5. Something Blue
Chapter Five
SOMETHING BLUE
Zodiac “Yak” Valor
Steele. His name should have been Melt because the hardened heart in my chest instantly turned into pure lava.
I was always amazed when I was around my little cousins, especially because they looked so much like their father.
Just little Hunters running amuck, driving their mama crazy.
It tripped me out every time they were around.
Now, seeing my own fucking son—holding my own fucking son, who had everything of mine—broke me and built me up again.
He was so damn tiny. His curly head rested in my palm while the rest of his body stretched down my forearm.
Given his long legs, I could tell he was going to take after my height.
Just like it had with my little cousins, the family gene had shown up in Steele.
His blonde hair was more sandy—not quite golden, but that’s how mine had looked as a baby.
By the time he was three, his hair and eyebrows would brighten.
Watching him sleep in my arms, with only a diaper on, because after his mom bathed him I took him right out of her arms, my eyes misted.
I probably cried more than I ever had in my life.
There was no way for me to tell how long I had been in this room, admiring him.
I knew it had to have been hours because Saskia had brought a bottle for me to feed him and had changed him.
He’d slept through the feeding and the changing.
I wanted to stare into my boy’s eyes, but he was sleeping too peacefully.
When I walked into my granny’s kitchen and saw her holding him, I almost fell to my knees.
I couldn’t even be mad at her. She’d been trying to get me to North Carolina for the past few months, and I’d kept putting it off.
The mob kept a nigga busy as hell, but I should have made the time.
Had I come here when Granny asked, I would have met my son sooner. That’s on me.
Saskia had been as quiet as a mouse on the other side of the door.
She was scared and tense, but she had no reason to be.
We’d had sex a year ago, even though she claimed she didn’t remember, and she ended up with a beautiful child.
She had no way to contact me and was dealing with her own problems. I wasn’t about to make her feel worse than I’m sure she already did about everything.
I was more upset that she had to go through this alone, even though she assured me on the way to her house that her friend had been there every step of the way.
But it shouldn’t have been her friend. It should have been me.
Back rubs, foot rubs, massages, doctor’s appointments, craving runs, labor and delivery—all that shit should have been me. That’s what I was most upset about.
Placing a kiss on my son's nose and then his forehead, I walked him to the gray crib she had against the wall. Saskia had done a damn good job, especially considering she handled all of this by herself. Her townhouse was clean, well-decorated, and smelled good. Our son’s room was decorated in an industrial theme, and even though she did a great job, I was already picturing how I would steal her idea but have a professional go all out for his nursery back in Jagoda Bay.
Going to the black dresser, I pulled out one of the neatly folded nighties and returned to the crib. It took me forever to get him inside without waking him. I added the matching hat that was slightly too big, kissed him again, and then turned off his light.
I’d had a lot of sex and never gotten a woman pregnant.
I told myself that the mother of my children would be the love of my life—my wife.
God took his big ass sandal off and slapped me in the back of the head because not only had I gotten a woman pregnant, but one who had no interest in being anyone’s wife.
It didn't take me long to find Saskia. All I did was follow the sniffles, and it led me to her bedroom. Even with tired, red-rimmed eyes and a slightly round face—probably because of her lingering pregnancy weight that I loved—she was still so fucking beautiful.I could tell she’d showered because she was still wearing the shower cap and dressed in a matching pajama short set that had little hellcat cars all over it.
It caused me to fucking chuckle, especially since the cars were different shades of pink.
She squinted at me, but her tears kept coming.
Like the rest of her home, her bedroom was fully furnished.
The white queen-sized bed was made up with a pink duvet.
She had pink accents throughout her room, which was fitting, but just like the nursery and the rest of the house, it was decorated just enough but not too much.
For some reason, I had the feeling that Saskia hadn’t gone all out on the décor just in case she had to run again.
It fucked me up that she thought she wasn’t safe, especially from me.
“Sass,” I walked further into her room, stopping at the side of her bed. She looked up at me, still hugging her knees, and that shit pulled at my damn heartstrings.
“Stop crying, baby.”
Brushing my thumb across her cheek and then the other, her tears kept falling, and I continued thumbing them away.
“You too fucking pretty to be crying. Everything gone be straight.”
“But,” her bottom lip trembled, “no, it’s not.”
Licking my lips, I ran my hand down the side of her face and palmed it, lifting it. Her breathing hitched.
“What I say?”
Her round eyes expanded and then settled before she blinked away another tear.
“I better not tell you no.”
“Okay then. If I said it’s gone straight, I mean that.”
“I… I’m tired, Yak.”
“Zodiac.”
“I’m tired, Zodiac.”
“Saskia. I apologize for coming at you wrong earlier. I was just caught off guard and mad at myself for letting you get away. Shit made me feel less of a man knowing that you had to do this on your own. I know you had help, but you didn’t have me.”
My firstborn coming into the world wasn’t supposed to be like this. There wasn’t much I could do about the shit now since he was already here, but I wasn’t letting her do this shit another day without me being there every step of the way.
Saskia snatched her head back.
“I… I can’t move to Jagoda Bay. I can’t. We will just have to figure out some type of coparenting thing from here. Your grandmother lives here, so I’m sure you'll come out here anyway.”
“My granny lives out here, Saskia, and not for long. We’ve been putting things in motion to get her to move to Tennessee.
She’s getting older. North Carolina isn’t my home anymore.
I’ve got too much business and other shit going on in the bay to be moving back or spending a lot of time here. I gotta have my son with me.”
She shook her head profusely.
“I…I can’t! I can’t go back. That’s too close to home. I told you my daddy tried to marry me off to a rapist! What if he tried to kill-”
“Stop saying that shit, Sass.” My voice rose, making her jump, and I instantly regretted that shit. I didn’t want her scared of me. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to lay all of her problems at my fucking feet. I wanted to protect her, and I wasn’t doing that shit in Diamond Cove.
“Diamond Cove is my past. Jagoda Bay is my present and my future. You can come back. I’ll even arrange for your girl to come back. Just know, ain’t no muthafucka gone force you to do nothing you don’t want to do, aite?”
She shook her head, not trying to hear any of the shit I was saying.
“I’ll leave again. I’ll leave for another place where you can’t find us. I’m willing to co-parent, but I just can’t go back there.”
“Baby.”
Sitting carefully so I wouldn't sit on her bare feet, I faced her.
“You gotta stop running away from a nigga.”
“Zodiac. You don’t understand. You’re acting like I’ve been running from you forever. We had a one-night stand, and I needed to put some distance between myself and Sparkling City. So I took your car and ran.”
“But I do. I understand and that’s why I’m tryna explain to you that you gone be straight, baby.”
“How? You don’t know me. I don’t know you. We had a one-night stand, and it resulted in an oops baby. I love my child to death. But, my life is here in Diamond Cove. We are good here.”
“You good here? Living under a fake alias? Or are you even living under a fake one? Your Beetle Brats call you by your first name, and so do ya friend and my granny’s friend.
You’re out in the fucking open, racing and shit.
Do you think if muthafuckas was really after you, that you’d be able to live your life freely like that?
Driving around in a loud ass car? What, cuz yo girl got some paperwork doctored?
You think that's what’s been saving you? ”
Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my phone.
“My name is Zodiac Valor. I’m twenty-nine years old and I was born and raised here.
My granny took me in when my parents died in a car accident.
My uncle, Hunter, and I came up in the streets because my Granny was forced to retire early due to a bad knee.
We hit the ground running because her not having what she needed wasn’t an option. ”
She blinked slowly, but continued to listen.
“Fucking around in them streets with no direction, some shit went down. To make matters worse, it went down when we were in Knoxville, Tennessee.”
Them white folk didn’t fucking play out there and were ready to give a black nigga the fucking chair.
“Hunter was locked up, and even though it fucked me up, I hit the ground running cuz I knew not only did he need a damn good lawyer, but we needed money to pay said lawyer. Three months later, I still didn’t have enough, but I still tried my luck to get him the best help I could find.”
Unlocking my screen, I opened the app I’d designed years ago. A beeping noise went off, and for a minute, we both sat there. Sass began to look around when she noticed I hadn’t reacted to the noise.