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I slam my foot full force on the gas pedal.
I quickly send Vesper a text, hoping she replies.
She doesn't. For being a luxury car, this has some kick to it.
I feel like a damn queen behind the wheel.
This will probably be the only time I'll ever be driving something so extravagant.
This lifestyle isn't meant for somebody like me according to Mortensen.
I can't even be mad, he's right. I'm not good enough to run with these rich Elites.
They are ruthless, depraved and psychotic nymphos who have zero emotions in their bones.
I round the corner toward campus with my foot slammed to the floorboard.
The tires squeal. Burnt rubber fills my nostrils.
Kieran's going to be pissed once he finds me gone in addition to the damage I'm doing to his car.
I have learned to be quite the escape artist in bad situations over the years.
Sometimes you have guys who are rough. It's best to be aware of your surroundings and situations.
Though, that would have helped me if I realized the danger I was in agreeing to this Void business. Maybe I was past the point of caring.
I focus back on the road. The car jumps forward and I’m certain I've fucked up his engine. Kieran's an entitled asshole, it serves him right for thinking he can steal me and my opportunity while keeping my scholarship from me. But Kieran is playing both sides like a devious serpent.
He's not fooling me. His end game is clear.
Break me, though that just might be for his sick pleasures.
Take his father’s place as the head of Grimshaw while marrying a high tier Elite.
I almost belly laugh at the thought of Kieran ever getting married.
Monogamy isn't in his vocabulary. As if any of the Elites stay true to their vows, anyway.
Trust is foreign here. The way to heaven is paved with deception, deceit, and treachery.
This is no longer a game I'm willing to play with him, no matter how enticing he is.
The sleek car skids to a halt outside of Zain's.
This is not the most ideal situation or even the safest option, but it's my only one left unless I run into the arms of the Void.
I have to hope Zain doesn't run to Kieran.
I don't trust them not to let Kieran steal me away again.
What Kieran wants he gets. Spoiled fucked Elites and their entitlement, but I refuse to relinquish my hard work.
Deep down I know I can't stay at Grimshaw, I'll never escape the Void.
I'm an outsider, and outsiders are dangerous.
The door to the car swings open and I exit. I stride over the manicured lawn letting myself in like I own the place. The foyer is subsumed by darkness aside from a dim light fluttering from the upstairs hallway. I tiptoe through the entryway making the floor creak with each careful step.
Heavy steps trudge down the staircase. Vesper's eyes zero in on me and that's when the flood gates open.
“Clara? Oh my God!” She rushes to my side as if she's seen a ghost.
Worry pinches her face. She wraps her sheer robe over her middle covering herself.
I probably woke her up. Her hair is up in a tight bun with loose tendrils framing her face.
Tears streak my cheeks. I crumple to the floor in a useless heap.
My emotions are wildly unstable without self-medicating regularly.
This is the first time I've had a moment to process since Kieran.
My insides are burning alive. I feel myself reliving all my hellish past traumas.
I always knew my past would catch up to me.
A heavy lump sticks to the back of my throat, and I struggle to gain oxygen. An impending panic attack is surfacing.
“Breathe!” She sinks to the floor with me.
Her hand rests on my shoulders. Her attempts to ground me fall flat.
Moments like this I'm beyond help. She knows me too well.
It's always been an unspoken understanding.
She doesn't ask: I don't tell. I quietly fall apart.
She's always there to pick up the pieces.
Maybe it’s time to be truthful how fucking broken I am. She deserves answers.
“I'm broken, Vesp.” My voice is void of emotion.
She releases me, rearing back. “No. You're not broken. Don't you say that.” Her thumb rubs soothing circles over my shoulder blade.
I shake my head and tuck my hair behind my ear.
“No. I have severe depression and panic episodes that stem from my childhood. I've spent my entire upbringing being bounced around from hotel to hotel. Mama always promised me we'd be like a normal family, with a dog, a white picket fence and school I could stay in long enough to make friends in.
Good things never last though.”
My voice is low and hollow. I hardly recognize myself when I'm in the throes of an episode.
I know I'm on the verge of a depressive episode, too.
It's exhausting. “She couldn't stop. The money just got recycled into her veins. Even then, when her body became old and worn out it was my turn . . .”
My voice cracks at my confession. Realization falls over her pained eyes.
I screw my eyes shut, blocking out the past. My fingernails dig into my palm. This is harder than I ever imagined. I can see it all in the back of my mind like a movie. Haunting me with memories I didn't ask for, taking pieces of me and replacing them with darkness.
“You don't understand, Vesp.” My eyes spring open; teardrops streak down my face. “It's what I've always been good at. Sex. It's my punishment for not being good enough.
I don't deserve happiness, so I lay in silence letting them use me. I used to dissociate, but I realize I deserve it. All of it.”
She looks at me with a mix of sympathy and shock. I don't want it. I know I'm a disaster; I don't need her seeing me as defective, too. I close my eyes wanting to just drift away into nothing.
“No. You're so much stronger than you realize. You never deserved any of that,” she assures me, but her words fall short.
She thought their story was over. Then he showed up with the truth she'd waited years to hear.