Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
T he ferry cut through the waves, the sunlight casting reflections across the dark water ahead. Mandie Grover stared out over the railing, her fingers gripping the cold metal so tightly that her knuckles had turned white. The frigid air bit against her cheeks, but it didn’t compare to the chill that had settled between her and Charlie.
He stood a few feet away, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the side of the ferry, staring out at the horizon like it might offer him some kind of escape. His shaggy blond hair caught the wind, whipping around his face, but he didn’t seem to care. He hadn’t spoken to her for at least the past fifteen minutes.
Oh, and that was after he’d barked at her to buy the tickets for this fast-track ferry to Five Island Cove. She had not appreciated his tone, and she’d told him as much.
Mandie pressed her teeth together, trying to swallow the words that bubbled up inside her. But they wouldn’t stay down. They hadn’t stayed down for the past couple of days, and they certainly weren’t about to now. She turned toward him, wanting this out before they arrived on Rocky Ridge.
“So that’s it, then? You’re just going to quit school? Just like that?”
He flicked his gaze toward her, his dark blue eyes unreadable. The wind picked up, tugging at her hair, and she pulled her coat tighter around her body.
“I never said I’m quitting,” Charlie finally muttered, his voice low but edged with frustration. “I said I’m thinking about it. There’s a difference.”
Mandie stared at him, disbelief flooding through her. “It’s the same thing, Charlie, and you know it. ‘Thinking about it’ is just a way of putting it off. You’ve already made up your mind.”
He pushed off the railing, his hands flexing as if he wanted to grab something—or maybe break something. “I haven’t made up my mind, Mandie.” He sounded tired, and Mandie could see the dark circles under his eyes, a testament to their sleepless nights and endless arguments. “But I’m drowning. I can’t keep up with everything—classes, work, rent—any of it. It’s just too much.”
“It’s too much for me, too,” she shot back, her voice rising with the sting of his words. “But I’m not quitting. I’m still going to my classes. I’m still working. You can’t just walk away when things get hard.”
Charlie let out a bitter laugh, the sound carrying over the wind. “I’m not walking away. I’m trying to find a path I can keep walking on.”
Mandie’s heart clenched as she looked at him, really looked at him. He did look exhausted. He was wearing a coat that was too thin for the winter chill, and his jeans had a rip at the knee that wasn’t fashionable—it just showed how worn down everything had become. Including him.
Her heart softened toward him, because he did get up every morning and go to work, to class, keep up with his homework, and heck, sometimes he came back to the tiny apartment they shared with Ginny and made dinner.
But that didn’t change the fact that she couldn’t let him give up on his college education.
“Surviving isn’t the answer,” she said, her voice shaking as she didn’t really like conflict. “You have to think about the future, Charlie. What happens if you quit school? What are you going to do? Work construction for the rest of your life?”
“And what’s wrong with that?” he asked, his frustration boiling over. “At least I’d have a paycheck that would stretch further. At least I wouldn’t feel like I’m constantly falling behind. Do you know what it’s like to sit in class and not understand anything? To spend every night trying to catch up, only to get knocked back down again?”
His words hit her like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, Mandie didn’t know how to respond. She did know what it was like to struggle. She wasn’t exactly acing all her classes either, and they both knew living in New York wasn’t cheap. But they had a plan. Or at least, she’d thought they had a plan.
“I get it,” she said, her voice softer now, but still tense. “I know it’s hard. I know everything feels impossible right now. But you can’t just give up. I believe in you, Charlie. You’re smart. You can do this.”
He shook his head, his expression hardening. “Maybe you believe in me more than I believe in myself.”
The silence that followed deafened her. The ferry’s horn blared as they neared the dock on Rocky Ridge, but Mandie barely heard it. She could only focus on the sinking feeling in her chest, the growing distance between her and Charlie.
She wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap between them, but she wasn’t sure how. Every time they talked about the future, it turned into a fight. And now, with Christmas approaching and their families waiting at The Starlight Manor, the tension hovered above her like a dark cloud.
“We’re almost there,” Mandie said quietly, glancing toward the island that was coming into view. “I don’t want to fight with you this weekend.”
He didn’t say anything, just shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the approaching dock. Mandie moved over to him and linked her arm through his. “I love you, Charlie. I can see you in a few years, done with school, taking on the world as the best pharmacist in the world.”
“It’s so far away, Mandie,” he grumbled. “Not a few years. Like six more years. Six.”
The ferry bumped against the dock, and people began to gather their belongings. Mandie grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder before turning back to Charlie. “You’re the smartest person I know.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Charlie’s eyes flicked toward her, and for a moment, she thought she saw something soften in his gaze. But then he looked away again, his jaw tightening. “I didn’t mean that.”
Mandie nodded, though it felt like a weight on her chest. She didn’t know what else to say, or if there was anything left to say. She just hoped that being home, away from the stress of the city, away from the busyness of work and finals, might help cool things down between them. Maybe some time with their families would remind him of what he really wanted for his future.
And Mandie knew it wasn’t construction work.
Yes, pharmacy school would be several more years. Mandie didn’t care. She’d be at his side if he wanted her there. But she couldn’t let him give up on school just because this semester had kicked him around a little bit.
They stepped off the ferry, the cold wind whipping around them as they made their way toward the line for a RideShare. When it was their turn, the driver gave them a polite nod as they climbed in, but Mandie barely noticed. Her mind stormed with thoughts, running over every argument, every conversation, every moment where things between her and Charlie had started to unravel.
As they drove through the semi-familiar streets on Rocky Ridge, Mandie’s heart ached with the weight of everything unsaid. She didn’t want to lose Charlie. Not like this. Not because of something as stupid as money or school.
But she didn’t know how to fix it either.
The ride to The Starlight Manor was quiet, the tension between them thick and heavy. Charlie stared out the window, his arms crossed over his chest, while Mandie sat with her hands clasped tightly in her lap, her mind racing. What if he really did quit school? What if he decided that living paycheck to paycheck, working some dead-end job, was enough for him?
What if he stopped dreaming about a future with her?
The thought twisted her insides in knots. She didn’t want to live paycheck to paycheck and send her husband out into the winter weather day after day, just because one semester had been hard. She wanted more.
What if Charlie can’t give you more?
The car pulled to a stop in front of the manor, and Mandie’s breath caught in her throat. The grand Victorian architecture stood tall against the backdrop of the gray sky. Twinkling Christmas lights lined the porch railing and every inch of the eaves, casting a warm glow over the ground, and the scent of pine and saltwater filled the air.
For a moment, Mandie allowed herself to believe that everything might be okay. That maybe, just maybe, the magic of the holidays and the comfort of home would be enough to mend the cracks in her relationship with Charlie.
But as they stepped out of the car, the front door of the manor swung open, and Mandie’s heart sank as she saw Alice standing on the porch, her sharp eyes immediately zooming in on them. She smiled from ear-to-ear, and Mandie just wished she could whisk Charlie away until they’d ironed everything flat.
As she came down the steps, her smile faltering the longer she looked at Charlie. Great. She knew something was wrong. She always did.
“You made it.” She half-jogged the last few steps to Charlie and hugged him tightly. “I’m glad you made it. We were starting to wonder if you’d missed the ferry after all.”
“No, we made it,” Mandie said, forcing a smile that felt brittle against her lips. “Just ran into some trouble with the ticket kiosk.” She moved into Alice and hugged her lightly while Charlie got their bags out of the trunk of the car.
“Well, I’m so glad you’re here.” She smiled at Mandie and smoothed her hair off her face. Mandie dang near burst into tears, because Alice was so kind to her. “Need any help with anything?”
“I got it, Mom,” Charlie said, and he didn’t even try to hide his surliness. Alice flicked him a look as he went by her, and then she walked after him.
Mandie followed her up the steps, her stomach tightening with every step. Inside the manor, the warmth and smell of a roasting turkey wrapped around her like a comforting blanket. The soft hum of conversation from the dining room wafted back to her in the lobby, the laughter of tiny kids playing in the living room, and the warmth of house enveloped her. It should have felt like home, but instead, all Mandie could think about was the growing pit in her stomach.
Charlie had barely said a word since they left the ferry, and as they stepped into the grand foyer, he still wasn’t looking at her.
“You can leave the bags,” Alice said. “You’re in the basement, Mandie, and Charlie, you’re up on the third floor.”
“I’ll take them,” he said, his voice clipped as he grabbed his duffel and headed for the stairs without so much as a glance in Mandie’s direction.
Mandie wasn’t sure if she should retreat to the basement, and her face heated as her eyes filled with tears. Before she could move, her mom came around the corner.
“Mandie,” she said.
And just like that, the tears overflowed, and Mandie rushed into her mom’s arms.
“Oh, my baby.” Mom wrapped her up in her arms, and while Mandie stood a couple of inches taller than her mother, she felt very small within the circle of her embrace.
“Mandie’s here,” her dad said.
“She’s crying,” Mom whispered, but Dad wrapped them both up, further anchoring Mandie to her core, to herself, to her family. Mom stroked her hand down Mandie’s hair, and Dad started to hum in the back of his throat.
Mandie calmed herself quickly, and she absolutely did not want to betray Charlie’s confidence.
“What’s wrong?”
Mandie pulled away. “Nothing,” she said, wiping her eyes. “I’ve just had a rough semester, and it’s so great to be here.” Beyond them, the twinkling white lights of the Christmas tree winked in the next room, and Mandie simply wanted to sink into the holidays and keep the real world out for a while.
Well, a weekend.
She had to go to work on Monday morning, and they’d come back next weekend for the Christmas festivities. She ducked away and looked at her bag. “I’ll take this down to the bunk room.”
“I’ve got it,” Dad said, and he swooped down and picked up her suitcase. He disappeared down the stairs, and her exit narrowed to nothing.
Mom tilted her head, her bright blue eyes studying Mandie with the intensity only a mother could have. “Mandie, don’t lie to me. What’s going on?” She glanced over to Alice, who hadn’t gone very far. They stood in the narrow neck of the hallway between the foyer and the rest of the house, the steps going up and down to her right.
“It’s…” She couldn’t do it. “Charlie and I are working through something, that’s all.”
Mom and Alice—her best friend—looked at one another, and Mandie didn’t know what she’d do if they pressed her for answers. She’d taken a marriage and family relations class at the end of last year, and one thing she’d vowed to do was forge her own relationship with her husband.
She wanted that person to be Charlie, and that meant she couldn’t go running to her mom every time something happened between them.
“I’m not going to talk about it,” she said before either of them could ask a question. “It’s something we’re working through together.”
Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Charlie slowed as he saw the three of them standing there. His expression tightened, and he sighed as he continued down to the main level. Then he looked at her, and everything changed. “You’ve been crying.”
“Just happy to see my mom,” Mandie said as lightly as she could.
“Why is Mandie crying?” Alice asked, her lawyer voice in full force.
Charlie glared at his mother. “She just said she’s happy to see her mother.” He looked over to Mom, his expression changing once again. “Hi, Robin.” He stepped into her and hugged her, and that made Mandie’s heart melt all over again.
She loved Charlie, and she’d told her parents she thought they’d probably get married in the spring. She hated the feeling of having so many balls up in the air, especially because she’d never been very good at sports, and catching things as they got pulled down by gravity felt impossible to her.
Charlie laced his fingers through hers when he returned to her side. “I took a peek out the window, and the grounds are amazing. Do we have time to walk for a bit before dinner?”
“Of course,” Mom said diplomatically.
Alice turned and moved into the back of the manor. “Dinner’s not until six-thirty. You have a couple of hours.” She twisted and looked over her shoulder at them. “Then, I want to hear how everything’s going in the city.” She wore her eagle-eyes, and that meant she’d dig at them until she learned what she wanted to know.
Charlie looked at Mandie and said, “Will you walk with me?”
“Yes,” she whispered, and she ducked her head as she moved by her mom and toward the back sliding glass door. The grandeur of the house stole her breath, and she couldn’t look from one magnificent thing—the huge table in the eat-in kitchen, the stockings hung over the fireplace, which flickered with yellow-orange light, the ornate carpet and wallpaper and artwork—fast enough.
Charlie slid open the door and let Mandie exit the manor first. They walked across the deck and past the pool, their feet finally landing on the immaculately graveled path before he said, “I’m sorry, Mandie.”
She wanted to ask him for what, but she’d learned that if she waited, he’d explain more. Sometimes, he just needed more time to order the words right.
“I didn’t mean to snap at you at the ticket kiosk, and I don’t mean to make you second-guess everything.”
“You are my favorite person,” she whispered. “I know you can conquer college and pharmacy school, and I want to be at your side as you do.” She took a couple more steps, then another. “But if you don’t want me there, that’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, but I’ll—I honestly don’t know what I’ll do.”
Her heart would be broken, she knew that much.
“I want you with me,” he murmured. “I just want to give you the world, and right now, it feels like I’m carrying it instead of standing on top of it.”
“It was one class.”
“I have dozens more like it.”
She squeezed his hand. “I know you do.” She didn’t want to diminish how he felt, something she could admit she’d done in the past. They walked toward the trees bordering the back of the lawn, and the path went in two directions. Mandie could see both ways, but she still didn’t know which one to take.
In the end, it didn’t matter. If she walked at Charlie’s side, it didn’t matter if they went left or right. Not on this path, and not in their lives.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve been short with you lately. I’m sorry you have to see me at my worst, filled with this self-doubt.”
He took her left, and Mandie simply went with him, thinking about what he’d said. “I don’t need you to give me the world,” she said slowly. “I know you want to, and that’s good enough. But what I really want is for us to discover the life we want to have together.”
“That does sound nice.”
“And I don’t think that includes you working construction and having a broken body in a decade. And you get to tell me when I’m being irrational or high-strung, so I’ll calm down.” She paused, glad when he turned toward her and stopped too. “I really really really don’t think you should quit school.”
“Okay,” he said, like everything could be so easy. “I won’t.”
“Charlie,” she said. “You can’t just give in to me on everything.”
“I’m not,” he said. “I’m leaning on you about this, just like you’ll lean on me for some things.”
“Okay.”
“I’m trusting you when you say I’m smart enough to do this.”
“You are.”
“I’m choosing to believe you.” He leaned closer and touched his forehead to hers. “I’m choosing you, because I think this is so important to you that I might lose you over it, and I’m not willing to do that.”
She closed her eyes and stood in the presence of the man she loved. “Thank you, Charlie,” she whispered. “You can do this.”
“I hope you’re right,” he murmured just before he kissed her, and finally—finally—Mandie thought she might be able to enjoy this weekend away from the city.
Then, a cry rose into the air from the direction of the house, breaking their kiss and causing them both to turn back to the manor. Everything that had been lit up before now sat in darkness.
“The power went out,” Mandie said, hardly daring to move amidst so much blackness.