Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
“Ye’ll ask him, aye?” Agnes said as she and Katherine walked toward the great hall. Her tone was so serious that she sounded as though she were guiding the two of them into battle. “And tell him ye’ll be with me the entire time?
“Of course,” Katherine confirmed, her hand tightening on the girl’s smaller one. “I’d like to visit the sea as well. I think that the air would do both of us good.”
Katherine hadn’t been to the sea in years. She was around Agnes’s age the last time she’d laid eyes on it. Now that she was so close, she couldn’t help the nagging desire to go and smell the salt air and dip her toes in the water.
“I’ve never been allowed to see it,” Agnes admitted, lowering her voice. She looked up at Katherine seriously. “Father has never offered to take me.”
Katherine’s brow furrowed, trying to understand why.
She’d seen that he was protective of Agnes, strict in a way that she didn’t fully understand even if she didn’t fault him for it.
Not offering to take his child to the sea when it was only a few hours away on horseback felt as though it were a step too far.
Though perhaps she doesnae ken how to swim.
“He’s a busy man,” Katherine said as they stepped through the doors of the great hall, deciding this wasn’t an issue she should parse out with the girl.
She scanned the people already there, her heart skipping a beat when she spotted Liam.
It had been days since she’d seen him, and somehow that made his devastating handsomeness even more world-stopping.
“Perhaps he’ll allow ye to go if he kens that there’s someone else there with ye. ”
“Ye’re a good swimmer, aye?” Agnes asked, lowering her voice and slowing their pace as they approached the table. “Ye would be fine in the water?”
“I am,” Katherine confirmed. “And I could help someone that doesnae ken how to swim as well.”
“Make sure to tell him,” the girl instructed, low and conspiratorial. Her little mind was scheming, and it delighted Katherine to see it. She seemed her age, and Katherine felt as though it were a treat to experience her in such rare form. “Ye can tell him ye’re goin’ to teach me to swim.”
“Ye’ve thought this all out, have ye nae?” Katherine responded, glancing from Agnes to Liam. They were quickly approaching him, and she could tell that he was already watching them with that unsettling, unreadable expression. “Makin’ this suggestion seem like it’s all me idea.”
“I have,” Agnes said, incredibly serious. Then, with the gravity of a commander issuing his final instruction, she said, “And it is yer idea.”
She withdrew her hand from Katherine. Then, with her shoulders straight and a serious look on her face, she took her seat. Her eyes met Katherine’s, clearly urging her to ask now. Breaking eye contact, she began to serve herself, her movements delicate.
With a short nod, Katherine settled in next to Liam.
He didn’t look at her, his sharp gaze focused on the plates of food in front of them.
It was almost as if he were completely ignoring her presence.
She tried not to let his distance bother her, but she had hoped that he’d at least acknowledge her presence.
He must regret our kiss, then, if he cannae look at me…
She swallowed hard, shaking her head as she began to serve herself. When her plate was loaded, as casually as she could, she asked, “I trust that there werenae any issues while ye were out? The matter seemed quite pressin’.”
Liam went stiff beside her, almost like he’d expected her to keep quiet. Then, as if he were reading a particularly boring story aloud, he replied, “There were nay immediate threats to our lands.”
Katherine waited, hoping he’d say something else. He didn’t need to ask about her well-being or how she’d spent her days, but it would have been a nice gesture to inquire about Agnes’s lessons. Children are more observant than most give them credit for.
He needs to be encouraged. I daenae think he kens just how important little things like that are for children.
“That’s good to hear,” Katherine said, delicately picking up her fork.
When she looked over at him once more, his eyes were fixed on the utensil, as if he were trying to puzzle out the secrets of the universe.
Carefully, she adjusted her grip. “Agnes has been makin’ great progress with her letters.
And she’s begun knittin’ her first pair of mittens. ”
“Are ye ensurin’ she’s makin’ them big enough to accommodate her hands?” he said, irritatingly latching onto a logistical matter rather than praising her efforts as Katherine had intended. “She will have grown by the time winter arrives.”
“Of course,” Katherine said, glancing at Agnes, pride swelling in her chest. Her foresight was most definitely a result of Liam’s oversight, but that didn’t discount the girl’s efforts. “She’s makin’ them large enough that she should be able to wear them for several years to come.”
“Very good,” Liam grunted, finally seeming to realize that Katherine was encouraging him to praise the girl. He turned toward her, a hint of true pride in his eyes. It was one of the first times that she’d seen it, and it warmed her heart. “I would like ye to show me yer work tonight.”
“Aye, Father,” Agnes said, the corners of her mouth twitching. She was struggling to keep herself humble, her carefully constructed mask wavered but held. “Perhaps I can make ye a pair of mittens as well.”
“That is thoughtful of ye,” he said, still not quite as enthusiastic as Katherine would have liked. She certainly wouldn’t correct him, though.
They’re learnin’. They’re doin’ it for one another.
A smile spread across Katherine’s face. To hide her excitement about the development, she shoveled a bite of neeps into her mouth. It wasn’t until Agnes cleared her throat pointedly that Katherine lifted her eyes from her plate.
“Now that ye’re back, I have a request,” she said, setting her fork aside.
As diplomatically as she could, she said, “Agnes’ lessons have been comin’ along quite well though I daenae ken if she can truly be a cultured woman if her education solely takes place within the castle.
I thought that perhaps she and I could take Brimstone to the sea for a day, so I can?—”
“Nay,” Liam said sharply, abruptly cutting her off.
There was a kind of anger that was so deep it must have been hiding another emotion, something much more fragile.
“Nay, ye willnae be goin’ to sea. Neither of ye will.
” He put his own utensil down, turning to face her properly with a controlling, almost violent fire in his eyes.
“The two of us would be incredibly careful,” Katherine countered, only pushing forward because she knew how badly Agnes wanted to go.
It took everything within her to keep from sinking away from him.
She wouldn’t, though, not when Agnes had asked this of her.
“And I’m a strong swimmer. There wouldnae be anythin’ for ye to worry about. ”
“I forbid it,” he barked, his body seeming to get larger and more imposing. No longer were they having a quiet conversation, but instead a potential shouting match. “I forbid both of ye from ever goin’ to the sea. Ever.”
The last word ricocheted off the walls, echoing as the entire hall fell silent. From her side of the table, Agnes ducked her head. Katherine felt frozen, unsure whether it was safe to even breathe.
Perhaps I shouldnae have pressed him so hard.
For several beats, the room was so quiet that a pin drop could be heard. The residents shifted, the fabric of their clothing rustling in the tense silence. Then, slowly, the whispered conversations resumed. Liam went back to eating, his back stiff, his movements deliberate.
He didn’t look at her at all. In fact, he only looked at his plate and a distant spot. Katherine’s appetite vanished completely, and the sick feeling of having done something wrong but not knowing what made her stomach churn.
Her hand trembling, Katherine grabbed her fork again. She felt scolded and embarrassed for speaking up. The topic was effectively closed, so, tightening her grip on the silverware, she forced herself to eat as if nothing had happened.
What is it with Liam and the sea? And why will he nae tell me what I should be so worried about?
* * *
Liam was already half awake, his sleep fitful, when a firm knock came. He was up in an instant, his feet hitting the cold stone of his floor and shocking his system into full alertness. Even before answering the door, he knew that the news wouldn’t be good.
The air has felt wrong for weeks.
Ever since he saw the rusted fork, a foreboding sense of dread had lingered over him, growing sharper hour by hour.
He’d done everything he could to prepare the land and strengthen the castle, but some things couldn’t be prevented.
When he saw the servant standing in the corridor, he knew that this was one of those moments.
“Lady Agnes has requested yer presence,” the man said, his voice carefully controlled. Liam heard the urgency in the clipped nature of his speech, though.
Is she still well enough to have made the request?
He nodded and dismissed the servant with a wave of his hand as he stepped past him.
Moving as quickly as he could without breaking into a run, Liam went straight to his grandmother’s room.
He passed two somber-looking maids along the way.
When the healer’s assistant met his eye as they rounded the corner, there was a tenderness there that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
I daenae need their pity nor sympathy.
His grandmother’s door was wide open, and as he stepped inside, the sinking feeling in his chest was vindicated. Lying amongst her pillows, she looked smaller than he’d ever seen her before. She was completely still, her chest rising and falling shallowly.
And it’s fadin’...
Liam shut her door behind him more gently than he ever had in his life, crossing the room in several long strides. Kicking the armchair away from the edge of the mattress, he kneeled there. He gathered her frail hand in his large grip, so careful not to squeeze too hard for fear of breaking her.
“Grandmother,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Ye sent for me.”
“I daenae have much time left,” she said, thin and brittle. It sounded as if it took nearly all of the strength she had left.
She took a long, labored breath. Then, as she exhaled, she coughed, the sound rattling her chest. Liam’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing. There was no denying it, and she wouldn’t let him offer false platitudes. The only thing he could do was listen. She had called him here for a reason.
Her eyes were soft, tired, the wisdom of all the years she’d lived even more apparent now. “Take care of them,” she said, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat, closing her eyes for a moment. Her chest rose, then fell. She looked at him once more. “Agnes… and Katherine.”
He stiffened at the sound of Katherine’s name. He was aware that she was under his care, but he didn’t think it was worth mentioning now in his grandmother’s last moments of life. She hadn’t known the woman nearly long enough. Before he could say anything, she continued.
“I ken ye’ve made a vow to yerself, even if ye’ve never told me,” she said, the words cutting through him, making him feel flayed open and exposed. “It is all right to break yer vow. Ye wouldnae be lettin’ anyone down.”
His hand tightened on hers, his throat tight with emotion and all the things he’d never get to say.
He wanted to tell her that maintaining his distance was the only way to keep Katherine safe.
He wanted to say that keeping her alive was far more important than acting on the desires he was desperately trying to keep buried.
How could I possibly explain it?
When the right words wouldn’t come, he simply looked at her. She held his gaze for a long moment, and for a brief instant, she looked so much younger, every bit the woman who raised him and taught him right from wrong. Then, her eyes closed again, slowly and deliberately.
The rise and fall of her chest were faint. He watched as they faded, saw her exhale her last breath, and when her fingers went slack in his, he knew that she was gone.
Just like that, she’s nae longer here, and all it took was a second.
He didn’t know how much time had passed that he wasunable to lift himself to his feet.
It was almost as if his mind refused to accept that she could be gone, that he had heard her last words.
There was so much he hadn’t had the chance to say.
And, even if he knew she wouldn’t hear it, he reached out for the ability to speak.
Gradually, grief started to settle into his chest. It was cold and suffocating. He had felt it before, after Agnes was born. Now, it was much harder to endure. A black hole opened, pulling all his rational thoughts into the abyss of his mind.
Before the icy tendrils could dig into him any deeper, Liam reluctantly let go of her hand and stood.
The longer he stayed here, the more vulnerable he would become.
As the head of the clan, he couldn’t afford to show weakness.
With each step away from her, the feeling shifted.
By the time he reached the door, his stomach burned with an anger that had nowhere to go.
“Liam.”
Liam grimaced, dreading the sound of Katherine’s voice as it was the last thing he wanted to hear. He couldn’t even look at her; it was almost too much to bear. Cillian stood next to her, his hand resting on her shoulder as if to keep her standing.
“Liam, I?—”
“That’s enough,” he said, sharp and cutting. It echoed off the walls, and Katherine took a step back as though she’d been struck. “I daenae need yer sympathy.”
Before either of them could say anything else, Liam pushed past both of them. He stomped down the hallway toward his chambers, each footfall heavier than the last. The sound of his heels hitting the stone and bouncing off the walls gave him something steady to focus on.
If I stop movin’, if I start thinkin’, there’s nae tellin’ what I’ll do.