Chapter 27
brAXTON
The doorbell rings three times as I’m slipping a pair of socks over my freshly painted and dried toenails. The forest-green polish disappears beneath the white fabric as a flash of embarrassment washes over me.
Did I really paint my toenails the colour of Maddox’s eyes when he won’t even see them?
Yeah, I did. I also painted my fingernails to match, dug out my nicest lingerie—tags still on—and slipped it on beneath my clothes because as much as I can try to pretend otherwise, there’s a small part of me that’s hoping tonight, maybe he’ll get to see it.
“Some would call you a dreamer,” I mutter under my breath, getting up from the edge of my bed and heading to my front door, a thong string riding further up my butt cheeks with each step.
I blame Maddox for putting these ideas of lingerie and nail polish in my head. If it weren’t for his text earlier asking if I wanted to go to his place after the game, I probably wouldn’t have even started thinking this way. At least not already.
The past few days without him have been .
. . lonely. With him in Arizona, I’ve felt his absence like a cold fist in my chest. Our reconnecting has only brought everything I’ve tried to keep shoved deep, deep down right back to the surface.
It’s obvious that I’m struggling with it all. Both mentally and physically.
We’ve been running around each other for years, the sexual tension building and building until now I’m left feeling like a ticking time bomb. Only much hornier.
Something has to give, and while I can admire his seemingly magical grasp on control, I want him to be the one to snap. To finally put an end to this game of foreplay we’ve been playing so I can satiate this suffocating need I have for him.
Clearly, I’m a mess.
With flushed skin, I give my head a shake and open the front door, expecting to see my sister but finding no one. Instead, a big brown box with a bulging top is parked on my porch.
I blink at it before carefully touching the side with my toes. When nothing beeps or blows up, I figure it’s safe enough and drop to my haunches to pick it up, surprised by the weight of it.
Stepping back inside, I drop the box on the countertop. Curiosity at full capacity, I grab a pair of scissors from the knife block and cut the tape. The box flaps jump open, the tape being the only thing keeping the overstuffed thing closed.
My jaw slacks as I stare down at what’s inside and slowly pinch the card on top between my fingers, lifting it to read the messy scrawl.
With you by my side, we’re going all the way to the cup, and that means you need more than one jersey. Take your pick, there’s every style of VW jersey I’ve ever worn in here. And yes, I signed each one and I’m writing this note with a very sore wrist. Kiss it better later? Can’t wait to see you.
Love, Dox
My heart swells to twice its size. I try to remind myself that it’s only been just shy of a month, and falling in love with someone in that time isn’t logical. But how can I convince myself of that when I’m already so close? When I’m on the cusp and the furthest thing from afraid?
I was in love with this man for half my life, and while time apart and bad decisions created a rift in my feelings, I think I could happily spend the last half of my life the same way.
The doorbell rings again, snapping me from my thoughts. I run my finger over the last two words written on the card, feeling the indents left behind from the hard press of a pen, before slipping the thick paper into the back pocket of my jeans and going to answer the door.
This time, it is my sister on the other side, and after I quickly gather my things, she whisks me out the door and into her car before heading to the arena.
The energy in the arena is electric. I’m positive my voice is going to be gone tomorrow from how loud I’ve been screaming.
I’ve been to too many of Maddox’s games to count, but the two NHL games I’ve come to have been so different in comparison. The VW fans are intense and downright crazy, but that’s what makes these games so amazing. Their love of the sport is beautiful in the most chaotic way possible.
Then there are the players themselves. There’s a reason they play in the NHL.
Their talent is unmatched, and as I watch Maddox slip through two Arizona players while poking the puck from the stick of another, it’s made abundantly clear to every single person in the building that he was born to do this.
He’s quick, even with his size, and incredibly agile.
Moving fluidly, he evades two big players as they prepare to try and check him and enters the Arizona zone.
The closest player is still too far away to keep him from lining up a shot in front of the goaltender, and as Dox snaps the puck, I hold my breath, watching it cut through the air.
The goalie lifts his left glove too late, and the puck skims his shoulder before sinking into the netting. Red lamp flashing, the goal horn blares through the arena. Maddox skates away from the net, his arm lifted and glove pointed directly at me.
His grin is blinding as he stops at the boards directly in front of Anna and me and shouts, “For you!”
My cheeks warm as I blow him a kiss and listen to the giggles behind me. Anna lifts a hand to her forehead and drops her head back, sighing dramatically. I bite my lip, watching him skate off again, wondering how all that endurance pays off in the bedroom.
Crossing my legs, I push my hair behind my ears and will my temperature to fall back to a safe range.
“So, when are you two going to bone?” Anna asks far too loudly, and I whip my head around to glare at her when the girls behind us gasp.
I noticed them as soon as the warm-ups started and they started fawning over the guys, specifically Bentley, who “accidentally” lifted his jersey up and flashed our entire section a whole rack of abs.
I’m pretty sure nobody was complaining about the free show. Especially not Annalise, who looked him dead in the eye and made a call me motion.
“First of all, don’t use the term ‘bone.’ Especially not in public. And second, that’s so not something I’m going to discuss.”
She scoffs. “Don’t be shy. If I had to be around that guy and not ride his face on the daily, I would be strung just about as tight as you are right now.”
“Annalise,” I groan, desperately trying to focus on the faceoff happening at centre ice.
“Braxton.”
“You do know where we are, right?”
“Of course I do.”
“So you know this isn’t the time or the place.”
She shrugs. “According to you. I think this is the perfect time and place. There’s nowhere for you to escape.”
I huff, staring at the ice and the rush toward the Arizona zone. With my voice low, I ask, “How do you even know we haven’t?”
“Is that a serious question?”
“Yes.”
She shakes her head at me and pats the hand I have resting on the connected armrest.
“The way I see it is that either the sex is so good that you can’t look at him without replaying it in your mind or that you haven’t slept together yet, which is why you’re eye fucking each other whenever possible.
I don’t doubt the sex with that guy isn’t anything less than mind-blowing and toe-curling, but there’s no way you would be this against talking about it if it was actually happening.
You’ve never been sticky when it comes to sharing anything with me before.
” She’s quieter now, keeping the words for just us.
Guilt slashes me down to the bone. She should know that this isn’t a real relationship. I should tell her everything. It’s not fair to keep this from her.
I’ll ask Maddox about it tonight.
“Maybe I want to keep this to myself. Maybe it’s just special to me,” I blurt out.
Her eyes soften, lips tugging into a soft smile. “Is that it? Because that would be really adorable.”
I deflate. “No. We haven’t gone there yet.”
“Why?” Her tone is judgment-free. Just curious. So curious.
“It just hasn’t happened. Things are different now . . .” I rack my brain for the answer to her question, and when I find it, it just flows out of me. “We haven’t even talked about what we’re really doing here.”
She nods along, her lips pursed as she takes in all I’m saying.
“Is that all?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, is there anything else? I don’t think it will be long before you both break and finally talk about whatever is going on between you, but I don’t think that’s the only thing you’re in your head about.”
My stomach pinches. It’s right there on my tongue, but it almost feels too embarrassing to admit.
“Braxton, I won’t judge you. You know that,” she adds, finding my hand and squeezing my fingers.
“I don’t know about him, but I . . . I’m nervous, I guess.
Nervous that he won’t like what he sees when and if we get there.
We might have known each other for forever, but there’s a lot of me that he hasn’t seen.
” It all comes out on one heavy breath, and I blink back a sudden burn in my own eyes.
“I want to go there with him. I want to so badly that sometimes it’s all I can think about.
But I don’t know how I will react when we do get there.
What if I just freeze or freak out on him?
Or worse, what if he’s the one to freak out? ”
This time, it’s me squeezing her hand. I hold it so tight she couldn’t pull it away if she wanted to.
“Maddox Hutton has loved every single piece of you since you were both too young to even know what love was. Your fear is normal. Everyone gets nervous before being intimate with another person. That’s just part of being human.
But you shouldn’t let it keep you from taking that step.
If you’re both ready, it’ll happen naturally.
You’re the strongest woman I know. You got this,” she says softly, words quiet, gentle.
I smile at her, nodding. Her words sink deep and help fight back some of my self-doubt and worry. The rest is up to me.
“I appreciate you. You know that, right?”
She winks. “I know. And I’ve always got your back. I’m sorry I didn’t do more to help at brunch.”
“Don’t apologize. Dad was out of line, and Mom shouldn’t have played into his games again,” I mutter.
“I don’t even know why they’re still married.
They can’t stand each other.” She pauses, biting at the inside of her cheek.
“Do you ever worry about your own marriage after watching theirs? Like, do you ever think, what if mine turns out the same? What if my husband becomes another version of our father and I lose my backbone like our mom?”
I contemplate that. “Yeah, sometimes. I had Maddox’s parents’ marriage to look at growing up, though. Maybe that’s why I’m not completely against the idea. I think I still want to get married someday.”
“I don’t know if I ever want to. The idea of giving the man I marry the same power over me that Dad has over Mom seems like torture,” she admits.
That makes me frown. My sister is too young to be so fearful of love.
“A real marriage isn’t about giving your partner power over you, Anna. It’s about sharing it. Giving and taking in equal parts. I know it’s hard to understand that when you’ve only seen it one way for so long. But there are happy marriages. Amazing ones that last for lifetimes.”
“But what happens—”
The goal horn rings out again, and suddenly, we’re thrown into a rush of screaming fans and raining VW merchandise. Annalise jumps out of her seat, clapping and screaming as our home team takes the first win of the second round by a score of three to one.
I hate that we’re leaving such a heavy conversation incomplete, but I’m also aware that my sister isn’t one to love heavy topics and that she won’t go there again with me right now. I just have to hope that she was really listening to what I said and that it resonated somewhere inside of her.
Joining in the celebrations, I replay her reassuring words to me and pray that they can help calm my nerves come tonight.
God knows I need all the help I can get.