Chapter 14 I Let Go
At night, Feng Si burst into the bedroom reeking of alcohol. Hungry kisses landed on my ear.
He muttered, "Why can't you just listen a little? I wanted to be good to you..."
Fear made me shake and shake.
After a while, he let out a light sigh. In the end he did not go further. He just held me and fell asleep.
I listened to the even breathing beside me. My mind was a mess.
That crazy thought rose again.
I reached out, trembling, toward Feng Si's neck.
Harder. Harder. A little more, and I would be free!
That was the only thought in my head. The hands on his throat kept tightening.
Feng Si's face flushed red, but he did not stop me.
I watched his breathing grow weaker and weaker. At the last moment, I suddenly let go and sat on the bed, strength gone.
"Why didn't you kill me? Couldn't bear it?"
Feng Si gulped at the air. His voice sounded like it had been scraped with sandpaper.
"Do you hate me that much? Wish I were dead, is that it?"
He touched the marks on his neck. His eyes looked hurt.
"Yes! I hate you! I wish I could kill you!"
"You humiliated me, forced me, threatened my family, and now you lock me up. How am I supposed not to hate you?!"
"What did I even do wrong? For you to treat me like this?!"
Angry fists kept hitting him.
I wanted to pour out a lifetime of hate and be done with it.
Feng Si sat there stunned by my words, letting me hit him and curse him.
When I finally went quiet, he put out both arms and pulled me tight against him.
His tone was full of caution and tenderness.
"I'm sorry, Gu Qian... I didn't know I hurt you this badly. I just wanted you to care about me, not to have only that Xu Zichen in your eyes..."
He kept explaining himself, then grabbed his hair like even he could not buy it.
"I used to be a bastard. I deserve to die! I'll treat you well from now on and make it up to you twice over, okay?"
"We'll be fine. Give the child a complete family. Stay by my side, okay..."
I knew affection that came too late was worthless.
Why did those useless tears still keep falling?