40
“Fuckkkk,” I mutter under my breath, concentrating on achieving my high. I drown out Zain and his babbling bullshit; not in the mood to hear it.
“You're a mess. You always fixate then spiral, but not like this,” he snaps.
I scoff. “Fuck you, man, I never commented on your fucked up life choices with Vesper. You're the one leaving me to pick up the pieces of your fucked up shit. Using my gun. Offing a Goddamn Elite. You've not got a clue, man.
I had to fuck her in Void in front of everyone just li—” I cut myself short.
I don't share that story with anyone. I'll take that shit to my grave, just like the rest of my fucked up teen years.
Zain suspected something was going on growing up but never said shit.
He kept his mouth shut. He tried questioning me when I would be gone for days, chained up and beaten.
So, I lied. I can't very well tell him that shit.
I rest the joint between my fingers. My phone settles along the crook of my shoulder and ear while I grab the whole damn bottle of liquor. I tip it back. It burns the way down just like I like.
“What the fuck?” Zain hashes out a heavy breath.
I bet he had no clue the levels of shit I've gone to fix all this crap.
It doesn't help he's left me with the world's biggest distraction.
Fuck the rest of it, I can fix those messes, smoothing things over with Mortensen without committing to his demands.
That's child's play. But her? She's a jagged shard in my side that’s fucking it all up, testing my resolve and tempting my inner beast.
I don't think Zain expected me to keep her as my own fuck slave, but hey, finders keepers.
Guess it's my reward. Vesper will just have to deal with the aftermath of what she'll be when I'm done. If I ever finish with her.
“Yup. I'm not above any of that shit. Rape. Pain. All of it. I'm immune,” I confirm.
He doesn't ask why. “It is what it is, man, but you have no clue the shit Mortensen is unleashing. He gave me an ultimatum. Throw Clara back into the Void, take my spot as his heir and marry an Elite bitch.”
I swirl the neck of the bottle sloshing the pale liquid inside. I take a heavy swig.
“You gonna do it?” Zain prods.
“Nah. I got him thinking I will. Buys me enough time to get Clara out of this shit and finish graduation, then I'm out of this bitch.”
I set the bottle down and finish the joint.
My nerves are already settling. My hands shake from the alcohol use, though.
I know I'm not well, but it's easier to stay drunk when shit gets hard.
I need another good fuck. I push off the bar top and stalk forward peering through the cracked bedroom door at her sleeping form.
She looks peaceful as fuck, such a shame I'm about to disrupt it.
I need control. I need to own. Temptation flows through me.
The power keeps me grounded. Control is the only thing that keeps my chaos from spiraling.
“Get it together, Kieran. You're on the verge of another downward spiral. Think before you do any dumb shit. I know you, and you're impulsive as fuck. Vesper is gonna wanna see Clara. I fucking mean it. Bring her over tomorrow so we can figure things out.”
I clench my jaw and hang up on him. My eye twitches.
I let the phone fall on the wood floor. My eyes struggle to focus from the Absinthe.
The high proof gets me fucked up quick. The smoldering joint is dwindling to nothing but a roach.
I flick it onto the floor not giving a fuck about my father’s ire. He can suck my dick.
Get ready for me, sweetheart.