33. Silas
THIRTY-THREE
SILAS
Is it possible for someone’s heart to race so fast it literally leaves their body? Because that’s exactly how it feels right now.
When I ran out of the restaurant, I just wanted to get away before I broke down completely. Before I begged the man in front of me to forgive me and take me back.
I almost begged, but whatever sense of self-preservation I have kicked in and I bolted. The red light at the crosswalk stopped me, and again I almost turned back.
But Vaughn chased me.
Because he loves me.
“I need to take you home,” I say.
He runs his hands over my overgrown hair, his eyes mapping my face like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. “Pine Ridge is a little far away.”
“It’s a good thing that I have an empty apartment two blocks from here.”
His lips brush over mine. “I was specifically told not to go back to the hotel, so I guess I don’t have a place to be.”
I bite his lower lip, his moan making everything tight in my jeans, before I let go. “New rule. If this is going to work out, no one is allowed to mention Rowan in any capacity or at any time we’re so much as giving each other sex eyes.”
“I can live with that. Now tell me where your apartment is before I go into this building and start knocking on doors, demanding that someone take pity on us and let us use their bedroom.”
I laugh and pull him to cross the road. People make way for us and even the traffic lights are green for pedestrians. The quicker we get to my place, the quicker I get this man naked.
When we get into the building, I’m tempted to take the stairs when the elevator isn’t on the first floor, but then I remember I live on the top floor.
Vaughn wraps his arms around my waist and kisses the back of my neck as I press the call button repeatedly.
“We have all the time in the world, baby,” he whispers in my ear.
“Tell that to my dick.”
The ride up is torture. Vaughn pushes me against the wall and kisses me all the way up. We almost miss the elevator doors opening.
“Is that the way up to your roof garden?” he asks, pointing at the stairs.
“Yes, but everything up there is dead. Besides”—I pull him toward my front door—“my bed is this way.”
I thump into the wall as Vaughn nuzzles my neck. “I think we’ve proven that we don’t necessarily need a bed,” he says between kisses.
I groan and press my hips back against his even as I try to open the door with shaky hands. “I don’t have a farmhouse table, Vaughn.”
“Then Silas, for the love of everything you care about, open this damn door and take me to your room.”
The shiver that runs up my spine at the sound of his voice nearly makes me come on the spot. We make it through the door, but as soon as I close it behind us, I’m pressed against it.
“You have a beautiful apartment.”
I laugh because Vaughn hasn’t taken in a single inch of my living space.
But I have, and now I see it for what it really is.
An empty shell.
Beige walls. Functional furniture. A kitchen that has the bare minimum of equipment because I’m rarely here long enough to cook anything that requires more than a pan. No photographs. Not even a single one of me with Rowan.
There is not a thing that indicates a person lives here. There’s a tower of packed boxes in the corner of the living room, but I can’t pretend they contain the things the walls are missing.
Vaughn turns around and takes a good look at my space.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “It’s not—”
“I like it,” Vaughn says.
I … have no words. The man who has herbs growing on the windowsill of his kitchen, photos of his son all over his house, is saying he likes my lifeless apartment?
He drags me closer and runs his hand though my hair. I’ve been too numb to think about getting it cut, but maybe I’ll keep it this long.
“I like it because it means you don’t have much to give up,” he says.
“When you move to the farm, you can do anything you want. Change the pictures on the walls, add more pictures.” He crosses to the windowsill where I put the wooden bear I bought in Peak Treasures and picks it up.
“If you want to buy a whole collection of these bears, you can. There’s a windowsill in every room. ”
“Nah, Bearry knows he’ll only ever be an only child,” I say.
“Bearry?”
“That’s his name.”
He sets the bear down and walks toward me.
“My point is that I want you to make the farm your home. Our home. But now I really want to see your bedroom.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he says, stopping in front of me, close enough that I smell his cologne and feel the warmth emanating from him. “Just to see how you’ve decorated it. Got to make sure we’re compatible in that department before you make the permanent move into my bedroom.”
“I think,” I say, “you’ll find we’re very compatible.”
The heat in his eyes almost makes my legs buckle.
“I want you to fuck me, Silas. Hard enough that your neighbors know about it and start wishing you’ll move out quickly.”
“Fuck, Vaughn.”
I grab his hand and pull him toward my bedroom, which isn’t much different from the rest of the apartment.
It contains a bed, and there’s a lamp on the nightstand. The space beneath the window is empty because I donated the chest of drawers to a women’s shelter. The rest will go there too after I move.
On the sill of the window that faces the street is the only other living thing in this apartment.
“Well, hello,” Vaughn says, approaching the window. “Who’s this?”
“That’s Cathy. She knows who you are,” I say. “I’ve mentioned you.”
“She looks a little prickly, so it might not be the best idea to have her witness what’s about to happen here.”
Laughing, I take Cathy to the kitchen, then remove my clothes on my way back to the bedroom. My apartment isn’t huge, but by the time I return, Vaughn is already naked and on my bed.
He’s stroking his cock lazily, his eyes roaming over my body.
My cock had gone down to a semi, but watching this man on my bed, staring at me, his eyes dark with lust and lips parted like he needs a thirst-quenching drink and the only thing that will do is me? I’m full-on, painfully hard once again.
“If you’re going to fuck me, Silas, you’re going to need to come a little closer.”
“Fuck, I love when you’re like that.”
“Like what? Desperate?”
“Desperate. Confident. Mine.”
He opens his legs to make room for me, and I cover him with my body.
He’s warm everywhere. I feel like I’ve been cold for a month, so I’m in heaven when I press against him and he pulls me closer and we kiss, deep and slow and certain.
We move together like our bodies remember exactly how this is done between us. He’s soft and hard at the same time, gentle but urgent.
The grinding is going to be a problem.
I can feel my orgasm building already, and I’m going to embarrass myself if I don’t do something about it, so I reach for the nightstand and grab the lube.
Vaughn trembles as I kiss my way down his chest, paying particular attention to each of his nipples, sucking them into pretty pink peaks.
I’m savoring him because I never thought I’d have him again. By the time I take him into my mouth, he’s begging to come.
“Silas,” he says. “I’m going to— If you don’t stop, I’m going to—”
“I know,” I say. “Do you want to come in my mouth?”
“No,” he says. “I want you inside me first.” He looks down at me with an expression of absolute certainty, and I grab the lube and make sure to get him so ready for me I won’t need to be too careful.
If Vaughn is on edge, I’m practically over it. It’ll be a victory if I last beyond entering his tight hole.
“I’m ready, Silas. Please.”
I enter him slowly, but his body is behaving like it’s been craving me for weeks—he takes me all the way, because we were made for each other.
I never thought having a soulmate, my other half, would be something that applied to me, but I’m more certain of it with each second I spend with Vaughn.
The bed hits the wall. Once, twice, and Vaughn is making sounds that are going to be audible through at least two walls, and I don’t care at all. The sole focus of my existence is the man I love, the point where our bodies join together, and the pleasure radiating through my body.
“Silas,” Vaughn mouths, his voice completely gone.
“I know,” I say. “I’ve got you. Why don’t you come for me, baby?”
He reaches for his cock and strokes it in time with my thrusts. When he comes, he releases a guttural cry that reaches my soul and strokes my cock simultaneously, and I follow with his name on my lips and my face against his shoulder.
“I love you,” Vaughn gasps out.
“I fucking love you so much, Vaughn,” I say. “I’ve loved you for so long.”
“I know,” he says. “We’re here now.”
“Together.”
“Yes.”
We lie there for a moment, tangled and breathless.
I think about the valley outside of Vaughn’s farm, the sun rising in the mountains, the fresh coffee in the morning, and how I’m going to survive Colorado in the winter.
I’m going to have to wrap myself around Vaughn 24/7.
“Are you sure?” I ask into his neck.
He pulls away to look at me, dislodging me from his body. I grab a bunch of tissues from the nightstand and clean us up as he asks, “About what?”
“Me moving to Pine Ridge. Us. All of it. Are you sure?”
His eyes are full of love and certainty.
“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life,” he says. “And even if there was no us, I’d move you in to finally put an end to Tess’s visits.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“She comes over. She brings bread. She asks about you. She rearranges my fridge. She asks about you again. She leaves.” He shrugs. “I have more bread than any one person can reasonably consume. If she keeps coming, I’m going to need to open a bakery.”
I lie down on my side and run my fingers over the hairs on his chest. Vaughn is so objectively hot I can’t even thing straight. But one thought gets through.
“What about Rowan?”
“What about him?”
I grasp a handful of Vaughn’s silvery chest hairs and tug gently. “I don’t want to lose him,” I say. “But I also don’t want to give you up.”
“You don’t have to give anything up anymore,” Vaughn says, his voice gentle but firm. “You can have your boyfriend and your best friend. Both. At the same time.”
“How do you know?”
He points to the space around us. “I’m in Atlanta.
The city you live in. With the excuse that there’s an unmissable weaponry exhibition.
” He chuckles. “Rowan has never once in his life expressed any interest in weapons—historical or otherwise—beyond maintaining his service weapon. The man who arranged for us to be in the same place in public so we couldn’t just run off and then walked out and went back to the hotel”—he rolls over to face me—“I think he’s happy about this. ”
“Okay, but if he’s not,” I say, with my heart in my throat, “you know I’m going to choose him, right?”
Vaughn smiles and traces a finger down my forehead, over my nose, and onto my lips. “I know, baby. It’s one of the many reasons I love you.”
I kiss his fingertip.
“I love you too, Vaughn.”
He reaches down to take my hand and hold it. “Now, tell me how soon I can get you back home where you belong.”