Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
The castle was quiet and peaceful as Katherine walked back to her chambers. She had come to accept that they would never share a room. Even if her and Liam’s connection felt impossibly warmer, the chambers seemed like a line he wouldn’t be willing to cross.
I’m nae goin’ to ask for anythin’ more. I am happy with what he’s been givin’ me.
She knew that wasn’t completely true, but she had been given so much more than she had ever imagined she could have.
It felt almost greedy to want anything more.
She had a warm place to rest her head, more food than she could ever eat, and the quiet life that she hadn’t imagined she’d ever be allowed to experience.
“Perhaps I am simply an insatiable woman,” she said to the ground as she walked through the halls that had become familiar to her. “I am given one thing, and I cannae seem to stop meself from askin’ for more.”
She wondered if her view, her insatiable wishes, were a symptom of going so long without.
If it hadn’t been for growing up without a mother or without basic necessities, would she be able to be satisfied here?
Would she be able to accept Liam’s decree that this marriage would be devoid of the love that she so desperately craved?
Nay, I daenae think so. I believe that I have always wanted this. I wanted me husband to love me rather than see me as a partner in duty.
Katherine paused her walk, taking a moment to recenter herself. Her mind had been a mess today. Now that her illness had run its course and was no longer draining her energy, her mind had the fuel it needed to overthink and demand more than she was able to give.
Taking another deep breath, she continued on her journey. Once she was alone in her room, she would be able to push the thoughts aside. Or, at the very least, she would be able to handle the crisis in her mind in private.
When she rounded the corner, turning down the corridor to her quarters, there was a figure standing at the end of the passageway. She hesitated at first, afraid that someone had broken into the castle. Since she’d arrived, she had rarely seen anyone in these parts.
Her initial fear subsided, and then she was able to make out who the figure was. Liam. Standing there. Right outside the door of her chambers. The chambers that were meant to belong to both of them.
“What...” she began as her feet carried her toward him as though they were guided purely by muscle memory.
Neither of them spoke as she closed the short distance between them. He seemed to be observing her every move, his gaze feeling like a fire spreading through her limbs. It wasn’t until she stopped in front of him that she finally attempted to speak once more.
“Were ye waitin’ for me?” she asked, the words coming out much softer than she intended. “Or were ye simply guardin’ me door?”
Liam was quiet, looking down at her with an expression that she couldn’t quite read.
There was heat simmering in his irises. His red hair was pushed back, almost as if he’d been running his hands through it either because of nerves or frustration.
She wasn’t able to tell which. She had never seen this look on him before.
He looks the same as he did before he kissed me, but… he doesnae look as haunted. It’s like he’s…
And saints knew that she was ready to accept him.
* * *
Liam noticed the slightest hint of teasing when Katherine spoke. It surprised him and made him hesitate. He wasn’t sure if he was annoyed or amused.
Both. It is always both with this woman.
“Ye speak too freely,” he said finally, moving in closer.
He couldn’t seem to stay away from her. Whenever she was near, his body would respond to the heat radiating from her, much like a cat chasing a beam of sunlight.
He didn’t understand how he managed to resist her for so long, and now that he wasn’t pretending he didn’t desire her, it became even harder to stay out of her orbit.
“Arenae I yer wife?” she asked, that teasing tone stronger. Her mouth curled up into an irresistible little smile.
Ach, ye cannae keep lookin’ at me like that, lass.
He took a step forward, the two of them nearly chest to chest. It would take nothing to close the distance between them. With each breath she took, the tantalizing swell of her breasts brushed against him.
“Aye,” he growled, every single fiber of his being screaming at him to grab hold of her, to claim her, to break her. “Ye are me wife. And I cannae seem to forget it.”
She didn’t pull away, but her breath hitched. It was airy, soft. His hands clenched into fists at his sides as he desperately tried to suppress his instincts. Yet the urge to pull her closer was too strong. Without his permission, his fingers relaxed, and he found her wrist.
When Katherine allowed the touch, he went further. His palm came up to cradle her cheek, gentle but quietly demanding. As much as he could, he tried to project his intentions. Her mouth parted, a completely unconscious gesture, and he knew that she wanted this just as much as he did.
His movements sure and deliberate, he leaned in. Finally, after being haunted by the feel and taste of her mouth, he let himself have it once more. She was even sweeter now.
It took Katherine a moment to register what had happened; her lips simply puckered against his. But when her mind caught up with what was happening to her body, she kissed him back. It was clumsy, but it wasn’t hesitant.
It felt right, like this was precisely where he was supposed to be. Her body fit against his perfectly. Each breath that she took seemed to melt them together even further. He didn’t think that he’d ever be able to stop.
Groaning, Liam shifted his hand from her wrist to her waist. His fingers dug into her hip, pulling her even closer. Her front pressed against his; he could feel just how alive she was. His own body reacted to the pressure and the heat.
As his tongue swept against the seam of her lips, he swallowed the surprised noise she made. And when she opened up to him, he devoured her. He took everything she could give and then some. She was his wife, his woman.
But that meant he was responsible for keeping her safe. And he had more enemies than he could count, the biggest of whom hadn’t been heard from in years. Plus, there was the question of the bandits whose motives were unclear.
He pushed those thoughts aside, spinning Katherine around and pressing her back against the wall. She gasped, her mouth opening even wider. With an almost savage, animalistic hunger, he went in even harder.
His tongue dominated hers. While she tried to keep up with him, she was helpless to do anything other than hold on. He took advantage of that, tilting her head to the side, his touch bordering on rough.
Katherine didn’t seem to mind; in fact, she made a keening noise against his lips.
Pushing his body against hers, he took more.
It felt like the only thing he could do.
He had been starving for her for so long, denying himself for so long, that he thought he was twisted into something almost unrecognizable.
And if I keep goin’ like this, everyone’s goin’ to ken she’s me weakness.
He kissed her even harder, desperate to dispel the thoughts. This was good, and he wasn’t going to let himself destroy it. He couldn’t ruin this moment.
It willnae be me that ruins this. It will be the bandits. It will be the Pirate Laird.
Abruptly, Liam pulled back. It was too quick, and Katherine leaned forward, as if trying to reach the contact he had pulled away from. Her bright green eyes were clouded with confusion and a flicker of hurt that cut him straight to his core.
“Ye should go to bed,” he told her, the directive more for himself than for her benefit. “It is late. The ceilidh isnae that far away.”
It didn’t matter if Lady Agnes had given him permission to break the vow he’d made to himself. It wasn’t meant as a punishment to himself but as a safeguard for the women in his life. This had been a lapse of judgment, an indulgence that wasn’t fair to either of them.
“Liam,” Katherine said, her voice wrecked from the residual energy of their kiss.
“I imagine ye have an early start tomorrow,” he said as firmly as he could muster. As he stepped around her, he told her, “Sleep well, Me Lady.”
As he walked away, Liam told himself that even if he wanted to close the gap between them, his touch was dangerous. His touch made her a target. It didn’t matter how badly he longed for her physically; he would still have to walk away before he let it go too far.
I will break her, nay matter how well-intentioned me actions toward her are.
Instead of going back to his own quarters, he went straight to Cillian’s. It was an old habit, one that the two of them had indulged in when they were just boys. He didn’t know what he’d say or the advice that he was looking for.
Cillian opened his door at the first knock, his eyebrow raising when he saw Liam in front of him. He stepped back, allowing him entry as he said, “If ye’ve come to chastise me for bein’ awake, I’m goin’ to remind ye that I’m a grown man. If I’m tired, that is me responsibility to handle.”
“Ye ken that’s nae why I’m here,” Liam replied, going straight for the decanter of whiskey Cillian kept.
Into two crystal glasses, he served two hefty pours. He downed his own in one gulp and filled it again. He felt Cillian’s eyes on him, but Liam said nothing.
“Are ye goin’ to inform me of why ye’re here, or am I expected to guess?” Cillian asked, holding out his hand for the glass meant to be his. “Or perhaps ye’d prefer if the two of us just sat quietly?”
Failing to know where to begin, Liam took a seat by the fire. He took a measured sip of his drink, staring into the flames as they licked up the sides of the hearth. The fire had a meditative quality, as if he were seeing the raging storm within him externalized.
“I hear that ye’re plannin’ on leavin’ again after the ceilidh,” Cillian said, his tone deceptively casual. “Is that true?”
“I’ve been thinkin’ that it would be pertinent to investigate the last sightin’ of the bandits,” Liam said, though the argument was weak.
He’d wrestled with making the decision, oscillating between the knowledge that he might not find anything and the desire to get ahead of any attacks on his clan.
“I daenae feel comfortable waitin’ for our allies to send word. ”
“And I imagine that ye’ll want to leave immediately after the festivities,” Cillian said as he took the armchair opposite Liam.
“Well, it isnae as if I could leave right now,” Liam replied.
More than anything, he wished he didn’t have to go. It would be better for both him and Katherine. He’d let his walls fall too quickly, allowing himself to lose control. His actions weren’t fair to either of them.
“What is it that troubles ye?” Cillian asked, cutting right to the heart of the matter. “Is it Katherine?”
“What troubles me is the possibility of these bandits approachin’ our lands,” Liam snapped, but his tone was too defensive. Cillian saw right through him.
“What happened between ye and Katherine, then?” Cillian said. He fixed Liam with an unimpressed stare. “The two of ye seemed quite friendly at supper.”
“That’s me problem,” Liam said flatly, sipping at his whiskey. “I cannae get too friendly with her. I am nothin’ but trouble for the women I surround meself with.”
“Surely ye daenae believe that ye are the reason for their misfortune,” Cillian countered, infuriatingly level-headed. “Just because bad luck befalls people ye ken doesnae mean that ye are the reason.”
“I am the common denominator,” Liam said icily, staring at the amber liquid in the bottom of his glass.
“Have ye nae also fallen on bad luck?” Cillian asked, his chair creaking as he leaned forward. “I think everyone in the castle has had their own share of rotten luck. It is nae the fault of anyone. Sometimes that is simply how things turn out.”
“What about me first wife?” Liam asked, unable to bring himself to speak her name. “She died givin’ birth to Agnes. If it werenae for me touch, she would still be here today. Her death is me fault, and there’s nae other way to look at it.”
Cillian was silent for a long time. He was silent so long that Liam wondered if he hadn’t spoken at all. But then, his oldest friend let out a deep sigh.
“Ye genuinely think that ye are the reason?” he asked, his voice laced with something that wasn’t quite pity but close.
“Was it nae enough that the healer told ye that she was always goin’ to pass away tryin’ to give birth?
If it werenae ye, it would have been someone else.
That doesnae make it any less tragic, but ye cannae let yerself think that yer very touch will be the death of those ye love. ”
Love.
That was a word that Katherine had used, one that he’d rejected. Yet, Cillian said it so casually. He said it as if he truly believed that Liam was capable of it.
“The best thing I can do for Katherine,” Liam said slowly, his hand tightening around the crystal in his palm so tightly he was surprised it didn’t shatter, “is to keep from touchin’ her. That is somethin’ I can prevent. What I want daenae matter. It is her safety that does.”
“Is it the best for her?” Cillian asked, waiting until Liam met his gaze to continue. “Or is it what ye believe is best for ye?”