A Spell for Lessening and Letting Go
There may come a time when people leave your life forever.
Much as I wish that I could protect you from all hardship and suffering, I cannot.
And you may need help letting go. Time does lessen the pain of partings, but some losses linger like an ache in your bones once they’ve been broken.
Even after the wound heals, you might feel hollow.
On the longest, loneliest nights, you might envision the face you’ve been missing your whole life.
This charm might help. They do say that if you love something, or someone, that you should let them go.
I did fight against that common wisdom in my time—fought and fought and fought again.
Then I came to accept that some of the old sayings are true.
And that some treasures are too dear for keeping.
I believe that since I accepted the necessity of letting go, I received the blessing of you.
At the height of my despair, you entered my life like a sunrise.
You gave me a reason to wake up. First, it was your wide eyes and hungry mouth and your grabby hands.
In the end, I regret nothing and cherish each moment I have been granted with you, my dear daughter.
This one is best cast after a painful parting. You’ll need:
Pink rose petals
Rose quartz
A silver censer
A large red maple leaf
Etch the first initial of your loved one’s name on the leaf with the rose quartz.
Wrap up the rose petals, and tie the bundle with any type of string.
Your own hair will do in a pinch, though that may give the spell too much power, and it will smell horrendous when you burn the packet, which is the next step.
Before that, speak your thoughts to the wind.
It can be as simple as, “I love you, and I am letting you go.” Or it can be more philosophical: “This ended so something else can begin.” Others might take a more formal approach: “I honor what was and welcome what will be.” Whatever words you choose will be right for the occasion, my gem.
Next, place your leaf bundle in the censer and burn it down to ashes. Scatter the ashes around you in a circle; then step out of it without disturbing the line you’ve created. This symbolizes letting go and moving on. There is no fate but our own choices, my jewel.
I trust you to make the right ones for you.
Thea
The Autumn Palace is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.
While the Summer market was charming, this is exquisite, and I’m no stranger to luxurious surroundings.
Where Winter is austere and ostentatious, Autumn exudes comfort and warmth.
Even the walls glimmer with veins of gold, marbled through with luminous color.
Splashes of red with brass accents adorn the bath chamber, where an attendant has just finished scrubbing me from head to toe.
Though I tried to wash on my own, she offered with such gentle insistence that I didn’t have the heart to keep fighting.
Not when it feels this nice to let someone else take care of me for a while.
Afterward, she offers a selection of fresh clothing, and it reminds me of the way Erdene tricked me into getting dressed for my own wedding.
But things are different in Autumn, right?
It would be a mistake to trust Lady Mirralee completely, but I doubt she wants the realm involved in open war. Skirmishes between Summer and Winter have the palace staff gossiping. I heard bits and pieces on the way here.
I’m here to make up for my failure. To keep the peace and save my dad. But first I have to get dressed. Naked people seldom stop wars.
The outfits are all beautiful. They range from formal gowns to split skirts with smart jackets to flowing trousers with a matching top that laces up the back.
I like the last ensemble best; there’s something piquant and piratical about it.
And I love the color, a pale gold that should go nicely with my hair and sun-kissed skin.
But I hesitate, wondering about the dress code, and point at the third outfit. “Will that be suitable for public appearances in the palace?”
“Everything I’ve laid out will suffice for any occasion,” the attendant replies.
That’s all I needed to hear.
After I dress, she guides me to the suite I’ve been assigned, and we pause outside the rounded door, gilt tracings on all the trim. “I requested a light repast for you. It should be set up already. Can I assist you further?”
“I’m fine for now. I appreciate your effort and expertise.”
“My pleasure. Ring the kitchens and ask for Sarene if you need anything else.”
“Get some rest,” I tell her because I know how hard palace staff works to keep important guests happy.
Then I slip inside. The room takes my breath away.
I gaze up at the vaulted ceiling adorned with burnished copper tiles that match the sconces bathing the room in an amber glow.
There are gold velvet chairs arranged around a table crafted from red jasper, laid with delicacies, just as Sarene promised: a silky red soup, creamy white cheese, crisp flatbreads, mushroom tartlets, and a platter of fresh sliced fruit.
Once I finish exploring, I’ll feast. In the opposite corner, I find a built-in bookshelf surrounded by silken pillows and overstuffed cushions all in the warmest of jewel tones. I can imagine how it would feel to lounge there with a book, sipping some cool honey wine or a cup of hot spiced tea.
I’m sure there’s a bed in here somewhere, maybe past the fringed curtains.
It feels strange having all this space. I’ve hardly been apart from Kerboros since we left the stables together.
I’m not sure how to measure the time we were trapped in the In-Between, as it didn’t seem like that long to us, but it was for the rest of the realm.
As I head for the unknown portion of the suite, the curtain parts, and Kerboros steps past, fresh from the bath.
He smells of honeyed soap and jasmine lotion, and I can’t stop smiling.
He moves toward me with intentional patience, and I glimpse the response in his eyes, a brightness he can no longer conceal. Not from me.
“I hope you don’t mind. I told them I’d rather stay with you,” he says.
My pulse flutters. “I’m glad you did. I was just thinking that it’s odd.”
“What is?”
“Being without you.”
His voice deepens to a rough and sensual purr. “I suspect you’re the only one who feels that way.”
It’s time for me to stop pretending. “Do you need anyone else?”
“No,” he says at once. “Only you.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
I’ve ached with wanting him, and I’m done with the aching and the waiting. I need him like air, and while I haven’t had a ton of lovers, I enjoy driving someone else beyond control, taking them until they’re spent and boneless and gazing with shining, wonder-filled eyes.
“What about dinner?” Kerboros gestures at the table.
I give him what must be the wickedest smile. “We’ll need the energy more after.”
“I see your point.” Without another word, he follows me into the sleeping chamber, where he’d been lounging when I arrived.
Another gorgeous space, this one is dominated by a four-poster bed draped in red silk curtains.
The linens are a gentle gold, while the coverlet is a copper brocade.
More matching sconces add a warm glaze to the jasper tables on either side of the bed.
There’s no wardrobe, but one of the walls has drawers and shelves, all gilded to the point that it’s an excess of opulence.
And the drawers each have hand-painted frescoes, different pastoral scenes that might interest me if I wasn’t already slipping out of my top.
Kerboros watches me with twin fires blazing in his intent gaze. “You’re so beautiful. Are you certain about this?”
“I don’t know what will happen after tonight,” I admit. “And I’m not sure there’s a path where we’re allowed to be together. But if I can be with you like this, even once, just for tonight—”
“It’s worth it,” he finishes. “And I agree. I will relive this moment for the rest of my life, however short it proves to be.”
The ache in my body intensifies in my heart.
We both know the truth. Our failure to meet Lord Liskaal’s terms means that Kerboros is marked for death and me for banishment.
This might be our last chance. I won’t waste this moment, as it may never come again.
When we meet at the end of the imposing bed and he pulls me to him, the shock of pleasure is edged with a bittersweet bite.
In that moment, I resolve to focus only on the sweetness, the delight of melting my beloved, who has known only endless winter.
But here in the heart of Autumn, he burns for me.
“I need you so.” His voice is rough and deep with desire, his tone reverent.
“Yet you’re still wearing too many clothes.”
He disrobes swiftly, leaving me to admire his body. But when I wrap my arms around him, I feel ridged tissue instead of smooth skin. Scars? Punishment, perhaps. I don’t ask because those questions will ruin the mood. But after? I’ll hear everything.
He reaches out, grazing my cheek with a tender touch before trailing down my throat, tracing the line of my collarbone.
I raise up on tiptoe, and his lips claim mine.
The stern line is all heat now. A nibble, a taste, and then his tongue tangles with mine.
I moan, pressing even closer. He shudders at the sound and lifts me so easily that it feels like flying.
With a little growl, he drops me on the bed, hard enough that I bounce. Now I’m the one shivering in anticipation. He kisses a worshipful path down my body, and I arch, barely able to breathe for the gorgeous sight of his hair spilling across my bare belly.
I melt for him utterly, giving him everything. He drinks everything up, insatiable as I’ve only dared to imagine. And then I take him as mine, leaving him trembling in my arms. Finally, we collapse together, sweaty and smiling.
Stroking his damp hair, I smile. “No regrets?”
“Never,” he vows, curling into my arms. “It was… That was…”
“What?”
“Beautiful.” But he’s frowning.
I don’t believe that’s what he intended to say at all. “Tell me the truth, Ori.” The name is a test. I’m not sure if I should call him that, if it’ll remind him of the fact that he can’t remember his mother.
But his eyes sparkle. “Only in private, please. That nickname is for us.”
I grin because his expression is both charming and infectious. “A pillow secret? I love that. But seriously, what were you about to say?”
“That was my first time,” he whispers, hiding his face in my shoulder.
I open my mouth, then close it, unsure what to say. “How?” I finally ask.
He lifts one shoulder, trying to make light of his prior isolation. “Liskaal allowed me no friends, and he made me murder those who regarded me with affection. When would I have had the opportunity?”
“I want to strangle him with my bare hands,” I snarl.
Ridiculously, that makes him smile. “Me too.”
“Did he give you those scars?”
Kerboros nods without showing his face, and I take that as a sign that he’d rather not discuss these matters.
“He’ll get what’s coming to him,” I promise. “Somehow.”
“Now that I have you, I find that I don’t care about retribution. Happiness is so much more powerful than I knew,” Kerboros admits.
His sweetness and candor take my breath away. “You have a point.”
“Are you hungry?” he asks.
That’s right. They left us a veritable feast, and I’m sleepy but also famished. No question that I’ll rest better with a full stomach.
“Starving,” I say. “Do we have to get dressed to eat?”
“Why would we?” In a playful swoop, he cradles me against his powerful chest and carries me to the lounge, where an elegant repast awaits.
I end up perched naked on his lap while we feed each other the choicest morsels until only crumbs remain. It’s sheer bliss. There are worries waiting in the wings, but I can forestall them for one magical night. I focus on him. On us.
We make love again, this time with more tenderness. If he asked, I’d have let him know that Shereth charmed me to prevent conception and only she can dispel it. Afterward, a yawn catches me off guard, and he shifts, settling me in his arms.
A kiss to my temple. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be…”
I bestow a sleepy good-night kiss in return somewhere in the vicinity of his mouth. “Yes. Tomorrow will be.”
Drowsy with delicious languor, I close my eyes, letting the sound of his heartbeat sing me to sleep.