Chapter 14
Noelle
The night was my favorite kind—crisp and starry.
The quiet beauty of it on top of Cellular Hill eased my frustration over not being able to sleep again.
Fredrik’s office room bed was a lot bigger and more comfortable, so logically, I should have been sound asleep, making up for the sleepless nights in the squeaky doll’s bed.
In my exhaustion, I’d fallen asleep on the first spread of The Doctor’s Secret Baby at seven o’clock, then woken at midnight with my heart racing.
Must have been from all the excitement of the day.
Anxiety didn’t usually hit me in the middle of the night, but there was nothing usual about my life recently.
At least climbing the hill in clear weather had given me a signal and let me catch up on emails.
Mom had responded to my cocktail photo with a smiley face. Scrolling back through our earlier messages, I found a picture of their Thanksgiving dinner. They’d set a plate for me, and Holly had drawn a smiley face on it with gravy. My tears splashed the phone screen, blurring the image.
Mr. Young had sent me a video about nap cafés in Korean workplaces, emphasizing that the beds were for daytime use only. I got the sense he didn’t really encourage napping at work either.
I sat under the gazebo, fingers numb from the cold, scouring the internet for an affordable room within walking distance of my store.
There weren’t any—affordable or otherwise.
If I wanted to keep my job, I’d have to continue taking up space in Fredrik’s store, regardless of how bothersome or inappropriate he found me.
Why couldn’t I behave like a normal person?
Everything would have been fine if I hadn’t kissed him.
If I’d just held my tongue. That was it.
My tongue was the root of all evil. Things I said without thinking, questions I asked…
and even that moment I’d tasted him. A bittersweet zing shot up my spine.
I could still feel his hands on my waist, pulling me flush against him.
He’d kissed me back, probably caught up in the moment.
Or had I imagined it? How delusional was I?
I pulled my mittens back on and made my way down the hill.
Not feeling sleepy, I circled the town square.
Fresh snow had fallen, but the temperature was above freezing, creating perfect conditions for snowballs.
I rolled one, then another, and eventually built a snowman.
He was a bit lopsided, but I found some sticks for arms and made him a face out of smaller twigs.
He was smiling. Maybe he’d make someone else smile.
At least he’d made me tired enough to fall asleep again.
I woke up to a knock on the door and clambered out of bed, groggy and disoriented.
“Good morning!” The door opened, and Fredrik stepped inside, balancing a croissant on top of two coffees.
I instinctively swiped my fingers under my eyes to catch any remnants of makeup, then glanced down at my red pajama pants and garish Rudolph sweater. Thanks to Mom, all my sleepwear was Christmas-themed.
“What time is it?” I asked. I’d fallen asleep again in the early hours. Had I even set an alarm?
“It’s eight o’clock.”
“But you open at ten,” I said, eyeing the coffees in his hands.
“Is it too early?” He looked mortified. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to miss you.”
“It’s okay. Is that… for me?” I pointed at the cup, and he handed it over with the croissant.
“I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?” I blinked in confusion.
The smell of fresh coffee and buttery pastry hit my nose, distracting me from his words.
“I don’t think I said the right thing yesterday. I don’t know if I did the right thing, either. I’m not great at this.” I’d never seen him this flustered.
“This being…?”
“I mean, anyone showing interest in me. I don’t know how to react.”
He looked so adorably panicked that I couldn’t help smiling. “But nothing happened.”
He sighed. “Yeah. I know. That’s one of the wrong things I said. Because you’re right, it doesn’t work. If I’ve learned anything from books, it’s that the buried truth always comes out in a messy way. Scarlet Letter. Crime and Punishment. Jane Eyre…”
“The Doctor’s Secret Baby!” I added, biting my lip. “I haven’t read it yet, but I bet it fits the bill.”
He laughed. “Exactly. Let’s not do that.”
“What do we do instead?” I took a sip of coffee, letting it warm my throat. “Announce the kiss in the town bulletin?”
His eyes flashed with horror. “Lady Lovewatch would lose her mind.”
“Who’s that?”
“The gossip columnist.” He huffed. “Nobody knows who it is, but I suspect it’s actually more than one person.”
“You think they’d write about how the sad woman staying in Fredrik’s bookstore tried to kiss him?”
Fredrik’s mouth tugged faintly. “You didn’t try to kiss me. You succeeded.”
I released a heavy breath. “When I do stupid stuff, I commit. I’m sorry you got caught up in it.”
He leaned on the doorway, fidgeting with his coffee. His voice was measured. Tender. “Are you confused over what happened here yesterday?”
I hid behind my coffee cup. “A little,” I admitted. “I thought maybe you kissed me back to be polite, or… I don’t know. I didn’t sleep much, and my brain is circling the drain right now.” My heart pounded as I looked up at him.
There it was again, the babbling honesty I couldn’t take back. I was out of control and sick of myself.
“Noelle.” He stepped closer, tipping my chin with a finger so I had to meet his gaze. “I didn’t just kiss you back. I wanted to take you, right here. I lost control.”
It was a confession. Full of regret. Yet my body flooded with heat. For a moment, I drowned in his forest-green eyes, like I was submerged in a pond. I waited, too scared to move. My whole body tingled. I wanted him to touch me so that I could respond.
But after a moment, he released me. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” He backed toward the door. “I’ll… leave you to it.”
To what? I screamed in my head as the door closed, and his footsteps faded away.
He’d come to tell me that, then left.
At 3:20 that afternoon, the bell above the Christmas store door chimed as my new friend Kailee barged in, school bag swinging on her shoulder, and a huge dog in her wake.
“You have a dog?”
The St. Bernard followed her inside, settling at the doorway.
“That’s just Skippy. I bagged some bacon for him from the school cafeteria.” Kailee lifted a greasy paper bag, smiling. “He wanders around town, but you can sway him with treats.” She dangled a piece of bacon, and Skippy snatched it.
“He’s gorgeous!” I crouched down to pet him. “Whose dog is he?”
“My mom says he’s like a giant pigeon. Goes wherever he gets the best meal.”
I patted Skippy’s soft fur. “Don’t worry,” I told him. “You look nothing like a pigeon.”
“You look sweaty,” Kailee observed.
“I am.” I wiped my forehead.
I’d hoped opening the doors with no fanfare would mean a quiet first day, but the whole town had turned up.
I’d spent the day learning on the go—figuring out the cash register, putting up missing price tags, and fielding endless questions about both the items and my background.
Those I at least knew the answers to. But when it came to the stock, I didn’t know what kind of batteries things required or if the singing, dancing Santa came with a warranty.
My guess was no. Now I had a long list of questions for Mr. Young, who’d failed to show up despite his earlier warning.
It felt good to keep busy. Without this job, I would have been obsessing over Fredrik’s words. I hadn’t seen him since he’d walked out that morning. Now that Kailee was with me, he must have been there by himself. I’d never seen an actual customer enter his store. How did it survive?
Kailee and Skippy settled on the daybed with her homework until closing time, when I escorted the last old lady out of the shop, promising I’d look for the earring she’d lost somewhere inside.
“Ready?” I asked, peeking into the back room.
“Sure.” She slid a tasseled bookmark into her book.
Skippy, relaxing on the bed next to her, lifted his head and lumbered toward the front door.
“I ran out of bacon,” Kailee explained, letting the dog outside.
I watched the huge stray make his way across the town square, feeling an odd kinship. He didn’t have a home either, but he made it work.
“Let me show you what I put aside for the bookstore.” I beckoned Kailee to the counter, lifting out boxes of lights and decorations I’d stored behind it.
“He said nothing that blinked, so I thought he’d like these vintage light bulbs.
One color, probably called Edison. And then some red baubles and gold stars. Traditional and low key.”
“Boring.” Kailee browsed a rack of novelty ornaments and picked up a green Grinch figurine, hanging it off her finger. “This would be perfect! Do you have more of these?”
“We’re trying to get him on board, not scar him for life.”
She scoffed. “He’s already scarred for life.” She pressed the Grinch against my face. “This looks like Uncle Fredrik, doesn’t it? Same frown.”
I laughed. “What do you mean scarred…?” I swallowed a ball of shame. Why couldn’t I keep my big mouth shut? “Don’t tell me! And don’t tell him I asked, please!”
Kailee chuckled, swinging the stupid Grinch from her finger. “You like him! You like the Grinch of Hideaway!”
“He’s not the…” I could feel myself blushing. “I mean, he’s helping me. That’s not Grinch-like.”
“Uncle Fredrik helps everyone! He splits firewood for Gramps and Great-Grandpa Charles and half the town. My mom constantly calls him to pick up something or drop off something or take someone ice fishing. He never says no. He just does it looking like this.” She contorted her face to match the Grinch’s expression, then burst out laughing.
Fredrik isn’t like that, I argued with myself.
He’d bought me coffee and a croissant, and said…
I stopped myself from repeating the words I’d obsessed over all day.
They didn’t mean anything. He’d only been settling the score, admitting to feelings he thought I had so I’d feel better about myself.
The way I’d lost control. A nice, selfless act, like splitting firewood.
“Are you hungry?” I asked Kailee. “I’m starving. I didn’t have time to pick up anything during the day. Any chance the crochet club has catering?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so, unless someone’s been baking. The café closes at six, that’s why they meet after.”
“In that case, I need to find some dinner.”
Half an hour later, we sat at The Shore Thing, eating fish chowder and French fries, which I’d bought for Kailee.
“This is where I met Fredrik,” I told her, enjoying the way the hot soup warmed me from the inside out. “I sat right here, taking selfies with that cactus and a cocktail. And he sat—” I lifted my finger and froze.
Because he was right there. Fredrik plopped into his usual seat, undid his scarf, and reached into his bag for his book. As he pulled it out, he looked up and saw me.
He gave us his signature frown, his eyes flicking between us. “I thought the knitting club was meeting at the Sip.”
“Nice to meet you, too.” I grinned. “We’re just grabbing a bite first.”
“Hi, Grinch,” Kailee said, popping a fry into her mouth. She’d taken off her jacket, letting her black top slide off her shoulder.
“You brought her to a bar.” Fredrik scanned the room.
Summer waved at us from behind the bar, and an older couple continued eating their pizzas. With no obvious predators in sight, he relaxed a little.
“It’s not like I’m buying her beer,” I said pointedly. “And we’ll have to go in ten minutes, so you can read in peace.”
To my surprise, Fredrik slid his book back into his bag, picked up his things, and moved to our table, sitting right next to me. “Is it any good?” He nodded at my food, looking hungry.
“It’s perfect! So creamy. Try.” I picked up a clean spoon from a holder and handed it to him.
“I didn’t mean—” He raised his hand to refuse the spoon.
What was all this uptight nonsense? We were supposed to be friends, not awkwardly polite strangers who couldn’t even share food. He’d told me our paths would cross and we needed to get along.
I scooped a spoonful of chowder and raised it to his lips. “Open up.”
He scowled at the spoon, then at me, lips sealed. I felt a flash of irritation. So, I was supposed to accept his help left and right, but he couldn’t accept a spoonful of soup from me?
I held up the spoon, not yielding. “I bet your mom had fun feeding you as a baby.”
Kailee giggled. “Let me try!” She reached across the table, but I blocked her with my elbow, giving her a cheeky look.
“Wait, I have an idea.”
I readied my spoon and looked Fredrik in the eye. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
His mouth dropped open, and I stuck the spoon in. A little dribble ran down the side of his face, but he managed to swallow the rest, staring at me in utter horror. Kailee cheered.
“It’s good, isn’t it?” I smiled victoriously.
Fredrik grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth. “The chowder is great. You, on the other hand”—he gave me a long look, lowering his voice—“are playing cruel games.”
He stared at me for a moment, his eyes dark and thunderous, and I swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”
“I get that I’m nothing to you but a small-town curiosity, but you don’t have to make fun of me.”
“Make fun of you?” I frowned, trying to make sense of his words, panic rising in my chest.
“I know the idea of anyone falling in love with me is hilarious, but I do have feelings.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, suddenly feeling awful. “That’s not what I meant! I say the wrong thing all the time. It’s like my brain is broken.” I gestured to my head, blinking away tears.
“Can you both chill?” Kailee stood. “We need to go.”
I got up too, pushing the rest of my soup toward Fredrik like a peace offering. “Please, finish it for me. We’ll be late.”
He harrumphed, but as we gathered our things and headed for the door, I saw him pick up the spoon.