a prisoner? What pill did they give me? My head whirls. I want to vomit.
I whimper, but no one's around to hear me.
The rough, scratchy mattress under me feels foreign; it digs into my bare skin like barbed wire.
Fragments come back to me bit by bit, filling in the blanks.
A dark wash denim jacket wraps over my upper torso.
Kieran. Kieran was in the Void; his unmasking tipped me over the edge.
He refuses to get me high like he has before.
Instead, he forced me to feel every single painful anatomizing touch without the use of blockers.
He fucked me up, saturating my insides with a binding delectation I have no business feeling.
The last time I had sex without being incoherent was when I was with Mama . . .
“I said, no!” I shout, gripping the patterned quilt on the cheap hotel bed.
Pudgy sausage fingers dig into my hips as he wrestles with my skirt.
I claw toward the edge of the bed hoping to escape.
Tears stain the quilt. My leg kicks out and I get him right in the gut.
That pisses him off. He slaps my cheek so hard I see stars.
My body goes slack and a whimper escapes my throat as I clutch my stinging cheek.
“I paid for this. You shut the fuck up and stay quiet, whore,” Sausage fingers spits. I wait for Mama to come in and save me. The door swings open. Mama rushes in, but instead of being my guardian, she turns into someone else entirely.
“Shhh.” She strokes my reddened cheek while sausage fingers unzips his slacks behind me.
My underwear gets ripped from my thighs.
“Remember what we're good for. We have one thing and one thing only to offer them. One day you'll be able to use your body to your advantage, darling, you just need to learn how to stay quiet and be a good girl.”
Hot tears flood from my cheek, and I clench the quilt tight as if it will ground me from the inevitable.
I guess it did come in handy. My scholarship came at a price, and I was prepared to pay it one final time. Stupid me, thinking I could erase who I am.
My head throbs and my body is sore. Kieran has never been gentle.
I expect nothing less from someone like him.
He readied me for use. An asphyxiating weight strangles me, cutting into my flesh.
I stare down at my wrist just to find I'm chained .
. . again; immured within these stone walls.
I tug the metal restraint as if I could ever be strong enough to free myself from this prison I chose.
A tear falls down my cheek, but I quickly wipe it away.
No, Clara. You're fucking strong. Just hang on a little longer.
“You just need to survive a few months as their toy. Then you can keep your scholarship and leave this life behind . . . ” I tell myself, repeating it like a mantra to tamper down the anxiety flowing through my veins. Only, I know it's a lie.
I wrap my arms around my knees, trying to replay how I ended up here.
The cold metal shakes dust along my skin.
This doesn't feel right. I pick up Kieran's jacket before inhaling it deeply.
His scent etches within my frontal lobe.
Deep down in my core I know this is his doing.
It has to be. Vesper warned me about them.
The Elites cannot be trusted. Their debauchery knows no limits.
My gaze scans the room. It's dark and musty. Neatly laid out snacks line the edge of the mattress. My brows knit in confusion when I find a few of my clothes neatly laid out with care. I scoff at the idea Kieran has a single thoughtful bone in his body.
“Don't stop. Your tears make me rock hard, Nightshade.”
A deep timbre echoes through the dark room.
I crane my head around toward the grated bars where the light shines in.
I wipe my stray tears along my shackled wrist.
There, in the amber glow, stands Kieran on the other side.
His tall, commanding presence sucks all the air from the small space.
The moonlight basks his features in a soft, sinister glow showcasing his tattoos.
I shutter. He took the last bit of myself I had left, stealing it for himself.
My strength is wavering by the second. When I say nothing, he smirks, leaning against the entrance. His eyes fall to the padlock. He lets the weight fall into his palm. A taunt? A threat? I'm unsure.
“You're welcome, doll.” His cocky tone rings through the small room. Sadly, I'm not surprised whatsoever. He drops the padlock; it clanks against the grating.
I can't help myself, a scoff leaves my lips. I cling to the blanket like a second skin and surge forward toward him like a caged animal. That's exactly how I feel, too. The contention is thick in the air. The chains go taut, halting my advances.
“Welcome? You think you've done me a favor, you cynical fuckwad? You ruined my chance to fix my fucked up life! You took the last bit of dignity I was trying to hold onto! All you do is take!”
My hands drop the blanket, unfazed by my naked state.
I shake the bars as if I'll hulk through it. He still doesn't look at me.
Hellfire surges inside of me, replacing the deep undercurrent of sadness that is usually present.
“Is this some twisted game for you?” I slam my fist against the metal until it stings.
The chains echo along the bars. He chuffs.
Why did I bother to even ask, of course it is.
My eyes flicker to his swirling irises that are now fixed on me.
The same blank expression I've come to recognize in myself, I see in him.
His eyes harbor something indurate and voracious.
He will never be satisfied—just like me.
Chasing the endless high to numb whatever fucked up shit goes on in his head. Is he punishing himself, too?
“I'm gonna fuck you like you've found a new religion, Nightshade. This is not a game, this is about possession, taking what belongs to me. Letting myself bathe in your jagged soul.”
He digs in his jeans, pulling out a lighter.
He flicks it open. The orange flame flickers over his features.
The patterns inscribed across his skin hold his secrets I'm dying to uncover.
I've never seen someone so enthralled by flames.
He teases his fingers over the glimmering blaze.
He grins at the seething pain until his fingertips turn an angry shade of red.
My mind reels with his words. I don't fully understand his sick compulsion with me, fire, the Void, any of it.
Though, I do recognize the same sickness inside of me, within him.
This will spiral out of control until it consumes him.
He’s just as fucked as I am, the only difference is I can handle it.
On the outside he's well-crafted, but on the inside he's on the verge of collapse.
Something eats at him like a disease. A festering wound that refuses to heal.
I need to play my cards right and swallow my anguished suffering.
His lips curl into a smirk. “You think I don't see the gears turning? I have no shame. I have no limits. You'll soon find out.”
My hair falls over my shoulders. For being a chaotic wild card, he reads me like a book and I hate it.
My breath comes in heavy waves. I'm still so heated the cold air doesn't register. My voice comes out shrill and wild. “You're just mad at the world. You're chasing something, anything to feel. Admit it, you're just as fucked as I am!”
My words render him speechless, and for a second I think I hit a nerve, but he remains stoic. He clicks the lighter off, pocketing it.
He quietly digs out a key from his pocket and unlocks the padlock with a metallic clank.
It clicks open, promising freedom. Instantly, I try to bolt past him, but he's faster, bigger, stronger—plus I'm chained.
His hand fans out, grabbing at my loose blonde strands.
He proceeds to drag me back to the pile of blankets as if I weigh absolutely nothing.
The cold concrete floor shocks my system.
He tosses me carelessly back on the mattress.
My naked body bounces a few times before he straddles me, pinning me under his massive amount of muscle.
My hands reach out to scratch at him, to mark his pretty, smug tattooed face.
He uses brute force to pin my wrists on either side of me.
Excitement shouldn't rush through me, but shamelessly, it does.
“Let's get one thing straight, Nightshade.”
He pulls my shackles together so he can hold them with one hand.
My wrists are pinned together. Then he leans in; his hot breath warms my cheek.
“Your tears, your cries, your surrender. All of it belongs to me. I will fucking destroy you from the inside out just to take every shred of happiness for my own. I will fuck you like the doll you are. Your mind, your body and your inner being will remember my cock until your last breath.”
And now, I'm the one speechless.