Chapter 22 #3
Got over her? She played the Kevin thing off as a few dates. Was it more than that? Jane picks up her wine and takes a sip as she gazes at Kevin.
“Yeah.” He smiles a small, private smile. “I sent you loads of stuff over the years!”
Wait, what?
What the fuck?
He was sending Jane gifts while she and I were together? When? I’m completely revising my opinion that Kevin being here is a problem; I’m learning all sorts of things I never knew before.
“What did you send her? Maybe I could pick up some tips?” I grin at him, and he gives me an easy smile back.
Simpleton.
“Oh, you know: flowers on her birthday, cards, letters.”
Letters? And Jane always said she hated flowers. That they were an affront to the environment. A bouquet from a friend named Mary used to appear every year … Maybe there was no Mary? My eyes rake over Jane; she’s looking as uncomfortable as all get out now.
“They all sound like good strategies,” I say.
Somehow, this whole conversation is nowhere near as gutting as I expected.
It feels like a vindication. “They were pretty flowers. We enjoyed them a lot. Though I was told they were from someone called Mary.” I smile tightly at Kevin as my eyes slide toward Jane again, and she doesn’t meet my eyes. Sonofabitch.
Two servers appear behind my dad with steaming plates, and soon we’re all tucking into delicious Italian food.
“Where do you live in Philadelphia, Kevin?” my mom says.
“Oh, Fox Chase. But I’m in the middle of buying a house in Manayunk, and then this little lady is gonna come back home and live with me.” He squeezes Jane’s fingers where they’re resting on the table.
I gape at the pair of them. Why is she so bothered about me moving back into the apartment, then?
Is it just the money? She used to go on about how much she hated Philly, how it was a backwater when it came to finance, and that she was never going back.
It’s like I’m seeing a whole new side to Jane tonight.
“Salaries must be good in real estate,” my dad says dryly, as he forks some lasagna into his mouth and chews.
“I got a smoking deal on this house. An old lady died, so I got in quick before it went on the market.” He winks at my dad, whose eyebrows rise.
I’ll bet.
“So, you’re coming back to Philadelphia!” my mom says with a strained smile at Jane.
“Yeah, well …” Jane pushes her food around her plate. “I could never afford to buy a place here, so it makes a lot of sense. I’ve got to get my job situation figured out first, though. That might take a couple of years.”
This is bullshit. Jane and I talked about buying a place here, about living somewhere cheap, saving our salaries, and getting something of our own in five or six years.
We did all the figures together. It was the whole reason we scrimped the way we did.
My gaze fixes on where her face is bent over her cutlery.
Was she stringing both Kevin and me along, waiting to see who’d come up with the goods—whatever those goods were?
She raises her head and her eyes catch mine, and I stare at her as she lifts her chin.
Something icy settles in my chest. It’s like I’ve never known her.
“And I can work on the house until you come back.” Kevin squeezes her fingers again.
So it’s all arranged? Or is this just another tall tale she has no intention of honoring?
My eyes drift to their joined hands and somehow …
the idea that she won’t be here rushes through me with a cold sense of relief.
She won’t be in our apartment, living some fun mythical life in New York that I’m no longer a part of.
She’ll be back in Philly, and that’s fine, because I know Philly and it’s not New York.
She’s in finance: The opportunities there will be nothing compared to here.
“Sounds like a great plan,” I say, and Jane’s eyes dart to mine again. I have no clue what her game is, but there’s no question that I’m better off out of it.
I’m starting to feel like she’s playing Kevin and me off against each other.
Why would she want us to keep getting together or dragging Kevin along to meet me?
Perhaps she’s expecting me to suddenly declare undying love for her?
But I did do that. I produced a ring, and she said no. Isn’t that enough?
Well, I’m not above reminding her what she gave up.
“Hey, Mom, I forgot to mention that I’m going to take over the running of Williams Security when Jo goes on maternity leave.
The business is growing like crazy, and Des has gone to Korea to set up a satellite office, so I might be rather stretched for a while. ”
“That’s okay, honey. Sounds exciting, but maybe a lot of stress.”
I blow out a long breath. “It is stressful, but it’s a great opportunity to run a tech startup. I’m learning loads.”
My dad reaches out and pats my hand, his eyes warm over the table.
Jane leans forward. “My job is unbelievably demanding, too. Business in New York is like that. They expect you to deliver, day in, day out. I’m going to take all my skills back to Philly and set up my own finance company. I can arrange loans for Kevin’s customers.” Her mouth is a flat line.
Kevin’s face is a little flushed. From his expression, I’d say this is the first he’s heard of it. Maybe he was expecting her to come back and be a housewife? Perhaps his boss has no idea that Jane is taking over their financing?
He smiles at her. “Well, when you come back home, my income will be plenty for the both of us, so you won’t have to do all that fancy finance stuff anymore.”
She scowls at him, and I want to snort behind my hand.
“Well,” my dad says on a long exhale as we slide into an Uber, “what drugs is that young lady smoking?”
God, I thought tonight was going to be terrible, and it was, but in a very different way than I was expecting. I need to sit somewhere quiet and process this whole evening. The upside is that my mom and dad are now totally on my side. I don’t know why I thought they wouldn’t be.
“I owe that lovely girl you’re living with an apology,” my mom mumbles.
“Nothing is going on between Sadie and me. She’s my coworker,” I say.
“Yes, yes. We understand that now,” my mom says quietly, patting my hand.
“Sorry, Jim,” my dad adds, and my mom nods.
“It’s okay.” I lean forward in my seat and push my glasses onto the top of my head as I rub my eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Jane had a new boyfriend. What a mess.”
We all lapse into silence for a while as the driver sings along to “What’s Love Got to Do with It,” by Tina Turner.
“Well, I never thought I would say it,” my dad starts.
“Obviously, after you told us, your mom and I talked about what we were going to do once we got here, how we were going to help you two patch things up, but it’s clear to me that she’s a deeply silly woman, and I think you’ve had a lucky escape.
God forbid we’d found out how stupid she was after you’d got married and were bringing up our grandchildren! ”
“Don’t talk about grandchildren. I’m not quite ready to deal with that yet.”
“Of course, of course,” my mom pats my knee.
She’s being uncharacteristically quiet. I turn to study her. “You’re not saying much, Mom.”
“I’m stunned to be honest. I don’t know what to make of it.
” She makes a face at me. “I felt she’d become a bit more …
not ruthless exactly … self-absorbed, maybe?
… since you guys moved here. I just thought it was working in a big tough city like New York, but now I’m wondering …
” She spreads her hands. “We loved Jane; you know we did. We used to say to all our friends how lucky we were that we had the perfect daughter-in-law all set up for when you guys were ready.”
God, I lost my dreams, but so did they. Except it doesn’t feel like my dream anymore. It belongs to a different, clueless James Royce.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble.
“Oh, there’s nothing to apologize for,” my dad says. “That was the most appalling display of self-centeredness I’ve ever witnessed. Those two deserve each other.”
“Now, Tony …”
“Am I wrong?” His nostrils flare.
“Well ...”
“Am I wrong?”
Christ! I don’t want to start an argument between my mom and dad. They never argue.
“No, you’re not wrong, sweetheart,” my mom says, patting his hand.
“I’ve never been so embarrassed by someone’s behavior in my whole life!
” my dad adds, the tips of his ears turning red.
“I’ve never seen my son treated so appallingly either.
” He blows out a long breath and stares out the taxi window at the lights of Manhattan as we take the ramp up to the bridge.
“Do you think that non-girlfriend of yours at home would be up for going out for a cocktail? I could do with a nightcap, but I didn’t want to stay in that restaurant a moment longer. ”
“She doesn’t drink, actually.”
“Pity.”
“I’ll go out with you, Dad. I could use a whiskey after that debacle.”
“Sounds like a plan,” he says.
After we drop my mom off at the apartment, my dad and I head down the street and into the dim light of our local bar, Fresh Salt, the tables still busy with late-evening diners.
The illuminated sign above the bar screams “COCKTAILS!” But my dad slides onto a wooden barstool and studies the whiskies on the top two shelves.
I can never decide whether the picture of the old guy above the bar is meant to be Jesus, the owner, or that bearded fish-stick guy from the ads.
“What are you in the mood for?” my dad says, as I hitch myself up on a stool next to him.
“How much are we spending?”
My dad introduced me to whiskey once I got old enough to drink, and ever since, it’s been this delightful thing we share whenever we go out. He rubs his hands together. “What would go down well after this evening, hmm?” he says, and I laugh.
The bartender appears and spins two coasters onto the bar in front of us, and my dad orders two glasses of eighteen-year-old Macallan. He nudges me. “I think we need to treat ourselves, don’t you?”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He nods and picks up the coaster, bending it in two. “Well, Jim. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life, and I’m rarely surprised, but that was one of the most surprising evenings I’ve had in a long time.”
“For me, too,” I say, staring at the rows of bottles behind the bar.
His hand stretches out, and he grabs me around the neck, squeezing. “You okay?” His eyes are warm and kind, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him just how bad it’s been, but I’m their only child—how can I add to his worries?
And all that nonsense earlier … I’m over it.
The churning feeling inside me has slipped away into concern for other things: work, Mr. Karen, Sadie and her stepdad.
I no longer recognize that drunk guy on the roof.
Whether it’s living in Des’s place, Sadie’s calm acceptance, or everything that happened this evening, something has flipped over.
I had nothing in my life when I was with Jane except her and my job, and now I have so much more.
A friend. A pet. Sadie was right: Jane’s got all her own reasons for this.
Still, all that stuff tonight was ... “I’m still reeling from all that if I’m honest,” I say to my dad.
He eyes me with a steady gaze then pats my hand on the bar. “Any man would be. Any man would be.”
I don’t often talk to my dad about personal things, but a pressure is sitting under my ribs, nonetheless. My whole history with Jane was rewritten over that meal. I called her out for being unfaithful, but it was more in spite than because of any genuine belief … but did she?
“I accused her of cheating. I didn’t really believe it, but the expression on her face when Kevin talked about keeping in touch with her ...”
He nods. “Yeah. Did you know anything about that?”
“No.”
“Oh boy,” my dad says.
“She lied to me. Now I’m just wondering about how many things.”
“Oh boy,” my dad says again.
“Twelve years.” I bury my hands in my hair.
His hand lands on my shoulder again. “You can’t think like that.”
“I’ve wasted all those years of my life on a girl who I now think wasn’t on the same page as me at all.”
“Think of the positives, Jim: You’re out of it, you’re still young, you’ve got a great job, and you’re living in a beautiful apartment.”
An old-timer stands up from his seat at the end of the bar and weaves his way toward the bathroom. I lift my whiskey and knock it straight back. “I need to go for a walk, Dad. Burn off some energy. I’ll see you back at home. Is that okay?”
He nods and pats my shoulder, and I head out the door and onto the still-warm streets.