Chapter 22
SKYLER
I take a few deep breaths. It’s time for my live on ClipClap, and I’ve told myself all day that I’m ready for it, but now that I’m about to hit the live button, I’m not so sure.
I finally convinced Aria that I was okay. She helped me with my makeup to hide the bruise on my face, and then she went home. I spent the afternoon planning for tonight’s live, and as I look at the counter, seeing all the ingredients and everything set up and ready, I try to focus. I can do this.
I take a deep breath, let it out, and then hit the button to go live.
With a smile on my face, I wave at the camera.
“Hey Cookie Crew! I’m here, and I’m ready to get lost in the baking.
You know how when sometimes you need to take a break and do something that doesn’t require a lot of thinking? That’s how baking is for me.”
I suck in a breath. Already, I’m off track. Focus, Skyler.
“All right, friends, I have a treat for you. Today, we’re making an apple pie. I don’t know about you, but homemade pies make me think of home, cozy, safety… love.”
The word catches in my throat, and I turn away from the camera to get myself together.
Maybe Aria was right; maybe this was too soon.
Forcing a smile to my face, I hold up a bowl and point into it.
“Okay, to start, we’re going to make the dough.
” I mix in the flour, sugar, and salt and then add cut-up slices of butter.
I mix and then add ice water until the dough comes together.
I work the dough, shaping it as I instruct how to do it.
I wrap the two discs of dough in plastic and then put it in the fridge to chill.
I hold up an apple. “Okay, guys, are we having fun? Next, we’re going to make the filling.”
As I prepare the filling, I talk to my viewers. “So how are you guys? Everyone doing okay?” I lean in to read the comments. “Hey, Elise! Yes, apple pie is my favorite too.”
“Hey, Kara, I love caramel. We can add that to the apple filling. Yum!”
My face falls as I read another comment. “Zach? Uh, he’s not here.”
I hold a finger up to the camera. “I’ll be right back. I need to get something from the fridge.”
I walk off screen, take a deep breath, and try to get myself together. I should have been prepared for this. I should have known that people would ask about Zach, and I’m not ready to answer them. It’s too soon.
I lean back into the frame and smile. “And I’m back!
” As I slice the apples and the thunk of the knife hitting the board fills the quiet kitchen, I start to ramble.
“Like I said, I love a good apple pie. I love the smell of it baking. I mean, who doesn’t love when the scent of apple and cinnamon fills your house? It’s comforting, right?”
I hold up an apple. “It’s weird, if you think about it.
Like, I have this apple and some of them are perfect, crisp, and sweet.
” I hold up an apple with a big bruise on the side.
“And then sometimes you get an apple with a bruise, and you have to decide if you’re going to cut around the bruise and use what’s left or if you should throw the whole thing out. ”
I pause and tighten my hold on the knife before I start slicing out the bruise.
Instead of looking at the camera, I’m staring at the bruised apple as I work.
“Heartbreak is kind of like that. When your heart gets bruised, you wonder if you’re ever going to be whole again.
You can’t just cut out that bruised side of your heart, though.
And yeah, people say that time heals, but in that moment, you don’t believe them.
You begin to wonder if you’ll ever be the same again.
Will the ache ever stop? Or will you always be half a person with a bruised heart? ”
I let out a breath and then dump the apple slices into the bowl. “What if you just have to learn to live like this? With a heart that never heals.”
I use my arm and wipe at a tear that has rolled down my cheek, and I force out a laugh. “Oh my goodness, Cookie Crew, this was supposed to be about pie.”
I pick up the cinnamon as my back door opens. I freeze, and then I’m stunned when Zach walks in.
His gaze eats me up, and he points to the door. “You left the door unlocked.”
I swallow, unable to form a sentence.
He moves into the room. “I was sitting in your driveway, watching your live, and I had to come in. I hope that’s okay.”
I nod.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left. Seeing you hurt about killed me, and I convinced myself that you were better off without me.”
Finally, I find my voice. “I’m not.” Stronger, firmer, I shake my head. “I’m not better without you, Zach.”
He walks toward me but stops short of touching me. “I’m lost without you, Skyler. I love you. I love you so much, and even though I know you deserve someone better, I can’t let you go.”
I clear my throat and look at the camera, my heart pounding. “Hey everyone.” I chuckle. “Uh, sometimes these lives go off the rails, huh? I know we have a pie to make, but I’m going to need a few minutes. I’ll be back… thirty minutes, okay?”
I lean down and look at the comments. People are screaming in all caps saying no and wondering what’s going on. I turn to Zach. “They want to know if you’re going to be on the live later too.”
He swallows hard and nods. “Yeah, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere.”
His words hit me hard, and I look back at the camera. “All right, everyone. We’re taking a short break. Make sure your notifications are turned on so you know when I come back on.” I wave into the camera. “See you soon.”
As soon as I turn off the live, I look at Zach. I want to forgive him, I really do, but I can’t just let this go. Not yet. “What happened?”
He takes a step toward me and stops. He gestures to the camera. “I’m sorry for interrupting your live, but I was watching from the car. I was going to come in afterward, but when I saw how sad you were, I couldn’t wait.”
“I’m glad you did.”
He lifts his arms as if he’s going to reach for me and then stops and fists his hands at his sides instead. “I know I fucked up, Sky. I was stupid.” He shakes his head like he’s trying to get rid of thoughts. “First, I want you to know I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you get hurt.”
I stutter to get the words out. “What are you talking about? You saved me, Zach. You didn’t let me get hurt.”
He nods. “I did. He shouldn’t have been able to get to you.”
I cut him off. “I’m the one that unlocked the door for Terry. It was my fault.”
He shakes his head and comes toward me, grabbing on to my hands.
“Don’t say that. None of this is your fault.
I will live the rest of my life knowing I let you down when you needed me, but I promise you, Sky, that if you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you never doubt that I love you, because I do. I love you more than anything.”
I open my mouth, but before I can get anything out, Zach continues. “Before you decide, I should probably tell you everything.”
My heart drops. I’m not sure what he’s going to say, but I know he’s right; I need to hear it all. “Okay,” I murmur.
He holds one of my hands and puts one of his on the side of my neck.
I suck in a breath. The heat of his look, the feel of his touch, all of it is just too much.
He licks his lips, searching my eyes. “Sky, today, when I was thinking of you, I had this picture in my head. You were pregnant. Fuck, you were so beautiful, and in my mind, it was my baby you were carrying under your heart.” He trembles and cups my cheek in his hand.
“I want it all. I don’t want temporary, baby.
I want us. You are my everything. I dream of having my ring on your finger, building a family—a life—together. ”
I want all of that too, but I’m scared. Scared that he’s going to change his mind or that he’ll figure out I’m not what he wants.
“Zach, I want all of that… I really do, but I can’t go all in and have you decide to walk away.” I lift my chin. “You broke me when you ended this, when you treated me like a job, and I don’t know if I’ll survive it again. I want to trust you…”
He leans forward, pressing his forehead to mine.
It’s like I can feel the emotion inside him wrapping around us.
He lifts his head, kisses my forehead, and steps back.
“I’ll give you all the time you need, but I’m not leaving you again, Sky, and I promise you that I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you. ”
I lift my hands, curling my fingers into his shirt. “Don’t make promises—”
He tilts his head. “Don’t make promises I can’t keep?” He gives me a reassuring look. His voice is firm and self-assured. “I’m keeping every promise I make to you. Let me prove it to you.”
I put my hands on his shoulders. “How about we start with a kiss…”
He puts his hands at my waist, pulling me flush to his body. “I’m in. I’m all in.”
As soon as our lips touch, something inside me unravels. I melt against him as he deepens the kiss. The feel of him pressed against me, the way he holds me like he never wants to let me go is freeing in a way I’ve never felt before.
With my heart pounding, I force myself to pull back even though it’s the last thing I want to do. “Thank you for coming back, Zach. I know I told you to go… “
He shakes his head. “I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”
With a shaky smile and a racing heart, I smile. “Good. Because we have a pie to finish.”