Chapter 24
Fredrik
Iwaited for her to say something, my heart beating so hard it hurt. I knew it was too early, but if we didn’t talk now, when would we? When she was sailing across the Atlantic?
I’d nearly given up when she spoke. “It’s scary.”
I helped her sit up, and we got dressed in silence. I threw two more logs on the fire and carried our coffee cups back to the kitchen. She joined me, taking a seat across the island.
“Are you angry with me?” she asked.
“No. Why?”
“Oh.” She looked genuinely surprised. “I feel like I said something wrong.”
“You’re right. It’s scary. We don’t have to decide anything right now.”
What else could I say? Nothing like this had happened to me in years.
Maybe ever. I knew I was falling hard. I could feel it happening, but I couldn’t expect her to follow.
I had to pull myself together right now or I’d scare her away.
Hell, I was scaring myself with these thoughts.
I couldn’t blame her for feeling the same.
“You know I ran off from my wedding.” She pinned me with a look that was both pained and open. “I called an Uber and never talked to him again. And I still don’t know why I did it.”
“I think you do,” I argued. “Think about it.”
She shook her head, her arms resting against the counter like she didn’t know who they belonged to. “I wasn’t right for him. I know that. But it never stopped me before. We had fights, and then I apologized, and it was… okay. We were okay.”
“Do you hear yourself? You apologized. Why was it always you?”
Her eyes brimmed with tears. “Yeah, I hear it.”
I softened my tone. “What was your last argument about?”
I wasn’t a therapist, but if she needed to get something off her chest, I could listen.
She drew a breath, her gaze fixed on the overhead cabinets.
“I’d planned this ski trip with Spencer’s sister and her friends.
And then I found out they’d gone without me.
We were drinking one night, throwing around ideas for this trip.
I was browsing Airbnb and finding the craziest things, like this entirely pink house.
I thought we were planning to go together, but I must have misunderstood.
Because two weeks later, I saw it on Instagram.
They didn’t even tell me they’d booked the trip. ”
I wondered what all this had to do with Spencer but didn’t want to interrupt.
Noelle continued. “I was so hurt, and I wasn’t thinking…
Heather, his sister, came to see us to talk about the bridesmaids’ dresses…
I hadn’t seen her since the trip and said something really careless about how much I loved that pink Airbnb and how I wanted to see it.
How I wished they’d invited me.” She looked away, wiping a tear off her cheek.
I was no longer following. “But they should have invited you.”
She nodded. “I felt like that, but then Spencer explained that they’d thought I was too busy with the wedding and wouldn’t have time for it, so they went without me.
And then I brought it up and made Heather super uncomfortable.
I should have known not to mention it.” She groaned.
“There are so many unwritten rules, and I’m terrible at them!
I make friends, and I get a false sense of security, thinking I can be totally honest with them.
And then it backfires. The worst thing with the Alfords was that nobody would tell me I’d messed up.
Not until much later. They all just turned a little distant and weird, and kept smiling.
I didn’t even know Heather was offended until Spencer brought it up later, a day before the wedding. ”
“That sounds like a high-society thing. Or some sort of sick power play. Maybe both.” I shuddered.
She wiped her eyes, and I saw a hint of hope in them. “You really think so?”
“I really think so,” I said with conviction. “And I think you understood that, subconsciously. You knew something was off and left to protect yourself. That’s a good thing. You have good instincts.” I reached across the island and took her hands, squeezing them.
She gave me a sad smile. “Just not good enough to steer clear of him in the first place.”
“Well… it’s impossible to see all the red flags right away. You’re caught up in the romance of it all.”
She met my eyes, and her mouth twitched. “Like us, right now?”
“Yeah,” I admitted, letting go of her hands. “Although I’ve been flying my red flags pretty high, so if you haven’t noticed anything, that’s on you.”
“And I’ve acted like a shortsighted toddler with verbal diarrhea, so if you haven’t figured out what I’m like—”
“I love who you are.” The words rushed out. I wanted to wrap her in them.
She drew a deep breath, like gathering courage.
“I love who you are, too. And maybe I’m not the best at noticing red flags, but I don’t see you like that.
You’re protecting yourself from being hurt.
That’s normal.” Her gaze dipped to my worn flannel.
“You care more about your grandpa’s feelings than fashion.
That’s sweet. And you have this connection to Hideaway Harbor… I wish I had that.”
She looked so wistful that I almost laughed. “Hideaway Harbor is not hard to connect with. Stay a full year, and you’re part of the furniture. After that, leaving would be like escaping a cult.”
“That’s all I have to do? Survive twelve months?” Her jaw jutted forward, like she was mentally preparing for the challenge.
I lifted a shoulder. “Holiday Hidies can’t handle the shoulder seasons when it’s quiet and cold and windy. Only the real Hidies stay.”
I circled the kitchen island and took her hand, pulling her through the house to the back door, looking through the window next to it.
I pointed at a shed next to the sauna. “That one is full of firewood. I used to have a chest freezer full of berries, game, and fish. That’s fallen to the wayside, but it’s what most people do.
And then we share what we catch and collect and help those who’re struggling.
The whole community thing… It can be annoying and invasive, but it’s also necessary.
It’s not like Bangor with all the services.
The conditions can be rough. We occasionally experience storms and power cuts and may have to wait for the next delivery truck.
The grocer might have empty shelves for a while. We have to pull together to survive.”
She nodded. “Makes sense.”
“It’s not all festivals and fun.”
I wanted her to stay, but I was worried she’d make a mistake and end up hating me.
Elora had hated the long, quiet winter. She’d hated the nosy townspeople butting their heads into everything, asking her to get involved in their causes.
I couldn’t lure in another woman without preparing her for the realities of living here.
Even if I was terrified she’d decide against it.
“I get it,” she said, leaning her shoulder on the door.
“You have to split logs and bake your own bread when the grocery truck doesn’t arrive.
But you have all these events! The Santa Speed Dating and Woolen Sock Running!
Have you seen the Christmas calendar? I was just looking at all the appreciation days… ”
She went on to detail the town events. Was she even hearing me? Hideaway’s events bordered on unhinged, but the weeks between were long.
“I kind of missed the parade yesterday. But I really want to see the sock running and some of the calendar reveals. There’s even a Pulla Appreciation Day! You know the Finnish sweet bread with cardamom my grandma used to bake?”
I mustered a smile. Was she expecting me to join her?
Events had never been my thing, not even when I was somewhat happily married.
I only got involved when they needed help with something, like erecting yet another market stall or clearing snow from the podium.
However, I preferred to help with tasks that were survival-related, such as splitting firewood.
The idea of showing up as a spectator made me a little ill. But as I looked into Noelle’s shining eyes, I couldn’t tell her that.
“There is a lot going on this time of year,” I conceded.
“One day, I want to get involved and not just show up as a tourist, you know?” She looked hopeful, yet uncertain.
“On the cruise ship, every time we docked in a harbor, I’d see these amazing, close-knit communities.
They waited for the cruise ship and served us to the best of their ability, but we were just passing through.
We didn’t belong. And I always wondered what the place felt like after we left…
what they talked about and how the vibe changed.
I wished I could peek behind the curtain. ”
“There’s chaos behind the curtain,” I confirmed. “Exhaustion and weird little cliques. Some people talk, others don’t. Felicity tends to fill me in, against my will.”
She sighed, a dreamy look in her eyes. “I bet it’s so different, being part of it. Being known.”
If she wanted to be known, I’d make sure everyone in Hideaway knew her. Even if I’d never understand the need to get that involved. You were dragged in against your will either way. I didn’t even want to think about what would happen if I were to volunteer.
“Is that why you joined the crochet club?” I asked.
She cocked her head, peering at me from under her lashes. “Kind of. I love that group! But I feel like I want to do more. Give back.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” I said, pulling her into a hug. “If they get their talons in you, they’ll never let go.”
Just like me. I’d never let her go.
Letting that thought enter my mind must have triggered the forces of evil. Because that was when the doorbell rang.
Then it rang again.
“It’s probably Jackson,” I said, moving toward the door.
She grabbed my hand. “Wait! Do we want people to know about us? I mean, maybe some people, but…” Her eyes widened with panic.
“What do you mean?”