Chapter 25
STELLA
“I thought you were bringing Troy to the wedding.”
I’m at the rehearsal dinner for Harrison and Meredith’s wedding. I’m not in the wedding party, but they invited me anyway. The dinner is being held at Rocky Brewpub in Gastown, not far from the wedding venue, in a private room.
“I was. Then I impulsively invited Jayden so I told Troy he was off the hook. He was only doing it as a favour to me.”
Harrison nods. “Well, as long as you have someone to come with.”
“I don’t need someone to come with.” Then I sigh. If that was true, why did I invite Troy to begin with? It was because I didn’t want to come to the wedding alone. Sure, I could attend the wedding alone, but most things are more fun with a companion.
“Does this mean things are serious between you and Jayden?” Harrison asks.
I scoff. “No. We’re just having fun.”
“Bringing him to family wedding seems like more than that.”
It does. I sigh. “Maybe I shouldn’t have invited him.”
He lifts one shoulder and takes a sip of the beer in his hand. “As long as you’re both on the same page about what’s going on, it’s fine.”
“We are. We talked about it.”
The problem is, I’m not sure I know what page I’m on anymore.
Fun. We’re having fun. Yes, we talked about it. But there have been a few moments where I’ve thought Jayden is getting serious. On the other hand… I’ve gone along with all of it.
I’ve also had a few moments where I’ve wondered if I’m getting too invested.
We’ve been spending as much time together as we can, given both our schedules.
He stayed home from the road trip to give his foot a chance to heal, so we had some unexpected time together with sleepovers, movies, and lots of talking about pet peeves (mine: people who try to get in the elevator before letting people out; his: people who don’t return shopping carts), dream vacations, and celebrity crushes.
There were also times I was busy with other things: I spent an evening working on my orchids because I’d been neglecting them.
That’s peaceful and relaxing for me. And another day, I was just over people and all I wanted to do was lay on my bed with a romance book and a cup of hot chocolate.
But he played Thursday night here, and gave me tickets to the game.
Gracie came with me and we met him after for a drink.
Now she loves him. We also walked our dogs when his foot felt better and spent a leisurely Saturday morning shopping at the Granville Island Market.
“I hope I haven’t made a big mistake inviting him to the wedding,” I finally respond slowly.
“Aw, Stell. Don’t dick the guy around.”
Guilt tightens my chest. “I’m not! Like I said, we talked about it.”
“Inviting him to the wedding and to meet the family seems like you really like him.” He eyes me shrewdly.
Baby brother. Despite my resentment, I tried to look out for him after the divorce, when Dad wasn’t around much, but I was dealing with my own feelings of loneliness and rejection when things were going well for Mom and she had a new man, and trying to keep her from spiralling when things went bad.
Then Harrison went away to Kelowna to play hockey and came home all grown-up.
Sort of. Now, he apparently thinks he needs to look after me.
“I do like him.”
“But not in a forever kind of way.”
“We barely know each other.” That feels disingenuous, though. I feel like I do know him. And saying I “like” him doesn’t feel sufficient. “I can’t fall for him.”
“Why not?” His eyebrows lift.
“Because…” I search for the words to express what I’m feeling. “I don’t know.” I drop my gaze to my empty wine glass. “I guess I’m… afraid.”
I wait for him to snicker or snort. But he doesn’t. “What are you afraid of?”
I roll my eyes. “What do you think?”
“Abandonment. Rejection. Betrayal.”
“For real?” I give him a look. Then let out another long breath. “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty much it.”
“It makes sense, after what Mom and Dad went through.”
“Yeah. That’s not rocket surgery.”
He barks out a laugh.
“We got a nice reminder of that this evening,” I say tartly.
Mom and Dad sniped at each other the entire rehearsal, and when Dad’s wife Wendy started talking to Mom’s date, a new guy named Jason, Mom stormed over and told her to screw off because she’d “already stolen one man from me.”
Dad didn’t even meet Wendy until years after the divorce.
“Yeah.” Harrison rubs his chin. “Can’t wait until tomorrow.”
Meredith joins us, sliding her arm around Harrison’s. “Hey, you two. Everything okay?”
“Yes, of course,” I say lightly. “Why do you ask?”
“You both look like you’ve just been put in charge of negotiating a peace treaty in the Middle East.”
“Great.” I toss my hair back. “I guess I should get going.” Some guests are departing. I smile. “Are you excited about tomorrow?”
“Yes!” Meredith squeezes Harrison’s arm. “It’s going to be fun. I hope it’s fun.”
“It’ll be fun,” he says reassuringly.
“It’ll be super fun. Are you sure there’s nothing I can help with?”
“I think we’re good. The event planner at the club is awesome. But we’ll shout if we need something.”
“For sure. I can’t wait!” I give them both hugs, find my coat, and pull out my phone to request an Uber.
As I ride in the back of the car through rain-slicked streets reflecting the lights all around us, I think about my conversation with Harrison.
It’s understandable I’d be afraid of another serious relationship, given my history. But it’s not just that. I don’t want another serious relationship. I am happily, joyfully single. Why wouldn’t I want to stay that way?