16. Sunday, June 17, 2012
SUNDAY, JUNE 17, 2012
D unphy’s was still closed – no Father’s Day brunch, this year. So that morning, Julia's dad accompanied her mother to Mass. Then, with her mother’s help, Julia spent the entire day making her father’s favorite dish – osso buco. Paige seemed unusually eager to help, prattling cheerfully while insisting on assembling a zucchini and white bean salad, all by herself.
It wasn’t until Paige redirected the conversation that Julia realized why she was in such good spirits. “Are you sure Xavier likes beans and zucchini?”
Julia bit back a smile. While Kelly, Pilar, and Zach went to the Ochoas’, Ann and Xavier were coming to the Dunphys’ to celebrate William’s first Father’s Day. “Yes, honey; I told you I talked to Kelly last night and confirmed that Xavier would eat everything we’re serving.”
“Everything?” Paige echoed skeptically. “Even Grandma’s octopus salad?”
“Even that.”
Paige had made it clear she disapproved of any culinary desecration of her spirit animal. Now, Julia’s stomach tightened as she watched her daughter’s face darken – the first sign of impending trouble.
“’Cause you know Xavier is a vegetarian, right?” Paige said sharply .
“Based on what Kelly said, I think he might be more of a flexitarian. Besides,” she added, pointing with a spoon to Paige’s salad, “you’re making a great vegetarian dish for him. High in protein.”
Paige grumbled something unintelligible, but returned to her own salad in a darker mood. Her brooding didn’t even let up when Alison arrived – probably because Alison brought a rhubarb coconut pie. It was a favorite of Julia’s father, but Paige found its tartness intolerable.
It wasn’t until William arrived with Diego, Ann, and Xavier that Paige perked up. Paige rushed downstairs to greet Xavier, and they promptly settled in front of the PlayStation to try a brand-new game called Minecraft. Ann had also brought what she described as an Italian gazpacho, which she placed in the refrigerator before settling on the sofa to catch up with Julia’s parents.
Soon, at Julia’s prompting, Robert came upstairs with a package for William.
“Hey, Tad.” William stopped tuning his guitar and set it aside. “What’s this?”
“Coasters,” blurted Robert before William even had a chance to open it. Oblivious to Ann’s snort of laughter, Robert added,“I made them all by myself. And I wrapped them, too.”
Turning the package over in his hands, William inspected the adorably sloppy results. “I can tell, because it’s wrapped with love.”
Diego put his paws on William’s thighs, conducted his own inspection, and sneezed his approval. Then William tore into the package and pulled out one of the “coasters” – two squares of fabric, loosely sewn together.
“A frog print!” exclaimed William. “Perfect!”
“Robert’s nickname is Tadpole,” Julia explained aside to Ann.
Ann chuckled. “Where’d he get that from?”
“When he was a toddler, he pronounced his name ‘Ribbit.’ From there, his nickname went through several iterations. Tadpole is the one that stuck.”
“Look, that’s not all,” Robert continued, diving into the package himself and thrusting another coaster right in William’s face. “Whales!”
William had to lean back to see it. “Sure enough! ”
“And fish, and cameras,” Robert persisted, yanking each one from the package in turn. “Mommy says you like cameras.”
“That’s right.” William flashed a quick smile at Julia before adding, “You did great.”
Julia held up her hands. “Don’t look at me; that was all Robert, with only a little help from my mom.”
“Good job, Tadpole!” exclaimed Ann.
Peering anxiously at William, his voice suddenly shrinking, Robert asked, “Do you like them?”
“Are you kidding? I love them!” William gathered Robert into a hug and kissed the top of his head. “I’ll use them every day. Thank you, buddy.”
“You mean Tad,” Robert corrected, and William rewarded him with by rumpling his hair.
Soon everyone gathered around the table, with Julia’s father at its head. Julia had seated William between herself and her father. Beneath the table, Diego turned in three circles before settling at William’s feet, smacking his jowls and heaving a contented sigh. The females of the family occupied themselves with serving, and Julia’s father hummed in satisfaction at each offering.
Across the table from Julia, Paige set her own zucchini and bean salad directly in front of Xavier. Beaming her prettiest smile, she announced, “I made this for you, because you’re a vegetarian.”
Xavier glanced up briefly at Paige, and Julia could have sworn she saw him blush before immediately casting his eyes down again. For the first time since Julia had known him, he smiled.
“You remembered,” he said quietly.
“At least somebody around here cares about your dietary preferences.” Paige aimed a triumphant sneer at Julia. “Try it first, before you try anything else.”
Julia’s face flared at her daughter’s imperiousness. Beside her, Alison placed a reassuring hand over Julia’s with a sympathetic smile.
Xavier obediently scooped a helping onto his plate. After sampling, he gave it a thumbs up.
“Is it good?” Paige persisted, her smile widening even further.
Xavier glanced at her just long enough to register Paige’s beaming smile before gulpi ng his bite down awkwardly. Not awkwardly as if he didn’t like the salad, but awkwardly as if Paige’s smile flustered him. This time, his face unmistakably reddened. “Epic,” he mumbled.
With another look of triumph, Paige resumed her seat; and Julia spent the next few minutes studying Paige and Xavier in dismay as they traded furtive glances and smiles.
Until that moment, Julia had not fully appreciated how much Paige was starting to look like a teenager, nor how remarkably pretty she had grown. She boasted her father’s dark hair, light olive skin, and big brown eyes, together with her mother’s smile.
But a few minutes later, Paige’s mood soured again when Xavier sang the praises of the octopus salad. In a wounded tone, Paige demanded, “How can you eat that? I thought you were a vegetarian.”
Evidently oblivious to Paige’s distress, Xavier replied, “Not a hundred percent, honestly. I like octopus, and Cardone’s is good with its sourcing.” Turning to Julia’s mother, Xavier added, “That’s where you got this from, right? Cardone’s?”
“It is,” Julia’s mother confirmed.
In a callback to Paige’s earlier snark, Julia’s father said, “At least somebody around here has good taste.”
Paige, in turn, glowered down at her osso bucco, stabbing it with her fork; but she said nothing more. An awkward silence settled over the table.
Until the doorbell rang.
Beneath the table, Diego yipped and scrambled to his feet. Frowning at Julia, her father asked, “Were you expecting anyone else?”
Julia sprang to her feet. “No, but maybe Aaron decided to come, after all. I invited him, since he said he was going to be alone.”
She rushed downstairs, but when she threw open the front door, the face that greeted her on the other side sent her pulse rocketing into her throat.
Kevin.
Her whole world reeling, Julia stepped out onto the front porch and quickly shut the door behind herself.
“What are you doing here?” The question fell from Julia’s lips before she thought better of it .
Creases burrowed into Kevin’s forehead. “Nice to see you, too.” He looked like death warmed over – thinner than ever, and a bit green. He wrapped his arms around his belly, a stance Julia recognized all too well from his previous flare-ups of Crohn’s.
With a pang of guilt, Julia rushed out, “I’m sorry; that was rude. I just... wasn’t expecting you.”
“I texted,” he balked. “Several times.”
She started to contradict him, but the words died on her lips as she retrieved her phone. He had, in fact, sent several texts. Not only that, he had called a couple of times. And left voice mails. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I’ve been insanely busy.”
“Why don’t you ever turn your ringer on?” Kevin snapped. “Or at least put it on vibrate?”
“I’m sorry,” Julia said, a bit defensively. “I get six billion robo-calls a day.”
“I told you to put your number on the Do Not Call list.”
“I did, but–” Suddenly alarmed, Julia’s eyes made a quick circuit of his face. “What’s wrong?” What else, besides bad news, would bring Kevin to her doorstep when he was clearly still so unwell?
Kevin sagged, as if all the fight suddenly went out of him. “It’s Father’s Day, Julia. I just really needed to see the kids.”
“You... needed to see the kids,” Julia echoed. Irritation coiled behind Julia's sternum. “Kevin, you’re obviously in a lot of pain.”
“I just miss them.” He sounded exhausted. “So much.”
“So you flew all the way up here, feeling like that?”
“No; I flew in on Wednesday, before I got sick. I was already staying with my parents, planning to fly the kids to Santa Barbara on Friday. And then last night, my parents decided on a whim to go to New York. I can’t be all alone today, of all days. Not again.” His voice breaking, Kevin added, “The kids are growing up fast, Julia. I don’t want to miss out on any more time with them.”
“Kevin, you can’t just show up without confirming it’s okay first.”
“I tried!” he practically shouted.
“I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t see your texts. But I had no reason to expect you to text or call, much less drop by. Yesterday you were barely able to speak. Plu s, like I said, I’ve been swamped, getting things ready for Dad and Wi–”
She gulped down the bombshell just before it dropped: William was there. Celebrating Father’s Day. With the kids.
But her sudden shift in expression did not go unnoticed, and something like fire kindled behind Kevin’s dark eyes. “And who, Julia?” His voice was calm, but its tremble betrayed his agitation.
Julia sighed. “Kevin...”
Kevin’s nostrils flared, and he stepped closer. Instinctively, Julia retreated, pressing her back against the door. Kevin saw it and stepped back again, some of the fire dissipating from his glare. But with the same ominous calm, he said, “So you’re telling me that William is in there right now, with my kids. On Father’s Day . ”
Julia squared her shoulders. “I don’t need your permission to include him in family gatherings, especially ones you weren’t even planning to be at. William is a part of my life now, which means he’s going to be a part of the kids’ lives from now on, too.”
A seismic shift transformed Kevin’s features. All the fire went out, replaced by several beats of mute shock. Then he whipped his glasses off and buried his face in his other hand.
To Julia’s horror, she realized he was crying. “Kevin...” She didn’t know what to do. Offering a hug didn’t seem like the right move.
“Goddammit,” he choked out, a little too loudly, repeatedly pounding his fist against the exterior wall. She prayed the kids hadn’t heard. Thank God the windows were shut, and double-paned.
Before Julia could shush him, the front door burst open behind her, and William filled the doorway with his full six-feet-four-inches. Julia gave a tiny shake of the head, but he was too busy glaring at Kevin to notice. Julia had never seen William like this – nostrils flaring, wound tight, and ready to spring at a moment’s notice.
At least, not since they were twenty, when he confronted Kevin in exactly the same way.
“It’s okay,” she whispered, taking advantage of the chance to wrap her hand around his bicep.
William’s eyes snapped to Julia's. “He was swearing at you. ”
“Not swearing,” Julia rushed out. “Well, okay, mildly swearing; but not at me. Just at the situation.”
“What situation?” William stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind him. Glowering again at Kevin, he demanded, “What was that loud sound? Were you hitting her?”
Jabbing a finger at William, Kevin snarled, “ Fuck you, okay? I was sad and upset when I found out you're spending Father’s Day with my kids. I hit the wall. I’d never hit Julia, or anyone for that matter. But you know, for the second time in our short, unpleasant acquaintance, I’m not sure you’d stick to the same code.”
William tensed even further under Julia’s grip. “Hey asshole, I thought I was protecting Julia and the kids. You’re welcome.”
“Holy fucking shit, this is hot!”
The new voice yanked their attention to where Alison leaned against the door jamb with a cheeky grin. Julia hadn’t even heard the door open.
“I can’t even remember the last time two dudes fought over me.” Jerking her thumb back into the house, Alison added, “Can you just hit pause a sec? I need to grab the popcorn.”
Mortified, Julia pinched the bridge of her nose, until she realized that her sister’s outburst had produced an outcome that was both unexpected and desirable. With her hand still wrapped around William’s bicep, Julia felt the tension drain from his muscles. And then Diego barreled outside, nails clacking on hardwood and concrete. Clearly, he was no guard dog, because after a few assessing snuffles around everyone’s legs, he unfurled his tongue and flopped down at William’s feet.
William ran a hand over his scalp, his eyes wild and unfocused. Then he turned to Kevin with a contrite look.
“Shit... I’m sorry.”
Julia watched Kevin’s shoulders drop. “Me, too.”
“I misunderstood.” William bent over to clasp his knees, practically wheezing, and Diego scrambled up again to lick his face. “Oh, Jesus…”
“It’s okay,” Kevin reassured him. “Actually, if the situations had been reversed, I hope I would have done the same.”
“My work here is done,” declared Alison, dusting off her hands before retreating into the house and shutting the door behind herself .
William ran both hands through his hair. Unable to look Julia in the eye, he stared at his shoes instead. “God, Julie; I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Julia whispered. In truth, her sister was right. She had never been one to go for the knight in shining armor thing, but the way William rushed headlong into what he thought was danger? She wanted to pull him into the bushes and have her way with him.
Kevin stepped forward, his wary eyes glued to William. “Are we good?”
“Yeah.” William puffed out a breath of relief. “Yeah, we’re good.”
“Then if you two can coexist in the same space,” Julia interjected, “come with me to the in-law unit. We need to chat.”
Their hangdog looks might have pulled a laugh from her, if she weren’t still so embarrassed. Both men followed her inside, with Diego trailing behind.
Kevin still slumped as he continued shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
William turned to Kevin. “I want to say again how sorry I am. You know… for over-reacting out there.”
Kevin buried his face in his hands, muffling his voice. “You reacted exactly as you should have, if you thought I was being violent. In fact,” he added, finally lifting his head to look William in the eye, “thank you.”
Julia looked to William, who gave a tiny, imperceptible nod, as if reading her mind. To Kevin, she offered, “You could join us for dinner. Could you eat?”
Kevin’s eyes widened in surprise. “Probably not. And I don’t want to intrude.”
“It’s not an intrusion,” William broke in. “Not from my perspective.”
Kevin glanced at William. “Thank you. But what about Paige? Isn’t she still pissed at me?”
“She’s pissed at the whole world,” Julia replied drily.
After a moment to reflect, Kevin tentatively said, “Are you sure? I really don’t have t–”
“Positive,” William interjected.
Julia offered William a grateful smile, then led them both upstairs, feeling like she was in a surreal Terry Gilliam film. Never in a million years woul d she have foreseen Kevin and William seated around the same table, enjoying the same Father’s Day dinner. The whole incident had scrambled Julia’s brain so thoroughly, it never even occurred to her to prepare her kids. Not until she reached the top of the stairs and watched Paige’s mouth fall open.
While everyone else jumped up with surprised greetings, Robert rushed forward to throw his arms around Kevin’s legs with a delighted shriek. But Paige stayed riveted to her seat, her expression darkening by the second. Finally, in a surly tone, she blurted, “Mom, why is Dad even here? I thought you said he was sick.”
“He is,” Julia answered. “But he was sad about missing Father’s Day with you guys. As it turns out, he texted and called to ask if he could drop by, but I didn’t see his messages.”
“Well, you should have just stayed away,” Paige groused, glaring at Kevin. “No one wants you here.”
“Paige,” Alison said sharply, and Paige’s eyebrows scrunched together. Alison rarely rebuked her niece.
“ I want him here,” Robert protested, and Paige’s head whipped around, her eyes flashing with barely-contained rage.
“What do you care? He’s not even your real dad!”
It seemed like every adult in the room gasped in unison. Even Diego woofed in alarm.
Paige crossed her arms and doubled down. “And even if he was your dad, it’s not like he gives a fuck about either one of us.”
But her defiant scowl evaporated when it landed on Xavier. Only when Paige registered his look of horror did she realize what she had said.
“What do you mean he’s not my real dad?” Robert’s tiny voice yanked Julia from her stupor.
Alison dropped a steadying hand on Julia’s shoulder. “I’ve got Paige,” she whispered. “You take Robert.”
What Julia really wanted in that moment was to get her hands around Paige’s neck, which is why she shot Alison a look of gratitude for intervening. And the icing on the cake was, Paige had said it in front of William’s mother.
“Come on, Tadpole,” Julia said, studiously avoiding Ann’s eyes, her voice tight with f ury despite her best efforts. She steered her son into her parents’ bedroom, since Alison would most likely take Paige to the other one.
Tears streamed down Robert’s face. “Mommy, what did I do?!”
“Oh, Robert...” She squatted to lift him, and he wrapped his legs around her waist and his arms around her neck. She sat on the edge of her parents’ bed, where she rocked him in her arms, shushing him gently. Tears pricked at her own eyes to think he blamed himself. “Sweetie, you didn’t do a single thing wrong. None of this is your fault, not even a little.”
“Then why is everyone so mad?” he demanded through sobs. “Why did Paige say Daddy isn’t my real dad?”
“It was wrong of her to say that.” Julia could only pray that Robert was too young to pick up on the subtle nuance in her phrasing.
But Robert drew back to look her in the eye. “Is it true?”
Julia placed a gentle hand on the back of his head and snuggled him back against her shoulder. What was she supposed to say now? He was so smart, like his father. Like both of his fathers.
Her mind whirled. Robert would know if she answered with anything but a resounding no . On the other hand, if she wasn’t honest now, he would feel betrayed when they finally did tell him the truth.
Miraculously, despite Robert’s gut-wrenching sobs, Julia managed to choke out, “Hey, buddy, let’s breathe. Remember balloon breathing?”
His crying eased somewhat, and he nodded against her shoulder.
“Okay, let’s do it. Ready?”
She led the way, prompting them both to inhale a slow breath through their noses. They expanded their hands apart from each other, as if clasping an inflating balloon, before slowly releasing the breath through their mouths.
Already, hiccups had replaced Robert’s sobs. “Good!” Julia praised. “Let’s do it again.”
They repeated this exercise a few more times until all the tension drained from Robert’s body, and he sagged in her arms. She rubbed his back and tenderly shushed him for another minute or two.
Finally, she said, “I know all the yelling was scary. For now, I just want you to know y ou’re safe, and you’re not in any trouble. None of this is your fault.”
Robert pulled back again, his face streaked red. He searched her eyes with his own heart-stopping turquoise ones. He had never looked more like William than he did in that moment.
Julia smiled gently. “Remember how we talked about families the other day when William and I were tucking you in?”
“You mean how there’s all different kind of families?”
“Exactly. Well, what if I told you our own family is like that? What if you actually have two daddies? What if Daddy is your real daddy... but so is William?”
“You mean they both planted the seed in your tummy? The one that grew up into me?”
Julia gulped down a guffaw. Clearly, their rudimentary birds-and-bees talk had taken root. “No, they didn’t both plant the seed that grew up into you. Besides, there’s a lot more to being a dad than just that.”
He tilted his head, puppy-dog style. “Like what?”
“Well... like taking good care of you. Loving you, and keeping you safe. Teaching you things. And sometimes – if a kiddo is really lucky – they get more than one dad to love them.”
“And that’s me,” he deduced. “ I’m a lucky kiddo.”
“That's right!” She rumpled his already-tousled hair. “The point is, there are lots of ways to be a dad, not just the, um... the seed-planting part.”
No-nonsense as ever, Robert said, “Well, Daddy’s the one who takes care of me.” After another moment to think, he concluded, “But so does William, now. And he looks more like me, so maybe he's the gardener?”
Laughing again, Julia took both of his hands in hers. “You’re so smart. But I want you to know something, and this is super important, so listen up.”
“What?” he demanded excitedly.
“The reason you never met William before is not because he didn’t want to be your dad. And it’s not your fault in any way. The truth is, Tadders... William only just found out he was your dad.”
Robert searched her face a moment before asking, “Why? ”
“Oh, Tadpole... I want to answer that for you, and soon, I will. I wish I knew how to answer it right this second, but it’s one of those super-confusing grown-up things. But this much I can tell you: if William had known he was your daddy, he totally would have been a part of your life, all along. And now that he does know, we were all just trying to figure out how to explain it to you without confusing you, or making you think it was your fault. And I'm just so sorry you had to find out this way, instead.”
Robert’s lips twisted as he considered. “So I guess this means I’ll have two daddies from now on, just like my friend Rowan.”
Julia laughed out loud now. “Yeah, but we won’t all live in the same house, like her parents do.”
“Why not?”
“Um, well... I get the feeling Rowan’s mom loves both of Rowan’s dads, and that’s why they all live together.”
“Oh. But you don’t love Daddy anymore, so...”
A spike of sadness drove through Julia’s heart as she stroked his hair. “Your daddy and I were in love once, and we still care about each other.”
“But now you love William.”
Julia’s heart flip-flopped. “Yes.”
“And he loves you.” He said it like it was an obvious fact. “So why doesn’t William marry you? Why doesn’t he live with us?”
Julia kissed the top of his head. As always, at the mere thought of living with William, an invisible blanket of warmth surrounded her. “Someday he might, but not yet. First, we all have to make sure it’s the right thing. And you get a say in that, too.”
Robert’s brows came together. “Hey Mommy, is William Paige’s gardener, too?”
Julia’s nerves were so rattled by this point that her stomach felt like a pinball machine. These were prime migraine-triggering conditions. After this, she would have to pop a migraine pill prophylactically.
Gently, she said, “No, Tadders.”
“So... who is?”
“Daddy is, sweetie.”
He did that puppy-dog head tilt again. “Why? ”
Julia reached out to sweep a blond curl away from his eye. He was overdue for a haircut. Shame knotted itself around her heart. How could she possibly explain something so complex, so adult to a five-year-old? They hadn’t gotten that far yet in their planning sessions with Clio. Julia wanted her explanation to be honest, but age appropriate. The last thing she needed was to confuse or traumatize him.
Sighing, she admitted, “That’s another one of those things that’s hard to explain right this second. But I promise, we will explain someday very soon. For now, I just need you to know that you are so loved. By me, and by Daddy and William, and by your whole entire family.”
At that moment, Julia heard a tap on the bedroom door. “It’s me,” came her mother’s voice from the other side. “Can I come in?”
Julia looked to Robert. “Is it okay if Grandma comes in? Or do you need more time in here, just the two of us?”
In answer, Robert went to open the door, and Julia’s mother closed it behind herself before joining them on the edge of the bed.
“All’s quiet on the western front,” she reported to Julia. “Your father is downstairs talking to the men. Xavier is watching TV in the living room.”
Julia heard no more shouting. “Paige?”
“Still in your room with Alison.” Her mother brushed the hair back from Robert’s forehead with an affectionate hand. “You two take as much time as you need in here.”
“I don’t need any more time,” Robert chirped, bouncing off the mattress by his butt and landing on his feet. “I already know about my two dads.”
Her mother’s shocked eyes locked on Julia. “Wha–?”
“Hey Mommy,” Robert broke in, already halfway to the door, “can I watch TV with Xavier?”
“Upstairs only,” Julia called after him, but he took off without even waiting for her answer. To her mother, she quietly added, “I’ll explain later.”
After popping her migraine pill, she swept past Xavier and Robert, watching Avatar: The Last Airbender in the living room, and found her dad downstairs in the den with Kevin and William. Both younger men slumped on the sof a, as if drained of all life force, but they straightened when she appeared. Immediately Kevin doubled over again, hugging his torso in pain.
Julia nodded to her dad, who silently left the in-law unit, closing the door behind himself.
“I hope Dad wasn’t a jerk,” Julia offered with an uneasy snicker, stepping further into the room.
“Does he know?” William asked soberly.
It took Julia a few beats to register that he was talking about Robert, not her father. Julia closed her eyes in resignation. “Yes.”
Still doubled over, Kevin groaned. “This is all my fault.”
Julia sat in the armchair her father just vacated. “It’s no one’s fault. And surprisingly, Robert seems totally fine now. It's almost like he’s excited to have two dads. He shrugged it off like it was nothing and asked if he could watch TV.”
William barked out a laugh, but Kevin remained slumped over, shaking his head. When he buried his face in his hands again, Julia asked, “Is there anything I can do? For the pain?”
Kevin rolled his head back and forth. “Never is; never was.”
“Do you need to go to the hospital?”
Once again, he shook his head emphatically. “I’m actually on the upswing, believe it or not. That’s why I thought I could handle this – seeing the kids, I mean.”
“But you’re doubled over in agony.”
Kevin waved her concern away. “It’s the stress. It’ll calm down. Besides, I still need to talk to Robert about everything. We all do,” he added, glancing up at William. “And then I need to give Paige a piece of my mind.”
“She needs a day or two to re-calibrate,” countered Julia. “And we should at least consult Clio first.”
Kevin bowed his head again. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“But I will go get Robert.”
The moment Robert appeared in the den, Kevin steepled his fingers against his lips, his eyes suspiciously glassy. William scrubbed his hand over his jaw and mouth and sniffed a couple of times.
Robert’s eyes snapped to Kevin with solemnity so far beyond his years, it would ha ve been funny under any other circumstances. “It’s okay, Daddy; I still love you, even though you’re not my gardener.”
Julia winced, and Kevin's brow furrowed in confusion. “Your... gardener?”
“I’ll explain later,” Julia whispered aside to Kevin.
“But you’re still my Daddy, aren’t you?” added Robert.
“Of course I am,” Kevin said hoarsely, folding Robert into his arms. “I will always be your daddy, Tadpole. And I’ll never stop loving you.”
“Me either.” Robert squeezed him around the neck before bursting apart and running to throw his arms around William’s neck. “I’m glad you’re my daddy now, too.”
Closing his eyes, William wrapped his arms around Robert like his life depended on it. “Me too, buddy.”
Julia snuck a peek at Kevin, but his expression betrayed no resentment – only discomfort, tinged with sadness.
“Mommy,” Robert chirped, wriggling out of William’s grasp, “can I go now? Xavier paused the show for me.”
Julia smiled and rumpled his hair. As he sped past, she playfully swatted his backside, and he unleashed a volley of giggles that reached them even from the top of the stairs.
Things went miraculously well after that. Julia’s mother had taken all the food back to the kitchen and kept it warm or cold, as needed; so for the most part, everything still looked and tasted good. Julia’s father chatted pleasantly enough with Kevin about his upcoming dissertation defense, while Julia’s mother commiserated with his fruitless job search in the Bay Area – including his unsuccessful application to a local marine mammal conservation center.
After dinner, they adjourned to the patio. William and Xavier helped Julia’s mother in the garden, while Kevin played Velcro darts with Robert on the ancient board Julia had grown up with. She rediscovered it a few days ago while helping her mother clean out the attic – a long-overdue chore that Julia suspected her mother had tackled with her own impending mortality in mind.
Ann, meanwhile, helped Julia with the dishes in the kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” Julia said quietly as she dried and put away the soup tureen. “I’m a fraid some of the interactions you’ve had with Paige have been less than stellar.”
Ann waved away her concern. “Will told me about her Asperger’s diagnosis.” With a sly, sidelong glance at Julia, she added, “I guess that’s one more thing she and Xavier have in common.”
“You mean besides their mutual passion for art, video games, anime, and just about everything else?” Julia’s tone dripped with amusement.
“Including each other?” Sensing her reply had taken Julia aback, Ann quickly clarified, “I just mean there’s an obvious puppy love blooming between them. Nothing serious.”
That wouldn‘t be weird at all, thought Julia. After all, there was a decent possibility that Paige and Xavier would be step-cousins one day. “I’ll keep an eye on it.”
“Yes,” Ann murmured knowingly. “That might be wise.”
Alison, who had stayed in the bedroom with Paige for most of the evening, finally emerged solo. She beckoned Julia with a wave and a rare, sober expression. Julia excused herself to follow her sister downstairs to the den.
“Paige is incredibly embarrassed and ashamed,” Alison said right off the bat. Then, with a smirk, she added, “Though to be honest, I have a feeling she's more worried about what Xavier thinks than anything.”
Julia laughed, but there was no genuine humor in it.
Alison’s eyebrows pulled together. “Take it easy on her, Julie. She was already so worked up about everything else, she forgot you hadn’t told Robert.”
Staring down at her shoes, Julia could only shake her head in resignation.
Alison’s frown vanished, and she moved to gather Julia into a hug. Then she drew back, still clasping Julia by the shoulders. “I’m sure you remember, when we were kids, I was a master manipulator, and I put up a good front of not caring what anyone thought. It wasn’t until I was an adult, and I finally got my ADHD diagnosis, that I understood it was a mask – armor, really. ”
Julia quirked an eyebrow. “Armor?”
“Against rejection. Against constantly being labeled a fuck-up or an idiot for things I couldn’t help. The point is, don’t let the mask fool you. Paige may be thirteen, but she’s still just a kid. And a neurodivergent one, at that.”
Julia chewed her lip, considering. Finally, she said, “It’s really helpful, hearing your perspective. And Al... I never thought you were a fuck-up or an idiot. I’m sorry if anything I said or did gave you that impression.”
Alison blinked once or twice, then grinned, the mask sliding seamlessly back in place. “That’s okay. What are sisters for, if not to keep each other humble?”
Paige spent the next half hour tearfully apologizing to Julia in their bedroom, while Diego consoled her. When the three of them finally emerged, Paige apologized to Robert and everyone else, as well – including, Julia couldn’t help but notice, Xavier.
She accidentally eavesdropped when she came to refill her father’s wineglass. She found the bottle of Cinsaut still on the dining table, and as she poured, Paige and Xavier’s voices drifted from the kitchen.
“I know what that’s like,” Xavier was saying. “You know my other mom isn’t even in the picture anymore, right?”
“No, I didn’t know,” Paige murmured.
“She might even be dead. Last anybody heard, she was living in a tent under the freeway. She chose drugs over me and Zach.”
“Oh,” murmured Paige. “I’m so sorry.”
“What your dad did back then, running off like that... that was shit,” Xavier acknowledged. “But he’s trying; anyone can see that. I gotta be honest, Paige – listening to you complain about your life feels like a slap in the face.”
Clearly taken aback, Paige breathed, “What?”
“I mean, you have three whole parental units that love you and give you everything you need. And on top of all that, your dad is filthy rich, you’re smart, you’re talented, and you’re, um...” Xavier’s voice grew thin and strained. “...you’re ridiculously pretty.”
The ensuing silence told Julia that his confession stunned Paige just as much as it stunned her .
But Julia hadn’t meant to eavesdrop for this long. And with the silence stretching longer and longer, it occurred to her to wonder what they were doing in there. Snapping out of her trance, Julia swept into the kitchen with her father’s wineglass.
Paige and Xavier both jumped in their seats, but it wasn’t like Julia had caught them sticking their tongues down each other’s throats. They sat on opposite sides of the kitchen table, both of their faces flushed red.
“Hey!” Julia said brightly. “I was just coming to get another San Pellegrino for Will.”
After recovering from the initial shock, Xavier stared at the tabletop, repeatedly blinking and sniffing. Paige, meanwhile, chewed her fingernails, but she, too, said nothing. Julia wagered they were both trying to work out how much Julia had overheard.
“Are you guys still hungry?” Julia tried. When they both shook their heads, she added, “I think the Playstation is still free downstairs, if you want to pick up where you left off. You know... smashing pyramids, or whatever it is you do in that game.”
Paige rolled her eyes, but at least it was a good-natured eye roll. The eye roll of the long-suffering teen who secretly finds it funny, how out of touch her parents are.
Back outside, Robert and Kevin had grown bored with Velcro darts and made their way back to the patio table. When Julia joined them, depositing Paige and Xavier at the Playstation along the way, she pulled up short at the scene before her: William, seated at the patio table with Kevin, engaged in stiff but civil conversation.
Wonders never ceased, because then Paige and Xavier spent the rest of the evening teaching William to play Minecraft. At one point, Julia caught William's eye and gave him a grateful smile, which he returned with a subtle nod.
By then, it was well past Robert’s bedtime. Julia found him curled in his aunt’s lap, his lids suspiciously heavy as he unleashed a ferocious yawn. Alison handed him off to Julia and bid farewell, Kevin drove back to Atherton, and Kelly and Pilar picked up Ann and Xavier. That, in turn, left Julia and William to put Robert to bed.
“You know it’s okay to feel whatever you feel about Daddy and William,” Julia murmured, smoothing Robert's hair back from his forehead as William tucked him under the covers.
His brow scrunched up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean about having two dads. Happy, sad, confused, excited, mad... it’s all normal and okay. And it’s okay to feel different things at different times."
“Hmmm...” Robert tapped his lip thoughtfully. “I think I feel curious.”
Julia chuckled. “That’s a great word.”
“Curious, and sleepy,” he added around a yawn.
“Tomorrow you can ask as many questions as you want,” William reassured him, “but for now, sweet dreams.”
Robert tugged his stuffed frog, Prince, under the covers and wrapped his arms around him. His mouth stretched around a final yawn as his eyelids sank shut.
“Love you, Tadpole,” Julia whispered, kissing his cheek; then she kissed Prince and added, “You, too, Other Tadpole.”
After William kissed Robert’s forehead, he turned out the bedroom light and gently closed the door. Taking his hand, Julia pulled him into the den and invited him to sit. Then, reaching into the closet, she finally retrieved William’s gift.
She had used the same taupe wrapping paper with navy-blue ticking stripes that Robert had used. But she had done a much tidier job and topped it with a navy-blue, satin-edged arabesque ribbon, tied in an ornate bow. She brought it to William on the sofa, sitting beside him.
“What’s this?” he asked, turning it over in his hands, inspecting it.
“It’s a Father’s Day gift, silly.”
His cheeks pinked up a bit, and he gave her one of those shy smiles that made her heart do gymnastics. Then he tugged at the ribbon, peeled away the paper, and uncovered the two flannel shirts.
Shooting her a quizzical look, he unfolded the one on top. “Wait. Isn’t this...?”
“Yours?” she finished for him, with a sly grin. “I may or may not have stolen it from your closet. But it was for a good cause,” she added, gesturing to the second shirt .
He set the first shirt aside and unfolded the second one. In a tone of wonder, he asked, "Did you make this?”
“I used the stolen shirt as a pattern.”
“I already guessed that part. It’s just...” He flipped it around to look at the back. At a loss, he simply cupped the back of her neck with one hand and smiled warmly.
Suddenly unsure of herself, she leaned into his touch. “I’ve never seen you in green plaid before, and this flannel is so incredibly soft – really good quality. So I thought...”
His gaze softened, and he blinked several times. Then, with his hand still at the nape of her neck, he drew her to him in a soft, lingering kiss. His lips were warm and full on hers, and her pulse fluttered erratically, her skin turning fizzy.
When he finally broke the kiss, he whispered, “It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. Thank you.”
She put her hand over his heart and found it drumming a steady rhythm. Her eyes swept between his, and his face flushed again. This time, she cupped the back of his neck.
Their tongues swept together, and they both drew sharp, surprised breaths through their noses. With one hand on his neck and the other on his chest, she felt his heartbeat swell to a crescendo.
She suddenly flashed back to earlier when he barreled outside, practically feral with protectiveness. To know that this soft-spoken gentle giant, capable of infinite tenderness and patience with children – capable of rocketing her body to so many heights of pleasure – that he also had the will and ability to keep them all safe? And yet he also had the self-control to rein it in and admit when he screwed up? And on top of all that, he had the maturity to spend the rest of the evening treating his erstwhile nemesis with civility?
Once again, some prehistoric part of her brain lit up, igniting her body into a conflagration.
She broke apart and rested her forehead against his, practically gasping for air. “It’s been way too long,” she chuckled.
“Twenty days, six hours, and–” He glanced at his watch. “–twelve minutes.”
“But who’s counting, right? ”
He nipped the shell of her ear and whispered, “Only five more days to go.”
Goose bumps erupted over her body as she contemplated an entire weekend in bed with him – at least, when they weren’t enjoying Kelly and Pilar’s wedding festivities. After all, it was the kids’ weekend with Kevin’s parents.
Leaning into his ear, she whispered back, “Don’t forget the protein bars and Gatorade.”